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Funeral for a Chin	By : Jayrich Category: +1 through F > Fairly OddParents Views: 11071 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I think it's obvious that I do not own 'The Fairly OddParents' nor any of the characters on the show, nor do I make a dime off of this story.

Chapter List
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Funeral for a Chin

It was a beautiful day to be in Dimmsdale. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and there was one particular teen boy wearing a pink hat who had a song in his heart, and he whistled it out loud as he confidently strolled down the sidewalk. Timmy Turner was unusually happy today, and it didn’t go unnoticed by his Godparents, Cosmo & Wanda, who were disguised as green & pink schoolbooks in his arms.

“You look awfully chipper today, sport!” Wanda noted.

“Yeah, was Crocker finally transferred to the Siberian High School like you wanted?” Cosmo added.

“Nope.” Timmy answered with a grin. “I’m just happy that today is Comic Book Day! All the new prints are coming out, which means I’ll finally get to see the new Crimson Chin!”

“Oh, right!” Wanda remembered. “Wasn’t he supposed to fight some big mysterious villain in this one?”

Timmy nodded his head as he found himself right in front of the Comic Book Store. “Yep! And I can’t wait to read how my hero once again has taken down another…foe?”

Timmy opened the door to the shop, but he was met with overwhelming feelings of dread, sorrow and misery. There wasn’t a smiling face in the shop, as every young man there stood with an unmistakable look of shock on their face. One young man was even huddled in the corner, in a fetal position as he rocked back in forth.

“This isn’t happening…this isn’t happening…” He muttered. Something which resonated negatively in Timmy.

“What the heck’s going on here?” He looked around the shop at the horrified faces until he discovered two familiar ones, Chester & A.J. “Guys, what’s going on?”

Chester couldn’t bring himself to answer, as he sat in disbelief. A.J. however was frantically working on his calculator. “Can’t talk now, Timmy. These…these calculations…they aren’t right!”

“For the last time A.J, YOU CAN’T CALCULATE DEATH!!!” Chester told his brainiac friend, before sobbing uncontrollably.

“What in the world has gotten all of you so worked up about…?”

And then Timmy saw it. As his vision turned towards the Crimson Chin Comic rack, he saw right before his very eyes what turned his favorite comic book shop into a mourning ground. It was the cover of the latest Crimson Chin comic…which showed Crimson Chin lying motionless in a street crater.

“What…” In disarray, Timmy picked up the issue and quickly scanned through it, not believing what was shown on the cover. But as he finished the comic, he could no longer deny what was plainly obvious.

“They killed the Crimson Chin…”

It was a revelation that dropped the young fan to his knees. His all-time favorite hero, the crime-fighter he had numerous adventures with thanks to his Fairy Godparents, was gone. It was like a hole developed inside of Timmy, one that possibly wouldn’t ever be filled. A.J. & Chester walked off, unable to stay in the shop where their mighty hero was lost. Timmy remained though, as his Godparents tried to help him through his traumatic time.

“Oh there, there Timmy.” Wanda told him. “I know it’s tough, but you’ll get over this. Cosmo went through the same thing when Captain Fairy was killed by the Daisy of Doom, but he got through it. Right, Cosmo…Cosmo?”

Unfortunately, Wanda was proved wrong. “WHY’D YOU HAVE TO REOPEN OLD WOUNDS!?” Cosmo cried, still devastated over his loss.

However, it would be the sobs of another which broke Timmy from his trance. Looking to his left, he witnessed a tall young man wearing red slacks, a purple sweater and a Dimmsdale Pirates cap with the brim low. What got Timmy’s attention though was that he was crying like a girl, which brought up questions of whether he was even a ‘he’ at all.

“Wait…is that Trixie Tang?” Timmy asked. But before he got his answer…

“Greetings and Salutations, poor people!”

Everyone’s attention turned towards the entrance, where Remy Buxaplenty stood confidently. “Oh, is the new Crimson Chin out already?” Wearing a million-dollar smirk, he strolled over to the rack beside Timmy, and grabbed an issue. “Pity, I was so hoping his death would be more agonizing.”

“You’ve got some nerve, Buxaplenty!” Timmy barked, jumping to his feet. “Especially considering YOU use to be Cleft the Boy-Chin Wonder!”

“That right, I use to be!” Remy barked back. “Until that heroic oaf decided YOU were better suited for the job! Now I’m happy he got his fate!”

“What are you even doing here!?” Timmy asked.

“Oh, just thought I’d see how my investment is doing.” Remy remarked. “I decided to by this chain of Comic Shops with a little of my allowance, which means I can do whatever I want with it. And that also means…EVERYBODY OUT!!!”

Upon that order, several highly-muscled men in black marched into the store and “escorted” all of the kids out. Some even through the window instead of the door. Despite Remy’s orders though, Timmy remained inside as his Fairy Godparents took their normal forms.

“Wait a minute…you…you had something to do with the Crimson Chin’s death, didn’t you!?” Timmy accused.

“Why, whatever do you mean?” Remy asked, feigning innocence. “I have no knowledge of that Crimson Buffoon meeting his timely demise by the hand of some unstoppable being that’s absurdly more powerful than him. Isn’t that right, Juandissimo?”

POOF!!!

Remy’s buff Latin fairy suddenly appeared over his head. “Yes, that is correct! Remy and I no nothing about that under-muscled idiot and his death!” He then floated over to Wanda and grabbed her hand seductively. “But I do know much in the ways of…amore!”

“That’s it!”

POOF!!!

And in a cloud of fairy smoke, Cosmo turned himself into a giant green hand. “Juandissimo, prepare to become a lollipop!”

Juandissimo could only chuckle at that comment. “Ha! You call that an insult?”

“Yeah!” Cosmo replied. “Cause I’m gonna lay the smack down on your Candy—!”

POOF!!!

And in self-defense, Juandissimo poofed Cosmo into a snail, with his wand landing just inches in front of him. “OOH, you’re gonna get it when I get my wand, tough guy! OOOH!!!”

“You’re not gonna get away with this, Remy!” Timmy told his foe.

“And just how can you stop me?” Remy boastfully asked. “I have all of the money, all of the power…and I even have that lovely girl you’ve been drooling like a brainless dolt.”

“What, you mean Trixie?”

“Ah, that’s her name.” Remy remarked casually. “I knew someone would remind me of it sooner of later. I just like her because she has a thing for the bling.”

And with that, Remy let out a pompous and evil laugh as he strolled out of the shop, leaving Timmy with his Godparents. Wanda immediately turned Cosmo back into his fairy form, and he in turn poofed into the form of a Boxer.

“Lemme at him, LEMME AT HIM!” He demanded, punching the air. “I’ll float like a leaf, and sting like a paper cut!” Unfortunately he felt his own sting as he ended up punching himself in the eye. “OWW! Illegal blow! ILLEGAL BLOW!!!”

“What are you gonna do, Timmy?” Wanda asked.

“I don’t know, Wanda.” Her godson answered. “But what I do know…I have to talk to Trixie.”

It has been a full week since the shocking event that rattled Timmy’s life, and the pink-hatted teen was almost a shell of his former self. He sat at his lunch table, staring off at the newest issue of the Crimson Chin, ‘Funeral for a Chin’. As he continued to gaze into the artwork in front of him, he failed to notice (or even care) that his friends Chester & A.J. walked up.

“Timmy, we’re getting worried about you.” A.J. said. “I mean, you’ve been in a daze all week. I know you’re a big fan of the Crimson Chin, but you gotta move on.”

“Yeah, like I did.” Chester added. “I was a big Crimson Chin fan, too. But I’ve moved on…now I watch Crash Nebula episodes.”

“Aren’t they about to cancel that show next week?” Timmy asked.

And just like that, Chester’s calm demeanor switched to a panicked one. “NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!!!” He cried as he ran off, A.J. chasing after him.

“You know, they have a point, Timmy.” The bucktoothed teen looked down to see Wanda & Cosmo now on the cover of his comic. “Don’t you think you’re putting too much into this?”

“It just doesn’t feel right, Wanda.” Timmy replied. “I know Remy has something to do with this. I just…”

His voice trailed off as he caught a glimpse of the young lady of his dream, Trixie Tang. She was just two tables across from him, but sitting with Veronica, Tad & Chad. That didn’t deter Timmy though. For the past week he’s been unable to talk to Trixie, to even confirm if it was her at the Comic Book Shop last week. But this time, it would be different.

“Cosmo, Wanda, execute plan Dairy Bouncers.”

“YAYY!!!” Cosmo cheered as Wanda rolled her eyes.

POOF!!!

And they were gone from the cover. But would return a moment later in dramatic fashion, as Denzel Crocker rushed out of Dimmsdale High, chased by one green & one pink cow, both on pogo-sticks.

“GAAAAAHHHH! THEY’RE BACK!!!” Crocker yelled in horror. “WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO CHASE ME?!?”

It was definitely a camera phone moment, which everyone pulled out theirs to capture, including Tad, Chad & Veronica. They gave chase as Trixie continued to search for her phone, giving Timmy the opening he needed as he quickly sat down in front of her.

“Trixie, good to see you again!” He said with a handsome grin.

She simply stared at him, shocked that he would talk to her.

“Right, the whole popularity thing.” Timmy remembered. “Anyway, there’s this Dance coming up at our school, and I was wondering if you’d give me the honor of…”

Her look then changed to that of annoyance over what Timmy was about to ask.

“…OK, you’d say no. Understood.” Shot down, Timmy decided to proceed to the next subject of his conversation. “But, I got something else to ask you. Last week…were you at a Comic Book Store reading Crimson Chin?”

That question ended Trixie’s silent treatment as she responded with a shocked expression. “I…of course not! That’s ridiculous!” She denied. “I’m popular, why would I need to hang out there?”

Timmy was surprised to get a vocal response from her. “Look, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can keep it a secret. I saw you. I know you took the Crimson Chin’s death as hard as I did.”

What occurred next startled Timmy even more, genuine emotion from Trixie’s eyes. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She said. “Besides, it’s not like you could do something about it.”

Timmy gritted his teeth as those words left her lips. He could do something about it, especially with Fairy magic on his side. But he couldn’t reveal that to Trixie, lest he lose Cosmo & Wanda forever. He wasn’t about to give up that easy, though.

“Look, I…can’t really explain…but I can give you this.” Timmy slid his issue of the Crimson Chin across the table to Trixie. “It shows his funeral in this issue. Keep it, and whenever you hold the book and close your eyes, it’ll be like your right there, paying your respects to him.”

At that moment, Crocker & Cosmo passed behind Timmy again, this time with Crocker on the pogo-stick. “WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, BESSIE?!?!”

“TIMMY, HELP!!!” Cosmo yelled. “I mean, MOO!!!”

Timmy ignored the cry for assistance and kept his eyes on Trixie, who was about to grab hold of the comic, but pushed it away. “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She told him. “…and even if I did, I’m busy tonight with Remy!”

“Oh yeah, that jerk.” Timmy uttered. “He can’t even remember your name! Look, just keep the book. And…remember what I said. It’ll work.”

The moment was so conflicting for Trixie, that she could only do the one thing she’s done in the past when it came to Timmy Turner.

“SECURITY!!!”

“Aw crud.”

And with that, Timmy felt large hands grab him by the shoulders, before flinging him over Dimmsdale High.

“YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

Fortunately, Cosmo appeared on the other side of the school as a trampoline. “Don’t worry Timmy, I gotcha!”

Unfortunately, Timmy landed to the left of Cosmo, hitting the lawn teeth first. “Ooh, so close!”

Use to the impact of that landing, Timmy simply picked himself up and spit the excess grass out of his mouth as Wanda appeared over him. “What happened with Trixie?”

“I…I gave her my comic.” Timmy answered.

“Well, that sounds sweet.” Wanda commented.

“Yeah, I just hope she believes me…”

And to find out, Timmy rushed around the side of the school, back towards the outdoor lunch area he was jettisoned from moments earlier. He didn’t reenter though, instead he stay hidden from around the corner, and peered out to look for Trixie. After a minute of looking, he found her still sitting at the same table, only Remy Buxaplenty was with her.

“Tammy, darling…”

“My name is Trixie…” She said, visibly irritated.

“Of course, how forgetful of me.” Remy responded, playing it off. “Anyway, how about we take the Rolls Royce around the school, and laugh at all the poor people with their bagged lunches?”

“Sounds tempting…” Trixie replied, feigning interest. “But I think I’ll just stay here, Remy.”

“Suit yourself.” Remy said as he shrugged his shoulders and walked off. Truth be told, Trixie wasn’t in the mood to embrace in the throes of popularity. The loss of her Comic Book Hero hurt her as much as it did Timmy, which is why she found herself holding the comic Timmy gave her.

“This is stupid.” She said to herself. “But…maybe it’ll help me feel better.”

And taking Timmy’s advice, she held them comic close to her chest, and closed her eyes. A smile adorned Timmy’s face as she did this. And he pulled out a replica issue as he turned to his Godparents. “She’s doing it. Quick! I wish you two would transport me & Trixie inside this Crimson Chin issue!”

“YOU GOT—!!!”

“WHAT!?”

Wanda stopped her husband from making that wish. “Timmy, do you know what you’re doing?” She asked. “I mean, we can send you in, but Trixie…she might…”

“I really need this, guys!” Timmy interrupted, half-pleading. “I mean, she’s devastated. This is just for this one time. Come on, guys…”

Though hesitant to go through with her godson’s wishes, Wanda eventually relented. “This has bad idea written all over it.” She said, raising her wand.

“But I didn’t come up with this idea…” Cosmo added, joining along with her.

KA-POOF!!!

…

“Huh…what?”

Trixie slowly opened her eyes, and to her surprise, she found herself far from the outdoor lunch area of Dimmsdale High. In fact, the evening sky welcomed her as she looked around to see mourners wearing all black with their heads hung low, including herself. She then noticed the coffin in front of her, a large maroon casket modified specially to occupy a larger than average mandible.

“Am…am I here?” She asked herself.

“Yeah, you are.” She turned around to see Timmy standing behind him, wearing a black suit & tie. “I told you, you get to pay your respects now.”

Trixie was still confused about her sudden arrival here. “This…is this real? I mean…”

“Let’s just listen to the eulogy.” Timmy said as he pointed towards the podium placed behind the Crimson Chin’s tombstone. A gray-haired man wearing a trench coat over a suit approached the podium, adjusted his glasses, and proceeded to speak.

“I like to thank all of those who came here to pay their respects to the Crimson Chin, who was tragically taken away from us in a brutal fight with a mysterious alien only known as ‘The Mayan Calendar’.” He began. “I may just be a simple Police Commissioner, but I know two things; one, the Crimson Chin sacrificed his life to ensure the people of Chincinnati remained safe…and two, he caused billions of dollars worth of collateral damage, and since he’s dead, we can’t sue him for it. Now for some other words, here’s Chincinnati’s other hero, Golden Locks.”

The Police Commissioner stepped down and aside, as the tall, beautiful, buxom young heroine stepped up, wearing an all-black version of her costume. “This is such a tragic day. And to think, local celebrity and Talk-Show host Charles Hampton Indigo passed away on the same day from some random, unexplained & mysterious illness. I best remember the Crimson Chin…”

As Golden Locks continued her eulogy, a familiar figure caught the corner of Timmy’s eye. Turning to his left, his anger rose as he spotted the figure, Remy Buxaplenty. “He’s got the audacity to come here!?” Timmy uttered under his breath. He wasn’t the only one upset about the surprise appearance, though. Disguised as two hummingbirds, Cosmo & Wanda floated above Timmy’s head, the former growling over the presence of Juandissimo, who’s disguised as Remy’s watch.

“And now, if the pallbearers could take their places…”

That was Timmy’s cue, as he stepped up to the coffin he was asked to carry. The other pallbearers took their places on the side, including the last one to grab a handle…Remy.

“What the, how are you a pallbearer!?” Timmy demanded.

“What, I can’t be here to show my appreciation to a fallen hero?” Remy asked. “And make sure he stays buried…”

Rage welled up in the pink-hatted teen like never before. Desperately he wanted to reach across the Chin’s casket and pound Remy’s face in. But it wouldn’t be right, and out of his respect for his fallen hero, he remained quiet as he helped the pallbearers carry the coffin over to its grave. They placed it on the Lowering Device, and as it descended into the ground, Timmy & Remy locked eyes. The stare down continued as Funeral March played in the background. The look on Remy’s face displayed cockiness, confidence, almost as if he was daring Timmy to take action, to avenge the death of his hero. Almost as if he was gloating over the whole ordeal. Timmy’s fists were trembling, almost vibrating. He could barely hold in his anger. And as Remy walked away wearing a smirk, Timmy fought with all his will to not chase after him and stomp him into the ground.

And he succeeded, if for no other reason, because of his guest.

“Timmy…”

He turned around to see Trixie standing there, her arms folded together and her head hung low. “Trixie…”

“Timmy, I…” She didn’t quite know the words to say. To be here for such an event, to say her last goodbyes, it was special. And the only way she could express just how much it meant to her was in a hug, which she did as she embraced him tightly. “Thank you, Timmy. I know it’s just a dream, but…it meant a lot to be here.”

Timmy just let out a faint chuckle, it was better that she thought it was just a dream. But their special moment would come to an end as…

THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

The sound was almost deafening, as it caused the very ground to shake. “Wait…that sounded like it came from downtown!”

Breaking free from Trixie, Timmy rushed over to the nearest hill with her, towards the city. When they reached the summit, Timmy was left speechless by what he saw. Dozens of buildings in flames, Cop cars littered all over the street, sirens filling the air with their wails. It was havoc, pandemonium…chaos.

“Timmy…what’s going on?” Trixie asked.

“It’s the villains.” Timmy deduced. “With the Crimson Chin dead, they’re starting their own crime waves!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!”

The two gazed up skyward to see a metal-clad figure leaping from rooftop to rooftop, carrying bags of money. “And the Bronze Kneecap must’ve started it! I gotta do something…”

“You?” Trixie said. “But, what can you do?”

“You’d be surprised.” Timmy replied with a smirk.

“But it’s too dangerous, Timmy.” She said, worried for him. “We can get some other heroes, they can fight and…”

“No! Someone has to take action now.” He told her. “Because like a great hero once said, Responsibility comes greatly with Power, and you’re responsible for that Power…or something like that, I just read that comic for the action!”

She didn’t know why at the moment, but for some reason Trixie believed Timmy. And as she looked into his eyes, she finally saw past the young man who was low on the social scale, and saw a fellow Chin fan, a friend…and perhaps something more. She leaned in and kissed him on the lips for luck, but fortune didn’t have a role in her lips staying there. Before either of them knew it, they were both in each others arms, the kiss becoming more heated by the second. Tongues began twisting against each other, sliding between mouths, and hands moved to more private body parts. Timmy found himself groping Trixie’s firm ass cheeks from under her skirt, as her thigh rubbed up against his. She could feel his erection emerging, and it turned her on even more. He couldn’t get enough of her lips, though. The taste was intoxicating, and he could greedily stay on them forever…if he hadn’t remembered the task he vowed to do moments earlier.

They broke their kiss and backed away, both shocked by their actions. “Whoa! Uh…I…”

“Yeah…uh…you should start…with the saving…”

“Yeah, I should.” Timmy agreed. “And don’t worry, Trixie. I’ll bring justice to this city!”

So the young, pink-hatted teen rushed off for Downtown Chincinnati, determined to make evil pay for trying to seize the day. And as he fearlessly charged into the fray…

POOF!!!

…

…Timmy found himself back in front of Dimmsdale High, along with his fairies.

“What!? What the hell happened? Why am I back here!?”

“Apparently, that was the end of the book.” Wanda noticed as she saw the cover. “You’re gonna have to get the next part to this at the Comic Book Shop.”

“That just figures.” Timmy lamented. “We need to find that other issue and put a stop to what Remy has planned!”

Filled with determination, Timmy took off with his Godparents away from the school, in order to find that issue. But back behind Dimmsdale High, Trixie sat motionless, in utter shock. The book still in her arms, she took a moment to look around, realizing she was back in the Lunch area, like she never left.

“Was…was that real?” She looked down at the comic book, unable to tell for the moment what was or wasn’t reality. Everything she experienced felt real, from the grass she stood on during the eulogy, to the wind that swirled around, and to the passionate kiss she & Timmy shared on that hill.

It also explained why her snatch felt wet at the moment. “I gotta find Timmy.” Standing up, she rushed off in the direction where her security guard tossed the then hapless pink-hatted teen. But when she got there, the only thing waiting for her was a copy of the Crimson Chin comic, the same one he gave her.

“This is too weird.” She said to herself, picking up the comic. “I need to find Timmy.”

The evening sun was just setting over the horizon as the time read 7:00pm on Trixie’s watch. Usually she wouldn’t even bother to check the time herself, or even be in this part of Dimmsdale at this hour. But the events that happened earlier haven’t escaped her mind, and she needed answers.

“His house has gotta be around here somewhere.” She said, before noticing a plain white house with a garage to its right. “Wait…dull, dreary & boring, this must be where Timmy lives. Let me check…”

Digging into her purse, she pulled out a folded piece of paper, unfolded it and read the directions. “Yeah, this is how Veronica described it. Funny that she would have all that information on Timmy, though. Including what time he takes showers and goes to bed.”

Trixie thought nothing more of it though, and simply stuffed the paper back inside her purse as she walked up to the front door. Meanwhile, inside the house, Timmy was in his room at his computer desperately trying to get any more information about the Crimson Chin, other than the Comic Book he recently purchased. Cosmo & Wanda floated behind him.

“Timmy, don’t you think you’re taking this just a bit too far?” Wanda asked. “I mean, Cosmo was able to get over the death of Captain Fairy.”

“Who’s Captain Fairy?” Cosmo inquired.

“Look, I just wanna see what the writers of The Crimson Chin have planned.” Timmy said in his defense. “If they have some cool storyline coming up, I’ll leave it alone and…”

The rest of the sentence died in the young man’s mouth, as his jaw dropped to the keyboard. “Timmy, what’s wrong?”

“They’re leaving him dead!” He yelled, outraged. “They’re not gonna bring him back!”

Wanda floated closer to the monitor so she could read the statement on screen. “Hmm, the writers say ‘They’re going in a different artistic direction, one that will hopefully bring in new fans while still being loyal to the old ones and usher in a new age of great comics!’ Well that doesn’t sound so bad.”

“They were holding bags of money while they said that!” Timmy pointed out literally at the photo above the quote.

“Oh, I see…” Wanda said.

“Remy must’ve gotten to them.” Timmy concluded. “He bought them off!”

“Hey, it worked for Lex Luthor.” Cosmo commented. “…And Norman Osborne, and J. Jonah Jameson, and Victor Von—!”

“We get the point!” Timmy interrupted. “Looks like there’s only one option left…”

And Timmy didn’t hesitate to revert to it. Grabbing the newest Crimson Chin issue off of his desk, he placed it on the floor and opened it to page 1, before standing in front of it.

“Timmy, are you sure you want to do this?” Wanda asked.

At that moment, the voice of Timmy’s Father was heard coming from downstairs. “OH, TIMMY…It’s time for your Mom and I to go to our Conga Lesson, which means Vicky’s here!”

“VERY SURE!!!” Timmy answered, before steadying his breath. “I wish we all were in this month’s issue of the Crimson Chin!”

But as Cosmo & Wanda lifted their wands, the door to Timmy’s bedroom swung open.

“Timmy?”

“TRIXIE!?”

“Cosmo, NOOO!!!!!”

POOF!!!!!

…

As the vision began to clarify for Timmy Turner, he found himself somewhat off balance, and worried. “What the…no…no, tell me we didn’t…”

“Uhhhnnn…”

He got his answer, as he heard Trixie groan right beside him. Unfortunately, they were no longer in Timmy’s room. They were on the streets of Chincinnati, right in the middle of a Super Villain Crime Spree. “Timmy, where are we?”

“Uhh, Uhh…” Panicking, Timmy decided to fall back on the explanation that has gotten him out of so many jams before. “Uhh…the Internet?”

“No…I know this place.” Trixie said, putting 2 and 2 together. “We’re in Chincinnati. It was real!” She then turned to Timmy, and noticed Cosmo & Wanda floating above his head. “Are…are those Fairies?”
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Funeral for a Chin