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Intern the Dragon	By : Jayrich Category: +M through R > Phineas and Ferb Views: 9491 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Phineas & Ferb, nor the characters appearing on the show. I don't make a dime off of this Fic, and my name's not Swampy.

Chapter List
- 1-Intern the Dragon
- 1
Intern the Dragon

“Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!”
That sing-song jingle rang out through the air as Buford and Ferb stepped onto an elevator, letting the door close behind them. The two were both dressed in professional attire; Buford in a traditional shirt & tie and Ferb wearing a purple vest over his dress shirt & tie with slacks. The former was noticeably more than uncomfortable as the car began to lift them up to their floor destination.
“Swanky place, ain’t it?” Buford commented, as Ferb nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I been here before. Ever tell ya that? It was around the time me and Baljeet had that falling out which was totally his fault and nothing of mine, by the way. I offered my bullying expertise to a Mad Scientist while you guys was doin’ the mountain climbin’ thing.. Coulda helped him take ova the Tri-State Area, too.”
As the ride continued, Ferb took the moment to check himself in the reflection of the elevator’s wall panels, straightening his appearance. Buford just huffed. “I hate bein’ in these monkey suits. No freedom of expression or nothin’.” He tried moving his arms and stretching, but still felt confined. “Can’t even bully properly in this thing. You know what, that’s it!”
Taking the initiative, the large teen ripped the left sleeve off from his shirt, before doing the same with his right. Rotating his shoulders, he enjoyed the freedom his arms now had before flexing his biceps. “Ahh, that’s better! The guns like a little breathin’ room; I call ‘em Laverne & Shirley!”
“You mean like the TV show?” Ferb inquired.
Buford gave him a confused look. “They made a show about my biceps?”
DING!
Before Buford could get the answer, the elevator doors slid open to reveal a rather large android dressed like a human man standing there to greet them. “Hello, my name is Norm and welcome to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. My appearance may shock and frighten—!”
“Yeah, yeah, 20ft robot, seen you before.” Buford interrupted as he and Ferb exited the elevator. “When do we get ta blow up stuff!?”
“Your eagerness and love for explosions has been catalogued.” Norm replied. “Please follow me…”
Leading the way, Norm traveled down a long hallway as both Buford and Ferb followed behind. They passed several rooms along the way, each holding something of interest to the two. Buford noticed what appeared to be a break room…with several chorus girls inside, sipping coffee and gossiping. “Huh, the girls are still here. At least there’s job security.”
A moment later, Ferb would look to his right as he passed a room containing over a dozen large electronic inventions. He barely got a peak at the sign on the door which read ‘Failed Inators.’
“And here we are!” Norm announced as he opened the door to the main penthouse area of the high rise. Ferb & Buford walked in to see a vast and open work area; technological equipment strewn along the sides of the room, and in the middle stood the very reason the two young men were in attendance today…Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
“Here are the two interns who will be working for you, sir.” The automaton informed his creator.
“I can see that, Norm.” Heinz replied as he walked over. He examined both of them very carefully, and after a moment recognized the sleeveless muscle in front of him. “BUFORD! Good to see you, again!”
“Heya, Doc.” The bully responded. “Been a while, huh?”
“Oh, it has!” Doofenshmirtz agreed. “Glad to see you’re giving the evil business a lookie-loo.”
“Hey, if there’s profit to be made offa bullyin’, then I’m your guy!” Buford proclaimed.
Heinz was glad to hear that. “Let’s just hope your little friend has the same—huh?”
As Doofenshmirtz turned to Ferb, he noticed that the green-haired teen wasn’t even looking in his direction. Instead, his attention was focused on a doorway, and who was standing in it; Vanessa Doofenshmirtz. His crush on her didn’t fade through the years as he thought it would, instead it remained with him as a reminder of opportunity. And with this internship at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., he had no better opportunity than now. Unfortunately his adoring gaze was broken by the sound of a throat clearing.
“A-HEM!”
To be more precise, Doofenshmirtz’s throat clearing. “Speaking of lookie-loos…”
“Oh yeah, this is my friend Ferb.” Buford said, introducing him. “Certified genius when it comes to inventin’ stuff. Him and his brother make tons of stuff in their backyard.”
Heinz turned back to Ferb and gave him a closer inspection. “Certified genius, eh? Yeah, I think I know the deal here. You can’t pull the wool over my eyes.”
Although it barely showed in his eyes, Ferb grew nervous as he knew he was caught red-handed staring at his one and only daughter. “Oh yeah, I know your type.” Doof continued. “And I’m gonna be keeping a close eye on you. Norm, give this troublemaker a tour and watch him closely. I got some catching up to do with my bully bud!”
“Follow me.” Norm instructed as Ferb breathed a sigh of relief. He was forced to leave a perfect view, but he still stayed close to Vanessa. And he would get even closer as she noticed him walking out.
“Ferb? Is that you?”
Rushing over, she met him with open arms and a warm embrace. “Great to see you again. So you’re the one roped in to be my Dad’s intern, huh? Should’ve known with Norm following you around.”
“I’ve been ordered to keep an eye on this troublemaker.” Norm informed her, causing Vanessa to roll her eyes.
“Of course you have, big guy.” She replied. “But isn’t it also protocol for you to have a 15-minute lunch break?”
“Already took one.” Norm told her.
“How about your squirrel?”
The large automaton paused for a moment, realizing she was right. “You are correct. I must forage some nuts so that my system doesn’t crash.”
Dutifully he rushed off to attend to his task as Vanessa took Ferb by the hand. “I’LL show you around.”
Ferb let off a small grin as he followed his new tour guide, observing the ins-and-outs of Doofenshmirtz’s office area. Though he was familiar with several areas, Vanessa showed him a few spaces he didn’t see during the Pharmacist Outbreak.
“It’s good to see you again!” She told him. “I don’t think you’ve been here since the whole Clone Saga with my father. You know funny thing, after it was all over, one clone survived and claimed he was the real Doofenshmirtz. It just got crazier after that. I mean, secret identities, epic battles, Dad putting his mind into a Panda’s body…just pure crazy. Hopefully you won’t go through that here.”
Their lengthy walk took them into a room filled with Doofenshmirtz’s failed Inators, the same one Ferb passed on the way in earlier. “Truth be told, I’m glad Dad took this intern thing as a work-released. Having him as a teacher my last two years in high school was disastrous; no one should have to go through that. I won’t even get into him chaperoning my Prom.. or the giant robot fight that followed. At least here the craziness is somewhat contained.”
She sat down in a comfortable recliner which was attached to a machine labeled ‘The Lounge-inator’, as Ferb simply leaned against another of Doof’s otherinventions. “To be honest I didn’t even expect to be in town. I only came here because Dad told me he actually got me a car…unfortunately he just didn’t tell me it was the family car from Drusselstein.”
Pulling a photo from her pocket, she passed it over to Ferb, who snatched it and took a look. The car could easily be mistaken for the original Ford Model T…only with wooden tires instead of rubber, and no windows in the carriage…and the engine located on top of the car.
“Yep, it just screams hip and chic, doesn’t it?” She said sarcastically. “It’s collecting dust down in the garage area. I’m afraid to bring it into daylight for fear someone I know my associate me with it.”
Ferb partially agreed with her. It wasn’t the most gorgeous looking ride, but it was an experiment. And just like his step-brother, Ferb never met an experiment he couldn’t enhance. Pulling a wrench from his pocket, he twirled it in his hand and smirked, which confounded Vanessa.
“Uh, Ferb?”
“Vanessa, I know what I’m gonna do today.”

“So, when do we get to ‘splodin’ stuff?”
That was the question Buford proposed to Doofenshmirtz as the evil doctor continued to work on his newest Inator on his balcony. “In due time, Buford. Right now I need to put the finishing touches on my latest invention, so I can get payback on Rodney.”
“Who the hell’s Rodney?” Buford asked.
“Oh, it’s a long story…” Heinz informed him. “…so you might wanna sit down, you know, in case your legs get tired.”
Buford grabbed a chair and plopped down in it as the evil doctor continued. “You see several years ago I developed this evil organization called L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. and planned to use it to take over the Tri-State Area! That was until a smug, chrome-dome jerk named Rodney decided to challenge me for leadership.”
“Heh, Rodney is kind of a dumb name.” Buford commented.
“Actually it’s short for Aloyse Elizabeth Wolfgang something, but he actually likes it when you say his whole name, so I just call him Rodney for short.” Doof clarified. “Or Roddy if I’m feeling really vengeful against him. Anyway, to show him once and for who is the Emperor of Evil in Danville, I have just completed this…THE FAILURE-INATOR!!!”
Buford took another look at the machine, and wasn’t impressed. “So what’s it do, cause stuff to blow up when it breaks?”
“Not quite…” Doofenshmirtz replied. “…but it does cause them to fail! You see, ol’ Rodney hates it when things fail around him, so I’m gonna point it at HIS hideout, causing all of his ‘Izors’ to malfunction, and showing him that I am the greatest Evil Scientific Mind in the TRI-STATE AREA!!!”
“Hmm, interesting…” Buford commented. “…but I’d just give him a wedgie.”
Heinz chuckled at that suggestion. “Ah, so young, so knew to the evil scientist game. You’ll soon learn that sometimes, overly complex machines and planning are the way to go!”
And with that, he flipped the switch on his Failure-inator, sending a purple beam rocketing down to the street. At ground level there was a small mirror placed there for the beam to ricochet, followed by another two blocks down, and another several stories up across the street, and over a dozen more placed in intricate parts of downtown Danville in order for Doofenshmirtz to accurately hit his target and succeed in his mission. Unfortunately near the point of first contact, a mirror truck happened to pass in front of the beam as it hit ground level, changing the trajectory and shooting it back at Doofenshmirtz’s own building.
“Oh that’s just great, the Mirror delivery guy is late!” Doof said, recalling the look of the truck. “I bet he took a long lunch again. You know, some people just don’t have dedication to their jobs!”
Helpless to stop it, Doofenshmirtz watched as the beam reentered the building via an open window one floor below. From there it would ricochet around various reflective surfaces, eventually finding its way to the very room Ferb & Vanessa occupied earlier; the Inator storage room. From there, chaos took control as every Doofenshmirtz invention in the room was hit by the beam…which effects caused them all to hum too life in perfect working condition. Everything from the Abominable-inator to the Kinderlumper-inator to even the Alarm-inator was now fully functional. The latter Inator especially, as it sent out an alarm to all receptors within its transmitting distance…including the O.W.C.A.
“Uh sir, you might wanna take a look at this…” Carl informed his commander as he dutifully watched surveillance. A moment later he was joined in his viewing by Major Monogram, who nearly flipped his mustache over the sight on the screen.
“Sweet Buttery Brown Sugar!” He exclaimed. “Are those—!?”
“Yes sir!” Carl confirmed, interrupting his boss. “Every one of Doofenshmirtz’s Inators have been reactivated and are now in working order! I’m afraid…it’s a Code Pistachio!”
Monogram furrowed his brow. “Hmm, in that case we need to call in Agent P ASAP. Also, that is the LAST time we name codes for catastrophic situations during an Ice Cream Social!”
“Agent P’s already present for his briefing on-screen, sir!” Carl revealed. “And I thought you liked the Ice Cream Socials!”
“I didn’t say I didn’t like them, I just don’t think they’re a proper setting to discuss how to refer to world-threatening situations in code.” Monogram clarified before noticing his top agent in his lair on screen. “AH, greetings Agent P! As you no doubt may have heard, we now have a Code Pistachio; obviously Carl’s idea with the name. Doofenshmirtz’s past inventions have been reactivated and are actually fully functional. One of them could cause trouble for the area, but all of them can practically bring society to its knees. So go out there and stop him, Agent P!”
Perry let out a guttural growl as he saluted his superior before hopping in a glass tube, shooting off towards his destination and his mission…stopping his arch enemy Doofenshmirtz once again.

“Ferb…you’re unbelievable!”
Vanessa gave that sincere exclamation as she stood in the Doofenshmirtz Garage in awe. Just a half hour ago she was the owner of a busted down automobile that could barely get 5 feet per hour. But thanks to the skillful hands of Ferb, she now laid her eyes on a sleek and stylish convertible with retractable roof, 4-wheel drive, Blu-Ray Player, GPS and a Cappuccino maker.
Proud of his work, the green-haired teen simply twirled his wrench again, before holstering it in his pocket. “This is incredible! I love it!” She declared, hugging Ferb affectionately for his actions.
As she released him however, Ferb held up a finger, indicating that he had more to show her. He then leaned over and activated the car radio. A moment later, several speakers emerged from the trunk area as the music began to play. Vanessa was even more impressed by the sight.
“Talk about your surround sound.” She noted, before noticing Ferb, who extended his hand for a dance.
Flattered, she gladly took the invitation and the two began to dance all around her newly improved car. The music played on as the two moved in unison, swinging their hips and matching each other step for step. Their eyes met, and Vanessa grinned at the young Brit, causing Ferb to smile back. Opportunity had indeed knocked for the young man, and he was seizing it.
Unfortunately their warm moment would be spoiled by the sound of low rumbling heard above them. It was followed by the ceiling crashing down behind Ferb, and one of Heinz’s Inators falling with it; fully charged and ready to fire on the surprised duo.
“You…wouldn’t happen to know your way around Inators, would you Ferb?”
- 1
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Intern the Dragon