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Fuck Pig	By : ladylaguna Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 4696 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
I updated two chapters this update! If you jumped to the very last (this) chapter right away, please go back one more step ♥ I tried to spoil you all this time.

While I've got everyone's attention, here's a big THANK YOU to Calantha for looking over these chapters for me.

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Lord Dumral had strong security flanking his room that was easily dispatched. Despite his title, he was a pretty trashy guy. And he didn't want to pony up the money Dib asked for. Until Dib crushed his hand.

Dib got the money and gave it to the Don. The Don denied knowing Dib or having anything to do with the matter. The Don's associate, as well, denied knowing Dib or having anything to do with it. Dib figured that this was going to be the nature of his job; a worker that never signed a contract to work and therefore couldn't be pinned to the Don, and wouldn't be missed if he died on the job.

Not that he was planning doing that anytime soon.

The fee that the Don earned from his associate was sizable enough that Dib got a thousand credits to apply towards his debt. Not bad for smashing a guy's hand, he figured. The Don liked how Dib “finessed” the situation, and decided he should spend more time in the casino “finessing.” He was forced to buy a suit, as the tunic wasn't “classy” enough.

Dib got to know the casino staff more intimately over the course of his tenure there. Combined with his buddies from the restaurant, he was starting to build quite a network of friends. It amused him to think about how he was so much more popular now when he was an outcast as a child. Perhaps it was true that aliens were much more advanced and worthy of his company. ...or perhaps he just kept and made friends out of necessity on Kharna. Having someone call out his name everywhere he went reassured him... that he was actually there and alive, and that he wouldn't disappear into the grip of an Irken again.

Shiri had always been his closest companion, and she often tacked notes to his door for him to find when he came home from a job. Because their schedules were so different now, they didn't have as much time together as before. As such, they began meeting in Dib's room and spending time instead. Eventually Shiri coaxed Dib to come to her room. It was a level higher than his, still rather small... but it was decorated with a woman's touch, and seemed so much warmer and more comfortable.

One evening, as Shiri served Dib a drink from her small fridge, she asked, “You're a 'Type A,' right?”

“Eh?”

“You know... a male. With parts that insert.”

Tilting his head, Dib asked, “Well... on my planet I was male. And I do have parts that insert.”

“You're male!” Shiri laughed. “You backwater aliens, I swear. There's only four types. Type A is male and inserts. Type B is female and gets inserted. Type C is either or, or perhaps both. Type D is 'other,' but that is very rare.”

Thinking indepth about this, Dib looked at the ground and rubbed his scruffy chin. Nodding, he said, “I suppose that makes sense. All life generated from one point, didn't it? So we'd all be similar in some sense, wouldn't we?”

“Pretty much,” Shiri agreed, taking his drink away again as she loomed over him. It wasn't until she had pressed him onto his back atop the bed that he found his voice again. “...Shiri... are you... coming on to me?”

“Well I'm already on top of you,” she laughed, straddling him for emphasis.

As her crotch rubbed against his, Dib felt an intense shock of fear twist at his gut. It was unlike he'd felt in a long time... but with a little thought, he realized what it was. His body still saw arousal as a horrible thing, something that should be suppressed at all costs. “...Shiri... I can't do this. I'm sorry.”

“Why not? It'll be fun, I promise. You don't have a mate, do you? I would have met him or her by now.”

“That's not it. I... I could never disrespect you like that. Like this. Doing this,” Dib stammered, trying to sit up, trying to somehow get out of the situation.

Pushing him back down, Shiri argued, “I actually find it to be quite flattering. I already know where your tab is. I can feel it pressing against my slot now...”

Breath catching, Dib shook his head emphatically. Finally, he grabbed her by the waist and lifted her off of him, sitting her on the bed and quickly jumping to his feet. “I'm sorry, Shiri. I can't. I can't. I just can't. I can't.” His chest was heaving now, eyes wild. “I'll... I'll see you later.” And he left the room as fast as he could without running.

Shiri didn't come around much after that. For the next month, Dib tried to work as much as possible in order to avoid her. Whenever he thought he saw her, his heart flew into his throat and then he cursed his weakness. What the fuck was his problem? Sex was supposed to feel good, and Shiri was his friend. She'd already done so much for him... he should consider it flattering as well. However... every time the thought occurred to him, he panicked. Though, his body seemed to understand, and yearn for it... He began to awake with erections again...

Waking had been hard for him at first too, hadn't it? But sleep was good for him... Even though he still had nightmares and only occasionally woke feeling rested, there was a stark difference in how he felt if he didn't sleep at all.

After a chance meeting with Shiri led to a somewhat friendly conversation, Dib allowed himself to return to her room. This time he simply forced himself to get the guts up to do it and made the first move. He'd fought dudes twice his size; fucking a little girl shouldn't be so scary.

Tab A fit rather well into Slot B... With a little coaching from his partner, Dib was able to lead them both to a rather pleasurable experience. Afterwards, he fell asleep in her arms and felt truly victorious.

A week later, he woke up feeling somewhat under the weather and saw strange red spots all over his abdomen. When he went to urinate, the pain made him realize what had happened. His first space STD! Thankfully, the Meekrob in his system dispatched it in a couple of days, and when he went to get a checkup he was clean.

He continued to occasionally sleep with Shiri... mostly because she had a very soft and warm bed that his didn't even begin to compare to. It seemed his first contact with the infection had made him immune, because he didn't wake up with spots any more after that.

“Hey... what's this?” Shiri asked him one morning as they lounged atop her bed. She ran her fingers over his lower back and he winced. The pain shot all the way up his spine to the base of his skull. “Is it writing? It looks familiar, but I can't recall...”

Swallowing hard, Dib rolled onto his back. “I didn't choose to get it. It was given to me. It's-- ah...”

“Oh, like a gang tattoo?” Giggling, Shiri cried, “That explains a lot about you, Dib! Forced into a gang!”

“Haha. Yeah.” After that, Dib invested some money in bandaging and always kept it covered.

On the workfront, Dib continued to do well. Eventually the Don began to ask for him to work outside the casino. Any time he needed someone to be strong, fast and quiet... Dib was dispatched. Usually he was asked to beat on someone or their property until a desired result was achieved... but he was occasionally asked to do more unorthodox things, like steal a desired item or keep a certain dignitary “company” either by way of distraction or just to make him feel welcome. Before long, he'd become intimate with the scene in the bar as well. On more than one occasion there, he saw Shiri with someone he was sure shared their little infection. Therefore, Dib realized he didn't owe her any sort of loyalty.

Those that could afford to go to the bar or casino were obviously more well-off than Shiri. If Dib was approached by someone he was fond of, he didn't turn them down. Though he mostly took up with women... and only men that were feminine. The thought of ever having an alien... stimulating his “Slot B” was too much for him to handle. Just the thought caused him to break into a cold sweat. Regular sex still caused him a great deal of anxiety... but having a free meal or two and a warm bed to sleep in was enough to convince him to do it most of the time.

Dib stopped keeping track of time, but he kept track of his debt. Soon he'd managed to chip 30,000 credits off of it. The next time Dib bumped into Boritz after that, he was poked roughly in the chest. “You should get yourself a ship.”

“And put myself even more into debt?”

“To get yourself even more out of debt. Nothin' pays better than off-site work, furball.”

So Dib asked around. The connections he'd made were helpful in this, as he was able to get a little ship at a steep discount. It was rather fast and had decent firepower, though he had to use the same room to cook in that he slept in. It still ate up all the money he'd worked to earn and then some. But, for some reason, he trusted Boritz's judgment...

The first job that Dib was sent off-site to do was challenging. Usually Dib's work involved protecting the Don's interests, and this was no exception. He arrived on a small mining planet early the first morning to chaos. The first object he came across was a crane, completely destroyed. Nearby lay three injured men and a medic, who rose and ran to him the moment he came into view.

“Are you the one that's going to take care of the beast?”

Nodding, Dib pushed the goggles he'd taken to wearing up on his forehead. “Yeah. Where is it?”

“Follow the path of destruction. He came back out to say hello just an hour ago. It's the first time we've seen him in two weeks...”

Without another word wasted, Dib took off. The path of destruction eventually led back to the mine itself... Once he got to the main entrance, he was stopped by a workman. “That shaft could collapse any time. We don't know where he came from, but he's taken up residence in there... You can't go in.”

“I'm here to keep that from happening,” Dib replied, pulling his goggles down over his eyes again. “You guys have already fallen a month behind. Just let me handle this.” And in he went. After barely five minutes of running, he met with pitch darkness. It was jarring for a moment... but rather than risk turning on a light and alerting whatever lurked in the dark, he tried to rely on his other senses.

As much as he loved crawling around in cemeteries and abandoned houses as a child, something about walking in complete darkness and silence... was chilling. He knew he was moving... he could feel it... but it was as if he were adrift in a sea all alone. Barely into an hour of walking, however, he finally heard a noise. A shifting... then a dragging...

Then a deafening roar, and before he could get his bearings, he was slammed hard in the chest and stomach by something incredibly heavy. He fell backward and twisted in the air, foot catching on a piece of rock. As he fell on his face, he felt something else slam into his body, then press down hard on him... He realized what it was once the claws dug hard into his back. “Oh, fuck. FUCK--”

He was dragged along the ground until a horribly acrid smell, which he could only guess was the beast, filled his nostrils. He was then batted onto his back and assaulted with numerous hot rushes of air. Grimacing, he finally reached up and flicked the lights on his goggles.

“Sniff sniff,” he breathed as he looked up at what was fixing to eat him. The light blinded the creature temporarily and it reared back, making it nearly hit the ceiling of the cavern that was about twenty feet high. “Holy shit, you're huge.” It had six legs, many claws, and a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth that already appeared to have been busy. Remnants of flesh, clothing and scraps of metal were tangled in those teeth, and the matted hair surrounding its maw was drenched in a thick, wet goo that Dib guessed, from the smell, was probably blood.

While the creature was off-guard, Dib howled and let loose a beam of energy as thick as both of his arms, aiming specifically for the soft flesh beneath its throat. It hit the mark and the monster fell back, shaking its head. Dib scrambled to his feet and ran like hell, stopping twenty yards away and turning back to look at the damage. There was none at all. The creature was crouching close to the ground now, eyeing Dib warily.

Wondering if it'd even hurt, Dib vaulted into the air and fired a volley at its head. He had to be careful with his aiming to keep from bringing the shaft down on them both... Each shot hit as intended, but the beast only growled in annoyance. It was then that Dib realized he wasn't going to be able to take it down from a distance.... so he zipped between the creature's legs and shot upward, intending to punch it in the soft flesh underneath. When his fist hit, however, the force of it dispersed quickly and he simply sank slightly into its gut. Grunting, he brought his other fist around and up, attempting to assault the exact same spot again...

This seemed to do little but make the creature aware of his presence. It rolled and roared again, batting Dib out of the air easily with its massive paw. As he slammed against the wall, he was pinned and sniffed again. Dib took the opportunity to nail it with a left hook, wiggling out of its grip and beginning to pummel the top of its head over and over again. The beast was irritated by this, rearing back and slamming him and its own head against the ceiling of the cavern. The force was crushing, and he felt a few of his ribs cracking under it. As he fell to the ground, he rolled onto his back, gasping, and watched the creature reel.

Apparently IT was strong enough to hurt itself, anyway. His mind raced. How could he take care of this thing... if his strongest energy bursts and physical hits couldn't hurt it...? The only thing that could seem to injure it was the miles of earth above them... but he was trying NOT to bring the cave down atop everything. The months it would take to dig another tunnel would cost this planet's investors (most importantly, his boss) tens of thousands of credits...

If only he could trick it into hurting itself again... but now that it had felt pain, it saw him as a legitimate threat. It didn't dare turn its back on him, and it reared back and batted at him from every angle he approached.

This was the first time he couldn't solve a problem with threats and brute force. He decided to buy himself some time, and took off running deeper into the tunnel. The creature gave chase, wanting that tender morsel for itself. With the help of phazing, Dib was able to stay a few steps ahead of the thing... But the further down he went, the more trouble his breathing device had compensating. His lungs began to burn and his head clouded. Like usual, though, he figured that if he just kept moving long enough he could devise a solution.

The air pressure shorted out his goggles and he was blind again. He cursed and kept running, though within a few moments, he grunted and slammed hard into a wall. Was this the end of the tunnel?

His bestial friend had no trouble seeing, of course. He heard a roar some twenty feet away and lots of digging and scuffling. Reaching upwards to get his bearings, Dib touched ceiling. “Must be too low for you to get in, huh...?” He fired a charged shot in the opposite direction to get just a little source of light... the small space lit up brightly for a moment before dispersing as it hit the creature in the face. It howled and reared back, likely temporarily blinded.

“GO AWAY,” Dib hollered, frustrated with his predicament. His back was burning where he'd originally been clawed, and he could only manage to breath in short gasps of unsafe air. A second later, he could hear his voice echoing in the distance. The creature got quiet and Dib heard it turn away.

“He must think I moved...” It was possible that the creature couldn't see at all, and instead relied on its hearing to get around... “COME AND GET ME!” he screamed, cupping his hands over his mouth. His voice played back again, and the beast let out a short bark, scuffling away. Wasting no time, Dib emerged from his corner, running blind. Shooting off the biggest burst he could, he spotted the creature and jumped onto its back during the second the tunnel was illuminated.

Howling, it whirled and attempted to snap Dib off of itself, but couldn't quite reach. Dib used the opportunity to grab onto its head, hoping it would try to slam him again. It did, and he managed to phaze out of the way before it hit. As the creature stumbled, he climbed upward again. Again and again they repeated this; the stupid beast slammed its head against the ceiling, growing more sluggish, until there was a soft crackling sound and Dib was showered in warm blood from his place on the ground. With a gurgle, the beast finally fell to its side.

“Ha HA,” Dib laughed, mopping the liquid off of his face. His voice echoed in the silence... followed by an ominous rumble. “Oh fuck.” He grabbed at the creature, feeling for anything he could possibly bring back to show for what he'd done. His hand thrust into something soft and meaty. He ripped it away and began to run as fast as his lungs would allow. The cavern began to collapse just at his feet as he moved; he phazed once, then twice, before the burning in his chest warned him that he was running out of energy. Stumbling for another hundred feet, he finally felt his legs gave way and he fell on his face.

He felt dust envelope him in the dark, and he readied to be crushed... but within a few moments the sound ceased. Panting, Dib rolled onto his back and tapped at his goggles. With a little fiddling, the light finally came back on. He sat up and looked on... The collapse had finished barely a few yards from where he lay.

“I am such a lucky bastard,” he sighed, staring for a moment before forcing himself up on heavy limbs. At least it was all at a downhill slant from there. As he walked, he looked down at the hunk of flesh in his hands. Brain matter. “Yum,” he whispered, grimacing.

As Dib emerged into the sunlight, he had to close his eyes against it. In his fantasies, he would've been met with raucous cheering... but all he heard was the wind whipping around him... After a few moments of blinking, his vision finally blurred into focus. Stopping in his tracks, he looked around for any sign of life.

The same guard was there from before, staring blankly at him. It was then that he realized he was covered in inky blue blood. Tearing off his soaked shirt and throwing it on the ground, he grinned. “I got it.”

Appearing unaffected by this revelation, the guard asked, “Did the tunnel collapse? I thought I heard...”

“Yeah. But just a little... um, maybe half a mile or so? Toward the end.”

THEN there were cheers. At least twenty men appeared out of nowhere, patting Dib on the back and screaming words of congratulations. Every hand on him hurt like hell, but he grinned anyway.

When Dib returned to Kharna, he got 20,000 credits and a handshake. He would've wrangled 25 thou if he'd managed to keep any collapse from occurring. The Don had the hunk of brain cooked up and he enjoyed it with a glass of fine wine.

“Next time, try to bring back the whole carcass,” the Don laughed as he raised his drink in a toast. Dib nodded with a smile as he watched him eat... but all he could think of was how many 'next times' he'd have to go through to be a free man.
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