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Already Broken	By : Breech_Loader Category: Transformers > G1 > AU/AR Views: 3421 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Already Broken

Co-Written by Harley Quinn hyenaholic and Red Alert

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Harley: Yeah, I know the chapter is late. Man this is awfully complicated. But it all works. Sunstreaker’s going a little bit mad thanks to being all messed up. You know how it is. Nothing on earth can convince you that you’re not ugly and fat.

~~~

Chapter Ten: Finding

Tracks looked at the shocked Sunstreaker, "What?" he asked, "I noticed you were gone, so I put myself on scout duty and went out to scout for you. Because I was worried about you."

"I doubt it took our equivalent of Einstein," Sunstreaker's voice rose, "to work out that suddenly there wasn't a yellow Lamborghini on the fragging med bay berth!"

"Oh, okay," Tracks sighed, "Ratchet, Wheeljack and Sideswipe are also looking for you. And so is half the base. But they're looking closer to the ARK. It's a good thing I found you when I did, because it looked like JerkScream was about to really get going," he booted Starscream in the crotch. The unconscious Seeker twitched slightly, but didn't otherwise move.

"Half the base," Sunstreaker shook his head, "My aft. You think I can't take care of myself?"

Tracks looked at the work Starscream had already carved into Sunny's chassis. It was the basic shape, if not the detail, of the Decepticon symbol, "You just got out of medlab," he pointed out, "Starscream tried to carve a new allegiance into you, and you couldn't fight him off. Come on, let's get you back home."

"No. I'm fine on my own." Sunstreaker gave Starscream a nudge with his foot, "I'll live. You go back."

"Fine?!" Tracks glared, "You are not fine. I'm not putting up with that bullshit any more, Sunstreaker. You're lucky you're not dead. I'm not going back without you."

"You won't be going back then," Sunstreaker stated.

Tracks just sighed, "You never told me what was wrong," he said quietly, as he started to walk with Sunstreaker, away from the unconscious Starscream, "Why can't you believe me when I tell you that I just want to help?"

Sunstreaker sighed irritably and rubbed his forehead with one hand, "Drop it. I don't want to hear it."

"I care about what happens to you, Sunny," Tracks pointed out, "You worry me when you act like this. Like you hate yourself. Like you seriously believe you're a bad person."

"So what if I do? It's not like I haven't felt it before!" Sunstreaker protested, "Who doesn't, from time to time!?"

"No, they don't," Tracks sighed, "It's not normal to hate yourself, and it's not normal to think you're a bad person. Even the Decepticons don't actually think they're evil. Except for the insane ones. And apart from that, I don't hate you."

A shrug, "Never have been normal. A little thing like that won't hurt."

"I still want to help," Tracks took one of Sunstreaker's hands, touching his cheek with the other hand, "I want to help you. I want to... to love you. And I don't want to see you hurting like this."

The statement on love seemed to whoosh right over Sunstreaker's head, "Tough. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it and slag, if there was, I would fragging well have told someone earlier on! And anyway," he continued without a care in the word, "I'm dealing with things fine."

"You don't seem to be," Tracks pointed out, "Why did you just run away from the ARK?"

Sunstreaker smiled almost sadistically, "To deal with things."

"Ha, sure," Tracks sighed, "Which explains perfectly why you got jumped by Starscream. If you really want to know what ugly is, just look into that Decepticreep's Spark!"

"I'm not on about INNER... ugliness! I'm on about the outside-" he ran a hand down his now-slimmer right side to emphasise this fact, "-and how that looks!"

"You're on about killing yourself for no reason!" Tracks let go of Sunstreaker, "But it doesn't matter what you look like, we're still your friends and we care about you no matter what!"

"I don't care,” Sunstreaker snapped, “It's too late now anyway! I've already started and I'll be fragged if I stop!"

"You have to stop," Tracks insisted, "And it's never too late to stop!"

"You speak of it like it's an addiction." Sunstreaker remarked, offended.

"In a way, it is," Tracks answered, "It's an obsession, and you're forcing yourself to believe that there’s something wrong with you, that you need to do this, that you need to starve yourself and damage yourself. And nobody can persuade you that you're sick, only you have the power to do that."

"Sick?!” Sunstreaker snarled, “I'm FINE, Tracks! It's not like I have a high temperature or I'm shivering or can't breathe properly, is it?"

"It's not that kind of sickness!" Tracks groaned, "There's something wrong with your CPU; your logic circuits are totally fragged up!"

"They are NOT! It's just... motivation! Willingness to change!" Sunstreaker protested, folding his arms in a defensive stance, "Wanting to progress!"

"In a few more days, you could progress to killing yourself!" Tracks shouted back, "And I won't let that happen!" He wrapped his arms around Sunstreaker, "Sunny, listen to me. Please. I don't hate you. I don't think you're a bad person. I just think that right now, you're very, very unhappy... and I want to help you."

The Lamborghini shivered, "Think all you like. Thinking doesn't get you anywhere. You get places by... by DOING." He rested his forehead against Tracks' shoulder, "Thinking is like sitting and doing nothing."

"Sunstreaker..." Tracks stroked his back, sitting down slowly with Sunny still in his arms, "What do you want me to do? If I can do it... I will."

As much as Sunstreaker hated the situation he was in, he loved the feeling of comfort - something he hadn't felt in a while, "Not a damn lot you CAN do."

Tracks kissed him lightly on the forehead again, stroking the wings on the side of his face, "If you really don't want to go back to the ARK, I'll stay here with you," he said, holding Sunstreaker to his chassis.

Sunstreaker nuzzled in, "Then here we stay. For good."

"That doesn't mean I think you're right, Sunny," Tracks took his hand, "Just that I want to help you." He held Sunstreaker closer, kissing him on the cheek gently.

Sunstreaker pressed his face to Tracks' shoulder, exhaling slowly, "You can help by keeping your mouth shut around Ratchet and Wheeljack. If you want what's best for me, that's what you're gonna have to do."

"They're going to want to know where you vanished to," Tracks pointed out, "And you are going to need to eat."

Sunstreaker tensed, joints clicking and hissing, "No. No no no."

"Sunny... your tanks are practically empty," Tracks held him closer, "If you don't eat, you won't be able to autorepair, or even function properly."

"Tough slag. I won't go and get hurt - then there won't BE anything to repair."

"Nobody at the base wants to hurt you, Sunstreaker," Tracks continued to embrace the smaller mech, "We're a team. We all go home, or nobody goes home."

Sunstreaker's answer was simple, "Then nobody goes home."

Tracks rocked Sunstreaker against him, "That's not how it works,” he kissed Sunstreaker on the cheek again, "I don't want to leave you behind," he said calmly.

"You don't get it do you? You're not leaving me behind 'cause you're staying here with me. Just like YOU said." Sunstreaker offlined his optics. He was still tired as heck.

"Okay, if you insist," Tracks replied, pulling up Sunstreaker to that the yellow Lamborghini could go to sleep against him.

"If I find," Sunstreaker muttered as he started to power his systems down, "that you're gonna drag me back while I'm like this, you are scrap."

Tracks patted him, "If I was going to drag you back, I'd have started before now, don'cha think?" he asked.

"Nah..." A yawn, showing dental plates tinged with pink, "... 'cause I wasn't half asleep before now... was I?"

Tracks just smiled, letting Sunstreaker fall asleep. When the weakened mech was asleep, he produced a small cube of Energon, and started to pour it into Sunny's input, trying not to wake him. If Sunny wouldn't eat voluntarily, he'd have to feed the mech in secret just to keep him alive.

Tracks stopped upon feeling the younger Autobot twitch and jerk in his arms. All of a sudden Sunstreaker spluttered and choked, managing to spray the contents of his mouth all over the ground in front of him, "What the Pit!?"

"Oh, slag." Tracks tried to think of a good excuse, "Just drink it, Sunstreaker!"

Sunstreaker held the rest of the Energon in his mouth for a minute, as if actually contemplating whether to swallow the lot or not - instead he wound up spitting it out, the residue dribbling down his chin and onto his torso. He was still too groggy to work out how the Energon had gotten there, when, and why.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Tracks felt like sobbing, but stamped on the feeling, "You need to eat, Sunny!"

Sunstreaker didn't look at him but cocked his head to one side, optics dim. He could barely think straight - thoughts and feelings were floating around in his head, yet they appeared to have no meaning. They weren't important. He flopped backwards and onto Tracks again, wanting just to curl up and go to sleep. For a long, long time.

"Fine, I didn't want to do this, but you're forcing my hand," Tracks laid Sunstreaker down on the ground, then forced open his mouth and started to pour the Energon in. When it was all in, he held Sunstreaker's mouth closed, "Swallow it," he repeated.

The Lamborghini glared daggers up at him, refusing utmost to swallow it. He shook his head and turned his head to one side, not wishing to look at the Corvette. There was no point in struggling - if anything he'd choke.

"Please, Sunny!" Tracks pleaded, "You need to refuel! You can't continue like this... Right now, you can barely even walk!"

Sunstreaker offlined his audio receptors this time, not wishing to hear Tracks' voice whinging and trying to persuade him into something he wouldn't ever do to save his life. He didn't care if he couldn't walk; he wasn't planning to go anywhere anytime soon. And even then, he could drive. It didn't take much to start an engine.

Tracks looked into Sunstreaker's optics, "Please!" he begged again, still holding Sunny's mouth closed, "It's better this way!"

Sunstreaker used an angry shake of the head to convey his disagreement. Even though he couldn't hear, it was obvious what Tracks was saying, the stupid piece of scrap.

Tracks groaned, and released him, “If I can’t stop you,” he sighed, backing away from Sunstreaker, “And I can’t force you... I don’t know what I can do but keep you company as you die.”

Sunstreaker ignored this jest, spitting the Energon out onto the ground beside him. He wasn't going to die - if he was then he'd know it by now. He'd be feeling it instead of getting to his feet and glaring at Tracks like he was now.

Tracks looked at Sunstreaker, who, despite standing, was still swaying slightly, "Why don't you get it?" he asked, "I want to help you!"

"Why don't you get the fact I'm fine?" Sunstreaker turned his back on the Corvette, "See, I'm standing. I'm talking to you, I'm coherent. Never felt better."

Tracks put his hands on Sunstreaker's shoulders, "Maybe you are managing to bully your systems into working, but I don't believe for a moment that it makes you happy," he said.

"Then don't," Sunstreaker ignored Tracks leaning over one shoulder and trying to get his attention, "if that's what you don't want to believe then fine, don't."

"I can't just stand here and watch you saying how much you hate yourself," Tracks pointed out, taking Sunstreaker's hand, "Sunny, please-"

Sunstreaker all but wrenched his hand out of Tracks' grip, moving to deliver a swift kick into the blue Autobot's torso, "Shut the slag up! Just SHUT it! Can't you deal with the fact we don't think the same way? Not everyone is as slagging PERFECT-" he jabbed a finger at Tracks' chest, "-as you are! Do you know what it's LIKE to try and CONFORM to such standards?! DO you!?"

"What?" Tracks staggered, then straightened up, "Perfect? It's cool that you think that, but I'm not..." he hesitated, "Are you trying to be like me?"

"Does it matter if I have?" Sunstreaker seethed, "As Mr Perfect I suppose all things just go whoosh!" he flung one arm up and over his head to demonstrate his point, "Over your head!"

"So doesn't that mean I'm not perfect then?" Tracks asked, "Sunstreaker, listen to me! I don't hate you, and I don't think you're a terrible person! And if you ever got the idea that I'm perfect, it's not true!"

"You say that," the Lamborghini snapped, making to storm off and away, "but you have no idea what the flying frag you're on about! Quit kidding yourself and leave me the slag alone!"

Tracks gritted his teeth, following, "Sunny, I want to help you! I want to be with you! And sure, I keep on screwing up, but I don't mean to! Sunny, I... I want you! I want you the way you are, and always have been, not you as a different person, warped into something else!"

"I AM the same person!" Sunstreaker spat, storming onwards and refusing to look round, "I haven't had a bodyswitch, Primus forbid! I was fine before you and Ratchet and Wheeljack waltzed in and tried to 'fix' things!"

Tracks almost felt like crying, "Don't you EVER listen to me?!" he shouted, catching up with Sunstreaker, and swinging him around to face him, "Do I really have to say it, word for word?! I love you!" He pressed his lips to Sunstreaker's firmly but lovingly.

Sunstreaker held the kiss for a moment before breaking away, dental plates gritted, "Well. If you'd said that BEFORE, maybe you could've - what was it? Stopped me changing?" He took a couple of steps backwards, "Perhaps you're not perfect after all. Stupid as Pit would be a more accurate description!" He dragged his fingers down his face, wondering whether to be angry or just break down and cry in despair.

"Stop that!" Tracks grabbed at Sunstreaker's hands, keeping him from scraping his face "And I'm not stupid!" he added, "Unless you count stupid as coming all this way to help somebody who doesn't want to be helped! Which is possible!"

"I DO count that, as a matter of fact! How many times do I have to say it - frag OFF! Leave me the Pit alone!" Sunstreaker struggled at trying to pull his hands away from Tracks, but to no avail, "What are you playing at!?"

"I don't need to see you hurting yourself!" Tracks replied, "Now calm down!" he let go of Sunstreaker again, "Calm down..."

"Calm down!?" Sunstreaker could sense the hysterics coming on again, "I AM calm! I'm fine - hunky dory! Happy-go-lucky! Numero uno! Go away!"

"You're paranoid!" Tracks snapped, "And you're panicking! Listen to yourself!"

"Paranoid!?" Sunstreaker screeched, "Panicking!? No way! I'm just-" he fought to find the words, "...I'm fine! This is... normal! This is me!" his voice quavered on that last syllable, as if the waterworks were about to start, "No need to listen to myself! I've told myself what I need to do! It's firm in my mind!"

"Sunny, stop NOW," Tracks tried to hold Sunstreaker, "What is it you think you need to do?" he asked the yellow Lamborghini.

"Exactly what I've been doing up 'til now!" he panted, absolutely beside himself, "The regime! Routine!"

"Beating yourself up about something that's just not true?" Tracks frowned, "I don't think you need to starve yourself and damage yourself to be more attractive. Calm down. Think."

Sunstreaker exhaled heavily through his nose, trying to cycle air properly to calm himself the heck down, "As I said - we don't think in the same way! You don't have MY CPU instead of yours!"

"No, I don't," Tracks agreed, still holding Sunstreaker to his chassis, "You're all but overheating, Sunny. Cool down. Deep cycles."

Sunstreaker obeyed, cycling hard but still far too fast. He'd started to become a little dizzy and would most likely have gone smack on the ground if Tracks hadn't been practically holding him up, "I'm fine... Fine. I’m fine."

~~~

Harley: Man, it all just gets worse, doesn't it? Emotionally, that is. Hopefully it's not bad as reading matter...
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