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Losing Control	By : GabrielC Category: Transformers > G1 > AU/AR Views: 4231 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformer. I make no profit from writing this

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
With thanks to my beta Musashi :)

WARNINGS: Sticky smut, mech on mech.

Solar Cycle – 1 day

Cycle – 1 hour

Stellar Cycle – 1 year

Astrosecond – 1 second

Deca-cycle – 2 weeks

//comm speak//

'thoughts'

bond speak

****

Chapter 14 - History

Jazz groaned and clutched at his chest with a wince. On lining his optics he glanced around the med bay. It was quiet. Turning the other way his gaze fell on the still recharging Prowl. Pushing himself up Jazz glanced at Prowl's monitor; his signals were strong, stable. He dropped his head with a relieved sigh. "It worked."

"Indeed it did."

Jazz shifted gingerly to face his leader, suddenly feeling a strange unfamiliar tug in his chest. "Prime, Sir about what happened..."

Optimus held up his hand and approached. "It's alright Jazz, Ratchet explained everything. It seems Prowl and I owe you our lives, not to mention our sparks." Optimus gazed at him quizzically. "Not many mechs would have done what you did."

Jazz found it difficult to meet Optimus's gaze, he was beginning to feel exceedingly awkward. "I don't know Sir; we can't afford to lose either of ya."

"Still, you have sacrificed a lot; a spark bond is lifetime commitment." Optimus replied softly.

"I'm well aware of that Prime, but with all due respect." Jazz met Optimus's piercing optics steadily. "I don't see it as a sacrifice."

Optimus frowned a little as they studied each other. Jazz once again dropped his gaze, turning instead to look upon Prowl. What had he been thinking? Optimus was never going to accept him; his reluctance must be the cause of the ache in his chest. Jazz fought back the urge to hiss in discomfort while his spark pulsed hard in his chamber.

I know how you feel about Prowl; I know you did this more for him than for me.

Jazz snapped his head up to stare at his leader with a faint gasp. "Prime?"

Optimus dipped his head, his optics dimmed in thought. It's the bond Jazz; I feel what you feel unless you explicitly hide it from me. He glanced up at Jazz, apprehension and doubt filtering through his bond. Can you feel what I’m feeling right now?

Jazz drew back slightly, his mouth parted in confusion. He took a deep intake of air, sensing Optimus's fear and anxiety bleeding into his spark, merging with his own similar feelings.

Yes, I can feel you. You think I'll reject you?!

Optimus gave a small chuckle. "It appears we both have similar fears about each other."

"It would seem so Sir."

"Jazz it's a little late for formalities don't you think?"

Jazz dipped his helm and grinned. "Yeah, I'd say so."

Optimus sighed, his optics coming to rest on Prowl. "I want to make this work; I know that you have never, that we have never looked at each other in that way..."

"That isn't anything personal Optimus, you know yer position kinda makes it difficult to... ya know... to think of you in that way..."

"I never wanted to over step my bounds either but that's not to say I would never have considered you..."

Both mechs paused in the midst of their nervous babble, catching each other's optics, they both laughed awkwardly.

Jazz rested a tentative hand on Optimus's. I've always admired you, I am honoured to be spark linked with you and I would also like this to work, if yer willing.

Optimus ducked his head shyly. You flatter me. It won't be easy but I'd like our mutual admiration to grow into something... something...

More? Jazz finished.

Yes, I sincerely hope that someday we can share the same feelings for each other that we both have for Prowl.

It was Jazz's turn to feel flustered. He felt his face plates heating up at the thought. I'd like that; I’d more than like that.

They looked at each other earnestly. Jazz cast Optimus a smile and gave a coy, gentle squeeze of his hand. Optimus glanced down and after a moment's silence he retracted his face mask with a click and hiss of sliding metal. Jazz's mouth parted in awe and surprise and he gazed upon his leader's rarely seen face. Without thinking he reached up to brush his finger tips over the smooth metal. Realising how forward he was being Jazz made to withdraw his hand only to have it held by Optimus. They gazed at each other for a few moments, the initial awkward feeling dulling to a faint niggle in the back of their processors.

Jazz stroked his fingertips over Optimus's lip components, unable to stop the wandering thoughts of, what would it be like to touch them with his own. Would Optimus be coy, passionate, emotional, physical? Would he be similar to Prowl? Who despite his cold outward appearance; was passionate, caring and surprisingly physical when in the mood.

Optimus laughed gently, startling Jazz out of his distraction. "You're projecting Jazz."

Jazz's visor brightened and he couldn't prevent the blush spreading over his face plates. "Oh... Sorry." Jazz tore his optics away from Optimus's face in embarrassment.

"Don't be... it's perfectly understandable." Optimus's optics darkened a little with his smirk. Your curiosity is mutual, trust me.

Jazz grinned at Optimus's candour, shaking his head at how surreal the situation felt. His intakes hitched and his spark jumped in his chest when Optimus's hand guided his face back to his own.

"There is one way... to find out..." Optimus's voice was low, different, rich. Jazz felt himself shiver involuntarily.

Optimus leaned closer, hesitating briefly before closing the distance between them, his lip components brushed against Jazz's softly before he pressed them together. Jazz was uncertain how to react, feeling completely overwhelmed by the sheer presence of his Prime. He relaxed feeling Optimus's lips moving sensually over his own; he let a soft mewl of excitement escape his vocaliser and he felt the bond between them open completely as he pushed back into the kiss, deepening their connection.

He drew back with a faint gasp, confusion filling his features. "You were the one who calmed me, kept me safe during the bonding?" Jazz frowned. "You accepted me from the very beginning."

Optimus smiled. "It was the right thing to do and it felt right to me."

Jazz frowned. "But that means that the doubt I felt, the wariness... that was...?" He turned to gaze at Prowl. "I don't understand..."

Optimus rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. "He's been through a lot; it's understandable he'd be wary. He has obviously accepted you into the bond Jazz you needn't worry."

"How d'ya know?"

"We're alive."

Jazz had no response to that. He'd been accepted, but how much of that had been forced on Prowl's part? Did Optimus have to persuade him, convince him? The thought made his spark ache. Prowl hadn't chosen him after all and the last time they'd spoken they'd both said hurtful things to each other. The bitterness between them was still there, Jazz could feel it whispering in his spark, was it too late for them? Would Prowl ever truly love him like he once did, like Jazz knew he felt for Prowl?

"Give him time Jazz; it's not something you can force." Jazz shuttered his optics, having his thoughts read was going to take some getting used to.

Optimus replaced his battle mask. "I've been cleared for duty, I have to go and debrief Ironhide, Ratchet will be back shortly."

"Awww slag." Jazz rubbed his face tiredly.

Optimus frowned as the feeling of anxiety returned to his spark. "What's wrong?"

Jazz shook his head. "'Hide I need to talk to him, we were... I don't know what we were but I owe him an explanation... frag he's going to turn me into a toaster." He groaned.

Optimus sent sympathy and comfort through the bond. "I can explain the situation if you'd prefer?"

"Nah, it's my responsibility." Jazz cast his leader a sidelong look. "He can't be that emotional right?"

Optimus's optics widened and he turned on his heel without responding, Jazz watched him leave in confusion. "Optimus?" The door hissed to a close, leaving Jazz staring after him indignantly.

You heard what he did to Prowl after your apparent death; I don't envy your position.

Well thanks Optimus yer a great help.

I try.

Jazz felt his bond mate's amusement through the link and smirked.

On a more serious note, Ironhide will understand, as long as you're straight with him.

Jazz sighed not looking forward to the inevitable conversation. He smiled as warmth and understanding filtered through the bond.

Good luck.

****

Decepticon Base

"What happened?" Megatron snapped, marching his way across the repair bay.

Hook shook his head. "I don't know Lord Megatron. It was working fine, the Autobot's spark was being drained of its energy as we had planned and then he started experiencing excruciating pain." Hook flinched beneath Megatron's harsh glare.

"In short Hook?"

"I think they found out, they broke the bond on their end."

"That's absurd, it would have killed Prowl." He glanced over to an unconscious Thundercracker. "Revive him."

"But Lord Megatron, he needs time to recover... his spark..."

"I said revive him." Megatron snarled through gritted denta, his blood red optics flashing dangerously. He was running out of time and further delays could cost him the battle and that was not something for which he could stand.

"Y--yes Lord Megatron." Hook dashed over to Thundercracker's berth and promptly injected something into his main energon line. He turned as the door to the repair bay opened once more. Starscream and Skywarp were being carried by Astrotrain and Onslaught.

"The trine link, of course." Hook mumbled. "Place them in the repair cradles."

Megatron observed his makeshift medic tending to his seekers. At this point he could not deny his concern. He needed them alive for his plan to succeed; they were to play a key role in the upcoming battle. “How are they?"

Hook blinked at him for a second, unsure if he'd heard the question correctly.

Rolling his optics Megatron sighed. "Are you defective or just short circuited Hook? Do I need to simplify the question?"

"I ah... no... They, they should be fine they experienced the side effects of the bond breaking through their trine link, they must have also felt Thundercracker's pain."

Megatron's attentions were drawn to the dark blue seeker on the berth upon hearing him groan. "Thundercracker, report."

The seeker rasped air through his vents, he still felt too sore to move and his spark was pulsing erratically. "Something went... wrong... with the bond..."

"Yes I gathered that." Megatron replied dryly. "Describe it to me."

"I could feel his energy... everything that made him, who he was... I felt powerful...but then, then they stopped it... they countered the bond, pushed me out."

"How?"

"He was bonded to another."

Megatron swung round at the sound of Starscream's unusually small voice.

"We could feel him." Skywarp added meekly.

"Who?" Megatron insisted.

"Prime." All three seekers spoke in unison, their optics falling onto their leader who for a moment looked a little shocked.

"You felt him, through the bond?"

"His memories, whispers of his secrets." Thundercracker continued, managing to sit up on the berth.

Megatron could not believe his good fortune. "His secrets?"

Starscream left his repair cradle and approached his leader. "Not all of them, no."

"Ones we can use though." Skywarp added, matching Starscream's grin.

Megatron was getting rapidly impatient with their riddles. "Tell me."

"We have one of the command codes for Teletraan; it's enough for Soundwave to hack into the computer main frame." Starscream smirked, knowing what such information would mean for their plans.

Megatron's frown faded, replaced by a growing, dark leer of satisfaction. "Excellent."

Thundercracker hissed as he tried to move from the berth, earning scowls from his trine mates. "Not much use if we can't get to the ship and get inside it."

"Let me worry about the details Thundercracker." Megatron replied. "You three concentrate on resting, the battle has been put back for the next solar cycle. We have additional planning to do." His expression changed back to a deep scowl. "All three of you report to me in six cycles, that should be more than enough time for you to recuperate or what ever it is you flyers do."

"What are you planning Lord Megatron?" Starscream prodded in curiosity.

"In due time Starscream; suffice to say I have a special mission for you." With that Megatron strode out of the repair bay, breezing past a stunned Hook. "With me Hook. We have things to discuss. Call the rest of the Constructicons."

"As you command Lord Megatron." Hook stammered, hastily following his leader from the repair bay.

Starscream turned to his trine upon his exit and approached Thundercracker's berth. "You had us worried."

Thundercracker huffed. "Sorry, didn't plan on going through a spark bond breakage this deca-cycle or I would have given you a heads up."

"We should be sorry; we put you up to this." Skywarp placed a hand on Thundercracker's and touched his forehead to his trine mate's.

"I am not sorry. Without this we would not be on the verge of victory." Starscream replied, folding his arms haughtily.

"We haven't won yet Starscream."

"Even you can't deny how tangible it is right now." Starscream retorted, ignoring Thundercracker's sigh of frustration. He ran his hands up Thundercracker's arm and smirked. "You can almost taste it, we're so close."

Thundercracker growled deeply. "There are other things I would much rather be tasting right now." He grabbed the back of Starscream's helm and pulled him into a fierce kiss. Skywarp moaned as they broke the kiss and pulled him to them in turn. "I need to strengthen my spark again." Thundercracker's voice was deep, husky.

His trine mates grinned at him and each other. "We thought you'd never ask." Skywarp drawled. He leapt onto the berth, pinning Thundercracker beneath him. Starscream joined them albeit more gracefully and lay beside them on the wide berth.

"Show me your sparks... please." Thundercracker begged wantonly, the other two obliged and they drew closer, their sparks leaving their chambers. They were engulfed in a brilliant hot white flash their sparks merging and bonding together, reaffirming their link.

"OooOOHH!" Thundercracker uttered a long low moan relishing the uninterrupted pleasure that permeated their bond. The seekers shuddered on the berth, their cries of pleasure and mewls of excitement carried out of the repair bay and into the corridor beyond.

Their reconnection soon turned into rampant lust once their spark bonding had given Thundercracker his strength back. The three seekers didn’t want to waste any of the time they had available, so both Skywarp and Starscream took it in turns pleasuring Thundercracker.

Making full use of the ample berth, Starscream straddled the blue jet and lowered himself onto the hard, throbbing spike. Skywarp took Thundercracker's valve and slid his well lubricated spike into the clenching wetness.

Thundercracker roared in much needed ecstasy, clawing for purchase on Starscream's writhing frame as he rocked over his spike, feeling his valve grip him tightly, pumping him hard with each long thrust. Starscream keened in enjoyment before shrieking into a trembling overload, the lining of his valve squeezing the spike with enough force to drive Thundercracker over the edge.

They shook with release as Skywarp continued to work Thundercracker's valve with rough, even thrusts. He moaned loudly, feeling the other two overload only served to drive his thrusts harder into the quivering valve. He grunted, reaching his climax, his hot transfluid bursting into his trine mate as he clutched onto him, riding out the waves of electrically charged pleasure.

Pulling back Thundercracker, faced his trine mates and parted his chest once more. The others followed suit, their sparks merging together in a wave of white hot static bliss before they collapsed onto the berth, falling into a much needed recharge.

****

Autobot base

Jazz fidgeted through Ratchet’s scans earning an irate glare more than once from the medic. He wanted to escape the med bay; he wasn’t ready to face Prowl yet, not now, knowing how reluctant he’d been to bond with him even at the risk of his own spark. Besides Jazz had more pressing things on his cortex - in the form of Ironhide - to worry about. Their relationship had been fun but it had been purely physical hadn’t it? The visored mech dropped his head back on to the berth and groaned in exasperation.

“Quit your fidgeting.” Ratchet growled impatiently readjusting the scanner for third time. “You going to tell me what’s troubling you?”

Jazz couldn’t bring himself to look Ratchet in the optic, truth be told, he actually felt a little guilty for having indulged in such casual interfacing with him. Not that it wasn’t good, just that now it wasn’t secret. He wasn’t sure whether to feel shame for giving in to his urges or guilt for not talking to Ironhide in the first place. He settled for both.

“Just everything doc.”

“Bond weighing you down huh?”

“That obvious?” Jazz huffed, turning away from the concerned gaze. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to feel now. I felt for sure that it was going to be Prime that would have biggest problem with me bonding to them but...” Jazz let out a short laugh. “He seems the one most at ease with it all.”

“That’s because he trusts you and he does care. He just doesn’t have the luxury of showing it as Prime.” Ratchet spoke gently, an unusual level of empathy in his tone.

“But Prowl, didn’t want it. Arrggghh...” He growled deeply. “He was the one who resisted it; I could feel him pulling away from me.” Jazz off lined his optics his visor going dark. “He must really hate me.”

Ratchet chuckled softly prompting Jazz to glare at him.

“Glad you’re finding this so entertaining doc.”

“Oh it’s not that.” Ratchet smiled warmly at him. “If he hated you, truly hated you, then even in recharge you’d know.”

“Really?”

“Without a doubt.” Ratchet removed the scanner and allowed Jazz to sit up on the berth. “You ever think he might just be as scared as you are about the whole thing?” He case a sidelong look at the forlorn mech. “You know him better than anyone, you know how private he is. I do believe Prime is the first mech he’s been intimate with since you.”

Jazz’s visor snapped up in astonishment. “Yer jokin’?”

“That isn’t something I’d joke about. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough anyhow, he’s due for coming online within the next cycle.”

The black and white mech stiffened visibly. Ratchet sighed and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “He’s going to be ok with it Jazz.”

“You don’t know that though Ratchet. I mean before he collapsed we had a massive fight.” He dropped his head wearily. “I said some things, he said a lot of things... things that were true about me... he didn’t want me near him.” He gripped the sides of the berth in frustration, swinging his legs over the side. “How are we supposed to get past history ingrained so deep?”

“Clean slate, start afresh. Make a new history together, with Prime.”

Jazz raised an orbital ridge at Ratchet. “Yer aware how cheesy that just sounded right?”

“Absolutely.” Ratchet smirked enticing a wry grin from his patient. “You’re cleared for duty. I’ve already asked Prime, but I want you both back here when Prowl wakes up. His spark has been through enough stress recently. I don’t want him worrying and not knowing exactly what happened.”

“I’ll be here, well if Ironhide doesn’t turn me into scrap metal.” Jazz muttered his optics falling onto Prowl’s peacefully recharging frame.

“And Jazz, try to soften the blow of your emotions at least for now, close the bond a little on your end. I don’t want his processor fritzing when it’s attacked by your, self doubt and angst.”

“You could just tell me to stop being an emotional fragger.”

“There is such thing as diplomacy Jazz.” Ratchet pursed his lip components.

“In yer vocabulary?” Jazz grinned ducking a sharp glare.

“Right time for your glitched processor to get the frag out of my medbay before I put a permanent wrench sized hole in it.” Ratchet growled, picking up his largest wrench for emphasis.

Jazz shot off the berth. “Hey doc.” He called back once he’d reached the safety of the door. “If we used yer version of diplomacy on the ‘cons, we’d all be back on Cybertron livin’ it up.” He chuckled at Ratchet’s narrowed optics, his wrench raised, ready to launch at him.

Ratchet turned to Prowl’s berth once Jazz had quickly exited and sighed. “And here I was thinking he was going to be less of a pain in the aft bonded to you Prowl.” He mumbled to himself, busying himself with disconnecting Prowl’s monitors and initiating the reboot protocols. “I’d rather you than me.”

****

Ironhide strode his way from the bridge to the rec. room. He was quite relieved to learn that both Prime and Prowl had survived. Prime had informed him of the success of the procedure, while also asking that he keep it to himself. Knowing the two senior officers were a bonded couple would arouse suspicions among the ‘bots, who still weren’t aware of what exactly the seekers had inflicted onto Prowl. Ironhide has assured him that they wouldn’t learn anything from him, although the knowledge of Prowl’s forced spark bond had riddled him with even more guilt than he’d previously felt. The red mech decided he owed Prowl a sincere apology, when he was back on duty, Primus knows what had caused him to lose it with him.

The weapons specialist sighed, that wasn’t quite true, he knew exactly what had pushed him over the deep end. Jazz, his feelings for Jazz. Did he really just put Jazz and having feelings in the same thought? Ironhide rubbed his optics; he must be wearier than he thought.

Optimus had told him that during his and Prowl’s procedure - he had refused to call it anything but, due to the clinical nature in which it was carried out - there had been complications and that Ironhide ought to speak to Jazz as soon as he was cleared from the medbay.

Ironhide couldn’t understand how or why Jazz was involved but he was looking forward to seeing him again nonetheless. He had been keeping the saboteur at arm’s length since his ordeal with Megatron and felt like he hadn’t really been fair with him. Knowing that Prime and Prowl were now bonded had filled Ironhide with an odd sensation of calm, it just made sense, they fit together both as a commanding unit and as a couple. His thoughts drifted to what being bonded to another would feel like. To trust someone that much, to love another so deeply that you wanted to bind your spark to theirs forever. He found himself wondering how Jazz felt about bonding; would he want to take their relationship to the next level? Did Ironhide even want that? He laughed to himself, realising how absurd it was to even be thinking that about Jazz that way, they were friends, friends with benefits as Sideswipe had so eloquently put it, nothing more.

Still Ironhide found himself pondering on it anyway. He frowned, reflecting on Prime’s situation. He hadn’t been involved with Prowl for very long, Ironhide knew that much. He also knew that due to the circumstances there was no way to really know whether things would have worked out the same, had they been given the option. Ironhide felt sympathy for them, Prime had been honoured to have been chosen by Prowl but how much had been out of desire rather than survival?

He shook his head, they were responsible adult mechs, he had no doubt that they would work out whatever issues they had together, it wasn’t like they had much of a choice now. He let out a huff of air; this still didn’t give him any clue as to how Jazz was involved.

He stopped at the dispensary to pour himself some energon before taking a seat in the rec. room. He sipped it slowly, why would Prime insist that he speak with him?

Then it clicked. Jazz and Prowl had history. Ironhide had known that Jazz still had a soft spot for the SIC, although Primus only knew why. Prowl choosing Prime could only have been hard on Jazz when he’d found out, apparently he’d been in the medbay when Prowl had made his decision.

Ironhide sighed, he really had been unfair on Jazz, first Megatron, then his own useless aft pushing him away and now this. Ironhide decided then and there that he would do everything he could to help Jazz through it and if it meant they furthered their relationship then well; Ironhide wasn’t averse to that rather pleasant train of thought. He drank his energon, dwelling in his thoughts. He caught sight of Jazz entering the room and his optics brightened at Jazz’s crooked smile cast in his direction. Jazz did look less boisterous than usual, tired even. Ironhide grabbed him a cube of energon and waved him over.

****
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Losing Control