Swallow The Moon | By : GhostHelwig Category: +1 through F > Ed, Edd, and Eddy Views: 9514 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Ed Edd and Eddy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Disclaimer – I don’t own or profit from Ed, Edd N Eddy or “Underneath.” The Eds belong to the Cartoon Network, the song belongs to Hanson. Rated R for stuff that all happens in other chapters. A slash story.
Thanks, once more, to darthelwig for the inspiration.
There are lots of things in this chapter that were heavily inspired/influenced by the show, but the only title I’m giving here is for the memory; it comes from “Stop, Look, and Ed,” the one where Ed & Eddy drive Double D crazy by refusing to obey the rules.
Losing You (Beneath My Skin)
At first, Ed was sure he was still dreaming. The sweet weight resting on his chest was just part of a dream, and he could ignore it. Relish it, but ignore it.
“Waking up this morning...”
But for a dream it was making the sleeveless undershirt he always slept in awfully wet. He decided to open his eyes and see if he could get this dream to dry up a bit.
“Thinking this can’t be real.”
He blinked rapidly, trying in vain to understand his new vision, for he saw Double D’s dark head resting upon his chest, his eyes large and red and wet. He looked very small.
“But they say there is nothing love can’t heal.”
Gingerly he poked Double D’s arm. It felt real enough. “Double D...?” he whispered, only to see Double D bury his face in his neck, hiding from his gaze.
“Why don’t you come on down...”
“Are you alright, Double D?” he asked. The body above his quivered sharply, and excruciatingly slowly he realized that Double D had been trembling this whole time. Maybe he was cold?
He moved to pull Double D closer, and to his surprise, when his arm wrapped around his best friend Double D jerked away with a small, wordless scream.
“So you can feel what I feel.”
Ed did not understand. This wasn’t new to him – there was much that he did not understand, particularly where Double D was concerned. But this felt... different, somehow. He knew that what his mind was failing to grasp was of dire importance, but he could never have articulated such a feeling. And he certainly could not understand where it came from.
If asked, though, he would’ve said that it was the glimpse of Double D’s eyes that had done it. Something was so very wrong in there.
“Sitting all alone in this place...”
Double D sat up, pale hands clasping nervously in his lap. His hat was nowhere to be seen; instead, his long hair fell in tangled strands around his face, shielding him. Ed might’ve told him he looked pretty if he didn’t look so scary.
“Even though we’re here face to face.”
Ed tried to be gentle, but he had to see. He took Double D’s chin in his large hand and turned his friend’s face to his.
But whatever he was looking for amongst all that pain could not be found, not by him.
“There is nothing gone...”
Part of Ed’s brain, a fairly large part, was still off in his dream world, chasing chickens and eating heaping bowls of Chunky Puffs. The rest of him was consumed with his wordless, confused concern.
“But there’s something wrong.”
He wanted Double D to explain, even though Double D’s explanations never made sense to him. Still, he could listen, and he often thought that it helped Double D to have someone just do something as simple as that.
But Double D, though Ed still grasped his face, wouldn’t even meet his eyes.
“Can’t you see...”
“Double D...?” he repeated cluelessly, and was rewarded by the sight of Double D’s helpless tears progressing to full-blown weeping.
“That I’m stuck here underneath.”
Ed’s gentle heart tore at the sight. He’d never been able to set aside his empathy, particularly when his best friends were involved, so – completely forgetting the earlier scream and general panic this had caused – he sat up just so he could pull Double D into his arms.
“And you’re making it hard to breathe.”
When had Double D gotten so frail? Holding him was like holding someone who was deathly ill – one became convinced that if one held too tightly one would shatter the precious bundle into a billion tiny, beautiful, brilliant pieces that one could not save.
But Double D let himself be held this time, and so that was what Ed did.
“Take a look around and tell me what you see.”
Very gently Ed began running his fingers through Double D’s sweaty, slightly tangled hair, a new and novel experience. He’d never before been able to touch Double D’s hair – he’d only ever seen it down once prior to this – and it was rather... nice. Silky, despite the surprising snarls. Sweet-smelling in a light, not overpowering kind of way. Very pleasant to touch.
But why did his touch seem to make Double D cry harder?
“You’ll find me underneath.”
The fog was trying to overtake his mind, to make him think of monster movies and chickens and things he actually understood. But he struggled against it, wanting to help Double D, to comfort, to grasp.
“Underneath.”
After a few helpless, hopeless minutes Double D pulled away, not even bothering to wipe at his still crying eyes. Without meaning to Ed repeated uncertainly, “Double D...?” His best friend’s eyes shut briefly, a look of obvious pain on his face, then he sighed, deep and soft. His hands fluttered nervously in the air, butterflies with broken wings.
“I know what to say...”
For the first time since sneaking his way through Ed’s window and into his bed, Double D wanted to speak. But he just couldn’t.
“...but don’t know where to begin.”
Something about the look in those sad, sweet eyes pulled at Ed in a way he could not understand.
“The fear of losing you beneath my skin.”
“You have to tell me, Double D,” Ed blurted, the sentence yanked from him in a worried blur. With none of the confidence he normally would’ve had when giving such a reassurance, he added, “it will make you feel all better.”
Even through his tears the look Double D shot him was patently, patiently disbelieving.
“Is there resolution for this pain that I’m in?”
Just when Ed thought it would never happen, Double D’s mouth finally opened.
“Sitting all alone in this place...”
But Ed’s triumph was short-lived. Even if Double D hadn’t been whispering practically underneath his breath Ed would not have understood a word he said.
“Even though we’re here face to face.”
No, that wasn’t entirely accurate; he understood a few words, sprinkled here and there in a formless pattern he could never hope to comprehend.
But Double D kept talking, and crying, and his hands kept weaving pale, unsteady streaks in the air.
“There is nothing gone...”
And Ed just kept watching, and listening, and trying.
“...but there’s something wrong.”
One understood word kept being repeated: ‘forced.’ It was known to Ed, but he couldn’t grasp what Double D meant by it. Before he could stop himself – not that he would’ve thought to do so until sometime the next day – he interrupted.
“Forced?”
“Can’t you see...”
Double D’s pretty eyes were very wide, very hurt. His lower lip trembled as he studied Ed’s curious face. He sighed again.
“...that I’m stuck here underneath.”
He tried, again, to explain, while Ed tried, again, to grasp. But what should’ve been obvious simply escaped him.
And for the first time ever, Ed knew his lack of understanding was quietly frustrating Double D. His best friend’s face kept falling, falling, falling in a way that made Ed’s own eyes fill with helpless, hot tears.
Also for the first time, Ed cursed himself for being dumb.
“And you’re making it hard to breathe.”
After ten wasted minutes, Double D seemed to give up. His butterfly hands landed on his knees, clutching, then going slack. Ed stared for a moment at the hem of Double D’s purple shorts, which had ridden up, exposing one delicate pale thigh-
And a bruise almost the same shade of violent violet as Double D’s shorts.
Tentatively Ed reached out, touching it with one gentle fingertip, entranced.
“Take a look around...”
Double D cried out, quickly stifling the sound with his hand. Ed looked up, met that frantic, shamed gaze, and felt the first glimmer of comprehension splutter to life within him.
“And tell me what you see.”
Ed leaned in very close, his face barely inches from the offending purple flesh. Double D’s breathing had quickened, but he stayed silent, letting Ed look his fill.
Ed’s eyes rose from Double D’s leg to his red shirt. Right in front of his nose there was a rip he hadn’t noticed before-
And under that, more purple.
“You’ll find me...”
With no warning whatsoever Ed lifted Double D’s shirt.
“Underneath.”
Double D sucked in a harsh breath in order to suck back an earsplitting scream - but Ed didn’t notice. All he could see was the crisscrossing of bruises, both new and obviously faded, all over the pale, scratched, and bitten skin of Double D’s slender chest; even the fog had dissipated some in the wake of this new, disturbing stimuli.
“It’s gonna find me...”
Ed removed Double D’s shirt completely, receiving no help and no hindrance from his suddenly inert best friend. If he were anyone else – say, Eddy – he would’ve known that Double D was so still because if he let himself do or say anything he would panic, and scream and fight, so great was his unstoppable, newly instinctive fear.
But Ed was Ed, and he did not know.
“Underneath.”
“You have changed colors,” Ed whispered, reaching out to touch the lightest of the bruises displayed before him. He was gentle, but Double D flinched from his questing, concerned, reverent fingers nevertheless.
They hurt him. The bruises hurt him. This Ed grasped. So he did what his mother did when he came to her with some small pain.
He kissed a bruise to make it better.
And Double D promptly fell off the bed.
“If only you could feel what I dream...”
Sweet. That was what it was to Ed, what anything involving Double D would always be. Sweet.
And that’s what he would dream about when next he slept. Not the confusion, not the pain-
But the sweet.
“Maybe you could hear what I mean.”
Double D was staring up at him from his place on the dirty, sticky floor with broken eyes.
Ed wanted to explain, to take the fear from the pearly orbs he gazed into, but no words formed in his head. He could not speak, could not justify what he’d done or even comprehend why he should have to.
But Double D kept looking at him, dawn-light streaming in the window overhead painting his cheeks in pink.
“There is nothing gone...”
After a few more minutes of uncomprehending staring it finally occurred to Ed to ask, “did I hurt you, Double D?” The sincerity and utter innocence behind those words must’ve gotten through Double D’s pain, for he stared a moment at Ed’s trusting, trustworthy face; and only then did the look of miserable betrayal begin to slowly fade.
But though Double D shook his head slightly, he made no move to get back on the bed.
“But there’s something missing...”
Ed held out his hand. Double D simply stared at it, for the longest time.
“Can’t you see...”
He placed his hand in Ed’s. For a second, Ed just stayed where he was, feeling the soft, warm palm engulfed by his own much larger one. Protectiveness rose in him, pulled at him, called to him, begged him to avenge Double D, to heal him.
Unable to do any of those things, Ed pulled Double D up and into his lap.
“That I’m stuck here...”
Slender arms wrapped around his neck, a dark head burrowed gently into his shoulder. Ed cuddled Double D close, feeling strangely wistful.
“Underneath.”
Hot tears were sliding down Ed’s exposed skin, soaking into his shirt. He wanted to make Double D stop crying, because every tear caused something in his chest to tighten and throb painfully. Double D’s hurt hurt like it was his own-
And he didn’t even know what it was.
“And you’re making it hard to breathe.”
He wished Eddy were there. Eddy always knew what to do – and even if his path wasn’t the right one, at least he was never at a loss as to which one to take.
He wished Double D were capable of explaining himself in words he could understand – or that he himself were more capable of comprehending Double D’s pretty, intricate speech.
He wished this really was a dream.
And more than anything he wished he understood.
“Take a look around...”
“There, there,” Ed tried to soothe, awkwardly patting Double D’s back. “It is all right...”
He trailed off when Double D pulled back a little, finally meeting his gaze.
“And tell me what you see.”
Gingerly Ed reached out, brushing tangled strands of hair from Double D’s ravaged eyes. A fond, compassionate look passed over Double D’s face as he gazed at Ed, but the tiny, tender smile that usually accompanied such a look was gone.
“You’ll find me...”
As Ed continued to stare, Double D finally whispered something he understood, something that had obviously been bothering the fragile boy in his lap.
“He stole my hat.”
“Underneath.”
The ache in Ed’s chest was growing worse – Double D’s incurable sadness was like a poison, slowly devouring them both. He could think of a thousand or so toxins in his comics that had similar effects, but he couldn’t imagine any of them feeling worse than this.
“Cause I’m stuck here underneath,”
He brushed more unruly locks away from Double D’s eyes, frowning to himself. Weren’t people supposed to be ugly when they cried? Maybe it was just the uncharacteristic loss of his stolen hat that made Double D look so pretty in his pain.
“And you’re making it hard to breathe.”
Ed was trying, he was trying really hard to think of a way to comfort besides the words and hugs that just weren’t working. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for his friends, but what had he not tried?
“Take a look around...”
One thing occurred to him, but it was so small... It had always comforted him, though, when his mother did it...
That this one small thing had nearly made things worse just minutes before didn’t even cross his mind.
“And tell me what you see.”
Ed had aimed for his cheek, but Double D moved his head at the exact wrong moment (ironically enough, in an attempt to see what Ed was about to do)–
And Ed’s soft lips pressed against his.
“You’ll find me...”
Sweet. Always sweet. Honeysuckle sweet.
But despite the melting sweetness this was not what Ed had intended. When the shock faded, he pulled back.
And left Double D blinking owlishly up at him, his beautiful eyes unreadable.
“Underneath.”
In the shocked stillness, both boys heard a familiar, strangled sound, and turned instinctively towards it.
Eddy stood there, framed by the doorway in the early morning darkness, glaring a death glare at them both as tears fell from his eyes.
“Underneath.”
Before Ed or Double D could say a word Eddy’s lips curved upwards into a mockery of a smile.
“I’m happy for you both,” he growled, making Double D flinch.
Then Eddy stalked out, while Ed stared after him in confusion - and Double D burst into a round of fresh tears.
“Underneath.”
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