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Becoming Mama Bear	By : Breech_Loader Category: Transformers > Transformers: Animated > Het - M/F Views: 8539 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Becoming Mama Bear

Co-Written by Harley Quinn hyenaholic and Froggy22651

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Harley: What is it with people and being bastards?Wow, I’m really wastng my time writing fanfiction when all you can do is program a ‘bot to shove in a hundred or so identical reviews... Also, it’s annoying that nobody reviews. I want to know how we’re doing, dammit!

Froggy: Read on!

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Chapter Thirteen: Starlight Is Not Romantic

The night was quiet, or at least as quiet as it ever was in the middle of a major city. Prowl was having trouble meditating thanks to the loud celebrations of Bumblebee’s return. Not that he wasn’t glad the young mech was back, safe and sound... but he’d already expressed his relief for Bumblebee’s return, and did the party really have to be so loud?

And so the cyberninja was making his way up the narrow human stairs to the roof of the abandoned factory. He was a little surprised to see Hotwire already up on the roof. He’d expected that she’d still be at the party, but no, at some point she had left it very quietly, and was sitting there, hugging her knees to her chassis, and staring up at the stars. She didn't appear to have heard him coming up, seemingly preoccupied with her own thoughts about... what?

Prowl felt awkward about interrupting her, but he was too curious to resist. Besides, like it or not, it was still his duty to keep track of her. Quietly, as to not surprise her too badly, he spoke, "Few people take the time to look at the stars anymore. We know what they are, we've studied them in-depth. But we don't really look at them and just appreciate their beauty anymore."

"Oh!" Hotwire turned quickly to look at Prowl. He had come up behind her so quietly... "Oh. Yes. Well, they're different stars to the stars you see from Cybertron. And... Earth has an atmosphere, so they kinda look different too. Like... they're twinkling." She turned away again.

Prowl looked up, folding his arms across his chassis, "The atmosphere disperses the light," he explained, "That's what causes the twinkling. Pollution from human industry has also added to this effect. Unfortunately."

"I know all that," Hotwire said confidently, "Anyway..." she didn't take her optics off the night sky, "I see you still have my screwdriver."

Prowl paused for a moment before opening a panel in his arm. He tossed an object through the air, "If you're really determined to hurt yourself, I can't stop you. I just wanted you to think."

"It's not all about that," Hotwire said, catching the screwdriver in her hand just before it hit the roof, "Suppose if Starscream came along, and I wanted to jam a screwdriver into his optic?" she thrust the screwdriver forward savagely, "How can I resist that urge if I don't have a screwdriver with me?" she grinned, "I'd have to resist the urge to jam a surgical energon blade into his optic instead, and I'm not so accomplished in resisting that urge."

Prowl smirked briefly before walking up and sitting beside the femme in the lotus position, "The surgical blade would probably be easier,” he replied.

"Easy or not... it's not painful enough," Hotwire replied, "Of course, neither is a screwdriver, but there you go."

"If you want to hurt somebody like Starscream, the best way is to quickly disable him,” Prowl told her confidently, "To deprive him of power is more painful than anything else you could do to him. ...But I'm not much for torture."

Hotwire slotted the screwdriver back into a compartment, before picking absent-mindedly at her scratches again, "Yeah... me neither. But sometimes it's the only way to get through to people." Her face creased up in disgust under the visor.

Prowl glanced to the side at her and frowned, "It sounds like you have some experience with that,” he commented. More than that, it sounded like she had far too much experience.

Hotwire sighed, "Some people won't listen to reason, or logic, or emotions, or conscience,” she explained, “They don't care about power or energon. They only listen to pain."

"Those sorts of people are drawn to the Decepticons,” Prowl said. A few moments later, he tilted his head and added, "Some to the Autobots too, unfortunately."

"I've noticed," Hotwire said, and she didn't sound tired anymore, just... sad. She stopped and looked up at Prowl suddenly, suspiciously, "Were you suggesting I was one of those people?" she asked.

"No,” Prowl answered with a shake of his head, "But if you think that you could be, perhaps you should take a closer look at yourself."

"What does that mean?" Hotwire asked, confused.

"Nothing important,” Prowl said quickly, "I'm rambling. But the only reason I see to run from such people is because you cannot beat them. Is that the case?"

"...Maybe," Hotwire said hesitantly, but looked up, "I didn't beat you, but I'm not running now, am I? The people who listen to pain though..." she stopped for a moment, "I can't speak their language. I just can't, though Primus knows I've tried."

"Nor should you. That's not a failing,” Prowl told the medic, "You have dedicated yourself to healing. Those who cause pain are your natural enemies."

"I've done enough damage," Hotwire didn't look at him, "Now I have to try to mend it. Even though I can't, I have to try. And I can't try if I'm offline. No rest for the wicked, eh?"

"Indeed. We all have our sins to pay for,” Prowl agreed, nodding slowly. Pausing, he looked up at the stars, "I get the feeling you are not such a bad person as you claim to be. Which is why I find myself somewhat confused."

"Wouldn't I just love to be a bad person. Then life would be so much simpler," Hotwire shook her head, "What are you confused about?"

"You associate yourself with bad people,” Prowl explained simply, "You spend a great deal of your time around them."

"I've done bad things," Hotwire answered.

"It must be something terrible, if even you can't forgive yourself for it,” the ninja deduced, tearing his gaze from the night sky to look at her again.

"Yes," Hotwire replied shortly.

"What was it?" Prowl asked, "Did you kill somebody when you were healing them?"

"No. Worse," Hotwire said dully.

"Murder? Slavery? Torture?" Prowl asked, trying to think of a suitably vile crime, "Rape?" he hazarded, "

"Nothing like that," Hotwire said, "All of those crimes can be forgiven," she paused, unsure if she could trust Prowl, "You're on the wrong track," she sighed, "Head the other way."

For once, Prowl's appearance of calm and control split slightly, revealing his confusion, "What do you mean? Are you saying you helped somebody?"

"I don't know if I can trust you yet," Hotwire said, partially answering his question, “Then again, I don’t trust anybody much anymore.”

Prowl was silent for a moment, considering what to say or ask next, but the cyberninja eventually concluded that nothing would be gained by pushing her. Nodding, he replied, "Of course. You don't have to tell me anything."

"That's the thing about words," Hotwire said, trying to change the subject, "Humans have a saying. They say 'actions speak louder than words'. But they're wrong," she looked at Prowl, "You could say that... that you’ll never kill. And then two days later, you kill me. You can say the words, but they can become lies at any moment with an action. Actions speak. In comparison, words are silent."

Prowl considered this for a moment, contemplating Hotwire’s rather unique perspective on speech. She had something of a point. Still, the mech shook his head in disagreement, "Actions can lie, too."

"How do you mean?" Hotwire raised an optic ridge.

Prowl hesitated, searching for the right words, "A person can do one thing and then do something contrary to it. Spies train themselves to do this. That is how one lies through action. Granted, to lie with actions requires greater dedication than to lie with words, but it is still possible."

"Ah. True," Hotwire nodded unhappily. She felt like arguing, but couldn't bring herself to do so. The conversation was bringing back bad memories. But then, didn’t everything? "Anything can be a lie. Even the thoughts inside your own head."

Prowl nodded, "Everybody lies in some manner. And the person we lie to the most is ourselves."

"So..." Hotwire shrugged, remembering another part of the conversation, "You're saying that I'm lying to myself about being a bad person?"

Prowl smirked slightly, "Not exactly,” he answered, "Why don’t you tell me?"

Hotwire looked down, "I don't know what I am anymore," she said, "And it makes me angry. I just..." she hesitated, flushing slightly, "Why is it so easy to talk to you?" she asked him finally. Then she looked at her feet. She should know better than to ask. Prowl wasn’t judging her. He wasn’t condemning her actions. She already knew why. He didn’t damn well CARE.

Prowl's smirk disappeared. Unlike her, he didn't seem to know the answer to that questionm "I'm not sure. Most people find me difficult to be around,” he explained to her.

"It doesn’t matter," Hotwire said, and it sounded almost sad, "I just wish it I could find it as easy as you Autobots do to make decisions. Or even the Decepticons..."

"Decisions can be hard to make. Even for us. Especially for us,” Prowl was quick to correct her, "They are only easy to make when you are certain, and certainty can be dangerous."

"Doesn't look half as difficult as deciding who lives and who offlines," Hotwire said gloomily, "I just... don't know... It's so hard to choose..."

"And that..." Prowl said before resting his hand on her shoulder gently, "...is why I think you're a good person, Hotwire."

Hotwire didn't flinch away or show fear or anger of any kind. But Prowl could feel, under his hand, a very sudden tensing of the joints and pistons in that arm. Even her plait was coiling around herself, "Is it supposed to be so hard to choose?" she asked him after a moment.

Carefully, Prowl drew his hand away from her. He had a feeling that things could quickly get unpleasant if he made the wrong move, "Yes,” the cyberninja answered, "If you could casually choose who lives and dies, that would be reason to worry about your character."

"Indeed," Hotwire looked up at the stars, "Sometimes the decision is very hard... but it’s never hard for Autobots. It’s never hard for you."

Prowl frowned at the medic. "Why do you say that?" he asked her. He genuinely wanted to know, because it never seemed to him that choosing between life and death was easy.

"You go into a battle and you look at your enemies the Decepticons, and you fire rapidly in their direction," Hotwire answered, "The Decepticons do the same to you. Good, evil, it all comes down to who you're aiming at. You can't tell me it's hard to pull that trigger. But then... everything gets easier with practice."

"In the middle of battle, yes, it can become all too easy,” Prowl admitted, "Thoughts of morality and ethics give way to simple fight or flight... but that's different from deliberately choosing life or death for somebody."

"Then don't ever become a medic," Hotwire advised him, "It's harder than it looks," she stood up, "I think I'll go back to the party now. The starlight doesn't feel so free tonight."

Prowl nodded silently before looking back up to the stars, letting Hotwire go. He still wanted to look at them a while longer. He also appreciated the solitude and time to think. He spent a while longer out there, meditating on the day’s events and the conversation he’d just had, before he finally went to his own room for a recharge.

The entire base was woken up a few hours later by a cry of terror.

~~~

Harley: Whose cry of terror? When are Prowl and Hotwire going to get on with it? Will I ever shut the fuck up? Well, you’re going to have to wait until next time, okay? For some of it, anyway. Read and Review for now, okay?

Froggy: And if you want to know ahead of time what Hotwire did that was so very awful, and the story of her scars, go and read "The Choices We Make". It's a prequel to Hotwire's life.

Harley: I'm working on Hotwire's fear of heights for that too. Infinitely better than dating Tracks. Then again, he is gay. Right?
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Becoming Mama Bear