Enter the Naked Mole Rat | By : kwh Category: Kim Possible > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 18153 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Kim Possible, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Ron reached out with both hands and carefully took the bulky, and unusual looking bracelet from the Sensei of the Yamanouchi School, studying it closely with an expression of startled wonder.
The bracelet, which might or might not be the mythical Cuff of Sosumiha, was very distinctive, and not in a good way. It had strange hieroglyphs carved around its outer face, hieroglyphs which didn't seem reminiscent of either Chinese or Japanese cultural tradition. But whatever the heritage of the bracelet he was studying, it was very definitely ugly, he decided.
He realised that Sensei was speaking again... "...and if this is the Cuff of Sosumiha then it is my hope that we can use its power to...NO, STOPPABLE-SAN, WAIT!!"
Too late, as Ron had absent mindedly flipped the chunky bracelet over his wrist and snapped the clasp closed. At that very instant Ron felt a sudden, momentary constricting pain all over his body, and heard what sounded like a small explosion. Then he realised that he was now looking slightly down on Sensei, rather than across at him, and that the air appeared to be full of little bits of cotton.
It was all a bit disorienting.
Especially when he opened his mouth to say 'Sensei, what just happened?' and heard it come out in a voice that made even the hairs on the back of his own neck stand up.
His feet were still painful, and rather felt as if they had been driven over by a lorry, his ears were ringing, and he was experiencing several other amazing sensations that he couldn't quite process, but when he looked down, two things became clear.
Firstly, he was naked. And he was definitely somebody else. It took a second of looking at his throbbing feet, and the remains of his sneakers which were splayed out underneath them as if they had exploded from within, before he realised what had happened. He had grown in size by what felt like a couple of feet in every dimension, and his clothes... hadn't! In fact, scraps of familiar looking cloth swirled all around him. The ringing in his ears started to subside and he realised that Sensei was looking concerned and asking him if he was alright.
"I think so..." said Ron. He experimentally wiggled his feet and was gratified to find that the pain was receding to a dull ache, and that they still seemed to work. "Wow... that was intense! Hey... where's the bracelet?" he asked, staring at his bare but muscular wrist, and feeling it with his other hand, in case it was merely invisible.
"It is now a part of you", explained Sensei, "According to the legend, you need only concentrate and think of removing it and you will once again be separate from it. But not yet, please - I have first to become accustomed to the fact that we have found the legendary Cuff of Sosumiha, and that I am the first man for close to two millenia to look into the living face of the founder of Yamanouchi, the mighty warrior Toshimuru! Also..."
"Wait!" said Ron, urgently, "Where's Rufus! He was sitting on my thigh!". He sprung to his feet and spun around with a lithe grace that belied his new stature, looking for any sign of his pint-sized pink friend, and apprehensive about what he might see.
He was both relieved and concerned in equal measure that there was no trace of Rufus anywhere on the little island, but he bounced athletically up on to the stone bench he had previously been sitting on, landing on the irregular polka dot rag that had previously been the seat of his boxer shorts before he had so radically inflated.
"Rufus!" he called loudly, still surprised by the almost earth-shaking timbre of his voice, scanning the garden with what he found to be particularly hawk-like eyes, looking for the little pink naked mole rat.
At first he saw nothing, and heard only the splashing of the carp and the frogs as they broke surface in the giant ornamental pond, but then his hearing, which also seemed more acute than he was used to, detected a different kind of splash, from directly in front of where he had been sitting. He swivelled his head in time to see a bedraggled naked mole rat dragging himself onto a lily pad, coughing somewhat and with a mildly dazed expression. "Rufus!" he called again, this time his voice laden with relief and happiness. "Booyah!"
Rufus froze for a second, stared at him and then said... "Ron??" in his best rather vocally challenged chitter.
"Yes, it's me, little buddy, I grew!" he replied, as if that was all the explanation Rufus might need. Rufus seemed to mutter something to himself, as he nibbled through the lily stem, grabbed a broken reed to use as a paddle, and started sculling himself slowly towards the island. Ron couldn't always make out exactly what he was saying at the best of times, but he surmised from the knitted brow and the continuous low-volume chunter that Rufus was less than happy about his unscheduled flight and subsequent ditching and held Ron responsible for it. But Ron instinctively knew he wouldn't bear a grudge. Well, he hoped not.
Ron was distracted from the slowly approaching aquatic mole rat by a high pitched gasp from the direction of the bridge. He glanced across to see a young woman, in the grey shinobi shozoko of an instructor, standing on the threshold of the island and carrying a black bundle. He turned to face her, still standing on the bench, and was taken aback when she dropped the bundle and gave an even higher pitched squeal, then stood statuesque as if struck dumb by shock or awe.
"Stoppable-san, I was about to mention that clothing is an issue. I was intending to suggest that you addressed this before you donned the Cuff of Sosumiha, which is why I asked Meko-chan to bring you the garment we had made for you, but it would seem that I misjudged your eagerness to experiment. However, you may have forgotten in the excitement, Stoppable-san, that you are standing on a pedestal as naked as the day you were born!".
Sensei was right, Ron had forgotten! He looked down and noticed, seemingly for the first time, that below his muscular barrel chest and clearly defined washboard abdominal muscles, L'il Ron... who... err... wasn't even a bit L'il any more... was swinging free in the breeze! He snatched a slightly panic stricken look at the poor woman who was still standing transfixed, but seemed to be extremely flushed, and unable to drag her eyes away from the naked man standing before her. To spare her blushes, Ron guessed that the bundle was something for him to wear, so he clasped his now enormous hands over his equally enormous manhood, hopped off his bench and padded over to pick it up. He was surprised to hear the woman start to whimper very quietly as he got close to her, then bowed and collected the bundle.
The woman sighed loudly when he turned and walked back to Sensei, and as he did so, he could almost feel her eyes burning a hole in his butt. He was almost relieved to make it back to the stone bench, from which he swept all trace of his former wardrobe before dumping the bundle and extracting a pair of fairly unremarkable looking underpants that would have fitted him before his sudden expansion.
"Err... Sensei...", he objected, holding the offending article up for his inspection.
"Stoppable-san, fear not, these garments have been tailored largely from a specially woven fabric, similar to but much more elastic than lycra. You will find that they can comfortably accommodate you, whichever form you are in."
A sceptical Ron found himself converted as he was able to don socks, shoes, underwear and a shinobi shozoko, all of which looked ideally sized for the Ronmeister in his original dimensions, but all of which fitted Toshimuru's outrageously ripped physique perfectly, and as an added bonus, as a result of the skill of the tailor no doubt, he found that he still looked like a man in a shinobi shozoku rather than like a side of beef wrapped in a giant stretch-lycra condom.
Immediately he was dressed, he turned to the instructor in the grey garb and apologised very self-consciously for flashing her.
"No, please, believe me", she said, in heavily accented English, while blushing an even deeper shade of crimson, "Absolutely no apology is necessary!". She bowed and started to back over the bridge, only turning to walk away once (as Ron later worked out) her eyes had dropped below the level of the crown of the bridge, interrupting her view of him. Ron returned her bow, for want of something else to do, and said "Well.. err... sorry anyway!" as she retreated. He turned again to Sensei, only to find that he was now sitting in the Lotus position about three feet off the ground, and drifting backwards over the pond.
"Sensei?" he asked, quizically?
"Now that we have found the legendary Cuff of Sosumiha, there is one more question we must know the answer to, before we know whether we can actually use this powerful magic for the greater good. We must test it a little...", responded Sensei.
"Test it? Actually, I was kind of hoping to be testing the breakfast menu right ab...." started Ron.
Then at that instant, he sensed it, a breath of air from a silent movement, the sniff of adrenaline, the sound of human sinew tautening, the pump of blood, the splash of a bead of sweat falling. And suddenly he was experiencing what could only be described as a flashback. To somewhere he had never been and doing something he had never done. A jagged lightning flash, pouring rain, four ninja with homicidal intent leaping at him, swords flashing as he ruthlessly wielded the Lotus blade... and then in less than half a heartbeat he was back on the island, as four dark shapes leapt at him from beneath the surface of the pond, at the four points of the compass, in a simultaneous attack.
Before he had even fully got to grips with what was happening, he found himself low to the floor, executing a perfect 'Wooden Monkey Sweeps Forest Floor' kick, upending one assailant violently, while simultaneously taking another over his head with 'Stone Monkey Throws Fallen Tree', and athletically dodging the other two attackers. Then he landed lightly on the low wall surrounding the island, as one of the four dark shapes that had attacked him was now a black clad heap on the floor, and then half a second later a second assailant fell with a loud splash into the water of the pond.
Already, Ron's hand was raised, ready to pluck the Lotus blade from the air and despatch his attackers. His mind had reached out, and had told him that the Lotus blade was close, very close, when he had first felt the looming presence of his attackers, and without thinking about it, he had summoned it to his defence. He hadn't heard it smash through the side of the shrine in which it was kept, nor seen the duty guards dive out of the way as it slammed through the side of the building in an explosion of rubble, taking its heavy wooden display case with it, but in his mind’s eye he knew it was coming to him and he knew it was constrained, so he bade it change form in mid-air, picking shapes that would smash the sword-shaped display case to fragments as it flew unerringly to his hand.
The heavy crate had already crashed unceremoniously through the tiled roof covering the walkway at the back of Sensei's secluded garden, and then fallen away in a blizzard of splintered wood, as the Lotus blade shape-shifted from giant battle-axe back to its standard form of a Katana, when he realised that the man lying on the floor was 'armed' only with a Shinai, a bamboo practice sword. And then he realised that he recognised one of the other two remaining dripping wet assailants. It was Yori. But the fans she was holding in an aggressive fighting stance were definitely not made of steel. Rubber or plastic maybe? And the last would-be attacker was carrying a Jo stick. Lethal if used with lethal intent, but used frequently for sparring practice at Yamanouchi.
He understood the nature of Sensei's 'test' now. The downed student, who Ron had taken no prisoners with whatsoever when he slammed him to the ground head first, groaned in pain and moved, and from the far side of the pond, there was also much splashing and cursing as the attacker who Ron had hurled a clear ten metres to a fortuitously soft landing fought to stand up amongst the mud and the weeds and extricate himself from the pond. Ron was extremely grateful that both his victims were still breathing at all - had he already been armed, he realised that he could have easily killed all four of them in the blink of an eye. Even unarmed, he had a nasty suspicion that it was pure luck that he hadn't instinctively snapped any necks or ruptured any internal organs, as he defended himself.
The Lotus blade arrived in his hand just as he closed his fingers around it, and he slashed the air in front of him brutally, momentarily letting go with a blaze of bright neon-blue light and a blood-curdling battle cry. In truth, he hadn't been intending to put mortal fear into anybody, but the power of Toshimuru's epic voice was incredible. He was rewarded by a momentary flinch from both his remaining antagonists. What effect might he cause if he meant to intimidate, he wondered? In truth, he was so relieved that he hadn't done anybody a mortal injury that he burst into a dopey grin immediately after the fearsome yell, cut the glow, and the Lotus blade rearranged itself into a Jo stick with a pop.
He turned to Sensei, who was sitting impassively in mid-air a few yards away, and complained "Sensei, that was not cool. I'm getting freaky things happening in my head and I could have killed somebody! Please, don't go surprising me l...".
At that moment, Yori & the other black clad faux assailant leapt at him together. As they flew towards him, in a co-ordinated strike, it seemed to Ron that he had all the time in the world to decide what to do about it. He really didn't want to hurt either of them, especially Yori, and if he left them on the floor in a heap, then even if he didn't seriously injure them, it was probably going to leave them in a world of hurt for a while. But he couldn't just keep dodging them and waiting for them to wear themselves out; he wanted breakfast! Perhaps if he dumped them into the pond, that would suffice?
The man with Yori had longer legs and his Jo stick had a longer reach, so he got into range of Ron first and launched a rapid 'Wooden Monkey Beats Coconut Tree With Stick' strike directly at his ribs. To Ron, it seemed to come so apparently slowly, even though he knew in reality it was just a blur. Consequently, Ron was not only able to easily block the strike with the Lotus blade, but with a deft flick of the wrist at the moment of impact, he sent his opponents Jo stick flying end over end away high into the air.
Even as he swung the Lotus blade come Jo stick in a reverse arc, he had already mentally identified nine alternative instant follow-up Jo strikes, six of which would have been fatal, two merely permanently crippling and one that would have smashed several minor bones.
Instead he settled for a simple and deliberately gently delivered 'Stone Monkey Taps Walnut Tree' strike that took both his feet out from under him and dropped him flat on his back, temporarily putting him out of the fray. Just in time to let him deal with an onrushing Yori, by dodging beneath the slash of one of her plastic fans and setting the Lotus blade in the form of a Jo stick against his own planted foot, at just the perfect moment to catch her.
Catch her he did, just below her centre of gravity with the end of the Jo, and he executed a perfect 'Tall Monkey Levers Giant Banana Bunch' stick throw, using her own momentum against her. Ron watched for half a second while Yori twisted in the air, like a cat falling from a window ledge, as she attempted instinctively to land in a fighting stance. But Ron well knew what was coming, as he turned his attention to the remaining quarter of the 'test', who was springing athletically back to his feet, now with the Shinai dropped by the other floored assailant in his hand. The loud splash and the single, very uncharacteristic, high pitched Japanese curse word which followed confirmed that Yori had landed in the carp pond, and was now knee deep in mud and soaked from head to toe.
Ron didn't have time to ponder the fact that he didn't speak Japanese, but had somehow understood exactly what Yori had yelled when she landed, because the final black-clad warrior had moved straight back in to the attack with his Shinai, and with the Lotus blade now also in the form of a bamboo practice sword, battle was well and truly joined.
In truth it would have been over in half a second if it had been for real, as Ron deflected the incoming Shinai strike, feinted a counter strike to his opponent's head, and then came underneath in a raking 'Wooden Monkey Deadheads Rose Bushes' slash that would have disembowelled his assailant had it been made with a razor sharp sword. As it was, though, Ron was waiting for an opportunity to send the masked 'swordsman' facing him flying into the furthest corner of the pond, so he continued the swordplay. Or perhaps he should have said 'childs-play'.
This was embarrassingly easy, he realised. He found that reading the minute twitches of his opponent's muscles and sinews, before he had even moved perceptibly, was so trivially simple that he didn't even need to concentrate on the task at hand. Reading his opponent's eyes was no harder, neither was predicting his attacks and his feints, nor knowing instinctively what his own options were in response, in real time. Time was also something he seemed to have lots of - he knew he was moving quickly, but he had so much time to execute his chosen strategy that if he had wanted to, he was sure he could have abandoned strategy or analysis of his opponent's next move altogether and merely reacted to each attack as it happened, yet still beaten his assailant to the punch. As his mind wandered, he also marvelled at the vast repertoire of techniques that was instantly at his command the moment he thought of them. He could call to mind techniques for fighting with any weapon he could imagine, and a range of everyday objects as well. Even as he wondered at it, he realised that he now knew a battery of techniques for offence and defence with everything from chopsticks to a coffee table.
The masked 'swordsman' leapt at him with a complex double feint move, leading with a 'Wooden Monkey Chops Tree' neck strike which was designed to look like a feint for a 'Stone Monkey Deadheads Rose Bushes' disembowelling slash, but the 'Stone Monkey Deadheads Rose Bushes' was actually a feint for a low sweeping 'Stone Monkey Trims Tall Grass' attack that would have severed him at the knees had it been a real sword... and had he not bounced lightly over the attack in a cartwheel, his Shinai tapping his incredibly industrious opponent on top of the head with a 'Stone Monkey Splits Melon' strike as he flew by to indicate to him that he had just been sliced in half again.
Ron landed lightly, off to the side of his masked assailant, who was now almost imperceptibly struggling to control his breathing. Amazingly, he realised, that last feat of incredible martial and athletic prowess had been as easy, as natural, and as dependant on forethought and concentration as scratching an itch on the end of his nose would have been. Which is to say he hadn't even had to think about it! Previously, when mystical monkey power had come to him in moments of overwhelming need, he hadn't dared think about what he was doing, because thinking about it was almost guaranteed to banish his inner monkey back to its hiding place, usually at a moment when it would have been... inconvenient. Mystical Monkey Power had been elusive and intangible 'something', always at the edge of his consciousness like a movement glimpsed out of the corner of his eye. Whenever he had reached for it, it was never there, and when it came to him in combat it was always a welcome but unexpected surprise.
Now, ever since he had snapped on the Cuff of Sosumiha, it wasn't an elusive 'something' any more, it was all around him, it engulfed him, consumed him. It wasn't something he had to reach for, it was him! Which is why his mind was boggling at the wonder of it all, even as he was leaping almost absent-mindedly over a slightly ragged 'Reverse Stone Monkey Trims Tall Grass' strike. All in all he was overwhelmed by the experience. Not only was he entirely comfortable with the experience of Mystical Monkey Power in full measure, but he had also found the whole thing about being inside a body other than his own to be completely free of drama. And that was something he would never have predicted! It was entirely unlike either of his two previous theoretically similar experiences - the body swap with Kim, and the molecular muscle enhancement ring.
When he had swapped consciousnesses with Kim, he had been inside her brain courtesy of Drakken's infernal machine, which meant, as he later learned courtesy of a long conversation with Mrs Dr Possible, that he had access to her muscle memory and her motor cortex. This had pretty much meant that he had been OK so long as he didn't think too much about what he was doing. Let Kim's body get on with walking and reaching for objects and it was fine. Whenever he tried to think about asking Kim's limbs to do anything specific, it was invariably an uncoordinated disaster. His mental map of his body was completely at odds with the reality of hers as well – he ducked for low branches that were above Kim's head, for example, and two or three times he very painfully whacked the sides of Kim's breasts when turning rapidly in confined spaces, leaving - he suspected but never actually checked - some rather nasty bruises.
He knew that Kim had had similar issues in his body, even though they had never spoken of it, because when he got his own body back, there were at least two very painful 'should have ducked' style lumps on his forehead and a dull ache from his groin that hinted at some kind of accidental impact to the meat and two veg while Kim was in charge of it. An impact that Ron was sure must have been incredibly painful at the time!
The molecular muscle enhancement ring was different in one obvious respect, but otherwise it was more of the same. At least it was basically his body under the muscle, and his hands and feet were in the same place they had always been which made basic hand-eye co-ordination a doddle, but all the extra muscle bulk was outside of his mental map of his body. He was pretty sure that if he had worn the ring long enough he would have got used to being wider than a refrigerator with thighs like tree trunks, but for the brief time he wore the infernal thing, moving through a world filled with walls and corners remained an alien and bruise-filled experience.
But right now, he was at least as comfortable in this body as he was in his own, perhaps even more so, despite it being so entirely different in every single dimension. The magic of the Cuff of Sosumiha was obviously far more sophisticated than the crude technology of Jack Hench's bio-chemistry warping jewelry!
Anyway, breakfast was calling him ever more loudly, so Ron decided to move things along. He dropped easily into a Lost Monkey stance, and began swaying, hopping from foot to foot in front of his exhausted opponent, inviting an attack, presenting opening after opening. It was only a few seconds before the masked master of monkey ninjitsu facing him took the bait, and lunged into a powerful but ill-judged 'Stone Monkey Slices Mango' attack, which was exactly the riposte that Ron was inviting at the time.
The slashing Shinai made only a few inches progress before it met the waiting Lotus Blade. A deft and precise flick of Ron's wrists and the incoming Shinai was suddenly outgoing, skittering away across the stone flags of the island towards the bridge. Ron then segued seamlessly into a 'Reverse Lost Monkey Flails Forest Floor' feint, which as intended provoked the now disarmed and profusely sweating monkey ninja to leap over the anticipated low sweep. As his target left the ground, Ron was letting go of the Lotus Blade, and stepping in to a two-handed 'Tall Monkey Soft Paws of Power Pushes Over Tree', focussing his chi straight into the hapless airborne man's solar plexus with a bowel-loosening ”Kyyyyah!”
The recipient was fired upwards and backwards some distance with arms flailing, before he plummeted into the carp pond. He landed perilously close to the far edge of the water, flat on his back with an enormous muddy splash, but before the flailing fighter had reached the apogee of his flight, Ron had summoned the Lotus Blade to hand once again, and as it reformed into its default katana-like form, Ron had assumed a relaxed Tall Monkey defensive stance.
Again Ron turned to Sensei, intending to suggest that since he had now aced the test, he'd like to enter mano-a-mano combat with a serious breakfast. However, he was surprised to see Sensei floating further away, and as he watched, the old man landed softly on the path surrounding the pond.
"Stoppable-san, you have demonstrated extraordinary mastery of Tai Sheng Pek Kwar, the like of which I have never previously been privileged to witness. I consider myself lucky to have been present for such a demonstration of skill and martial prowess. However, there is one more test that I had prepared..." said Sensei, speaking loudly to bridge the distance between them.
Ron was just wondering what this other test might involve, when out of the corner of his eye, he sensed rather than saw a movement. Glancing to his left, he saw the grey-clad instructor who had earlier brought him his clothes pulling sharply on a rope. At that moment, he heard a chorus of twanging bowstrings, and suddenly he was once again completely overwhelmed by what he could have sworn was a vivid flashback, if only it was of somewhere he recognised.
He was standing in a valley on a brilliant sunny day, surrounded by blood, gore and dismembered corpses, and standing shoulder to shoulder with several other warriors, when the sky was suddenly darkened by a volley of arrows coming straight for him...
47 miles away from Yamanouchi, a small earth tremor began to shake the foundations of the Mount Hamkenjutsi freeway exit.
Even as the disturbing hallucination dispelled itself, the Lotus Blade was taking the form of a shield in his hand, and he was leaping into a position to avoid several of the incoming projectiles, which had been fired from three directions simultaneously. He left himself with four arrows to intercept, the other seven passing harmlessly around him. Three slammed into the shield, leaving one, heading for his face, which he deflected away from his body with a perfectly timed arrow-cutting block. Then there was silence, broken only by the distant clatter of arrows bouncing off the walls of the formal garden. Ron dimly noticed that the broken arrows lying on the ground had round leather bags in place of traditional arrowheads. Probably designed not to be lethal, they still looked like they would be mightily painful if they hit you. Then he replayed the earlier 'flashback' in his mind, and decided that enough was enough. He threw down the Lotus Blade, once more in the form of a sword, and after a moment of concentration, he shrank back into his own body, the heavy Cuff of Sosumiha appearing as a donut-shaped bulge under his sleeve, and then sliding down his wrist and emerging into his hand.
47 miles away from Yamanouchi, the earth tremor stopped as abruptly as it had begun.
Ron turned to face Sensei, holding up the Cuff... "Sensei, this thing was giving me really freaky hallucinations. I mean, like the stuff of nightmares. And worse than that they aren't bothering me at all! I don't want anything at all to do with it if it is going to turn me into a mass-murdering psychopath!".
"Hallucinations, Stoppable-San? That is a cause for concern! I must consult the Yamanouchi shaman before we can risk further testing!" said Sensei.
Ron sighed with relief. Just at that moment, Rufus poked his head over the wall surrounding the island and chittered at him angrily. And then the pin that released the 12th bowstring belatedly popped out of its hole. Better late than never, the 12th arrow flew straight and true towards the back of Ron's head...
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