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The Happy Smiley Dib Show!	By : V021 Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2643 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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All I have to say is: Poor Keef…
Chapter 11:style='font-size:11.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt'> Am I Not The Enemy?
In the darkness of the living room, the TV screen buzzing with snow cast a ghostly glow across a rumpled, dirty lab coat discarded on the couch and pieces of kitsch Membrane memorabilia shattered on the floor. The trail of broken glass winded into a kitchen that had been stripped nearly bare from wild eating binges. Up from the bowels of the lab adjoining the kitchen came a blasting refrain of music, punctuated every so often by the scrape of tools or a sharp curse.
The lab had been thoroughly trashed while looking for the parts he needed, finally finding them in a box of discarded wire and spare parts. Despite still being shaky from his very rude awakening, Dib felt well enough to do this alone. It wasn’t like installing a bionic eyeball involved brain surgery…
“Fuck!” The clamp clattered across the workbench, skidding to a stop by the make-up mirror as Dib took a moment to recover from clipping the first bunch of raw nerves together. Steadying himself, he continued the agonizing process until each little bundle was firmly hooked up, and to his relief, fully functional. Popping the new eye into its socket, Dib glanced at his face in the mirror.
Red… Out of all the bionic eyes in that damn box, Dib had grabbed the only one that was completely and utterly red. And in that noxious fluorescent light, it possessed a certain evil glint, which went too well with the washed-out greenish tinge of his skin.
He giggled a bit strangely, then reared back and shattered the mirror into itty-bitty pieces. The bits of glass now stuck in the back of his right hand were barely noticed by Dib as he shambled snickering upstairs. Pausing briefly by the kitchen table, he snapped up a notepad his sister had left lying on his desk, flipping through the abrupt scrawl of notes she’d taken with a fresh set of giggles.

“Thank you Gaz… Oh, thank you very much…” came the off-pitch chuckle as he reread the last note she had taken down before reeling into the living room for the coat and out the front door.

“…and you came here—willingly—because Dib’s finally snapped?” Pepito murmured, taking a drag off his cigar.
“Yes. Now would you quit bugging me? I have four levels left before I beat this game,” growled Gaz as she passionately cleared out every single enemy on the screen. She only blinked when her darling cousin huffed smoke in her face. Pausing at a save point, she turned her baleful glare at him. “You do know I’m going to kill you for that.”
He just smiled.
Gaz snorted, then went back to playing her game. “I’ve already told you everything I know.”
“Oh, I know.” Leaning forward, Pepito ‘playfully’ patted her chest. “It’s just that, since you started filling out, I’ve suddenly began to miss the, ah…pleasure of your company.”
She half-opened an eye. “Unless you want me to tear those horns out of your skull, don’t ever grope me again.”
“You never know… I might be into that sort of thing.”
“That’s sick, even for you.”
He smiled again, settling down beside her. After watching Gaz hack and slash through a few hordes of 8-bit goblins, Pepito spoke up. “How high do you think the body count will get this time?”
“On this level?”
“No, Dib’s.”
Gaz shrugged. “I’m saying one idiot alien and some major property damage.”
The smile broadened. “Are you certain about that?”
“Yes.”
“Would you be willing to wager, say, your eternal soul on that outcome?”
“No.”
His smile vanished. “Damn.”
Saving one last time, Gaz cut her GameSlave2 off and glared at her cousin. “Okay. There’s obviously something about my brother that you’re not telling me, so just say it and I won’t have to tear you’re spleen out.”
“There’s nothing to say.” Pepito laughed, smirking. “It’s just that I find it strange that Dib used to spend so much time stalking—excuse me—‘observing’ this Zim guy before simply ignoring the little green weirdo for the last four years…”
“Five. But neither one of them quit stalking the other.” She sighed in annoyance. “It’s just that Zim and Dib both too stupid to admit that these games they’ve play aren’t some dumb playground rivalry anymore. It’s turned into one of those sick, sadomasochistic psychosexual affairs. And they’re both dead set on being the Dom in the relationship.”
Pepito snickered. “So I was right about Dib being gayer than pink ink on scented floral stationary?”
“More like ‘leather and dungeons’…”
“Okay…” Snickering slightly, Pepito snuffed out his cigar. “Did Membrane know?”
“Of course Dad knows.” Gaz growled. “He’s not that self-absorbed. Dad was just happy that my idiot brother had quit screaming about alien invasions and taken up hobbies that were vaguely scientific. Seriously, as long as Dib isn’t acting like a total lunatic in public, Dad isn’t going to care who or what he’s doing privately.”
“So Uncle Membrane wouldn’t have minded that his only son was attracted to a delusional megalomaniac from beyond the stars? Interesting…”
“What do you mean ‘interesting’? And why do you keep talking about my dad in the past tense?”
“No reason,” he muttered blandly. “There is something that has sparked my curiosity, though. You did say mention that Zim became homicidal jealous of Dib when he found out your darling older brother was fucking around other people, right? So jealous that he not only tried to kill Dib but also vivisected the girl he was seeing.”
“But Mary-Anne wasn’t really a person. She was just a robot.”
“Then I take it G.I.R. isn’t real, either?”
“No, G.I.R.’s a person. He’s too crazy not to be.”
“Of course he is…” Pepito agreed while giving her that look people give the crazy old cat-ladies. “Back to the point, after putting our insane relation into a coma, Zim moved in with Keef, his—how did you so sweetly put it—friend with benefits?”
“Actually, he’s more like Zim’s bitch…”
“Whatever. Now, considering that Zim went beyond loco over Dib and Mary-Anne, could you imagine what’s going to happen when Dib finds out about Keef? Can you just see the sheer carnage Dib could inflict on that poor boy, thinking—a bit rightly—that Keef’s messing around with his alien? Doesn’t’ it bother even you, Gaz, that you could possibly allow a helpless and relatively innocent boy suffer a horrific death because your brother’s insane obsession with Zim?”
Gaz arched an eyebrow. “But Dib’s not going to find out about Keef because nobody’s told him. Besides, Keef is a victim of Zim’s unusually effective manipulations. Dib is the kind of heroic moron who’d sympathize with a guy like Keef.”
“If that’s the case, then why didn’t you stay home and offer to help get Zim? I mean, after all these years, I’d say Dib would appreciate some help. Besides, he’s your brother.”
“Are you kidding? Dib’s gone completely batshit. And I’m not going to be stupid enough to be there when he finds out I’ve been trying to kill Zim before he woke up.”
“Hmmm…”
Gaz stared at him, fully expecting some nasty comment. “I’m not afraid of Dib. It’s just that it’d make Dad upset if I killed him, even if it was Dib’s fault.”
“Sure, sure…” Pepito muttered as he absently waved her assertion off, then abruptly asked, “By the way, you kept notes on Zim, right? Like observations of were he went, what he’d do, maybe even jotting down a phone number or address…just in case?”
“So what?”
“Oh nothing. Just curious to see if you might have, say, put Keef’s address in your notes. But then, you certainly wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave your notes laying around where somebody; like, maybe your brother; could find them…”

Catching onto what he was hinting at, Gaz felt a chill blast through her. “Oh shit…”

“You don’t know how great it is to see you again, Dib!” Keef merrily chirped, setting down another tray of sandwiches. “And I just can’t wait till Zim finds out! He’s going to so happy, that—that there just aren’t words to describe how happy he’ll be!”
Sitting back ominously shadowed, Dib smiled tightly. “Oh, I know. I’ll be…happy to see him, too.”
“You aren’t upset about me and Zim?”
“Upset?” Dib leaned forward slightly, with a crazed glint in his eye. “No, I’m not upset. In fact, I’m positively mad with joy that Zim finally found someone as friendly and easy-going as you are. It must have been hell for him, feeling so alone and unwanted all these years… There was so much I could’ve done if only I had realized sooner just how miserable Zim had become… how desperate…” He trailed off in a sad frown, then without warning, that warped smile reappeared. “But there’s no point in dwelling on the past, is there? Besides, now that he has you, I’m sure Zim is obscenely happy.”
“Well, we are both happy,” sighed Keef. “But ever since that night you were hurt, Zim’s been so horribly depressed. He really missed you, Dib. There’s just so much that he’s wanted to tell you, things he’s held back for years. Hey! I have a great idea!” Keef hopped to his feet in a surge of glee. “How about you come to the prom with us tonight? There’s still plenty of time to get you a tux and afterwards we can all go out to dinner someplace and you and Zim could…”
“No.” Dib said flatly. “Three’s a crowd, you know.”
“Oh, I don’t mind.” There was a faint blush on Keef’s cheek as he leaned in closer. “Actually, I’d just love to spend some more time with you, too. As friends and stuff…”
“Right…” Getting to his feet, Dib moved toward the front door. “I hate to run, but there’s just so much I have to catch up on.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to go?”
“Yes. Dead sure.” Stepping out the door, Dib gave Keef a straining, crazed smile. “Bye.”
“Bye, Dib.” Shutting the door, Keef watched the paranormalist creep down the street a bit before leaning against the door with a lovelorn sigh. Oh, if only Zim had been home… Then maybe he could get Dib to finally see how Zim really felt about him. And then they’d all get together like they talked about when they were kids, getting a nice little apartment in the city, living happily together and they’d all go to college together… and after that, they’d get jobs together, settling down in a nice cozy house in country, and maybe even adopt a few kids… and then they would…
The chiming of the living room cuckoo clock snapped Keef out of his sunshiny fantasy world.
“Oh my gosh! It’s almost time to meet Zim!” He quickly darted upstairs to get ready. Undressing, Keef stepped into the shower. As he washed and hummed a merry tune, Keef couldn’t hear the bathroom door being slowly opened. It wasn’t till the shower curtain was wrenched open and the first blow was struck that Keef realized he was being attacked. He screamed and tried to no avail to block each stabbing blow. Blood spurted and splattered across the walls, mixing with the water in a frothy spray of carnage as the killer slammed his claws into Keef’s body again and again and again… Finally, the murderer turned on his heels and coolly walked out.
Gasping his final breath, Keef slumped down the shower wall and reached out. Fingers gripping the curtain’s edge in a death grip, he lurched forward, ripping the curtain off its rings. Death made the terror-widened eyes stare glassily as the blood spiraled slowly down the drain.
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The Happy Smiley Dib Show!