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Swallow The Moon	By : GhostHelwig Category: +1 through F > Ed, Edd, and Eddy Views: 9539 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Ed Edd and Eddy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
Disclaimer – I do not own or profit from Ed, Edd N Eddy or “Tuesday Morning”. The Cartoon Network owns the Eds and Michelle Branch owns the song. I don’t own Pine Sol, either, not even a bottle of it... Rated R for sexual situations, slash, and various other things; if you don’t know all this by now, then I can’t help you...
Because I’m an idiot, I forgot to mention in the last update that a wonderful poet named Dean sent me an absolutely lovely poem to go along with chapter 2 of this story. You can read it at my site, href="http://www.geocities.com/GhostHelwig">www.geocities.com/GhostHelwig. While there, take a look at the beautiful fanart pic the talented ShellyG (you all know her, right? You don’t? Then go read her stories at fanfiction.net!) drew for chapter 3. The constant support & love this fic receives amazes & humbles me. Thank you all.
Author’s Notes – I’m sorry for the long update time, but not only did we move but a certain review left at this site for another story that seemed to reference me & mine contributed to me having kind of a crisis of faith (not that I’m trying to shift blame, believe me, the long wait is all my fault)... However, I know now that I write not for people like that but for people who enjoy my work, like anyone who bothered to read these ridiculously long notes. You have only yourselves to thank for me continuing to write this story.
Also, I think we’re about at the halfway point, if anyone’s curious... And the special flavor given to Eddy in this story is all due to Mysticlynx & her brilliance, which I humbly thank her for sharing... If anyone’s curious, Ed’s ‘taste’ is all mine...
Well, I’ve rambled enough... Anyway, enjoy. Peace, all.
Cold (While You Were Sleeping)
by Ghost Helwig
He was dry heaving, kneeling on the sticky floor in front of the toilet. It smelled funny – his own never did. His smelled like cleaning solvents and air freshener; this smelled like... like toilet water, and... and him.
He was watching, staring, concerned eyes boring into Double D’s back. He wanted to come closer, but Double D knew he’d made it perfectly clear that he did not want to be touched right now.
So Ed stayed back, while Double D tried to vomit up the emptiness in his stomach.
“I remember...”
But emptiness was emptiness, and it gave him nothing. Eventually the ravening need to retch eased a little, just enough for him to close the toilet lid and lean his head down on the musty surface. He closed his eyes, trying to piece together how he’d gotten to this point, kneeling on Ed’s eternally sticky bathroom floor...
“...stormy weather...”
After his nightmare he’d spent the day in a feverish and muddled haze, jumping at every little sound, no matter how familiar. The phone had rung once, and had he known a very nervous Eddy was on the other line, wanting to talk, to apologize, to understand, he would’ve answered it – as it was, he just stared at the phone in shock, stared like it was the devil come to claim him, until it had finally stopped ringing.
The phone call had startled him out of the house and into the darkening light of a dying day. With a heavy heart and nerves acutely attuned to every real or imagined threat, he made his quiet, cautious way deeper into the cul-de-sac. He didn’t know where he was going, and didn’t even stop to think about that until he was standing in front of Ed’s basement window.
He stood there for a long time, a shivering deep in his bones, as the sky slowly melted to black above him.
“The way the sky looks when it’s cold.”
A hand gently grasped his shoulder, and he jumped, whirled and retreated almost all at once, ending up pressed against the wall and staring into Ed’s warm, worried eyes.
“And you were with me...”
Ed spoke, softly, gently, doing his best not to startle Double D further. And the sweetness in that small gesture pulled at Double D, pulled him into Ed’s arms.
Night was fully upon them by the time they parted, Double D solemnly wiping the tears from his eyes. Fingers, tender fingers, kind fingers, Ed’s fingers, soon joined his, making him ache inside. He missed Eddy.
But Ed was there, and trying, so obviously trying. And it was his pride in Ed for that, his pride and his gratefulness, that allowed him to walk with Ed as Ed began gently guiding him back to his own home.
“Content with walking...”
Double D huddled into the curve of Ed’s arm, the warmth of Ed slung around his shoulders a comforting, reassuring weight. He needed this, this trusted human contact. He needed...
“So unaware of the world.”
Unbeknownst to both boys, Eddy waited for them in Double D’s living room, sitting straight-backed and solemn on the pristine couch that seemed so new at any other time Eddy would’ve wondered if anyone had ever touched it before. As it was, he had far more important matters on his mind, like how he would greet Double D upon his arrival...
Not that he knew Ed and Double D were coming – when his call had gone unanswered, he’d mustered his courage until he could finally go see Double D in person. Having found Double D’s front door uncharacteristically unlocked and ajar, he’d gone inside, unwilling to speculate on where his former flame had gone but convinced that Double D just had to be returning soon...
And when he did, Eddy was going to do something he’d always intended to do but never actually managed.
He was going to tell Double D he loved him.
“Please don’t drive me home tonight...”
As he stared at his own front door Double D suddenly realized he couldn’t go back in, couldn’t face another long, sleepless night filled with the horrors that ceaselessly haunted his mind.
“Ed,” he gasped, “please, I can’t – please, take me home.”
Ed’s eyes searched his out in the gloom, questioning, obviously confused. He sighed, gathered what courage he had remaining to him, and whispered hotly in Ed’s ear, voice low and strained, pleading.
“Take me home with you.”
“...’cause I don’t wanna feel alone.”
Ed’s eyes were very, very wide; a child’s eyes. He nodded.
“Please don’t drive me home tonight...”
He took Double D home without a word, feeling Double D’s warmth all along his side, burning him.
“...’cause I don’t wanna go.”
He made up his own bed, wishing it were cleaner – he knew how much Double D loved for things to be clean. But Double D didn’t judge, didn’t complain-
He didn’t say anything at all.
“Tuesday morning...”
But the tears in his eyes spoke volumes.
“...in the dark...”
He settled into Ed’s bed with Ed anxiously watching, hovering. It was an odd situation for both – usually, Double D worried, and hovered, and took care of everything and everyone. No one, not even his parents, had ever really taken care of him-
Except Eddy.
A few worthless tears spilled down Double D’s too-pale cheeks, but he didn’t cry.
...That would come later.
And some part of him knew it.
“I was finding out...”
He fell surprisingly quickly into a restless slumber, punctuated by occasional, unintelligible mumbles and a near-constant shifting of anxious, ill at ease limbs. Ed watched him, shifting from foot to foot, caught between the instinct to flee to a safer place and the need to lie down beside Double D and hold him close, closer even than skin.
But that thought made the feeling that he was standing on shifting, slippery rocks even greater, so he decided to draw instead.
“...who you are.”
He pulled from underneath his bed the fairly large sketchbook Eddy and Double D had given him for his last birthday, having to search out the colored pencils that had also been part of their combined gift. He’d always loved drawing – his imagination could roam free, and it required no knowledge of math or science or any of the other things that simply escaped him and had nearly caused him to fail out of school more than once. (Though Ed would never know it, it did require a formidable knowledge of depth and dimension, which was given to him as an instinct, an insight, a gift.) If Double D had not tutored him relentlessly but with exquisite, inexhaustible patience this past year, even Ed was aware that he would not have graduated with his friends.
But while drawing provided an outlet for his fantasies and gave him the half-formed part-dream, part-goal of drawing a comic book of his own, no one seemed to believe it would ever get him anywhere. His parents had never bought him so much as a piece of real art paper.
So this book and these pencils meant the world to him. They were a sign that two people in his life felt he had worth – not that he thought of it in so many words.
In Ed’s head, it simply showed that Eddy and Double D loved him.
“I took your picture...”
One of Double D’s hands had slipped from its death-grip on the covers beneath his chin and now hung off the bed. Ed stared at those long, pale fingers, wondering in his own dim, slightly disjointed way at how fingers that could jot down formidable, complex, scientific theories or leave all watchers breathless as they danced across a pedal steel guitar could look so helpless now.
Without realizing it, Ed’s own fingers, larger, blunter, more powerful, were sliding across the paper with a delicacy and skill the rest of his blundering body could only envy.
“...while you were sleeping...”
The picture was done within minutes. It was just a simple sketch, done with his special, glittering gold pencil, and Ed looked down at it in stupefied amazement. He’d intended to draw a monster, one with horns and a huge, spiked tail and overlarge, sharp front teeth.
Instead, he’d drawn Double D.
But it wasn’t the Double D that slept before him. He was in the same position, wearing the same clothes, under the same covers, but he looked...
Like an angel.
“...and then I paced around the room.”
Was that how he truly saw Double D? The thought and the picture disturbed Ed in some unnamable way, and in a strange fit of temper he shot to his feet, having flung the art book to the floor.
“If I had known then...”
He’d paced the suddenly too-small confines of his basement bedroom twice before he realized he was being watched. He turned to Double D with a sheepish look on his face, feeling gargantuan and yet strangely gangly as those fathom-filled eyes followed him.
Ed watched those glistening eyes catch the faint light of the moon streaming in through the tiny window, glittering and shining with unshed tears, and just as he’d been the last time Double D had been in this room, Ed was pulled, inexplicably touched, by those tears...
And Double D awkwardly patted the bed beside him, an obvious invitation.
“...that these things happen...”
Ed was cuddling him close, the warmth of his body creating an envelope of heat beneath the covers that felt almost like safety. It was an anchor in this strange, shifting world, at any rate, and Double D clutched at it, at him, like he was a lifeline.
But he needed more. He’d dreamed in those sparse few minutes of a deep pool of black water that shifted and swirled, and woken up feeling like he was drowning. Ed’s mere touch was not enough to save him.
He needed Eddy. But Eddy was gone.
Soft lips tenderly brushed over his still unbound hair, and thoughtlessly he tilted his face up. He needed more...
“Would they have happened with you?”
Movies and comic books did not prepare one for seeing a look like that, a ‘waiting-to-be-kissed’ look, gracing the face of one’s best friend. Ed just stared for a full minute, not – quite – comprehending that he was actually the saner, more together, more there, half of their particular duo at the moment, but knowing instinctively that there was something very, very, very wrong.
But he wanted, maybe, and Double D needed, probably, and he definitely didn’t know what to do, so he did what came naturally to even the most socially stunted person in the world at a moment like that one.
He kissed Double D’s slightly parted lips, tasting honeysuckle.
“Please don’t drive me home tonight...”
Despite his avid consumption of both, Ed didn’t taste like either gravy or buttered toast – instead, the flavor on Double D’s tongue was of fresh summer days, of childhood, of innocence, and lastly, of warm almonds...
That it wasn’t the intense, melting, savory tang of cinnamon that was Eddy did not intrude on his sudden belief that it was indeed his wayward, lost lover holding him close, returned to him and staying.
He pulled Ed closer and kissed him deeper, losing himself in his desperate delusion.
“...’cause I don’t wanna feel alone.”
  While in Double D’s house, Eddy’s nerves had driven him into his former lover’s bedroom to wait for him. He’d sat down on his desk chair, but all too soon that wasn’t enough – he’d come up here to feel closer to Double D, to feel connected.
So he laid his body down on Double D’s perfectly made bed, hugging his lover’s lightly scented pillow tightly to his chest. It smelled of honeysuckle, of his lover’s skin, making Eddy feel even more wistful, even more alone. He hugged it even tighter, wishing it was Double D’s warm, lithe form-
And wondering where in the world said form could possibly be.
“Please don’t drive me home tonight...”
Kissing was very new to Ed. Sure, the Kankers had done it to him, and an incredibly odd girl at school had made a habit of cornering him wherever she could and trying to make out with him (Eddy and Double D saved him quickly, every time), but those experiences had not prepared him for the sweet heat nearly attacking his lips, demanding entrance, pulling him in...
He moaned helplessly, blushing at the sound, but Double D just wrapped his arms around him and pulled him even closer.
Something about the open need in Double D’s touch, something about the way he was showing what he never showed, made Ed stiffen in his arms. Was this right?
“...’cause I don’t wanna go.”
Double D’s sweet, probing tongue dove deeper into his mouth, and Ed moaned again, desolately as well as helplessly this time. Even if it was wrong, he didn’t think he could stop.
“Tuesday morning...”
Double D’s lips broke from his to mutter in a slurred, disjointed sort of way, “more... I need... more...”
His eyes suddenly opened, mind replacing the warm dark eyes before him with icy cool, the short flaming hair with longer locks of gold that were so slicked back with various gels that they looked black. He smiled just a little, a hint of his special smile, the one reserved for Eddy alone, and Ed’s stomach twisted with a new heat.
“Please,” Double D whispered, and almost as if he could read Ed’s questioning mind he went on, “take it away. All of it. Erase it from my mind. I – I can’t live this way. Please, Ed-“
The rest of that so-important name was lost in Ed’s mouth as Ed suddenly kissed him.
“...in the dark...”
Darkness shrouded Eddy’s mind, though he was bathed in the artificial light of Double D’s bathroom. He relieved himself mechanically, eyes wandering over the immaculately clean bathtub, the spotless, pale blue shower curtain, the perfectly shelved bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and various other products that his meticulous best friend used to keep his hair and skin healthy (as well as, incidentally, beautiful), the flawlessly neat selection of soaps-
And the suspiciously out-of-place pile of clothes in one corner of the room.
“I was finding out...”
With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Eddy flushed the toilet and walked over, the sound of the pipes too loud in his ears, his own hesitant footsteps on the tile even louder. He knelt down beside the small pile, wondering what could’ve happened to make Double D drop his clothes here, when Eddy knew for a fact that he always took dirty laundry to his laundry chute immediately after it was sullied.
It couldn’t be that he was neglecting his chores – the sharp bite of bleach mingled with the more pleasant smell of Pine Sol still lingered in the air, so strong it stung Eddy’s nose even then, though the windows were open and he’d been in the house a long time.
Sure that he didn’t want to know the answer to this mystery but condemned to finding out, Eddy picked up the red shirt, noting the rips, the small holes-
The dried blood.
“...who I was.”
Some part of him, some very young part, died.
“And if you turned around...”
Dizzy. Ed felt very dizzy.
But Double D was beneath him, he was sure of that, and it seemed the only important direction in the world.
“...to see me...”
  Double D ran his hands through Ed’s short hair, some misty, indistinct part of him alarmed by the length and the pleasant coarseness of the hair between his fingers, wondering where the slick warmth of Eddy’s hair had gone, the rest of him caught up in the relief of knowing that Eddy was with him.
Eddy loved him. Eddy would stop if he asked, would hold him if that was all he required, would never ask him for more than he was willing to give. And he needed that. He needed to be touched without being forcibly taken.
And that he could get that with Eddy, that he knew he could, allowed him to need even more.
“...and I was gone...”
Eddy stumbled over to the toilet, trying to vomit up the emptiness in his stomach. But emptiness was emptiness, and it gave him nothing.
Eventually the ravening need to retch eased a little, and he laid his head on the fluffy, pale blue, lightly apple-scented cover of the toilet lid and began to sob brokenly.
“You should have looked outside your window...”
Going purely on instinct, as thoughts were hard for Ed to truly form in even the best, the clearest of situations (of which this was definitely not one), Ed leaned up to pull off his shirt, wanting only to be as close to Double D as possible. Apparently Double D shared his desire – he stripped off his own shirt and immediately pulled Ed back down for a long, deep kiss. Bare flesh brushed bare flesh for the first time, and Ed gasped into Double D’s mouth.
And hands were pulling at Ed’s pants, and Ed found his own hands yanking at Double D’s shorts seemingly of their own free will (he didn’t think he told them to do that, but then, he wasn’t really thinking, was he?), and when there were only two pairs of thin boxers left between them Ed finally realized that he was going farther than he’d ever gone-
And with one of his best friends.
Instead of worrying or alarming him, the thought made him smile brightly against Double D’s partly open, panting lips.
“...’cause the sun was coming up.”
It was only when they were completely naked and Double D’s hand was sliding down his chest that Ed’s foggy brain finally fully caught up with the proceedings and reminded him that he had no idea what was going on or what was expected of him.
But before he could panic Double D’s gentle hand wrapped around him in a place no one else, not even he, had ever really touched, and his brain shut down entirely.
“The sun was coming up.”
It was still the deep dark of late night, but the pale illumination of the moon shining through the high window lit up Eddy’s gleaming eyes as he gasped at the pleasure Double D knew he was giving him. Double D leaned closer, blushing a pale pink, and whispered in Eddy’s ear.
“Oh...”
“I want you in me,” his soft voice pleaded gently. “Right now.”
  “Please don’t drive me home tonight...”
Ed knew he should know what Double D meant, but knowing he should know was not the same as actually knowing. So he paused, thinking, not understanding when Double D flushed even darker and spit in his palm. In fact, it just served to confuse him further, as he knew Double D didn’t approve of ‘gross’ habits like spitting, nor did he like being dirty at all. Even when Double D resumed stroking him, adding spit to his natural sweat, he did not understand why.
But then Double D was positioning them both, and he understood.
... Sort of.
“’Cause I don’t wanna feel alone.”
From his kneeling position before the toilet, Eddy glanced over at the haphazardly discarded clothes, eyes searching out the small patch of very dark crimson amid all the purple that had sent him to his knees.
But he could see only the purple of the shorts from where he was.
And he was grateful for that small mercy.
“Tuesday morning...”
Gasping. Moaning. The sheets scraped, skin slid over skin.
Ed knew, now, where the music Eddy and Double D made came from.
He knew.
“In the dark...”
He moved inside Double D, not grasping that this was sex, that this was what Eddy had feared, that Double D thought he was someone else. All he grasped, in that moment-
Was that this was beautiful.
“We were finding out...”
And when they came together, the release of tension and withheld emotion had an unexpected effect-
The veil over Double D’s eyes finally dropped away.
“...who we are.”
He froze, a tangle of messy, chaotic emotions warring within him as Ed (friend, comforter, lovable oaf, not Eddy) collapsed on top of him.
“Tuesday morning...”
Bile rose in Double D’s throat, choking him. He was drowning again.
“...in the dark...”
Ed kissed the sweat on Double D’s throat, salt mixing with honeysuckle and making a heady mixture he could taste with his bones. Double D jumped a little at the soft, intimate touch, and was suddenly wiggling out from under Ed, the tears in his eyes no longer unshed. He couldn’t breathe, he was suffocating, he was drowning, he couldn’t breathe...
Ed’s brow furrowed as he watched Double D scramble around on the floor and quickly yank on his boxers, his breathing heavily labored, as though he’d just been running. Concerned, Ed reached for Double D, intending to quiet that panicked intensity with a gentle, soothing caress, but Double D jerked away from his hand with a strained but nonetheless carrying cry.
“Don’t!”
“We were finding out...”
Ed drew his hand protectively back to his chest, too shocked even to cry. That he had understood completely.
“...who we are.”
Double D was suddenly stricken, horrified. He’d betrayed Eddy, hurt Ed, betrayed Eddy, stolen Ed’s innocence, betrayed Eddy, taken advantage of Ed, betrayed Eddy-
With a keening wail not unlike the one he’d unleashed in the junkyard almost two days – had it really only been two days? It felt like a lifetime – ago, he raced into Ed’s bathroom and fell to his knees before the toilet, retching.
Not knowing what else to do, Ed followed blindly.
“Who we are...”
He’d remembered, but he hadn’t found his answers – and he hadn’t really expected to.
Double D sat back on his heels and sobbed brokenly into his hands, wishing Ed wouldn’t look at him, wouldn’t stare. He was unworthy of being looked at. He was unworthy of everything... of anything.
Because he knew he must’ve known precisely who Ed was the entire time-
And he hadn’t cared.
“Oh...”
He heard a whisper in his mind: “whore.”
“...oh...”
And for the first time, he truly believed it.
“Who we are...”
Ed wanted to speak, but he didn’t know what to say.
He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t seem to remember how.
He wanted to touch Double D, but he knew that was no longer allowed – though he did not know why.
So he stared, feeling the rocks slipping beneath his feet again.
  “Who we are...”
Double D finally lifted his head, the color in his eyes somehow gone, his pained whisper carrying into Ed’s ears.
“I’m sorry, Ed. I’m so sorry.”
“Oh...”
Ed could taste salt on his lips. Apparently his eyes had remembered how to cry.
  “Who we are...”
Some part of them both, some very young part, died.
- 13
- 14
- 15
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Swallow The Moon