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Biological Warfare	By : Andyouthinkimcrazy Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1307 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Invader Zim does not belong to me and I make no money from writing this.

Chapter List
- 1-Biological Warfare
- 1
Note: X3 A random idea popped in my head... and this was created thanks to having too much time on my hands and... a lack of computer access at the time. XD I have too much fun just... writing Zim and... his general ignorance about things.
~~~

“Zim!” the little alien jolted in his seat; eyes, hidden by the fake-ness of contacts, widened as he stared up at the looming teacher of doom, “You are to walk Dib home.”
For a moment Zim could only gape at the human, flabbergasted, before he screamed back at her, “But I hate his filthy human guts!” He swivelled to point a finger at the student in question. The Dib-human was ill; all puke-y and pale and sweaty and human, “He'll contaminate me with his putrid stink!”
The teacher glared at him; her demonic, doomy gaze seeming to bore holes through Zim's superior Irken flesh, “That's a risk I'm willing to take; your life is doomed anyhow. His life is doomed... the whole class is doomed... all of Earth is doomed... the solar system? Doomed. The galaxy--”
“M-Ms. Bitters!” Dib interjected, hand flying into the air to catch her attention, “C-Can I just go be doomed at home?”
With an irritated sigh the teacher pointed a bony finger at the green student, “The skool board insists that I send sick students home with someone who can watch them. Be glad you get to go back to your doomed little home early and go!”
“Yes, sir!” Zim responded to the order automatically before cursing his drive to obey those taller than him. With a scowl he hopped out of his desk and waited for the ill human to wobble over to him, “You better not touch me, Dib.” Zim threatened before marching out of the class with his enemy in toe.
“Now,” he heard Ms. Bitters begin as he stepped out the door, “Here are the reasons why you are especially doomed when you are having fun. One--”
Dib managed to close the door and the pair wandered through the empty halls and out the front door. Zim instantly recoiled and pulled his coat tight around his body; out of everything he hated about Earth, winter was near the top. Aside from germs, water, the food, and general inferiority of the species, Zim hated it the most.
Dib chuckled weakly, “What's the matter Zim, doesn't it get cold on your planet?”
Zim folded his arms, trying to look intimidating even as his teeth chattered and his body shook, “Of course not; it's far superior to this dirt-rock!” the alien said it with finality to his voice; for once Dib didn't argue, he simply turned to wobble down the steps and into the snow. Zim followed reluctantly, his breath puffing out and turning into a cloud.
Frowning slightly, Zim continued to puff out breath after breath of clouds, “What is the meaning of this?” he asked after a while, more to himself than to the human he trailed.
Swaying slightly, Dib turned to look as Zim puffed out another cloud, “I haven't seen this before!” he exclaimed; and then, with a panicked edge he continued, “You have it too! You've infected me!”
Dib, perhaps before of his sickness, only chuckled and muttered, “You can be kinda cute sometimes, Zim...”
Zim ignored the comment, his hysteria too prominent to allow for such words to set in, “I'm going to diiiiie! Filthy human germs!”
“Zim!” Dib shouted to get his attention before erupting into a coughing fit which freaked Zim out even more. The alien was flailing as he jumped back to avoid more germs, “I-It's harmless, everyone has it in the cold.”
“The germs! The--” Zim paused as the words registered and he gave a small sigh of relief. The calm was short-lived, however, as suspicion crept across the nose-less face, “Then why does this occur?”
Dib breathed our heavily, almost to taunt the alien with another cloud, “Uhm... it's either just the change in temperature... you know? Air from a warm body suddenly becoming cold, changing from a gas to a solid. Or it's the water in the air freezin--”
“W-Water?” Zim questioned, nervousness edging his tone, “You lie! The air has no water! You lie so bad, Dib-stink!”
Dib made a little snort that turned into a cough before he replied, “Of course there's water in the air, Zim; why else would it fall from the sky?”
Zim made a little noise of fear in his throat as he tilted his head to look up at the grey sky. With a shudder, partly from the cold and partly from fear, Zim huddled around himself before extracting something from his Pak. He pressed it against his face; it was an air supply, clean and free of horrible water.
“I hate your planet!” Zim hissed around the mask, glare hard and angry as if it was Dib's fault that the air was like that; Dib's only response was to chuckle pathetically thanks to his illness.
“I think... if it was really a problem you'd already be showing sings of sickness; you've been on Earth for half a year already...” Dib paused for a moment, wondering why he was being so generous; it must be the sickness he reasoned, “Probably would be the same with the germs...” Dib coughed again before breaking into a laugh, “So long as you don't catch something rare and deadly...”
Zim scowled, eyes narrowing, “You lie! You want Zim to get sick and die so you can dissect him! Oh, you are truly horrible, human-stink!”
Dib chuckled again and suddenly licked his hand, “Zim gave him an odd look, staring at the slobbery skin, “Wh-What are you--”
“I declare biological warfare!” Dib exclaimed by way of reply before pouncing the unsuspecting alien. Zim screamed and shoved at the human who tugged at his mask with one hand while the other, covered with infected slobber, moved into the alien's face.
Zim was too shocked to do much at first, then he screamed and sunk his claws into Dib's wrist; but it was too late. Dib drew back leaving Zim with a wet hand print over his face. Hurriedly Zim brushed away the spit before replacing his mask; he then let out a scream of rage as he pounced the human back.
~~~

“Dib!” hissed the teacher, bony finger pointed at the bruised and battered student, “Walk Zim home!”
“Aw, c'mon!” the young boy protested, “I missed class yester--”
Ms. Bitters hissed angrily, “Now, Dib!”
Dib sighed and walked out of the class after Zim; the alien coughed pathetically before growling, “Serves you right, human.” his voice was scratchy and angry but still full of energy despite his sickness. Zim leaned against the wall to support his exhausted body; and somehow he managed to look back at his enemy, “I hate you, filthy human.”
Dib smirked and easily walked ahead, “But it proved my point, you're no sicker than I was yesterday.”
Zim lunged from the wall, poised for attack only to stumble and crash into the human, “I really hate you...” he insisted, too weak to actually spring away from his hated enemy.
Dib only laughed again and actually helped Zim to stand up straight again, “Shut up, alien.”
- 1
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Biological Warfare