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The Remnant Armada
By : DarkWolves
Category: +M through R > RWBY
Views: 65085 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own RWBY and I make no money from writing this.
Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Contains: (Blake x Yang - Bumblebee) No Sex, Family Fluff, Children’s Party Performance, Comedy, Magician, Ventriloquist, Weiss is back to being the butt of the jokes

“Do you trust me?” Yang asked.

“Of course, I do” Blake replied.

“And do you trust Ruby?” Yang continued.

“Most of the time” Blake admitted.

“So then can you trust me to trust Ruby?” Yang persisted.

Blake sighed. “I suppose, I mean what’s the worst that could really-”

“And now boys and girls” Weiss called out to the assembled crowd, having been roped into the role as the warm up presenter. “Prepare to be astounded by The Great Rubina and her friend penny” Weiss lead them all in a welcoming clap.

The curtain of the makeshift stage pulled away to reveal the Great Rubina, or Auntie Ruby as she was usually known, came out to the adoring crowd of around fifteen who had attended Felice Belladonnas 5^th birthday party. While the stage was surrounded a cheering ring of eager children Yang and Blake watched from the back as the attending parents as the act unfolded.

In addition to her customary flowing red cape Ruby had added a red and black tinted top hat. Ruby took her place on the stool in the centre of the stage, with her companion Penny sitting atop her lap playing the role of the ventriloquist doll.

“Well hello there boys and girls. I’m The Great Rubina and this is my friend Penny” Ruby indicated her companion with an exaggerated wave of her hands. “Say hello, Penny”

“Hello Penny” she waved enthusiastically.

A giggle emerged from the children. While not exactly the height of comedy it seemed Ruby understood the expectations of her audience.

“We’re both very happy to be here” Ruby said.

“Speak for yourself” Penny interrupted.

“What do you mean, of course you are” Ruby replied.

“Well now you’re just putting words in my mouth” Penny joked.

Another laugh emanated from the crowd.

“I mean, who even does ventriloquist gags anymore?” Penny asked.

“Look, it was either this or a Punch and Judy and that’s just awkward these days” Ruby explained.

A low titter emerged from the understanding adults at the back of the room.

“Alright, we’ll try something different” Ruby reached into her cloak and retrieved an oversized novelty pocket watch. Putting on a ridiculous voice Ruby began to swing the item in front of Penny’s eyes. “You’re feeling sleepy”

“No, I’m not feeling it” Penny replied flatly.

“Give it a moment” Ruby began really leaning into her exaggerated performance. “You’re feeling very sleepy”

“Try some more of your jokes, that’s bound to do the trick” Penny interjected.

Finally surrendering to the inevitable Ruby replaced the watch back into her cloak pocket. “I can be funny without you, you know”

“You’re hardly funny with me” Penny chided.

“You’re very difficult to please, you know that?” Ruby countered. “I’ll have you know I was top of my class at Signal”

“And look at you now, still playing with dolls” Penny replied.

Reaching the end of her sketch Ruby departed the stage still cradling Penny in her arms, her experience wielding Crescent Rose coming in handy for more than just fighting in effortlessly carrying her partner.

“And where exactly was that hand of yours going?” Penny could be heard from behind the curtain at the edge of the stage.

“Rubina and Penny everyone” Weiss reignited the audiences clapping once more as Ruby prepared to re-emerge onto the stage.

“Since its someone’s birthday I thought I’d prepare something special” Ruby wheeled out a large colourful box adorned with rose designs from behind the stage. “For this, I’ll need a volunteer” Ruby turned to the snow coloured beauty beside her. “Weiss, if you would be so kind”

Weiss’s face was a study in shock as Ruby lead her towards the box. When Weiss had offered to assist with the performance she hadn’t expected to be pulled into the act itself. Opening the lid of the box Ruby helped Weiss to lay herself down before shifting to close the lid on top of her.

“Are you sure you’re all in?” Ruby asked, adjusting the lid on top of Weiss.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Weiss questioned.

“Just try to relax” Ruby secured the lid in place with a metallic click. Turning her attention back to the crowd Ruby began to search across the stage. “I’m sorry boys and girls. It seems like I’ve misplaced by saw”

“Saw?” Weiss asked quizzically.

“But don’t worry, I have the perfect replacement right here” with a dramatic flourish Ruby withdrew Crescent Rose from beneath her cape, the screams of excitement from the assembled children thankfully overshadowing the flurry of Atlesian vulgarity emanating from behind Ruby. “Don’t worry Weiss” Ruby reassured her as she prepared her swing. “Nothing can go wrong”

***************Authors Nonsense***************

Blake: “Yang, while I appreciate the effort Ruby went too, next time wouldn’t it be better to just hire a professional”

Yang: “You mean like that ventriloquist we saw advertised at the Vale Performance Festival?”

Blake: “Yang, her selling point is she does the whole act topless”

Yang: “In her defence you never saw her lips move”

Blake: “What about that magician you told me about when Ruby was little. Is he still around?”

Yang: “Let’s just say he’s known for pulling out more than just rabbits”

The whole time I was writing this resisted the urge to turn this chapter into a panto piece. Because nowadays that kind of humour is rather dated and unfunny isn’t it boys and girls? Oh, yes it is.
- 11
- 12
- 13
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The Remnant Armada	By : DarkWolves Category: +M through R > RWBY Views: 65085 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own RWBY and I make no money from writing this.

The Remnant Armada