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Petting Doom	By : FairySlayer Category: +G through L > Invader Zim Views: 6127 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Neither of us own the "Invader Zim" franchise or have any association with it whatsoever; we do not make any money for writing this story. Invader Zim (c) Jhonen Vasquez or Nickelodeon or whatever.

Chapter List
- 1-Petting Doom
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 1
- 2
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Note: This was started by Tommy Simms and then he got me involved a few parts into it. Though I have wanted to re-write this in standard prose it probably won't happen because there's too much other stuff to do (and finish!). However, it was requested by a true fan, so here is the latest version, as-is, from my archives. :)
In the front yard of Zim's house, Zim and Gir (in human and dog disguises, respectively) are setting up a ridiculous looking contraption that vaguely resembles an oversized bird feeder. It has all kind of flashy lights and buttons, and it's connected to the ground with several typical Irken metal cables. Dangling from its top are pieces of meat and sausages hanging on strings.
GIR: Beef for the birdies!
ZIM: Yes, yes. Good attention to detail, Gir. No one will realize that this is NOT a flying bird-human feeder, but a machine designed to bring diabolical doom to Earth!
He presses a button. The bird-feeder starts to rumble and emit a loud buzzing noise. Dib, wearing a baseball cap, casually passes by on the sidewalk.
ZIM (noticing him): Ha! Clever disguise, Dib! But you cannot fool Zim!
Dib halts and watches curiously as Zim frantically adjust all kinds of switches and handles on his "bird-feeder."
DIB: What are you doing, Zim? What's that… thing?
ZIM: I’m sure you would like to know what ominous kind of horror I have in store for you, don't you, smelly Earth-boy?
DIB: Uh… yes. That's why I asked.
ZIM: Silence! Now, prepare for your pathetic demise as my latest device of doom will spread death and devastation among the surface of this miserable planet! Human dog-pet of mine, do the honors!
Gir lets out a squeal of joy and presses one final button, causing the feeder to transform into a cannon-like object. Its barrel aims upwards as the shaking and buzzing intensify. A computer voice starts to count down from ten to zero.
ZIM: In exactly ten seconds from now, this mighty Irken weapon will fire zillions of insanity spores into the atmosphere, and all mankind will go stark raving mad!
He laughs maniacally while Dib screams in horror. After the countdown, a large explosion is heard and the whole front yard gets covered in thick smoke. Zim coughs as the fog clears and it's revealed that the bird feeder/cannon is now embedded in a shallow crater. The contraption looks mangled, and so does Zim. Smoking pieces of meat are scattered around and the robotic gnome guards have half sunk into the ground. Dib stares blankly at the scene, though he doesn't look at all insane. Zim looks up at the sky: there's no trace of a rocket or a pod-like object spreading doom. He looks down again and notices several cracks in the earth, from which thin threads of smoke arise. Suddenly a gopher pops out of a nearby hole, giggling insanely and foaming at the mouth before dropping dead.
ZIM (slowly realizing what happened): Gir! You mounted the barrel upside down! It’s fired into the ground!
GIR (cheerfully): Oopsie-dookie!
DIB: Phew.
ZIM (repressing his rage): Very well. You win this round, Dib.
DIB (confused): But I didn't do anything.
ZIM (not listening): But… be prepared to meet thy inevitable doom somewhere… somewhen. (getting enraged, facing Gir) A doom that thou would have met already if it wasn't for this stupid, moronic, stupid…
Unable to control his anger anymore, he starts strangling Gir. Dib leaves the scene with a disgusted expression on his face.
ZIM: I will not tolerate your silly antics endangering my precious mission anymore, Gir. Do you understand? (loudly) Do you understand?
Gir makes choking noises and his left eye pops out of its socket. Two big vans screech to a halt at the sidewalk. The first one has the text "WSPA Special Combat Unit" on its side, in bold letters. The second one has a satellite dish on its roof and is labeled "Animal Planet." Two men in uniforms jump out of the back of the first van and rush into the front yard. The dislocated gnomes fire some poorly aimed laser beams at them, but the men ignore the attack and head right for Zim. The first one draws a gun on him.
FIRST WSPA GUY: Freeze!
Zim (perplexed): Huh?
SECOND WSPA GUY: Put the animal down, sir, and step away from it.
Zim: Huh?
FIRST: Let go of the animal, sir. Now!
Zim: Huh?
SECOND: Put the animal on the lawn and step away from it, sir.
Zim: Huh?
FIRST: Sir, do it. Now.
Zim: Huh?
SECOND: I'm on it.
He tackles Zim and, after a short struggle, snatches Gir away from him. Zim screams and curses as the second WSPA guy quickly carries off Gir and disappears into the van.
FIRST (putting away his gun): Situation clear. Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Have a nice day.
ZIM: Huh?
The first WSPA guy follows his colleague into the van, which speeds away. A female reporter and a camera man, who have emerged from the second van, come into view.
REPORTER (to camera): You have been witness of another battle in the never-ending war against animal cruelty. A helpless little green doggie was saved from a fate worse than death by the brave commandos at WSPA. Let’s have a word with its scumbag ex-owner. (to Zim) Sir, why did you maltreat your dog?
ZIM (still dazzled): Dog? Gir? Huh? (coming to his senses) Gir! No! You filthy earth-humans! I will destroy you all!
REPORTER: There, you heard it. The rage. The insanity. All at Animal Planet. Back to you, Tom.
In the background, several more gophers pop out of the ground, giggling, foaming and dying.
ZIM: Huh?
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Petting Doom