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Swallow The Moon	By : GhostHelwig Category: +1 through F > Ed, Edd, and Eddy Views: 9539 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Ed Edd and Eddy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Disclaimer – I do not own or profit from Ed, Edd N Eddy or “I Saw Red”. The Eds belong to the Cartoon Network and the song belongs to Warrant. Rated R for slash, swearing, and so on...
Special thanks to Darthelwig for inspiring me to write this as a series and for typing this chapter for me. I owe you one, Lumpy. (‘lol’)
Author’s Notes – I want to apologize to everyone for the incredibly long update time, I’ll try not to ever let that happen again... And before I forget, the episode referenced here is "Your Ed Here", the one where Kevin blackmails Eddy with his knowledge of Eddy's middle name...
Anyway, on with the show. Enjoy. Peace, all.
Inside Your Eyes
by Ghost Helwig
Brooding. That’s what Eddy was doing, what he had been doing since he’d left Ed alone in the junkyard and come home. He brooded when the phone rang, he brooded when his parents called him to dinner, he brooded when Nazz knocked on his door that night. It was all he felt capable of doing.
“Ooh it must be magic...”
If his parents noticed his depression, they made no mention of it, and allowed him to retire to his bedroom without dinner and without comment. Not that he would’ve cared about anything they had to say, but it was nice to be left alone – especially since he could share his pain with neither of them. After all, what could he possibly say?
“How inside your eyes...”
Could he tell them the truth? Confess his undying, irritating love for the most intelligent, beautiful, impossible boy he’d ever known?
It was clear to him that he couldn’t.
It was clear to him that they wouldn’t care.
“I see my destiny.”
Was this how things were supposed to be? He couldn’t make himself believe that it was. There was this consistently throbbing lump in his throat that proclaimed the wrongness to him, a lump that only grew and grew as he moped.
And in his heart of hearts, he knew that this was all his fault.
“Every time we kiss...”
He kept remembering seeing Ed and Double D kiss, kept remembering the falling in the pit of his stomach. And he knew what Ed must’ve experienced in that moment – he could still taste Double D on his lips, in his mouth, that honeyed sweetness...
“I feel you breathe your love...”
And the connection Eddy felt with Double D when they kissed – he’d never found that with anyone else. Even the first time they’d kissed, when Kevin had forced them to, had been... special. To Eddy, it was very, very special.
“...so deep inside of me.”
It was the first kiss in his life he ever felt.
“If the moon...”
And Double D’s were still the only kisses that ever mattered.
“...and stars should fall...”
It was funny, though – looking back, he knew he never could’ve seen this coming. How could he have known then that the boy who’d once irritated and bothered him more than anyone else would go on to be the one person he couldn’t live without? He’d always believed that kind of romance only happened in the movies.
Though since he and Double D had once had a running joke about their lives being a television show, perhaps it was only fitting.
“...they’d be easy to replace...”
For just a moment, he lost himself in older memories, memories of sun and sweat and laughter and a seemingly endless summer. But all too soon his fond memory of the always high-strung, oftimes sarcastic, unfailingly logical and loyal boy Double D had been were replaced by the young man who’d once walked into his room, deliberately stripped off his shirt, and promptly had the deepest blush imaginable bloom on his cheeks...
And it was that same innocently sexual young man who never stopped haunting his thoughts.
“I would lift you up to Heaven...”
Or his room. It seemed everywhere Eddy looked in his room he could see Double D...
In the corner by his record player he could see Double D standing with his eyes closed, humming quietly along with the music, a look of open, studying pleasure on his face... Against his closed closet door he could see Double D leaning back, could feel what it had been like to have Double D in his mouth, to be holding those slim, sweat-slick hips trapped and trembling... And in his bed...
His bed was saturated, in some ways literally, with memories of Double D...
And despite himself, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
“...and you would take their place.”
Beautiful memories of a beautiful boy – they should make him happy, bring him joy. They should.
But they didn’t.
“Then I saw red.”
But all those memories – he wouldn’t give them up, but they were overlaid with another, one he didn’t want to see, one he saw everywhere, all the time.
“When I opened up the door...”
He often wondered if in that moment of stunned, icy stillness before recognition clicked he could’ve done something, even just told himself something, that would’ve eased the shock or dulled the pain. He doubted it.
“I saw red...”
And the anger he would’ve expected to feel at such a complete betrayal, the anger he knew lurked inside him – where had it gone? For it hadn’t been the first emotion he felt, he hadn’t even felt it at all until he was in the junkyard.
No, the first thing he felt-
Was his heart breaking.
“My heart just spilled onto the floor...”
And the look on Double D’s face in the moment before he saw Eddy – that haunted him most of all. For beneath the surprise and the odd, lethargic weariness that covered Double D like a death shroud had been a strange sort of haggard peace.
“And I didn’t need to see his face...”
He hadn’t been able to see Ed from his vantage point, but that had hardly mattered-
What he saw of Double D was more than enough,
That look he’d seen – how could he compete with that look?
“I saw yours.”
That look was what had driven him to say what he had, to leave without doing something foolish, to feel only pain until the shock wore off. If Double D had ever looked like that with him, he could no longer remember it-
But that was not an easy look to forget.
“I saw red and then I closed the door.”
So, an ending. Another. When he just couldn’t take anymore, he and Double D had managed to find a way to end their relationship yet again. And just for kicks, this time his friendship with Ed had gone down with it.
“I don’t think I’m gonna love you anymore.”
He wasn’t sure when he drifted off, but he woke in the dawn gloom with shards of pink light streaming through his blinds and directly into his eyes. His head was pounding, but that was nothing to the sick, throbbing agony in his chest.
“Every day I wake up...”
He blinked, and blinked more rapidly when he realized his eyes were blurring with tears – which he assured himself were caused by the light shining in his eyes. He had to blink these betraying tears away. Edgar did not cry.
Not over this. Not over anything.
Not anymore.
“I thank God that you are still a part of me.”
There was a knock on his door, conspicuous because of the early hour and the hesitancy of the sound. It couldn’t be Ed – when he bothered knocking (which was rarely) it sounded like a bull was ramming into his door. So who-
Eddy was suddenly up and there, by his door, Double D’s name poised on his lips, ready to fall.
“We’ve opened up the door...”
But it was only Nazz who stood there when he opened the door, Nazz who blinked up at him, wearing her most seductive smile.
Double D’s name dropped, unsaid, into the pit of his stomach, wrapped in a tight, aching ball of regret and disappointment.
“...to which so many people never find the key.”
Never one to hide his emotions, Eddy snapped, “what do you want?” Nazz looked taken aback for a moment, but then her cool, unruffled persona reasserted itself, embracing and altering her features with an almost visible mask.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” she purred. Eddy’s stomach, already sensitive this morning, churned and boiled at her tone. Her very existence only reminded him of what he had done, how he had failed – he did not want her here.
“And if the sun...”
With Double D gone, he needed no more darkness in his life.
Double D’s absence was enough.
“...should ever fail to send its light...”
He found he even missed the candles. Those insipid, ridiculous, ridiculously romantic white candles Double D had lit every time they were together – he missed them. What had started as a silently romantic gesture to comfort and warm Double D the night they gave their virginity to each other (a gesture Eddy himself was responsible for, had begun) had taken on such an undeniable, unearthly and necessary significance...
But to use candles with Nazz would’ve been a sacrilege, so he never had.
“...we would burn a thousand candles...”
That first night the flames had danced in Double D’s eyes, a flickering play of light and shadow in the brilliant depths that had captivated Eddy as he pushed Double D down into the mattress. The only thing Eddy could think to compare it with later was the ever-changing darkness he’d seen reflected in the hidden depths of an emerald his mother owned – it was the closest he could come to understanding that glittering dark look, yet it really wasn’t close at all...
“...and make everything alright.”
He realized, very slowly, that Nazz was staring at him, undoubtedly wondering why he hadn’t let her in. But when she moved to go past him, he not only failed to step aside, he held out an arm to block her passage.
She looked up at him with wide, wide blue eyes. Beautiful eyes. Beautiful eyes that touched him not at all.
“Then I saw red.”
“Eddy,” she whispered, voice a low, seductive murmur, “don’t you want me to come inside?” Obviously expecting a ‘yes, of course’. Obviously expecting a slightly embarrassed smile and maybe a nervous nod. Obviously expecting an explanation and a moving of his in-the-way hand.
Obviously expecting anything but what she got.
“When I opened up the door...”
“No.”
“I saw red.”
Not spoken angrily, or with scorn – just a simple, unadorned, firm “no”. But it affected Nazz like he’d sworn at her – she stiffened, eyes darkening and delicate nostrils flaring. His battered and bruised ego reared up, wanted to at least take comfort in the knowledge that his rejection had hurt her feelings just a little, but he knew that wasn’t the case at all – he may’ve wounded her pride, but he’d never even gotten near her heart.
“My heart just spilled onto the floor.”
Yet for all of that, he must’ve really gotten to her, affected her – what else could account for what she did next?
“And I didn’t need to see his face...”
Trailing her fingers down his chest, she whispered in a harsh, hoarse voice quite unlike her usual slinky purr, “c’mon, Eddy, prove to me at least one of the Eds is a real man.”
“I saw yours.”
Hearing those words cruelly tossed at him would’ve torn Double D up inside, and Eddy knew it. It took all his self-control to not push Nazz roughly away from him. Her touch disgusted him – he felt dirtied, sullied beyond his own ability to clean.
“I saw red...”
And angry. Suddenly, he felt a savage, protective anger begin deep in his gut and start to consume his body. How dare she?
“...and then I closed the door.”
“You know what, Nazz?” he hissed, his face mere inches from hers. “My friends may not meet your standards for men, but since you still hang out with Kevin, I really don’t think that’s saying much.”
As he watched the meaning of his words sink in he pulled back, and spoke again only when he was about to close the door on her stunned, indignant face.
“I don’t ever want to see you here again. Ever.”
“I don’t think I’m gonna love you anymore.”
As the door swung shut he thought he heard a vile whisper of “fag” floating through the air towards him, but he decided not to care one way or another.
“I’ve been hurt...”
He leaned against the closed door, trying to steady breathing turned ragged with emotion. For all the bravery of mere moments before, the icy anger that had sustained him through it was fading, replaced by a newfound and completely unexpected tinge of pain. Nazz had been a ‘friend’ (as much as any of the non-Eds had ever been his ‘friends’), the first girl he’d ever been with, the first girl he’d ever wanted – and in a way he could not articulate, she’d betrayed him.
For the first time, he knew he’d gotten a taste of what it had been like for Double D these past weeks.
And that taste was bitter.
“...and I’ve been blind...”
And somehow Eddy ended up kneeling on the floor, sobs ripping through his body, face buried in his hands, releasing all his mounting pain as a frustrated scream muffled in his palms.
“I’m not sure that I’ll be fine...”
“Bastard,” Eddy could finally, after an hour of heartfelt weeping, draw breath enough to whisper hoarsely. “Stupid, stupid bastard.” It was all he could think of to call himself.
“I never thought it would end this way...”
This was what his anger had gotten him, this was what trying to live up to his brother and trying to be as cool as possible and trying to remain living in the shadow of his own screwed-up version of a ‘real man’ had left him with – nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
“’Cause I saw red...”
How could he have failed to realize that the only two people he needed to look up to him, adore him, and think the world of him already did? How could he have been so blind that he didn’t realize it until he’d lost them both?
“When I opened up the door...”
Ed shivered as he stood outside Eddy’s room, but not from the cool early morning air. He’d had a restless, sleepless night, huddled on his bed and staring at the spot where Double D had sat so miserably, and though he couldn’t remember everything clearly, he knew Eddy was mad at him. Really mad, not just the fiery annoyance that made him scream and insult and tackle. That was just Eddy being high-strung, being Eddy.
“I saw red.”
But now...? Now Eddy was furious.
“My heart just spilled onto the floor.”
But Double D – Double D needed them. That singular thought had crystallized in Ed’s mind overnight, and it sustained him as the knowledge of Eddy’s undoubtedly still vicious anger flooded through him. He could not give in to his fear of Eddy’s rage while Double D needed them for... something.
“And I didn’t need to see his face...”
He knocked, the sound too loud in his sensitive ears. A minute later, he wasn’t sure he’d knocked, so he did. And a minute after that...
Finally, the door opened, and Eddy was staring out at him.
“Oh, I saw yours.”
Eddy’s eyes were red-rimmed and very wet – Ed knew he’d been crying, and reached out, wanting to touch, to comfort, to wipe those tears away...
Eddy jerked away from his hand.
“I saw red...”
A sinking began in the pit of Ed’s stomach, but he forced words up his constricted throat and out of his dry mouth.
In a voice strained with pain, he whispered, “Double D-“
And that was as far as he got before the door shut in his face.
“...and then I closed the door.”
Ed couldn’t understand Eddy’s reaction at first, but then his own pain somehow clarified the chaos in his mind, and he remembered.
Double D.
“I don’t think I’m gonna love you anymore.”
Ed could still taste Double D on his lips, and he licked them, bringing that honeyed sweetness into his mouth, savoring and cherishing it...
And though he didn’t know and couldn’t understand why, Ed knew that that was what had made Eddy so furious with him – he’d relished that very special brush of lips on his.
“Ooh, it must be magic.”
It was the first kiss in his life he ever felt.
- 12
- 13
- 14
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Swallow The Moon