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The Shadow of his Heart	By : Catspeaker Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 12692 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
As Clyde closed the door to his hotel room, he could barely keep his hands off his beautiful girl. It had been near a month since he’d last saw her, and while both of them had a great deal of fun at the convention, they were both really looking forward to finally having some alone time. Haiku was already all over Clyde when the door had been closed. While she was near a foot shorter than her boyfriend, she was already pressed against him, her arms around his neck, reaching up and pressing her lips so firmly against his.
They kissed with the passion and lust that only horny teenagers were capable of, almost giddy with the knowledge of what was coming next. Haiku pulled off of Clyde after several long moments of what could only be described as, sucking face, her eyes smoldering and full of desire as she reluctantly released her grasp on the older boy.
Haiku put a single hand up against Clyde’s strong chest as she gently pushed herself off from him, a soft sigh coming from her lips, “Let me get out of this before we get into bed.”
Clyde looked up at her, almost sheepishly, he knew what he wanted to ask, but he was holding his tongue. Haiku took one look at him, and knew what it was too, already rolling her eyes playfully.
“Fine, the outfit will stay on, but I have to tinkle really quick, I’ll be back!” she giggled at him before she was off to the bathroom.
Clyde felt like he could poke someone’s eye out with the raging hard-on he was sporting right now, no more than that, he felt like he could chase someone down and beat them to death with it. He made his way over toward the beige bed with it's beige duvet and sat down, leaning back with a groan.
For a moment, his mind shot to his best friend. It always struck Clyde as off that he was now more successful in his relationship than Lincoln had been in any of his own. Lincoln had always been the more confident one out of the two of them, and for a real second there Clyde was convinced Ronnie Anne and Lincoln were going to follow right along in Lori and Bobby’s footsteps after they became a couple.
But here his Buddy was, single after a long (To a 19 year old’s mind at least) horrible relationship with a girl named Melanie. There had been a couple others after Ronnie Anne too, but they’d only lasted a few months most of the time.
His bro couldn’t catch a break, and he’d been hoping maybe Lincoln would meet someone here at the convention. It wasn’t like Lincoln was a bad looking guy either. Not that Clyde had sexual thoughts about him or anything, but he could still recognize on a certain level that his buddy could be considered attractive in certain ways.
He kept in decent shape, enough he had actual tone and definition, his skin was mostly clear, he was tall, and hell he had that cool white hair. He had his own car, made pretty good money for a 19 year old college student, and was charming in his own way. Sure, he was a complete dork, but so what, by all rights Lincoln should be considered a catch among dork girls, or girls who liked dorky boys.
So why was Lincoln just, so, well, bad at the dating game? Clyde closed his eyes and decided he’d contemplate this issue later. Besides, Lincoln was a young guy still just like him, it wasn’t like he needed to run off and get married anytime soon.
Just then, Clyde’s phone vibrated. Since Haiku hadn’t stepped out of the bathroom yet, he decided he’d see what it was.
He pulled his phone from his pocket and saw someone was messaging him. He didn’t recognize the picture right away, it took him a moment, and then his eyes went wide.
Ronnie Anne.
Ronnie Anne Santiago was messaging him. Damn, that was weird, interesting coincidence really, he wondered what she wanted. Flipping it open he saw the message.
Holy Hell, she was asking him about Lincoln.
She was asking him about Lincoln!
Clyde practically leapt up from the bed as he began to message her back excitedly!
By then Haiku had come out of the bathroom and couldn’t help but see her boyfriend practically leaping around the room as he seemed ultra-focused on texting back and forth with someone.
Ronnie wanted to make contact with Lincoln again. She was feeling things out, talking to Clyde, asking him what his opinion on it was. She wanted to know if Lincoln was still angry with her, or if he thought it was even a good idea. Clyde had to hold himself back from saying he thought it was a great idea. Trying to keep his response even and measured but encouraging all the same.
Haiku finally got too curious and spoke up, “Okay, that has to be really important if you’re delaying having sex with your girlfriend right now.”
Clyde turned and looked at her apologetically, “Sorry baby girl, but yeah this is, this is really awesome! It’s Ronnie Anne!”
Haiku folded her arms under her chest, and raised her eyebrow, “What’s so awesome about that?”
Clyde responded excitedly, “She wants to talk to Lincoln again! Do you know what this means?!”
Haiku felt worry enter her chest. She barely remembered Ronnie Anne from school, considering she’d been younger than the girl when she’d moved away from Michigan, but she also knew how important the girl had been to Lincoln’s life. This was a potential problem for Lucy, a really big problem. Haiku tried to play things cool all the same.
“I don’t know, didn’t they have a really bad break up?” she asked.
Clyde put his hand up, and shook his head, “It’s, more complicated than that. No, Ronnie and Lincoln are like Magnets. It doesn’t matter how far apart they get, they’ll always be drawn back to one another! They can’t help it! Oh this is great news, both are single too! It’s like fate!”
Haiku continued to try and keep her cool and play damage control, “Don’t get a head of yourself hon, we don’t know that, and we don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.”
Clyde seemed to calm down a little, and nodded in return, “You’re right, you’re right. I get that, but, if I could say there’s one person Lincoln considered a best friend, just as much as me…and liked more in certain ways, it’s always been Ronnie Anne. At the very least, I think it’ll be great if they can rekindle that friendship.”
Haiku knew she was going to have to tell Lucy about this, and soon. But not tonight, she didn’t want to spoil or interfere with her best friend’s plans. Tonight was supposed to be the night Lucy solidified her hold on Lincoln.
Clyde continued, “I should go tell him right now! He’s gonna flip!”
Haiku came over and placed her hands up on her boyfriend’s shoulders, looking up at him, fixing him with a measured gaze, “Sweetie, do you really think that’s a good idea right now? Didn’t she contact you to feel him out first? Maybe you should wait and let her contact him herself.”
Clyde seemed to consider this for a moment, looking down at his girlfriend. As excited as he was about the news, it could wait until morning, and maybe Haiku was right and he should let Ronnie Anne tell Lincoln herself. He also was still, well, really horny. He really wanted to dine on some Sushi right about now.
His response was to toss the phone aside, reach down and pick Haiku up by her waist, and throw her on the nearby bed, grinning as he did, “You’re right baby girl, nothin that won’t wait until later!”
Haiku had practically squealed when Clyde lifted her up, kicking her feet. She landed with a bounce, then leaned back on the bed, biting her lower lip seductively and looking up at him with a come hither gaze.
“Come on Jack, you ready to spin the wheel and bet it all on red?” She whispered seductively to him..
Clyde stood up straighter as he began to unbuckle his belt, “Baby, you know you always bet on Black.”
Clyde and Haiku would make up for lost time, with insurance for when they were apart again later.
Section Break
Lincoln slowly began to feel his body waking him up from what had been a very blissful and pleasant sleep. He was warm, and cozy, and more than that he felt loved and secure, and there was someone so very soft, and so very inviting holding him tightly right now, just as he held her.
But he needed to pee.
He needed to pee bad, bad enough he couldn’t shake it off and try and go back to sleep. Bad enough he’d had to fully wake from this blissful moment and empty his bladder.
More and more wakefulness came to him, and he slowly came to the realization of where he was, and just who was in bed with him.
He was on his back, and his arm was around her. She was curled up at his side, one hand on his chest, her head resting over it. He could feel her there, sleeping still, the gentle rhythm of her breathing so close.
She was directly over his heart, like she had been using it’s beating as a way to slowly lull herself to sleep. A sudden intense mix of both nostalgia and deep abiding love filled his heart as he realized this was exactly how she used to cuddle with him when they were children.
Whenever she had a bad dream, or made some excuse to share his bed, she always preferred falling asleep listening to his heart. As if it was a continuous confirmation, she was safe in his arms.
As he came to be mostly awake, he opened his eyes and cast his gaze down towards her. She’d taken the hairband out, and her long flowing blonde hair had gone back to obscuring her eyes. She looked so beautiful to him right now, even as a new sensation filled him.
Dread….
Dread filled his body slowly, creeping it’s tendrils in and over his heart. The realization of what he’d done, what they had done was slowly coming home to roost.
She was wearing his orange t-shirt, having slipped it on sometime during the night, but she was nude from the waist down. He was completely nude, and he was reminded of how this wasn’t the way brothers and sisters were supposed to share beds.
Did he feel guilty about what they had done? Yes, yes, he did. Very much so. But it was a conflicted guilt, he also felt happy. Happy because he was with someone who loved him so much, happy because she was someone who ‘got’ him. Happy because he in turn loved her so much. Because he also ‘got’ her.
These two separate feelings were waging war in his heart. The realization he’d committed a horrible sin, and the realization he still loved her so very much.
He still needed to pee.
Slowly, he began to untangle himself from his lover. Moving her hands away from his body, sliding further out of her grasp, untangling his legs from her own. As he attempted to do so, he felt his sister’s arms begin to cling to him more tightly, a moment later a soft whimper came from her as he started to pull away.
He turned to see her looking up at him, even though he couldn’t see her eyes he could still tell she was half-asleep. On instinct he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers in a comforting gesture. She kissed back even in her sleepy state. He whispered softly, “It’s okay Luce, I’m just going to the bathroom.”
As he slipped out of the bed, her hand took hold of his arm, and slowly slid down it as he pulled away, stopping to take his hand in her own, squeezing it, before slowly releasing.
Even though they had only been officially together for a couple hours now, Lucy already couldn’t keep her hands off of him. She wanted to feel his presence as much as possible, the introverted girl seemed as if she was trying to absorb as much affection from her brother as she could, knowing they would be unable to be so open again when they were back home.
Lincoln really felt uncomfortable at how much he liked it.
He liked that feeling of closeness with her. The same sensation he had with her when they were children, and their love was so innocent and pure. He still felt that current of pure love for her running through him, a desire to protect her, and see the best outcome for her. One where she was happy, he wanted to do nothing but bring a smile to her soft lips every day.
Finally up, he made his way to the adjoining bathroom, looking over his shoulder briefly to see her looking right back at him. It was as if she was afraid he’d vanish for good if he were out of her sight. He gave her a soft reassuring smile, before he stepped in and closed the door.
Flicking the light on, the fan autokicked on as well, and he moved to the toilet, relieving himself with a good nice long pee. Shaking off afterwards, he flushed the toilet and began to contemplate things once more.
He’d really done it. Lucy and he had really done it. He’d made love to his little sister. It hit him all over again. That intense dread. He suddenly needed to sit down, and that’s what he did after closing the toilet lid.
What they were doing was not only wrong, but it was technically illegal. He could really go to jail for it. Technically Lucy was the age of consent for Michigan, but she was still a minor, while he was an adult.
He was an adult, that hit him again. Yes, he was only 19, and only 3 years older than Lucy, but he was supposed to be the responsible one. He was supposed to be the older brother, the older brother she could trust, the one who would never do anything wrong to her. The one she could look up to for safety and guidance and he…he..
He put his hands up to his face, closing them around his mouth. Oh god, oh god, oh god, what had he done? What had he let himself fall into. It didn’t matter that she had wanted it, wanted it just as much, if not more than he himself had. He’d still messed up, he’d still fucked up.
What would the rest of his sisters think? There only brother was such a horrible, perverted, loathsome individual. A freak who couldn’t keep his hands off his sisters. The one boy who had sworn and taken it upon himself to be the protector for all of them, had done something so horrible and maligned. Would they ever be able to look at him the same way again?
What would little Lily think? The most innocent and sweet of them all. That her big brother, the one she looked up to most, was a monster.
Panic began to seize him once more, panic and uncertainty. It was getting harder and harder for him to breathe. His heart was pounding faster and faster, and his thoughts wouldn’t cease. They kept coming and coming.
What about their parents? His father had once given him a speech, when he turned 12, about being a man. About his responsibilities with having so many sisters. He was going to be bigger and stronger than all of them, that’s just the way nature worked, which meant he had a duty to watch out for all of them. They had to know the two men in their lives, their father and their brother, would always, always be there for them, and always be someone safe they could be with…
What would his father think? Knowing his son had betrayed that ultimate trust. Knowing he had failed on such a fundamental level.
What about his Mom? Everyone knew he was his mother’s favorite. Of course, parents weren’t supposed to play favorites, and sure Rita loved all of her children equally, but she favored her only son. She had doted on him, and was closer to him, how could he look into his mother’s eyes now, knowing what he was?
Lincoln grasped his chest, it hurt so much. He still couldn’t breathe. He got up, he paced back and forth, he took deep breaths, but he just couldn’t get enough air. His lungs just wouldn’t process the oxygen he was trying to take in. He was drowning, drowning in the air, and having a heart attack at the same time. He felt like he was dying, his body told him he was dying.
This is what he deserved, this is what was righteously coming to him for taking advantage of his little sister. Tears filled his eyes as he felt both panic, fear, and resignation grip him all at once. If this was the way it happened, then so be it. He just hoped it wouldn’t be painful and it would be over soon. Because everything felt like it was crashing around him, everything felt like it was closing in. He couldn’t breathe, his heart was pounding, his body was in complete fight or flight mode, and he felt himself spiraling.
Just then he heard a knock at the door, “Lincoln? Lincoln, I heard the toilet flush, but you haven’t come out, are you okay?”
Her voice, his beloved sister Lucy. Even now, with how much he hated himself, with how much he wanted to die, he still loved her, as more than a brother should, which made it all the worse.
When he didn’t respond, she continued, “Lincoln, I’m coming in.”
Lucy slowly opened the door to the bathroom and gazed in. The sight which greeted her made her heart sink in her chest, and her own fear and despair seize her.
Her brother was in the corner of the bathroom, his hands over his face, eyes wide in absolute fear and panic. She could see he was hyper-ventilating, and a cold sweat covered his form. He looked up at her, and then quickly looked away, as if the sight of her burned him.
She knew what this was right away. She’d seen this before, it happened rarely, but it was part of her brother’s diagnosis. His panic attacks. He’d had them less frequently over the years, but now when he did, they were bad, very bad.
She rushed over to his side, putting her arms around him out of reflex, leaning in, trying to whisper reassuringly and soothingly to him, “Lincoln, Lincoln, it’s okay, it’s okay. You’re having a panic attack Lincoln.”
“I’m so sorry Lucy, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I failed you, I failed you, I failed you, I’m so sorry!” he just kept repeating over and over, looking back at her with tears in his eyes.
She leaned in and placed a kiss on his forehead, she squeezed him tightly, she rubbed his back, everything she could to try and soothe him, to try and calm him, “Breathe Lincoln, breathe, it’s okay, it’s okay.”
She knew sometimes he realized he was having one, and sometimes he honestly thought he was dying. It was one of the things that broke her heart the most to see. Even when he realized he was having a panic attack, it didn’t mean he could just shut it off. His body would just be locked in that state of unrelenting stress for a couple hours, or until he took his—
His Klonopin.
When he’d first been diagnosed and his anxiety was much worse, he’d been prescribed the heavy-duty anti-anxiety pill for when he was having flare-ups, or a full-blown panic attack. Therapy and time had managed to mostly ween him off the drug, and now he only took some daily buspirone, a very light non-addicting anti-anxiety pill to get through his days.
But he still had some for emergencies.
She kissed her brother’s cheek again, and gave his back another affectionate rub, “I’ll be right back Lincoln, just keep breathing.”
She stood up and rushed back into the room, seizing her brother’s duffel bag. She hoped he’d been forward thinking enough to bring it. Or that Clyde had bothered him and reminded him enough to bring it.
She threw clothes out of his bag and toiletries until she finally came across his prescription bottles. The big one full of Buspirone, and then, ahh there it was, a little bottle full of Klonopin. She popped one of the pills out and grabbed a water bottle, before rushing back into the bathroom and sitting down next to her brother again. Panic still seizing him.
She held the pill out towards him, “Lincoln, I have your medicine, here take it sweetie, take it and you’ll feel better.”
But Lincoln shook his head, “No, No, It’s wrong Luce, It’s wrong! I’m wrong, I hurt you, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” He kept repeating like a mantra. It hurt Lucy so much, not only to see the one she loved in this state, but to also see he still had doubts. He still didn’t trust what they had.
She should of seen this coming. She should of planned for this. Her guilt ridden brother wouldn’t just magically accept they were in a relationship now just because they had sex. She should have known she’d need to reinforce the relationship now, buttress it, keep assuring him it was okay, until all the guilt and second-guesses were scoured from his heart.
She kissed his head again, squeezing him tightly, whispering softly and reassuringly, “No Lincoln, No, you did nothing wrong. You don’t deserve to feel guilty, I want this. You want this. We’re in love, it’s okay.”
She rubbed his back, as he at least stopped babbling apologies at her, and got enough control to at least look at her, as he struggled to breathe still. She nodded her head and held the pill out to him.
He quickly took it, shoved it into his mouth, and then took the water she had already opened for him, downing half of the bottle with the pill. Afterwards he gasped for breath, and brought his hands down to his knees, pulling them up against himself. She leaned over and wrapped her arms tightly around him, leaning her head against his shoulder.
They stayed like that for 15 minutes. Every time He would go to say something in a panic, she would gently shush him, kiss his cheek or head, and squeeze him.
Eventually his breathing returned to normal, the pill took effect, and his body began to slowly relax.
When it was over, he sat there on the bathroom floor, still naked, one hand up in his snow-white hair, fingers sliding through it, over his scalp as if he was trying to make sense of everything still. She loosened her grasp around his shoulders, and instead brought her hands down to his own, taking the one on his knee between her two.
He turned to look at her, and she favored him with a sweet and loving gaze before she spoke.
“Lincoln. It’s okay. What we did, it’s all okay. What we did was out of love Lincoln. I love you, I wanted it every step of the way, you know this.”
Lincoln looked back at her, a mixture of longing, guilt, and love on his features. “I still, I still feel like I failed you Luce, that I was supposed to be the older responsible one.”
Lucy frowned heavily, both of her hands sliding up and taking hold of his head, her fingers sliding back behind into the strands of his hair, “Lincoln stop that. Stop that right now. I can make my own decisions Lincoln. I’m not some innocent child you took advantage of. If anything, I took advantage of you.”
Lincoln looked confused at that, shaking his head, “No Luce, you couldn’t-“
Lucy cut him off, “Yes Lincoln. I know your giving nature. All of your sisters do. We know you can’t say no to us. We took advantage of it all of our youth, and I took advantage of it now.”
Lincoln’s mouth opened slightly, when he heard that. She had taken advantage of him? He didn’t know what to say or even feel. On on hand, this wasn’t exactly a revelation. He was even aware he folded in the face of his sisters. He loved them, and he genuinely felt great when he made them feel great. Maybe there was some selfishness in that, he liked the way it made him feel when he knew he had made them happy. But, for two he knew he couldn’t really be mad at her when he realized what she meant. She had taken advantage of his nature to get him where she wanted him. She had wanted him, and she had gone after him, and in the end, he had wanted her too.
But he still had his doubts. She could see that, but she could also see the way he looked at her had changed after last night. He looked at her now with an expression that said he saw her as his lover, AND his sister.
It warmed her heart to see even in his doubt, he had still adjusted to their new circumstances. Even after his panic attack, the switch hadn’t been thrown back. She was still his ‘girlfriend’ in his eyes, even if a part of him was trying to turn that switch back.
“Luce, I’m afraid of our family finding out. Mom and Dad, our sisters, I don’t want them to look at us with disgust, or to hate us.”
Lucy didn’t release her gentle grip on him, staring back even through the golden curtain hiding her gaze. “Lincoln, Mom and Dad might have difficulty understanding it, but your sisters? They could never hate you.”
Lucy took a deep breath and prepared herself for what she was going to say next.
“I’m not the only one of us that felt this way about you, I’m simply the only one that had the bravery to act on it and keep my feelings for you.”
That revelation hit Lincoln like a bombshell. His eyes went wide as he tried to comprehend what he had just heard. His mouth dropping open.
“W-w-what?” he asked incredulously.
Lucy hadn’t actually wanted to reveal this information to Lincoln. It was a secret that some of the sisters had shared with one another and had promised to never tell him. But right now, she felt like it was the best thing to re-orientate his view.
“I shared a room with Lynn for years Lincoln. She had it for you bad, especially back when she was in middle school with you. Why do you think she wanted to share your bed so much too? Why do you think she went through all of middle school and High School without a single boyfriend?”
Lincoln looked on, obviously trying to process all of this. He brought his hand up through his hair again, he didn’t even know what to say, but Lucy continued.
“Why do you think Leni keeps asking you to move out to New York with her? Lori had to constantly tell her you couldn’t be her boyfriend. You know how she is, she didn’t get why. Or maybe she does, but she just doesn’t care. Leni’s always been smarter than we give her credit for.”
Lincoln put his hands up then and shook his head, “Stop, stop, I don’t want to know anymore. I don’t want to. This isn’t—”
Lucy cut him off once more, “I decided to do what they couldn’t. Their crushes on you were innocent maybe. I don’t really know, but they would understand. They couldn’t hate you Lincoln, because some of them know what it is to love you more than just a brother.”
It was hard enough for Lincoln to comprehend Lucy had been harboring such love for him most of her life, but now she’d just dropped the revelation that at least two of his other sisters had at one time, harbored romantic feelings for him.
He still couldn’t talk, didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know if he’d be able to look at Leni or Lynn the same way ever again. And that bothered him, he wanted to look at them and still feel the familial love he did, he didn’t want to feel weird around them, and he didn’t want them to feel weird around him.
So he made a conscious decision that he wouldn’t. No it didn’t matter, he loved them. They were his older sisters and they had never done anything wrong to him, or untoward. He understood some of their behavior better now. Lynn’s relentless need to involve him in every single sports practice she could, always trying to get him to play and compete with her. The way she picked on him and teased him more than any of his other sisters.
And Leni. Leni and the way she always came to him for help over anyone else in the House. Lisa was the smartest person in the family, but Leni had always preferred learning from him. The way she always tried to involve him in all of her activities. She always wanted his opinion on the clothes she made, and she always wanted him to model for her. The way she doted on him almost like a second mom. Her constant requests for him to come visit her. He understood it now.
He understood so much of it now, and he hung his head and sighed. He strangely… He strangely accepted it.
Part of him accepted it. He knew it was wrong, but he could live with it. He couldn’t hold any animosity towards them. They had all been nothing but the best and most loving family members he could ask for, even if the two of them had held back what they might have been feeling.
Since he’d been silent for so long, Lucy continued.
“Lincoln, you’re the only boy out of us. There’s eleven of us total and you’re the only boy. The only boy out of ten sisters, you were always going to stand out to the rest of us. You look like us as you should, but you also don’t at the same time. Your hair is the only one that’s different in the family. We all know you inherited it from Grandfather Albert, but we never got to see him in his youth. You’ve been taking care of the rest of us, since you were able to walk. You had 4 sisters older than you besides Lori, and yet she always made you second in charge when it came to things.”
Lincoln looked over towards Lucy and finally spoke up, “Luce, I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”
Lucy sighed heavily and audibly, giving a little smirk, “I’m saying, even your sisters who don’t think of you romantically, still admire you, and want to be with someone whose heart is like yours. You and Dad were our models for what men are supposed to be like growing up.”
It was hard for Lincoln to take it all in. He never did well with praise. There was no reason he shouldn’t be able to accept it, he wasn’t the type to get egotistical outside of one or two playful incidents when he was younger (That Limo ride he won as a kid REALLY went to his head for a minute), but he didn’t want praise for something you were supposed to do.
He had turned red hearing Lucy’s words, and had begun to look down at his feet when Lucy suddenly leaned in and pressed her lips to his own.
He was taken off guard, but his body reacted again on instinct and he began to kiss her back. His own hands coming up, slipping into her hair, twisting his head gently to get a better angle as she did the same.
The kiss didn’t go on for very long, but it was enough to stir both of their hearts. When Lucy pulled back, she fixed her brother with her gaze once more and spoke.
“Lincoln, let me ask you again. Do you love me?”
Lincoln responded without hesitation, “Yes.”
Lucy questioned him again, “Do you love me romantically, or are you just doing this because you feel like you have to.”
Lincoln looked down, but Lucy could tell it wasn’t because he didn’t love her. It was because he was trying to choose his words, and she didn’t want him to try and rationalize this. She wanted him to act on feeling.
“Lincoln, tell me.”
Lincoln looked back up to her and nodded, “Yes, Yes I do. I love you, I love you so damn much it makes my heart hurt. You’re my favorite person to spend time with, and you’re the most beautiful woman I could ever want.”
That made Lucy smile.
The smile she gave him was so wide and genuinely happy. She brought her hands up to her own shoulders as if hugging herself, as if she had to contain the joy that was coursing through her.
Lincoln smiled back to her in return, it was a slightly frustrated smile, but one that returned the genuine affection they felt for one another. The white haired boy leaned his head back up against the wall as he breathed in deeply, and stared up at the ceiling..
“I guess, that means, we're doing this then.”
It wasn't quite resignation on his part, more of a gentle acceptance. He had gone through the mental fire and was coming to realize he did want this too, even with all the difficulties it would entail.
Lucy scooted up close next to him, and she leaned over and kissed his bare shoulder, before leaning her head against it. She spoke reassuringly, “We'll make it work Lincoln. We will. I know it'll be a little challenging, but we can do this.”
Lincoln slowly reached his hand down, then over to Lucy's own. She reached up back without hesitation. They took one another's hands and entwined their fingers together tightly. Lincoln loved the way it felt, Lucy did too.
He loved the feeling of closeness they had, it was a sensation that seemed to transcend what a normal boyfriend and girlfriend had, and maybe that was true. Maybe it was because they were siblings and had broken past that taboo barrier, that they became something even closer.
He still had a lot of worry and trepidation about what was to come, what could come, and what would happen if they were discovered. He also had some worry involving his other sisters now that certain...factors had come to light.
But he knew right now, he wanted to face it with her.
Lucy slowly stood up, and gently pulled on his arm as she did, “Come now my love, let's go back to bed.”
Lincoln stood up with her, and raised his eyebrow at the expression. Lucy smirked, stepped closer and laid her head against his chest, letting her fingers gently trace over his stomach and pecs again, “Lincoln, you know who I am. You know I'm going to use poetic flourish with you now.”
Lincoln flushed a little, then leaned down to meet her lips with his own, giving a sweet but chaste kiss. “Wouldn't have it any other way Luce. Alright, let's go back to bed.”
Lucy led him out of the bathroom, and back to the bed they had been sharing. She sat down upon it first, and slid under the blanket, never letting go of his hand as she did. She pulled him to follow, and as he slid in, she pulled forward to wrap her arms around him again.
With their arms around one another once more, they both quickly fell back to sleep.
Section Break
When the morning came, Lucy noticed that Lincoln appeared much more calm. They had woken up in one another's embrace, bed head, bleary eyed, and with morning breath, took one slow long look at one another....and then ended up having sex all over again, kissing passionately, morning breath and all.
After that, just like a new couple, still giddy with endorphins and the fresh feeling of getting to touch one another like having a brand new toy, they managed to drag themselves into the shower and take one together.
They laughed, giggled, and joked while they bathed, lathering up those hard to reach spots on each other, before Lincoln got a little too distracted by his little sister's rather lovely heart shaped rear, and he was taking her up against the bathtub wall.
She moaned and panted his name the entire time, and he got more aggressive, more domineering with the act, more confident, which only made Lucy even more happy. She didn't mind taking control now and then, but what she really wanted was Lincoln to be true to himself in their relationship, and that meant taking her how he wanted....after she had teased him enough to do so in the first place of course.
When men thought it was their idea, and paid little attention to how they were manipulated into the act in the first place. That made her smile, especially when she felt his essence inside of her again. That perfect warm gift she wanted to accept again and again and again.
Today was the second day of the convention, and the couples had actually decided to dress down. Rather than pull off elaborate cosplay once more, they were going to wear street clothes. Well, what two comic book geeks and two goth girls considered“Street” clothes to be.
For Lincoln and Clyde, it meant blue jeans and sneakers for both of them. But Clyde had put on a smart turtleneck sweater that fit tightly to his large physique, one that featured one of his favorite black heroines, Silver the Demon Slayer.
For Lincoln, he threw on his orange button up shirt, with a yellow t-shirt underneath emblazoned with 'The Trash man', one of his favorite videogame characters from his youth.
Haiku didn't believe in pants. At least not for herself. Clyde and Lincoln had never seen her in anything approaching them. She wore a dress, one that was all black of course, cinched at the waist with a slightly risque neckline.
As for Lucy, she was a little more relaxed than her sister in darkness. A long black shirt, with sleeves that went past her wrists, with a picture of some cutesy pop art goth girl enjoying tea in front of a full moon on the front. The shirt's bottom hung down below her waist, and she wore a pair of black tights underneath that were emblazoned with pink bat patches all over them. She'd even put pink bows that were centered around little skulls in her hair.
Ever since going to her natural blonde, Lucy seemed to be embracing more of the pastel goth look as of late.
The two couples met for breakfast down at the hotel Kitchen where lots of other guests were doing the same. It was only open to those who were actually lodging at the hotel, and not just anyone who had bought tickets to the convention thankfully.
Haiku had to reiterate to Clyde to keep quiet about Ronnie Anne, out of respect for Ronnie's request to not tell Lincoln... but also telling him that knowledge would probably distract Lincoln and make him worry the rest of the convention. Clyde had actually agreed with that logic, and said if he did tell him, he would wait until the convention was over at least.
During breakfast, the boys talked about some of the things they wanted to check out, with the girls included of course, but also got caught up talking about the usual things two best geek friends did. It could have been videogames it could have been comic books or a movie, Lucy and Haiku weren't paying attention at a certain point, because Haiku kept looking at Lucy, tilting her head, and then looking at Lincoln, then back to her as if for confirmation.
Eventually Lucy smiled smugly back at her while picking up her coffee and sipping it. That was enough to let Haiku know what happened, and the other girl had to stop her jaw from dropping on the floor. Of course, Haiku wanted to know details, and Lucy wanted to share them. So when breakfast was over, the girls made some excuses they wanted to go and have some girl time together.
This didn't bother Clyde or Lincoln one bit, who were more than happy to take off and entertain one another for a while. Much as they had done over the years at conventions before either had a 'real' girlfriend.
Lucy and Haiku found themselves alone on the convention floor, walking idly by themselves, making sure there weren't to many other people around who seemed eager to eavesdrop.
Eventually Haiku couldn't contain her curiosity anymore, she just spoke it out, “Soooooo....” she asked with a grin.
Lucy smirked, looking up and away as if she didn't know at all what Haiku was asking about, “Sooooo what?”
Haiku laughed, and playfully bumped her best friend in the shoulder with her own, “Come on Lucy, come on, spill!”
Lucy sighed playfully, looking back towards her closest confidante and grinned in reply, “Well, what do you want to know?
Haiku groaned, but smirked, “Did you two? You know...”
Lucy grinned so wide this time, she showed her teeth, “The better question would be...how many times did we..”
Haiku reached over, grabbed Lucy's arm, and pulled her off the walkway towards an unoccupied alcove that had a little round wooden table, and two soft red chairs. Neither took the chairs, but they stood in the area, occupying it, as Haiku's higher pitched voice practically squeaked with raw excitement.
“Shut the hell up girl, or don't. I mean, please don't, Lucy, come on, come on tell me what happened!” Haiku was practically giddy to hear the details. The shorter goth putting her hands up and together as she looked on eagerly.
Lucy had tried playing it cool long enough, her desire to share was too overwhelming now, and she finally smiled back just as eagerly and took hold of her friends hands with her own.
“We did it Haiku. We did it. I got him to make love to me, and I mean it, we didn't do it just once. Between last night and today it's been at least six full times so far.”
Haiku blinked in surprise. She knew this was what they had both been planning for, both been working towards, but to actually hear that it had happened. She couldn't believe it. The boy she'd just been sharing bagels with earlier, the older brother of her best friend. The white haired boy who she'd interacted with so many times over the years. She looked at Lucy again, and really took it in, the knowledge the two had been having sex.
It was almost to difficult to picture, but as she thought longer and longer about it, she realized it was true. Everything she had been helping her best friend with had finally come to pass. It gave Haiku a rush of sorts, a strange one, to know she had helped such a taboo action happen.
Haiku almost shivered in Lucy's grasp as she grinned, and looked back, “I can't believe it. Six times?! Your goofy big brother Lincoln. He really went after you that much? Wow...Well, how was it? You've never done it before until him. How do you like it?”
Lucy audibly sighed again, speaking it aloud, giving a far off and dreamy look, a small satisfied smile coming over her lips, “It's everything I could want and more Haiku. I really, can't get enough of it. How it feels, and because it's him.”
A blush came up over Lucy's pale cheeks as she looked down and continued to have that sheepish little smile on her lips, “I could of spent all day in bed with him, and I'd be just as happy, probably even more than us walking around here right now.”
Haiku laughed softly, reached over and patted her taller friend's shoulder, squeezing it in sympathy, “I remember that feeling. It's like that sometimes. But how is he accepting it? It sounds like he's accepting it pretty well if he can't keep his hands off of you.”
Lucy looked a little more serious, before she nodded her head and replied, “He's accepted it, but he still has his reservations. He was scared of it at first, how we felt about one another. I know he loves me, but I know he also loves me as more than just his sister now, but he's afraid of it still. He wants it too, he wants us to be together, but I'm going to have to work a little to keep him reassured about it all.”
Haiku nodded in understanding, “That makes sense. I told you before you were playing with fire like this. I don't think he would be your brother if he didn't worry about it. Do you think you can keep him reassured and committed to you two being together?”
Lucy knew Haiku wasn't asking that question to be mean, her friend was genuinely trying to make sure Lucy understood just how precarious the whole situation still was. It hadn't even been a day together, but her brother had already experienced one full blown panic attack. But Lucy was confident, after their conversation she was certain she felt a new conviction come from Lincoln in regards to their brand new relationship.
Lucy nodded her head, “I'm confident Haiku. We both want this. I know I make him happy. I know I've made him happier in the last month than he's been in years, and now I've given him everything he needs in a real companion. I'm his lover now, and I've seen how much joy I bring him....” she trailed off with a little grin on her face, “How satisfied I leave him...”
Haiku gave a little grin in return, seeming to accept her friends explanation before her visage turned serious once again. She knew what she had to bring up now, and she felt bad having to do so. She didn't want to spoil Lucy's happiness so soon, especially not the actual day after.
Hakiu breathed out and nodded, “Good, because you're going to have competition soon.”
That brought Lucy's attention immediately. She fixed Haiku with a stern gaze, and her happy tone dropped back to the flat emotionless affect she typically carried, “What?” she stated simply.
Haiku frowned, trying to think how best to bring this up, then gave up and decided the direct approach was always going to be the best when it came to her friend, “Clyde got messaged last night. Had himself a brief little conversation with an old friend, about Lincoln. It was Ronnie Anne. She was reaching out to Clyde, trying to see how he felt about her getting a hold of your brother once more.”
Lucy felt her blood run cold. All the happy feelings she had seemed to evaporate in moments. She released her grip on Haiku's hands, and let her arms drop gently to her sides.
Haiku continued, “Ronnie Anne is going to contact your brother soon. I don't know all the details, but Clyde was over the moon with it. He's already talking about them getting back together, like it's practically fate now.”
Lucy felt fear, worry, and apprehension begin to climb up her back. She didn't want this, she didn't want to hear this, she didn't want to know any of this, not one bit. Not when she'd just gotten him, not when she finally, finally had what her heart had wanted for so long. This, this was absolutely the worst thing that she could of heard now.
The blonde girl shook her head slowly. She appeared calm on the surface, but underneath she was already raging, rage, furry, and sorrow filling her in moments. She brought a hand up to her forehead, sliding her fingers over it, as she spoke after a long uncomfortable moment of silence with her best friend.
“No. Not not now. Why right now?”
Haiku reached out and took hold of Lucy's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “I already made Clyde promise not to bring it up the rest of the weekend. Ronnie Anne apparently didn't want Clyde to tell Lincoln anyway, and I've been able to convince him to at least respect her wishes in regards to that.”
Lucy slowly nodded her head. She was holding onto Haiku's hand so tightly, like she was lost in the ocean and it was her life preserver.
Haiku tried to speak reassuringly, “Lucy, just because she contacts him, it doesn't mean they'll get back together. She still lives hours away, and it's been years since they've even spoken.”
Lucy breathed in long and deep, trying to calm her racing heart, before she exhaled in a smooth motion. She nodded her head before replying, “I know Haiku, I know. But, you don't understand, or maybe you do. Ronnie Anne and my brother, they've always had a complicated relationship. There was a time, even with how I felt about Lincoln, I was okay with him being with Ronnie. Because I knew how happy she made him, and because I knew she was good to him.”
Lucy looked down at the floor, frowning, as she continued, “That's the worse part of all of this. Because Ronnie Anne isn't someone like Melanie, or any of his previous girlfriends. She's honestly a good and decent woman, and she treated my brother the way I thought he deserved it.”
Haiku frowned, she didn't like what Lucy was saying. So what if Ronnie Anne had been a good girl to Lincoln in the past, that was the past, and she wasn't with him now. Lucy was talking like she'd already lost. She brought her friend's hand up in her own, squeezing it.
“So what, are you just going to give up like that Lucy? Just because your brother's old girlfriend has come back? After all the work you've put in? After she's been gone for how long? You're just going to roll over and accept this idea they're going to magically get together because of Fate or something like that?”
As much as Lucy DID believe in things like Fate, and the manipulation of supernatural forces beyond the ken of mortals, she also had to agree with Haiku here. She was giving up to easy, and that wasn't like her. No, Haiku was right. It wasn't Ronnie Anne's turn anymore. She had her turn, she had it for years and she had struck out. She didn't just get to come blazing back into her older brother's life and upset everything Lucy had wanted and desired for herself. Didn't get to upset all the hard work Lucy had put in finally getting her brother..
And dammit, on paper she was just as good if not BETTER a girlfriend to Lincoln than Ronnie Anne was. So what if she was his sister too, take away that little detail, and set them up right next to one another and Lucy would argue she was better suited to her brother than Ronnie Anne was.
She frowned in determination and nodded back at her best friend, “I won't give up. You're right. Lincoln is mine now. That Latina doesn't just get to walk in after years of being apart and scoop him up like he's been patiently waiting for her all this time.”
Haiku smirked and nodded in solidarity, “That's right. He's your boyfriend now, she had her chance.”
Lucy pursed her lips grimly, “I won't let her interfere. I can't stop her from talking to him, but I won't let her take him from me. We're happy, we're happy together and we're going to continue to be happy together for the rest of our days. I'll make sure to remind him of that every day from now on.”
Haiku reached over and gave her best friend a hug, pulling the taller girl in close. Lucy readily returned the affectionate gesture as she nodded against her friend, “Thank you Haiku. Thank you for letting me know, and reminding me not to give up.”
Haiku smiled, nodding in return, “Of course sister. Of course. But, now we have to talk about one last hurdle.”
Lucy pulled back and rose her eyebrow, wondering what else there could be after all of this.
Haiku looked a little uncomfortable broaching the subject, but again like always, she just went for it. “Eventually, Clyde is going to have to know.”
Lucy winced, she hadn't wanted to contemplate or think about that either. She brought her hand up to her head again and frowned, “Dang it.” she said quietly.
Haiku nodded, “Yeah, I know. But he's your man's best friend, and my boyfriend. He can't be kept in the dark, and right now he's also practically the biggest Ronniecoln shipper on the planet.”
Lucy looked up, blanching slightly, raising an eyebrow. Haiku couldn't see it, but she knew that's what she was doing, “Did you just give them a ship name?”
Haiku nodded with a smirk, “I'm just trying to lighten the mood. But my point still stands. Lincoln isn't going to be able to lie to Clyde about it forever, he's the boy's best friend, and I don't want to keep lying to him either. I love him Lucy, and I love you too, but I don't want to have to keep him in the dark.”
Lucy gave another groan as she leaned against the nearby wall. She thought she would be ready for all of these eventualities and situations, but the reality was starting to wear at her all the same.
“Do you think, he'll be able to accept it?” Lucy asked, glancing back to Haiku.
Haiku pursed her lips in thought and folded her arms, “The one thing I can say, is that if Clyde loves anyone more than me and his Dads, it's Lincoln. Maybe not more, maybe differently is a better way of putting it. Clyde considers himself Lincoln's brother, and for all intents and purposes, he might as well be. Which means one of two possible outcomes.”
Lucy had an idea of where this was going, she continued to frown, but responded, “Either he'll accept it with reservations, or he'll not accept it and try to break it up, because he feels like he'll be protecting Lincoln in the long run.”
Haiku nodded again, “That's right. I think, if he can't accept it, I can possibly get him to leave it alone, as it not being our business. By reminding him it's between you and Lincoln. But I don't think that'll last forever. If Clyde really thinks it's wrong, I'll only be able to hold him off for so long before h takes it on himself to decide and save his best friend.”
Lucy felt so small. She felt so small suddenly, last night for the most part, and this morning had started off so wonderfully, and now she already knew she had two large hazards coming down in the future she was going to have to deal with. She thought sneaking around their parents and other sisters was going to be hard enough, but with Ronnie Anne and Clyde to think about too, her certainty was starting to falter some.
Haiku seemed to notice and reached forward to gently put her hand on her best friend's shoulder, giving it another reassuring squeeze, “But that's only if he decides he's against it. I don't think he'll come out and embrace it, at least not right away...but in his own way, he might come to see it as being what's best for both of you. Remember, he considers you to be his little sister for the most part too.”
Lucy nodded again, and it was true. There was barely a time she could remember that Clyde wasn't in her life. He had been her brother's best friend since the two were five, he'd spent the night over countless times, and even traveled with the family on trips on more than one occasion. Lucy herself considered Clyde to practically be the other brother she never had. That was even why she had been so happy to set Haiku up with Clyde. She genuinely had affection for Clyde, and was happy she could make two of her favorite people happy by being together.
Lucy took another deep breath to calm herself, as she looked down in thought, brow furrowed under her golden bangs, “I guess we'll have to try and work him up to accepting the idea.”
Haiku could only nod, “He doesn't need to know right now. We can take some time with this. But alright, let's not keep dwelling on these subjects. You got another full day here with your new boyfriend, and another night you can spend together. Take advantage of it, show him everything he gets now that you're officially a thing before you have to go back home and start hiding it.”
Lucy forced a smile on her lips, Haiku was right. There was no point in focusing on all of this right now. She would deal with Ronnie Anne when the girl made her appearance again, and in time they would bring Clyde in to accept the new situation.
But for now, she just wanted to have fun with her boyfriend.
It felt so nice to say that in her mind. Her boyfriend. Lincoln was her boyfriend now. Her handsome, sweet, silly, adorable, sexy boyfriend.
As the two girls made their way back onto the convention's main circuit to find their boys, Lucy brought up another question, “By the way. Did you do it? Last night with Clyde? Did you call him big brother?”
Haiku laughed softly in reply, “Sort of. You know these weebs, I split the difference. I called him Oni-chan, since I thought that would be a little safer. I think he liked it.”
Lucy grinned, “Maybe he'll be more accepting of the idea than we think.”
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The Shadow of his Heart