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Sorcery	By : LiPooh Category: +S through Z > South Park > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1713 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, nor South Park. I just wrote the story, and do not make any kind of profit whatsoever out of it.

Chapter List
- 1-Sorcery
- 1
It relieved the Marsh parents when, while inspecting their son’s school grades, no F’s were spotted. Randy was, in all honesty, surprised. In his early years of high school, failure seemed to chase him in every subject. It took him time to adjust to things, but once he did, nothing could stop him there. Though, how he became a Geologist is another story.
To celebrate her son’s non-failure (school year isn’t over, therefore it isn’t “victory” yet), Sharon decided to make him a blueberry pie. She knows how everyone loves blueberry in that family, and there is no person who can possibly dislike pies in the world. So, she checked if they had all the ingredients to make the pie before go to bed.
It was much too late to go to the market and buy some blueberries at eleven oh clock, so Sharon just asked her son in the morning to go get some. It didn’t occur to her that it was Sunday, therefore the local market was closed, and the only other market was located miles away from their home. No adult had time to drive there, and that’s another reason why she asked Stan to go: he has legs, and can go walking. Well, could go walking, if it wasn’t on the other side of the city.
What would be of a blueberry pie, without blueberries, though? To try and fix the situation, Randy suggested his son to go to the nearby woods and pick out some, just the enough for his mother to make the pie. Technically, they wouldn’t break any laws if no one saw, right? He gave Stan some pebbles and briefly told him to not get lost and don’t come back too late.
Feeling like he was in some sort of in real life Little Red Riding Hood story, Stan invited Kyle to accompany him into the lost tracks of the woods. He knew they wouldn’t get lost, because he would leave the pebbles on the way, to follow them when coming back. It worked to Hansel and Gretel, anyway. Besides, they went hunting on those woods once, so it wasn’t completely abandoned. He guessed.
“Let me get this straight; your mom decided to make you a pie, and that’s why we’re in the middle of the forest, looking for blue-fucking-berries, in a mountain.” Kyle brought a hand up to his forehead and massaged his temples. “Your family is fucked up, dude. You could’ve just told them to make the pie tomorrow or something, seriously.” He snorted loudly, continuing to follow his friend deeper inside the nature’s lungs. He wasn’t completely okay with idea, in fact, he disagreed to go, but Stan being his best buddy for all eternity, he had to. Regardless of having to walk miles and miles into the forest, or of the enormous possibility of getting lost, or even being attacked by some wild animal, Kyle didn’t agree to go because he just wanted to spend that afternoon doing the shitload of Math homework they had due to next week. It was relaxing, entertaining, quiet and promising. Also a lot more secure than wondering around some forest after blueberries.
“Dude, my parents are retarded as fuck—“
“No shit.”
“—that’s why I choose to just not question their authority anymore. I’m done.” Stan stopped walking for a second and looked around, contemplating the surroundings. He had a slight feeling they had been here before, and it made his stomach twirl. If something happened to the pebbles, they’d be lost in the woods until God knows when.
Kyle, noticing the worried look on his friend’s face, rolled his eyes and proceeded to continue walking. Stan’s hand flew to his elbow, though, stopping him in mid-action. He turned his head a little to the side, frowning in annoyance while looking at the raven’s livid face. “Dude, walk. The faster we find the goddamn fruits, the faster we get the hell out of here.” Kyle jerked his arm out of his friend’s grip and continued to step further into the living green maze.
“But, dude, we’ve already been here. See those two trees that intertwine?” Stan pointed to said plants. His face held such horror that even his eyes seemed to discolor a little, going from bright to shallow grayish blue. Kyle could just sigh at that.
“Trees are fucking everywhere, Stan. And yes, they intertwine. Big fucking deal.” He rolled his eyes once again, before glare back at his raven haired friend. He had his arms crossed for a while now, and maybe it would express a little more the fun he was having, if his lovely words didn’t do that already.
“No, but, I mean, I’ve seen them before!”
“Okay, so hypothetically speaking, if we had been here before, where are the pebbles? I don’t know any animal that eats rocks, Stan. Do you? Yeah, I don’t think so. Now get your shit together and let’s find the goddamn blueberries.”
“But some deer or something could’ve fucked up the trail.” The raven tried out, lowering his voice as he spoke and looking down at the leafy ground underneath them.
“Oh, Sherlock, your words are so wise it makes me feel like a little illiterate mouse.” Kyle frowned in pity while talking, but his expression went to blank in a second as he finished the sentence.
“Okay, Kyle. I’m being stupid, I get it. Now try to cheer up, will you? We’re not going anywhere without the fruits, so just light up a bit, Jeez. You’re making even the pebbles feel intimidated.” Stan frowned and continued to open path for the redhead, not forgetting to leave the pebbles on the way.
The silence after that didn’t last more than five seconds, and Kyle broke it to apologize. He admitted he was being a pain, but anyone would be, too, if was forced into the forest (with all the wild animals and insects and reptiles and shit) to look for tiny little fruits for a pie he wouldn’t even eat. Even if Stan takes a slice to school the next day, Cartman would probably devour it before anyone could take a look at it.
After a while (Kyle could swear they’d have been walking for an eternity of hours), both boys were simply too tired to even breathe right. They sat down on rocks to rest a little, sharing that wonderful silence (also known as the forest’s song or something like that), which made both of them a little scared and wanting to get out of there as soon as possible, really. Listening to every movement of every thing that was less than twenty feet away was very disturbing. Not just because it let them know that was something there, but it said it was also alive, and that just made things worse.
“Um, Stan? Can we just find those blueberries and get out of here?” The redhead spoke after a couple of minutes, flinching with every other sound that was made by something he couldn’t see.
“Who’s the bitch now?” Stan smirked up at Kyle, resting his chin on his palm. For as much as he was also scared and wanting to just run away from there and never ever come back, he was not going to let this one pass without a word. The look Kyle gave him was enough to kill someone, if it could.
“Excuse me, but I know you, and I can tell when you’re scared, so quit pretending to be the macho here and let’s just go.” The boy got up and briefly brushed his closed off with his hands, before turn away and start walking in whatever direction.
Without a word, Stan just sighed and followed his friend. They were pretty much lost, and the pebbles were running out, so they would have to find a blueberry bush soon. Very soon. Right now would be a nice moment for that to happen. Any time would be a nice moment for it to happen.
Both were trying to search more and walk less, so maybe they could sight one. It was when Stan was almost freaking out trying to find more rocks/pebbles that he spotted Heaven in the shape of little blue round fruits. A bush full of it, right next to an enormous tree. The tree was practically swallowing what was important, and maybe that’s the reason to why it was hard to locate it.
The boys literally bounced around and hugged each other and even danced to no music before redirect to the bush and collect the beautiful, beautiful blueberries from it. Kyle couldn’t contain his joy and soon his face started to hurt from grinning so much. He would finally go home and get to do that relaxing little Math homework of his, and Stan would get to eat his well-deserved pie.
Not bad for a day’s work; not bad at all. They spent the whole afternoon getting lost, yes, but if they run, they will probably even get back before sundown, and that was such a wonderful idea.
Just as they were about to finish picking the blueberries, though, a noise of wooden wheels and horses running against the ground could be heard. It was a very faint noise, but if they paid attention, they could hear it. Kyle frowned and laid a hand over Stan’s, stopping the boy from making noise which would interfere the listening. The wheels seemed to get closer and closer to them each second it passed by, and it was running fast.
In less than five seconds, the thing which was making the wheel noise was revealed: it was a carriage. Pretty much expected, though it wasn’t like any ordinary carriage. Instead of being shaped like a wooden ball that was placed on top of four wheels with horses and a chauffeur, it was a typical Romanian carriage. The kind which would be used in the coliseum, for fights. It was, practically, a string attached to a horse and a piece of wood carrying the standing man around. Of course, it being Romanian, the “piece of wood” had countless details and the horse was beautifully dressed with cloths and whatnot.
If the boys hadn’t thrown themselves in the bushes to not get hit by the carriage, our story would end here and now.
“Holy fuck, what was that?!” Stan cried out, putting himself up to a sitting position and gazing at the man in the carriage far in the horizon.
“Why would a Romanian… What the fuck. Just what the fuck.” Kyle muttered before get up and brush his clothes clean with his hands. This forest was really creeping him out. If a Romanian in a carriage almost killed them, then there are worse things to watch out for than just wild animals/insects/whatever.
“Not even the city’s green areas are uninhabited, Jesus.” Stan held on his friend’s hand for support to get up, and briefly flicked every green or moving thing that was attached to his jacket.
It caught their attention when, in that small silence they shared, really faint noises –almost whispers—could be heard in the distance. Far, far way in the distance of the horizon, lost in the middle of the forest. They could only gaze at the trees and wonder what is behind it all. Maybe they had reached the very opposite extreme of the woods, and that is a shortcut back to South Park, because it sure sounded just like a lot of people talking.
Kyle glanced at the track of pebbles they had left on the way up to the bush, or better, what was left of it, since the carriage spread it all. He let a sigh escape his lips and turned back to face the wall of trees where the voices were coming from.
They didn’t have how to go back. It was getting dark soon. The sound of people talking was just ahead.
Those were more than enough reasons for both boys to go check it out.
Shelter and food sounded much closer than it really was. By the volume of the voices, a crowd of people was just ahead, though they actually had to make their way through the wall of trees and down the grass hill to get to see the city a hundred feet away.
Disappointing how it definitely was not South Park.
The closer they got, the clearer it was the difference. The architecture looked very much like the ones from Ancient Rome, as well as the people’s choice of clothes and the atmosphere arrangement. There was no asphalt, no bricks and no cement. The streets were made of earth, there were no vehicles, and the houses were made of giant blocks one on top of another.
The people were wearing cloths hanging around their bodies, just like Romanians used to do hundreds of years before Christ. The amount of poor people in the streets was alarming, while just a few were rich and powerful, living off the people’s hard work, time and dedication. Not too different from now, though, but the situation of that place was much too degraded for people not do anything about it. The unfairness was easily shown.
“…Dude… Where the fuck are we?!” Stan cried out, enormously disappointed.
“Question is: WHY THE FUCK ARE WE IN ANCIENT ROME?” Kyle was frowning and looking around, lost as one could be. He wished he could just go back in time and fuck up at least one of Stan’s grades, so he wouldn’t get to eat pie, therefore the quest to find blueberries would never exist, and they would just not be in this fucking place, but chilling in their houses instead.
A cold breeze swept over the God forsaken city, warning everyone it was time to gather inside their houses as the day came to an end. The sun was almost disappearing whole behind the trees, and the boys just agreed in spend the night there somewhere instead of trying to go back now. They weren’t so lost, after all. At least not as lost as they could get inside the forest at night.
Both of them started wondering around town, to maybe spot some place where two lost souls could rest until sunlight. It took longer than Kyle thought it would to find a haystack in someone’s backyard. People’s domains weren’t fenced, so it was easy for the boys to sneak in without anyone seeing them and jump inside the haystack. It sounded much more comfortable than it actually was.
“Ugh, this shit itches. I’ll wake up all red and shit. That if I don’t wake up blind or something, seriously. What the fuck.” Stan ranted quietly while moving around, trying to make himself comfortable somehow.
“Who are you; my cousin Kyle? Take the fucking itch as a goddamn man, so stop being a pussy and just go the fuck to sleep. I’m not liking this shit either, but do you see me annoying the fuck out of you because of it? No, so shut up.” Kyle frowned and rolled his eyes, before lay on his back and carefully pile the hay around him. After a while doing so, it got to the result he expected: a cylindrical-like bubble of air around him. If he didn’t move so much in there, no hay would bother him in his sleep. Bingo.
Stan could only lie there and watch, amazed, while sharp strings of hay hid in between his hair and poked his skin through his clothes, making his whole body itch. In reflex, he scratched the innumerous areas which were itching, leaving red marks everywhere. “Um, do I, uh, fit in there with you or something? I’ll stop being a dick. Promise.”
Kyle shot him a look which read he didn’t fully trust him. He knew Stan would end up fucking up the beautifully cozy little bubble he made, but he’s too soft to forbid the raven from doing anything. Besides, it’s just one stupid night.
“Okay, fine. Just don’t destroy it.” Kyle lay on his side and moved a little to the side, on the very “wall” of the bubble, making way for Stan to fit in there. The only problem was that the space is limited to only one person and a half, so they had to literally lie face to face.
“…” Maybe Stan was just a little too big—or maybe it was both of them—because the “wall” of the bubble trembled a little, nearly making everything collapse. It took both boys’ breaths away by surprise. It would be such a bitch to fix it all if something happened.
In a desperate attempt to not destroy their precious bubble, Stan placed an arm around Kyle’s waist and brought the boy forward, making their chests glue on each other’s and the other’s face the only thing they could see.
“…” Kyle was not amused. Stan could tell, since the redhead was frowning down at his bottom lip, motionless and silent, just watching every stupid move of his.
To not make things worse—which would lead to Kyle questioning his sexuality—Stan decided to let things as they were, and just follow Kyle’s first advice to “shut the fuck up and go the fuck to sleep”.
—
Waking up wasn’t the most pleasurable thing the next morning. But then again, since the very first moment they had stepped inside the forest, comfort and pleasure were things which no one would ever find in the woods. Unless they’re Tarzan or something.
The crowd of people was back in the streets, but they were just so loud this time. Way louder than the last time they’ve heard them. It sounded like some kind of riot to make justice and bring equality to the people. The headmaster was shouting things to encourage the people to fight, to not be afraid, and apparently, it was working very well.
Kyle lazily sat upright, and stretched his back before glance at the people. It took him a moment to realize they were everywhere. And they were marching. Everyone was walking to the same direction, shouting the same things, thinking alike, with the same objective.
“Holy shit, dude…” He blinked a couple of times, just not believing they would have to go through all those people just to get out of someone’s backyard and cross the street.
Stan didn’t take long to yawn and get up, ready for whatever shit they had to go through. In his head, being ready is half way there, so he gathered all the optimism left in his self and helped his friend up, sighing afterwards. At least one of them had to be strong here, and most of the time that person is Kyle, but he’s willing to try.
Leaving any homosexual tendencies aside, the boys held hands and dove in the middle of all those people, automatically throwing excuses and apologies to everyone who glared at them while they made their way to the other side. It didn’t matter how hard both of them tried, nor how much dedication they put into it, deep inside they knew it was impossible to reach their goal. And it was true. After a while, they just stopped fighting against the flux of people, and just went with it to whatever direction they were going.
Turns out they weren’t going anywhere in particular. They were all just walking in circles around town, yelling and shouting. Most of them didn’t even know what was happening, just went with it because couldn’t cross the street, Kyle guessed.
It was when a girl, sitting on top of a fancy carriage—much different from the one they’ve seen earlier—waving and begging for mercy caught their eyes that Stan’s breath was taken away for good. Neither of the boys wanted to believe, but just as they got closer to her, her features were coming out of the blur, and her face was revealed, along with her long, black hair. It was true, it was real, and it was Wendy.
It was with much effort and apologies that they managed to make a way to her. She was crying her eyes out, messing up all of her fancy makeup, and her rich dress was a little dirty from all the sitting on top of the carriage, besides all those poor people walking past her. They got her to get down the carriage and grabbed her hand, determined to get out of that walking maze of Hell.
It took them at least twenty whole minutes to find a way out, and once they did, she quickly threw her arms around their necks and hugged them tightly. The girl was sobbing too much to form words in order to properly thank them, so she just let the happiness sink and manners of a lady hit her. Before saying anything, she stood upright and gracefully revered the boys. “My humble thanks, gentile sirs. May I know your names?”
“Uh… Don’t you know who we are, Wen—“
“My name is Kyle, and he is Stan.”
The girl carefully watched them from up to bottom, analyzing their vests and appearance. They didn’t look manly enough to be older than ten, she assumed, but they sure were tall. Just as tall as her. “May I ask where you got these weird outfits?”
“Uh, my… My mom, she made it for us. She’s weird.” Kyle shrugged, playing along. Maybe Stan would get the hint that some crazy shit happened, and they’re not in South Park anymore. This definitely is not Wendy, and they had to find a way to go back to their time as soon as possible. It wasn’t even alarming, since even crazier things had happened to them, but this was another rock on the way, and it was blocking their way back home. Therefore, it was annoying, so it should just be destroyed with fire or something to vanish from their lives and never come back.
“I can find you boys better outfits, if you’d let me. Normal outfits, made with the best silk, as a reward for saving me.” The girl took their hands and walked them to the closest carriage she could find. There, she told the owner to drive them to the palace. Strangely much, the man did so, without questioning. The boys didn’t question, either. They would get clothes and maybe even shelter—a real shelter—so there was no reason to go against the nice and rich lady.
It took more than expected to ride through all those people. Kyle guessed they would open path, but no. They closed it, in fact, doing everything and more to make their ride painfully slow and annoying. All the endless shouting, pointless gathering of innumerous homeless in the street in a riot which would probably get to nothing made both boys’ heads fill with annoyance and irritation. The girl seemed used to it, though, as she knew exactly what to do.
Whenever a rebel would throw things at them, she would automatically dash, getting out of the situation clean and unharmed. Whenever they would jump on the carriage, she would pinch them in the stomach and they would fall off of it. Whenever someone would refuse to get out of the way, she would tell the chauffer to run over them. They always ended up somewhat cleaning the path a little.
It wasn’t all that impressive, though, because Wendy had always been intelligent and a know-it-all, for as much as Kyle liked that title to himself. Still, the situation was pretty much not appropriate for a lady with such class as she seemed to have, which turned everything a little more hilarious and less angering.
—
The palace was pretty much what Kyle had in mind it would be. Enormous, impeccable, rich, powerful, demanding, godly, you got the idea. It was a typical palace from Ancient Rome, with the Romanian columns, proportion and looks in general. Guards and gold all around it.
The chauffer entered the gates and past the wall of guards to stop in front of the main entrance, to leave the lady and the boys at their destination as royally as possible. The girl thanked the man and he took off back to his house as soon as she did so. She, then, turned to the boys and gestured for them to walk upstairs to the giant doors of the palace.
Once inside, they had to take some seconds to swallow all the awesomeness that the palace held within its walls.
The height of the major hall was about thirty feet tall, with a distance of fifteen feet from the door to the stairway ahead. There were red carpets hanging around some walls and one on its place on the floor, connecting the door to the steps of the stairs. They could see a couple of balconies on the sides of the walls, which were there to prevent people from falling off the next floor. About half way up the stairs, it would split in the middle, each side leading to one extremity of the palace. Right and left. Instead of doors, there were arches, and as decoration, an enormous variety of paintings, decorated vases and plants.
There weren’t only arches upstairs, though. There were arches downstairs, too, about four or five, all around the room. Two on each right and left wall, and maybe one leading under the stairway, they couldn’t tell.
“I’ll lead you two to my room. Follow me.” The lady said sweetly, walking past them and up the stairs. As they followed her, both boys could see some sort of kitchen through one of the arches downstairs. They could only see a quick flash of a lady holding a big, golden plate of food in hands, going further inside the room.
They were hungry as one could be, but neither of them said anything. It surely would sound rude and the lady might throw them out of her beautiful, beautiful palace. Now, who would want that?
They walked upstairs, to the left, and to the second right, through an arch. It leaded them to a long hallway, with an amazing view, nonetheless. There were actual doors on the right, about eight, but none seemed to be the one she was going for. They followed her down the whole hallway and through another arch, on the very last right.
It was a big, white and caramel room. It had a table in the center, and in two opposite walls there were large windows. The ones on the left showed the outside landscape, while the ones on the right showed a personal garden she had in the middle of the palace. Around the table were a couple of chairs, and in a corner of the room sat a red armchair, next to an enormous bookshelf. On the wall opposite the bookshelf, was another arch, and it was in there the lady’s goal after their clothes.
Her objective—the wardrobe—was inside a room which was definitely her bedroom. It had an enormous king-sized double bed on a stall which made you walk up four steps to get to it. There were some cloths hanging from the walls to over the bed, making what looked like a tent over the mattress, which made the bed look even more comfortable. Besides the mattress itself look fluffier than anything they’ve ever touched in their lives, the quilt over it and the innumerous pillows made the bed make their bodies relax just by looking at it.
“Holy shit, Kyle. I want to jump on that.” Stan whispered before the lady turned around to face them, holding clothes of the age in front of them, as if mentally trying it on them. She smiled and handed the boys their respective vests, before point to an arch behind them. They hadn’t even noticed it existed, since the bed stole all the attention.
“Once you are finished changing, meet me downstairs in the kitchen. I want you to meet someone important as we dine.” They nodded and proceeded to walk to the room she pointed as she turned around and walked away, still with that smile on her face.
Both boys took off their clothes, agreeing in keeping the boxers on for good manners. Even if they weren’t supposed to wear them. No one would notice, after all.
Kyle grabbed the outfit from the spot he had left it on the floor and held it in front of him, trying to figure out how he was supposed to wear it. There were simply too many cloths hanging around. He turned to Stan, about to ask him which of the three parts of the outfit was the shorts, but as he did so, the words got stuck in his throat and never made their way out.
Stan was two feet away from the master bed.
“Dude!” Kyle shouted, dropping the outfit back on the floor before run towards his friend, unable to believe what was going to happen. Though, as he got to the bed, Stan had already thrown himself on its fluffiness, the feeling of Heaven on his skin. Kyle could simply not believe his friend had just touched that preciousness. It wasn’t even theirs, to begin with.
“Ohh, God, what is this feeling. This is glorious.” Stan moaned, burring his body further into the mattress.
“I can’t believe you, Stan. Seriously. Just get out of there before anyone sees you.” Kyle spoke out while shooting a glance to the arch they got in through, fearing someone would walk on them.
Before he could react, though, Stan shot a hand to his wrist and pulled him on the bed, making him fall half on the preciousness that was the mattress and half on top of the raven. It simply was too good to not lie flat on that cloud of comfortableness, so he turned to lie on his back, closing his eyes.
“Ahhwn, Jesus Christ, is this even real.” He moaned and turned around, trying to feel the bed as much as he could. He buried his face on the silk that was the quilt, inhaling its rich scent and exhaling calmly, enjoying its every fiber massaging his body.
“I know.” Stan also turned around, lying on his stomach. He had his elbows supporting his weight and a great view of Kyle from there. Not too close, but not too far. “Imagine how it would be having sex on this baby.” He was unaware of the smirk his grin turned when the redhead opened his eyes and looked up at him.
“It’d bring all the boys to the yard.” Kyle grinned, watching Stan roll his eyes, but with a matching grin on his face, nevertheless.
The next few moments were spent with both boys just looking at each other. It was almost an exchange of appreciation looks towards the other. Appreciating the other’s features they had long memorized, and even watched its development throughout the years, though something in the scenario was amiss. Neither of the boys could read the message the other’s eyes were crying to send. It was always something so easy, to know what the other meant or wanted or needed, but this time it seemed like it was encrypted. Confusion was the main reason why it was so difficult to read it out this specific time, though a little bit of uncertainty was also in the solution’s way.
“Um, so, we should be going. Not-Wendy’s waiting us. Besides, I’m fucking hungry.” Kyle went against every last one of his cells screaming “NO” and got out of bed. He walked back to where their outfits were and started trying out the innumerous ways the cloths would make sense around his body.
Stan, though, succumbed to his body and remained lying on that little piece of Heaven, just watching Kyle get dressed. He didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed Kyle’s sweet ass before. Bebe always talked about it, but he had made an assumption it was because she liked him that everything of his body and personality were perfect on her eyes, but no. It was a fact. Just like how Kyle looks even cuter wearing glasses and how his short basketball shorts fit so nicely around his thighs, ass and waist.
Of course these assumptions about Kyle never left his head. He would never, ever talk about it because, well, as much as he hated to admit it, Kyle’s fucking sexy. At least he finds Kyle sexy. It’s not like he’s jealous or anything, it’s more like a… “Wow, you’re sexy, we should make out” kind of thing. “I’m sexy, you’re sexy, we should make out.” That’s the main reason why he would never talk about it.
“Stan, get up. I found out how to wear these Romanian things.” The redhead picked his friend’s outfit from the floor and walked back to the boy. He took a seat beside him on the bed and held the cloths above his knees, looking down at him, waiting for him to give out a life sign.
“Just two more minutes, mom.” Stan groaned, looking up at his Romanian clothes on the boy’s knees. They didn’t seem appealing or comfortable, at all.
“It’s actually very easy. You just have to pass this through your head and let it rest on one of your shoulders and then this one goes on your waist along with this one, which clicks with the first one, and tah-dah.”
“…”
Stan blinked a couple of times before move to get up and out of bed. He stretched his back and put his outfit on, carefully following Kyle’s advices, step by step. It took him about five tries to get it right, but the result was nice enough, so he believed it was worth all the work.
They walked back to the main hall, downstairs, following the exact same trajectory the lady did to go to the room. The fear of being late for lunch was too great for them to get lost in that palace. Besides, two very rich people were waiting for them, and they were more than late already.
By the time they reached downstairs, the marvelous scent of food caught their attention right away, like a magnet. On the inside, excitement and hunger were eating their insides, but to keep it professional, their outside was nothing like it. The very opposite, actually. They looked like had just eaten earlier and weren’t even up for a tidbit.
Kyle would never doubt that the meeting/lunch was a good idea, since the palace is a pretty place and there were tones of food displayed on that mileage table, if only one thing—or better, person—wasn’t there. It had to be, he was sure. Nothing is Heaven. His life wouldn’t be his life if Eric fucking Cartman wouldn’t be part of it. Of course the fucker would follow him even in Ancient Rome, for crying out loud. Besides, where there’s food, Cartman is there, or had already been, or was going to be.
“Meet our Emperor, Eric Caesar Theodore Cartman.” The lady spoke while motioning for the boys to take their seats on the table.
Cartman was wearing a typical outfit of Rome Emperor. Besides its golden decorations and spiked Romanian initials, he even had a cape. He was never the most humble person around, so it didn’t really impress any of the boys the fact he had a motherfucking cape attached to his richass outfit, while people on the streets were dying for a tiny little shitty piece of bread.
Because he was Cartman.
And Cartman never, ever, absolutely ever thought of anyone else besides himself. Maybe, just maybe, that’s the reason why his people are dying. Just maybe.
“This is Stan and Kyle, my heroes.”
“It was no problem, ma’am.” Stan shrugged, reaching for a delicious looking chicken wing.
“It is my pleasure to meet you, sirs. May I know where you gentle warriors are from?” The Emperor asked, taking a grape from a golden plate of fruits and bringing it to his mouth.
The boys exchanged a brief but worried look.
“We’re from… Azkaban.” Kyle’s answer made Stan shoot him another look.
“Oh, Azkaban? I have yet not heard of such a place before. Is it near the Persian Empire?”
“No, actually, it’s in the middle of North Sea. Either way, though, we appreciate your kind welcoming, but we must be going. Again, thank you.” The redhead was about to get up when his friend got a grip of his arm and pulled him back down on his chair.
“Don’t mind him; we can stay.” Stan told the Emperor and took another bite off the chicken.
An awkward silence filled the room as both boys dined. The lady and the Emperor had already eaten while waiting for them to arrive in the kitchen, which made the atmosphere even more awkward. With narrowed eyes, the Emperor watched them as they enjoyed their meals in golden plates. Kyle was sure of it. He could feel the hazel eyes on him, making him nervous and losing appetite.
“Um, may I ask you something?” The redhead broke the silence, directing the question to the Emperor. He brought a cloth napkin up to his lips and tapped it lightly against them, as honorably as he could pull off.
“Absolutely.” The Emperor watched him with slightly frowned brows.
“You rule these lands, am I correct?”
“Indeed.”
“I apologize, but your people are miserable. They are hungry, cold and poor. You, sir, should do something about it. Just sayin’.” Kyle shrugged and finished off his plate, while everyone else was simply frozen in place, shocked, by his words. Stan knew they were going to get the chair soon. Really soon.
“Well, sir, by your comment, I assume you have figured out a solution to my problems.” Cartman rested his back on the armchair he was sitting on, looking down at the redhead with piercing eyes.
“Why, I do, in fact.” Kyle abruptly got up and directed himself to the archway out. “We’re in business.” He said before walk outside the kitchen and to the hall, expecting Cartman to follow him.
Stan flicked his blue orbs from the archway to the Emperor. He could feel a sweat drop running down the side of his face in fear. Kyle should just learn to behave sometimes.
It took Cartman a couple of seconds to what happened sink down in his brain, and he got up to follow the redhead.
Stan followed them, too, just in case.
The Emperor walked them both to the conference room (which was much closer than the bedroom and downstairs). It was, actually, a cozy little room with a table in the middle, two chairs, one armchair, and a lot of bookshelves around. It only had two arches: the one leading to the rest of the palace, which was the one they got in through, and another one which lead outside, to the personal garden.
“See, if you give them some things, they’ll shut up.” Kyle started off, pulling a chair to himself and sitting down in front of the table.
Listening very carefully, Cartman took a seat across the redhead, on his armchair. Stan just rested his back against the wall beside the arch and watched them both from rather afar.
“Before we begin, I’ll say this is only temporary. It is a plan to give you time to actually make things right while people are distracted. I need you to understand that, Caesar. It is very important. You can’t let things like this. You have to promise me you’ll do your best to fix things, not just delude your people. Okay? Promise me, Caesar.” Kyle placed his forearms on the table and leaned forward, closer to Cartman, frowning in seriousness and with eyes locked on his. Maybe, if Cartman actually does his part, history will change and the world will be a better place. Everything is on his hands, so Kyle has to make damn sure he’ll do his part.
“Yes, I promise.”
They shared a few more seconds of intense glaring into each other’s souls, until Kyle felt convinced by the other’s words and backed off. Invading Cartman’s personal space maybe isn’t the best thing when trying to get something out of him. That with anyone.
“Okay. Well, people say they’re hungry, so let us give them bread. But people well fed and with empty heads will only bring us problems, once they have plenty of time to think and actually ratiocinate, so let us give them circuses. That way they’ll be entertained and with their stomachs full.”
The light which reached the Emperor’s brain was holy. It immediately brought a smile to his face and ideas in his head. He wouldn’t spend so much with the breads and circuses, and the people would be quiet, giving him freedom to do almost anything without them noticing. Kyle’s advice was truly meaningful. He was practically unstoppable now. The whole Empery was in his hands, and there was nothing, not a single thing that would make a difference besides his own ideas and thoughts.
“My Zeus; thank you, gentle sir, for your wonderful advice. You have no idea how this helps me. I appreciate immensely.” Cartman shot up and grabbed Kyle’s hand, giving it a brief handshake before pull him to a bear hug.
Kyle was, out of every other emotion he was feeling at the moment, stunned.
Mainly because he had never wanted anything to do with Cartman, and that tends to lead to no touching Cartman at all and speaking the less possible with him. But, also because Cartman was actually thanking and hugging him. Something Cartman would rather die than doing.
At first, the feeling something was immensely wrong in the scene hit him deeply, making him jerk his arms upward and push the fat boy away from him, but then he remembered himself this was not Cartman. It was, in all senses, any other person of the planet who, unfortunately, also called Eric Theodore Cartman. But as a Romanian Emperor.
“What kind of reward would you like? Women? Money? Horses? A bigger house?” Cartman let go of him and walked back to behind his table, opening a wooden drawer. He took a piece of yellowish paper out of it along with a feather.
“Money is just fine. And, uh, maybe a couple of horses would be nice, too.” Kyle muttered and placed a hand on the chair he was sitting, to keep balance after whatever just happened.
Cartman looked up at him, not really believing his simple wants. Decided Kyle’s eyes were telling the truth and the truth only, he shifted to look at Stan by the archway. The boy shrugged. He took it as a reinforce to Kyle’s request, so went along with it. “Very well.” Cartman placed the feather down on the wooden surface and stood upright, gazing at the archway. “Clyde!”
The brunette soon came running into the conference room. He stopped by Kyle, therefore in front of the Emperor, and briefly revered. “Yes, sir?”
“Show them both the way out. Give them two horses and a pouch of gold.” Cartman commanded and turned to face the redhead. “You are always welcome in my domains, noble sirs. I wish you a glorious travel.” He reached a hand to Kyle, act which was replied with the same movement, and they shared a professional handshake before the redhead give his farewells and leave the palace with his raven friend.
Clyde handed them the pouch and leaded them to the horses, humbly giving them brief thanks and good wishes on their travel.
They both mounted their horses and headed to the opposite direction the girl had brought them to the palace. They already didn’t know where were going, but at least wouldn’t find themselves back in the same place, within all those innumerous people. Kyle knew that, to go back to the forest, and consequentially to South Park, they would have to ride through the riot. Though, the sun was setting, and both boys just wanted a place to sleep, where was free of Cartman and Wendy and everyone else. And, most importantly, hay.
—
The blind ride to whatever place was silent. They rode through some houses, but since it was getting dark, people were gathering inside their houses instead of yelling in the streets, so it was quieter than earlier. It didn’t mind the boys, though, once they were pretty much lost, and the sight of people was a good thing. It meant they weren’t that lost. At least not yet.
After some time, they got to a forest. Chills ran down their spines immediately. Neither of them wanted to dare step inside another forest ever again, but something told Kyle they should risk it. They had gotten in through a forest, so if any forests do the trick, it was likely it would take them out of there and back to their own houses, too, and they would avoid getting stuck in another goddamn riot.
As they were already losing themselves while riding in that new green maze, Kyle realized that this one forest, though, wasn’t as dense as the previous one. The trees were sparser and the bushes were smaller and cuter. Some trees even had fruits, when in the other forest none of them did. It made his heart freeze and stop for a whole second. If this wasn’t going to take them back home, and they got lost again, maybe they would never go back. Or even worse, maybe they would find themselves in yet another era, and to get out of there they would have to find this very same forest and go back through it to then get to Ancient Rome and find the first forest to then get home. In-fucking-ception.
Kyle was sure he wasn’t dead when they spotted some sort of inn just ahead. Around it were more houses and people. Suddenly breathing never felt so relaxing.
A black boy was leaning against the wall, beside the inn’s front door, and as they approached the inn’s entrance, this same boy pushed himself off the wall and walked up to them. It was, definitely, Token. He petted the horses as both boys jumped off them. “Welcome to Tweak Bros. inn, sirs. Please, feel free to talk to me if you need your horses. I’ll lead them to the stable.” He revered and proceeded to do so.
They walked to the building’s front door and knocked. In less than two or so seconds, a blonde girl opened the door for them. Her hair was curly and she had the most beautiful smile. Both could tell that was Bebe.
“Hello and welcome to Tweak Bros. inn. I am your host, Bebe. Please, do come in.” She stepped aside and both of them did as she said. “Tweek is on his way here. Would you like a room?” At their nods, she directed herself to behind the counter. She noted some things down and soon came back with a number and key in hands. “Nineteen it is. It’s just up ahead, upstairs.” She handed them the key and walked up to an archway on the left and past it, to point at the stairs.
“Thank you, Bebe.” Kyle smiled and proceeded to walk to their room, with Stan following close behind. It was, actually, very easy to locate it.
As they unlocked and opened their bedroom door, a sudden “gah!” was heard from behind them. Needless to say it took both of them by surprise, making them scream and Kyle even drop the key. They didn’t even need to look at the boy to know it was Tweek.
“Holy shit, dude.” Stan muttered while turning around to face the blonde.
“Hnng, sorry! Argh, welcome! I’m Tweek; if you need anything, I’m here to help!” He quickly spilled out, tugging at his shirt while doing so. He had the bags under his wide, brown eyes, the dirty yellow, messy hair and was shaking as he usually did. The only difference in his appearance was the little tag on his shirt indicating he was the manager or whatever. It didn’t matter much, since the only thing the boys would need is room service.
“Okay, Tweek. Thanks.” Stan briefly smiled and turned to walk inside the room.
It was fancier than they imagined it would be. The walls and floor were made of wood, and there were windows spread on one of the walls, giving them an awfully wide vision of the outside. And the outside was beautiful beyond words. Trees and trees and trees covering the entire horizon with bushes and flowers, plus the fireflies over the nearby lake they could spot close made everything so magical.
But back to the inside; on the left wall were a wardrobe and a table with chairs around it. There was located a door which Kyle deduced it leaded to the bathroom. Now on the right wall was a double bed with nightstands on each side, all of it over a big, wine-colored rug. It was pretty much a simple room, with a godly view, nonetheless.
Stan kicked off his footwear and threw himself on the bed, sighing afterwards. It was comfortable alright, just nothing like the miracle that was Cartman’s bed. He stared at the ceiling, thinking of nothing. He just didn’t know what else to do. They were stuck in this place, and he honestly didn’t know how to get out anymore. Sighed again and closed eyes.
“You didn’t say a word after the dinner, you know.” Kyle pointed out, taking a seat beside his friend on the bed. “Well, not to me.” He shifted his gaze from the floor to the boy, waiting for a reply of some sort.
Stan opened his eyes and locked them with Kyle’s. “So?”
“Um, nothing, it’s just that… I don’t know; seems like you’re mad at me or something…” Kyle shrugged, looking away to anything that wasn’t the raven.
“…” Stan sighed. A few seconds of silence were shared, with Kyle moving his feet around and Stan watching his facial expression, which went from concern to worry and back. It wasn’t even Kyle’s fault they were in a mixture of Ancient Rome with Middle Age, so there was no reason for him to mistreat his friend like that. Silence treatment, apparently. He wasn’t even aware of it at first.
“Sorry.”
Kyle’s lips curved in a tiny little smile at that.
“I didn’t even know. I’m sorry.”
They then turned in an actual smile. He diverted his gaze from the wall/bed down to his feet, as its tips met, making a triangle-like shape between one foot and the other and the floor.
“… Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Stan. You’ve said it three times already. One was enough.” Kyle shifted his eyes to lock on Stan’s, making his smile even brighter. “Being in this hellhole would be a billion times worse without you, you know.”
“Same here.” Stan mirrored his friend’s smile.
They stared at each other for a few more seconds, until Kyle broke it to lie beside the boy on the bed. He turned his head, though, so they could still look at each other’s faces.
“…” He diverted his gaze again, this time downwards to Stan’s collarbone. That smile back on his face. “You know, you’re very special to me.” One of his hands slid over the covers of the bed closer to Stan; his fingertips softly smoothed the raven’s neck.
“You’re the most special to me.”
That made Kyle instantly look up at him with reddish cheeks, surprised. He had, absentmindedly, retrieved his hand a few inches away from the raven’s neck while doing so.
Stan could only manage a humble smile, trying his best to not blush as well. Attempt wasted, though.
The redhead soon broke eye contact again, gazing back down for a few more moments. He smiled. “You’re the most special to me, too.”
Stan could only grin. The overwhelming happiness flooded his heart in such a way he was practically drowning.
“I want to know if you… If we could have these positions mutually, and… And be allowed to show much more affection towards each other without… Without negative thoughts about it… Or something.” Kyle shrugged nervously while trying to stuff the side of his head deeper inside the quilt. Deep inside he was hoping he would disappear or his words would come out smarter or the heat on his cheeks would just go away.
The grin on Stan’s face was actually starting to hurt.
“God dammit, Kyle. Be cuter. I dare you.” He moved forward and pressed their lips against each other’s. The redhead was taken back for a millisecond, but automatically did the same, kissing the raven back just as eagerly.
Stan was actually apprehensive about taking the next step, so decided to not slip his tongue inside the boy’s mouth—or anywhere else—for as much as he wanted to. It would be safer for their brand new relationship that way.
Kyle, though, had a hand behind the raven’s neck, while the other lay beside him. It eventually went up, under Stan’s cloth-shirt, briefly touching his stomach with his fingertips. He could feel the shivers that ran down Stan’s body at the unexpected touch.
The raven let out a small gasp when Kyle slid his hand downwards, stopping just above his groin. It made him part his lips a little, what Kyle took as an opportunity to softly nibble on his bottom lip, while his fingers played around the sensitive area above and around the boy’s erection.
Stan was so taken back that his brain stopped working, and his body was reacting instinctively instead. He could only fail at holding back small groans and moans at Kyle’s touches, besides wish the boy would abuse more of him.
Kyle gave Stan’s bottom lip a brief lick before letting go of it, smirking afterwards. He, then, moved his hands to the raven’s waist and slid them up his chest, bringing any clothing along. They were lifted over the boy’s head and thrown carelessly aside. He pushed Stan into a sitting position and locked their lips. One hand was under the raven’s chin while the other was wrapped around one of his wrists.
Stan parted his lips, desperate for more human contact which would lead to pleasure, and let their tongues forcefully hit each other’s. Their little moans sounded a little like meowing. It only made the raven frown harder and crave for the boy’s touches, even if it felt awkward and unreasonable when his brain tried to ratiocinate for once.
Kyle let go of his wrist and moved his hand forward to behind the boy’s neck. He let his weight pull them both down on the bed, slowly enough to his back softly lay on the mattress.
Stan was in between the boy’s legs, hungrily rubbing his tongue against everything that belonged inside the redhead’s mouth. It gained him small moans and it quickened both of their breaths, as sweat drops started to form on their skin.
Kyle cried out loud when Stan accidentally rocked their hips, making their erections rub against the fabric of those cloths. The raven groaned, breaking the kiss for oxygen.
It was when everything calmed down for the first time, and his brain quickly computed everything that had just happened.
For as much as he wanted to push himself away, he also wanted to be even closer to the redhead, so his reaction was none.
Kyle, ratiocinating very well since the very beginning, threw his legs upward, wrapping them around the boy’s hips. It brought Stan’s waist down while his went up, making their groins hit each other’s in the process. The raven shyly moaned and buried his face on the boy’s neck. His chest laid on top of Kyle’s while his forearms laid beside the boy’s head.
Kyle sneaked his hands downwards and removed all of their Romanian clothing, leaving them both only with boxers on. Stan didn’t move. He, then, brought a hand up to the raven’s hair, gently caressing him.
“Hey… Hey, Stan.”
“We should… We should stop, Kyle.” Stan breathed back, still with his face hidden on the boy’s neck. The uncertainty of his voice could easily be acknowledged.
“Come on, dude. The sexual tension between us is fucking old. I’m sick of it. Just shut up and go with it.” Kyle placed his hands on Stan’s shoulders and pushed him away. The boy kneed up in between his legs, with those regretful blue eyes locked on his annoyed green ones.
Stan’s gaze traveled down Kyle’s nose and lips; chin, neck and then collarbone. The boy’s hands were lying beside his shoulders, with the back on the mattress. His chest rose quickly, though not as quick as earlier. Stan’s eyes allowed themselves to go further down the boy, down his stomach and stopping at his groin. His heart skipped a beat. If his face could get any redder, he betted it just did.
Obeying the redhead, Stan dove in and pressed his lips against the boy’s neck, while one of his hands made its way to the boy’s stomach. It traced invisible patterns on his skin, going down and under his boxers’ waistband. His fingers played around as he mentally prepared himself to the next step.
He knew Kyle was impatient for, despite his low eyes and burning cheeks, the boy was frowning and grinding his teeth. It only made him more nervous: the pressure.
As Kyle was about to jerk his hands forward, Stan pulled they boy’s boxers down and quickly pressed his palm against the boy’s exposed flesh, all as a reflex. It instantly made Kyle withdraw his hands back to the bed and bury his head further against the mattress as a loud cry left his throat. Seeing Kyle so defenseless like that was actually encouraging to Stan.
To experiment a little, he removed his palm from Kyle’s boyhood and wrapped his hand around it instead. He watched Kyle close his eyes shut and purse his lips to a thin line as he added some pressure to it. He, then, quickly moved his hand upward, stopping only as his thumb reached the head of Kyle’s erection.
The boy groaned quietly, which turned into a moan at some point there.
Stan maneuvered his thumb around and watched Kyle bite down on his bottom lip, letting a muffled moan escape as he did so. Against both of their will, though, he let go of the redhead and locked both of his hands under the boy’s knees. He pushed them down, closer to the mattress. Kyle didn’t do anything to stop him, and it actually felt pretty damn good to be in charge for once.
“Um, okay. How are we—“
“Just do it, Stan.”
“But witho—“
“Do it, Stan”.
Regardless of the demanding tone, Kyle’s voice was actually almost pleading. He had his hands beside his torso, closed in fists. His eyes were low and close to watering, and his mouth was pursed a little. His cheeks remained just as red as the raven’s.
This whole thing wasn’t Stan’s idea, and he didn’t agree to it in the first place, so it was Kyle’s fault if anything went wrong. His conscience now allowed him to proceed.
He quickly took off his boxers and threw them aside, then moved forward and slid his forearms down under the redhead’s knees, locking the junction of his elbow to it. His hands laid on the bed along with his wrists, giving him balance as he positioned himself on the boy’s entrance. He looked up at Kyle’s eyes and planted a kiss on his lips before move his hips forward, entering the boy.
As Stan closed his eyes to moan quietly, Kyle did the same to groan in pain. He waited until Kyle’s hard frown eased somewhat, and withdrew his erection back just a little, before rock it forward. They both cried out, for different reasons still. In a desperate attempt to try and bring pleasure to the redhead, Stan started thrusting inside the boy, short and fast, just looking for that special spot in him.
Tears rolled down the sides of Kyle’s face as he cried painfully loudly. His hands had jerked to around Stan’s arms, close to his shoulders. His nails dug further in the boy’s skin as pain numbed his body entirely.
In a rather accidental movement, in which Stan had somewhat lost balance, overwhelming pleasure hit Kyle hard, making the boy practically scream while throwing his head back and arching his back off the bed. Stan proceeded to hit that place full from then on, and looked forward to establish a pace of his own.
Their consecutive moans got louder which each thrust, getting to the point where they both were practically screaming their lungs out to heavens. They were sure the bed left marks on the wall and everyone in that establishment heard them, so it was good they actually had honest money to pay for anything.
When pleasure levels rose to nearly exceeding human limits, Stan came in the redhead, while Kyle came on their stomachs and chests. Panting, the raven used the last bit of body control and strength to move aside and let his body collapse on the bed, beside the other boy. Both of them just laid there, panting and gasping and breathing heavily for a while.
“Holy…”
“Mother of God have mercy of my sinful soul that was hell and heaven how is this even possible.” Kyle breathed, gazing at the ceiling. Stan could only laugh.
“Hey, babe. Come cuddle with me, you little ball of cuteness.” He reached an arm to around the redhead’s waist and brought him closer. The boy threw an arm around his back and placed a light kiss on his chest.
—
The morning after was actually very awkward. Once clean and fully clothed, the boys walked downstairs to see how much they had to pay for the hospitality and if they would have breakfast. Turned out, yes. Tweak Bros. inn serves breakfast, and for free for their guests. Not that money would be an issue, though.
Everyone seemed to at least glance at them when were passing by. It didn’t make Kyle the least comfortable in that establishment, and the people there new this, for every time someone looked at them, he would glare back. It actually scared a few people that were about to spend a night there, and made them go right away.
“Seriously, what’s everyone looking at? Did they lose their asshole in my face? Jesus.” Kyle snapped and took a seat. Stan accompanied him with a plate of fruits in hands.
“I dunno, dude. Just let them be. Whatever.” Stan shrugged and stuffed his mouth with all kinds of fruits. Classy as always.
Soon a twitchy little blonde sheepishly approached them. “E-Er, will you spend another night—hnng—?” He tugged at his shirt, looking around with rather pink cheeks.
“Uh, I don’t know. Probably not, but… Yeah, well, we’ll see.” Kyle replied and took a piece of apple from the plate.
“Ack! Okay!” The boy quickly said before walk away in hurry.
Kyle shot Stan a glance, which was replied with another confused glance. “Come on, we weren’t that loud… Were we?” Kyle placed the apple in his mouth and chewed on it.
“Uhhhn… You were.” Stan shrugged and watched as his boyfriend’s face turned completely red, his brows frowned and his green eyes shot up, huge.
“Was not!” The redhead slammed his fist on the table, making everyone look at them for the noise it made. He wished he would just evaporate at that point.
“Maybe we, uh, we should just get the fuck away from here, yes? Let’s go.” Stan got up and took hold of Kyle’s arm, dragging him along to the entrance of the inn. He leaned on the counter and eyed Bebe working on something. They remained a few seconds in silence, waiting for her to attend them.
“Hello. How may I help you?” She asked in her sweet voice, smiling at them.
“Um. I’d like to pay for the steady.” Stan said, handing her the amount of gold it was needed to do so.
She quickly checked the valor and counted the money, before nod. “That’s exactly it. Thank you, and do come again.” She got up and walked them to the front door (it was right over there, but manners).
As the boys gave the lady their farewells and walked outside, a knight approached the villa. People were soon gathering around his horse with wide, curious eyes. It seemed the man was practically some sort of god to them; by the way they looked at him.
He had that royal armor protecting his body and the horse’s own, that respectful posture and a sword. Everything Stan wished he would have. It made the boy drool.
He pulled Kyle along with him in the middle of the people to hear what the soldier was about to say.
The man brought his hands to his head and took off the helmet, revealing his glorious face. He waited some seconds for the people to be silent, and it was within those seconds that both boys realized that was actually Craig as a soldier.
“I have come here today to inform you all that the Barbarians are in more number than us, and we cannot hold them back for much longer. Therefore, my invitation for the men that would like to help us in this battle to protect our Empery. Please mount your horses and ride in my direction, for we’re about to leave.”
Stan immediately turned to face the redhead. He had a smile on his face and brows raised, as if inviting the boy to go to war.
“Dude, no. Are you fucking crazy?” Kyle whispered, taking hold of the boy’s wrists and pulling him away from the soldier.
“We shall ride north, to the suburb.” Craig informed a man that had already made up his mind.
“Suburb… It’s close to the walls of the Empery. We’ll be closer to the way out.” Kyle quickly reasoned and changed his mind completely. “Get your horse, Stan.”
—
It didn’t take long for them to get to a certain point on their trajectory were it was possible to hear the horrified screams and cries of the men that were in the battlefield, not too far. At the very first yells, the boys glanced at each other, swallowing hard as sweat drops ran down the sides of their faces. Neither was ready to die yet. At least not today, nor anytime soon, since they had yet so much to do with their lives. Coming back home, for a brief and simple example.
Craig was rearranging the horses and giving the men proper armor and weapons. Some had gotten better items than others, but it was all still fair, for the ones more protected or more dangerous were the men that weren’t shaking nor fearing death. Were, actually, welcoming death to the others. Needless to say neither of the boys was ready to either die or kill. They knew they would get the worse shit of everything in that chest and were going to be sent in battlefield to distract the opponents, making the men of their side more numerous, when they should be more tactical.
As they were in line to get their weapons, Kyle sighted a little forest nearby. There were rocks and nature things in there, as well as holes and bushes and other hideouts, he reasoned. So both of them got a couple of swords and leather armors, just about the enough to go party until drop dead. Literally.
Once everyone was moving towards the battlefield, Kyle made sure they were the last ones in line. As they were about to pass through the forest, he quickly grabbed Stan’s arm and pulled him into the forest instead. Their luck they instantly fell into a hole while doing so.
“Dude! What the fuck!” Stan whispered, bringing his hand upward to rub the back of his head in pain. “How are we supposed to go to war if we’re in a goddamn hole, Kyle?”
“We won’t.”
“What.”
“We got the ride, dude. We don’t need to die.” He shrugged and examined his body, looking for any potential injuries from the fall. None were spotted. He guessed the armor isn’t so useless, after all.
“And… We’ll stay here until everyone’s dead?”
“Why, do you wanna die, too?”
Stan rolled his eyes and leaned his head on Kyle’s shoulder, remaining silent. After examining the raven, Kyle did the same. They shared the sweet screams of agony of the background together, until eventually drift off to sleep. Neither of them had no idea how longer war duration was, but apparently was a shitload of hours, for when they woke up (about twelve hours after), people were still screaming and dying and killing, whatnot. It came to Kyle’s mind a lot of wars lasted years, like the Peloponnesian one that lasted twelve years more. He mentally facepalmed.
“Dude, we’re screwed. What if this fucking war lasts fucking days? Or even more?” He whispered to the raven in awakening.
“Fuck. We have to find a way out.” Stan got up and helped his boy do the same. Much to their convenience, the very hole they had fallen in was just about their height in depth, so it wasn’t too hard to get out of it, like they thought it would be.
The forest wasn’t large nor had tall trees, but it was better than anything, so they took off running to the opposite direction of the screams and yelps. It took more time than expected to get to the other side of it, away from the battlefield. Kyle thought they could get to it in one fast sprint, but it actually took at least another three and two stops for air.
On the other side of the forest was a small villa. It had small houses and simple people doing simple things, simply living their simple lives. Kyle thanked God for the blessing that was this place. Maybe they could get useful information to get to the gates of the Empery and maybe even go back home once out. He prayed that was it.
As they were practically throwing their legs in front of their bodies to walk to the closest little house, some sort of brown pig ran past them, down the side of the Empery’s tall frontiers. They took it as a reminder to not ask much of the people, once they barely had how to live on their own.
Kyle was about to knock on a house, when a wild Butters jumped out of the pigsty yelling for his pig to come back to him. He was covered in mud, and was actually impossible to know it was him under all that if it wasn’t for his voice.
“Uh… Hi.” Kyle said, making the dirty little boy snap up and acknowledge them.
“O-Oh, hello. I’m Butters. May I help you?” The boy brushed his hands over his clothes, trying to get rid of some mud.
“Uh, yeah, I guess. To which side is the gate?” He pointed at the gigantic wall behind him.
“T-To the direction my pig ran. Oh, would you please bring her back home? She-She knows the way out of the Empery for some reason, and I really can’t lose tonight’s dinner. Oh, hamburgers. If I do, my parents will ground me this time for sure!” He attempted to free his face of more mud, but was getting to the point where he would need a powerful squirt of water to clean it all. Or at least some of it, so he could start looking and not only sounding like Butters.
At these words, the boys exchanged a brief and hopeful look, before sprint off after the pig. Even seeming like their legs weren’t attached to their bodies, or were moving on their own, they didn’t stop running. In fact, ran even faster when the pig was, again, in sight. The word “fatigue” didn’t rightfully express the hell they were going through to get to the gates. If the animal would run just a little bit slower, maybe it wouldn’t seem like such a sacrifice.
It didn’t take long for the gates to emerge from the horizon, making the boys practically cry in joy. They fled even faster than before and soon were all, the boys and the pig, running for their lives to the forest on the other side of the Empery walls. The guards on the gates thought about going after them, but their payment didn’t include things like running after two runaway boys and a pig, so they just pretended nothing was seen.
Though, it got to a point where neither of them could move their legs any longer, so stopping was the only alternative. Kyle sat down on a rock while Stan threw himself on the leafy ground underneath them. He was just so happy for being back in the woods that moving things crawling all over him would never, ever ruin his mood.
Kyle took a second to contemplate the surroundings, while gasping to catch his breath back. This forest did look an awfully like the other one, and it even had the cold air of South Park, which gave the boys yet more hope. He glanced at the rock he was sitting on and the trees all around, getting to a delightful conclusion.
“Stan… Oh, God. We’ve been here, Stan. Oh my God.” He got up and offered a hand for the groaning raven to get back on his feet. Kyle knew exactly where to go from there, since he remembers every little detail of that godforsaken travel into the abyss that was this forest. They kind of were a little past three fourths of the trajectory, but if they ran, they’d probably get back before sundown.
And so they did. Running like two free cheetahs, they ran right into the direction of liberty, back to the blessed place that now seemed to be like, South Park.
Once out of that green maze, the boys glomped each other in happiness. They fell down laughing, tickled each other, played a brief fight, hugged, kissed, and got up, ready to go home and sleep on their comfortable beds. It all didn’t last more than a few minutes. They were awfully tired and out of their minds from the tiredness, which made their brains lack computation and reason.
Next day everything would be normal again and they would just go to school and live their stupid, normal lives like any other kid in South Park that isn’t Craig Tucker.
They waved goodbye to each other and walked back to their houses. Stan almost jumped on his mother when saw her coming out of the kitchen to hear the news from her son. She had no idea what happened, but hugged him back, nonetheless.
Randy looked from the television to both of them, cocking his eyebrow. “Hey, Stan. Where are the blueberries?”
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