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Taco-Flavored Kisses	By : DragonSapphire Category: +S through Z > South Park > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2373 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: We do not own South Park or its characters and make no money from writing this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Taco-Flavored Kisses
- 1
Taco-Flavored Kisses
by KoiFishSushi and Jaden56

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South Park & Characters are property of Matt Stone & Trey Parker
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Cartman was sleepwalking. That was the only plausible explanation he had for being in Kyle Broflovski's room at 1:36am (according to the Jew's alarm clock), with his hand attached to Kyle's mouth. Not suffocating him, no, because then that'd be all right.

His hand was fucking kissing Kyle.

"Shit! Gaaaah, goddamnit, hand! Get the fuck off the Jew, sick!!" Of course Cartman couldn't be bothered to keep his voice down, but at the same time he was yelling a clearly accented voice piped up from his hand region.

"Ahh! Taco-flavored kisses for my Kyl-ie!" Cartman paused on a deep breath, his brown eyes growing wide in his round face at the sound of the high-pitched Latino voice that still plagued his nightmares, especially the ones Ben Affleck-related. "Shut up, chullo! I keel you if joo wake him!"

"Holy shit... No fucking way. No fucking way this is happening!" But when Cartman dislodged his hand from Kyle's mouth with a hard yank, nearly falling back on his ass, his own hand reared up as if to slap himself and he gawked at the big-lipped, black-haired face that'd conformed to his hand.

Kyle shot awake. The hand hadn't actually, y'know... suffocated him, but it was certainly inconvenient.

“Dude! Cartman!" he groaned, sitting up to glare at the fatass. "What the fuck are you doing here? It's... 1:37am dude! And your hand was trying to kiss me!”

"...Hennifer?" Cartman gave a weak whimper as the 'lips' moved and spat a Spanish curse at him.

“...Oh. Goddamnit, Cartman! You're doing that Jennifer Lopez shit again! Didn't you grow out of that like eight years ago?!" Kyle stared wearily at Cartman, blinking a few times, honeyed eyes rubbed tiredly by lanky, long-fingered hands. “Just tell me she's not going to try and suck me off like she did Ben. You totally jerked off Ben Affleck."

“Dude, I did not!" Cartman yelped.

"Jes I did!" Cartman's hand contradicted gleefully.

"Shut up, bitch! And get the hell off my hand!" Cartman looked about two seconds from cutting off his possessed limb, horrified that the hand was dragging all two hundred and plus pounds of him back to Kyle's bed.

"Where are my kisses, Kyle!! I have missed joo so!" Cartman was leaning back at a perilous angle that anyone else would have fallen on their asses attempting, but he looked like he was really being dragged by 'Hennifer', his face pale and horrified as his curled thumb and forefinger made contact with the Jew's mouth again, making obscene kissing sounds.

“C-Cartman! Christ... I'm not going to make out with your fucking hand...! If you're gay for me just say so. I'll KILL you. But... just stop with this stupid hand shit." The redhead whined as he felt those 'lips' against his mouth. At least the hand didn't have a fucking tongue.

"Fuck you, Kahl! I am totally not gay for your gay Jew ass, goddamn fucking Jew!" Cartman was so deeply disturbed that he couldn't come up with any other come back than his default, which worked just as well in a crisis. And this was very much a fucking crisis.

Oh hey, Kyle thought almost viciously, how about freaking Cartman out for once?

If Cartman was just fucking around and being stupid like... always... then actually going along with it should make him stop, right? Cartman hated actually getting what he wanted without getting some sort of admittance out of his victim.

“I dunno man... your hand's looking pretty hot right now," Kyle muttered against the other’s fingers, lips smudged red from the lipstick that Cartman had drawn on the hand. He let out a mock groan as tongue dipped out and made those obscene noises real, slurping his tongue into the hole of his hand, eyes sliding shut.

God, this was fucking gross and weird.

"Dude... DUDE!!! Stop fucking licking my hand!!! Ahh, goddamn it!" Cartman groaned, shuddering violently as he fought not to throw up. He wrapped his other hand around his left wrist, trying to throttle his traitorous hand or anything to get it the hell away from Kyle. That was it. He'd have to boil his hand in a jar of acid. He was ruined for life.

"Oh, Kyle! Joo are sooo cute!" Hennifer gushed, kissing Kyle back eagerly and closing her 'lips' around Kyle's tongue, sucking on him like a burrito. "Do I taste like taco, Kyle? Do you like my taco-flavored kisses? ¡Sí, sí, sí!"

"Nnh... No tacos... like sweaty palm...” Kyle muttered against the hand, snickering a little despite himself.

"Joo are so funny, Kyle!" Cartman's hand giggled. "Fat boy does not feed me, just feeds his own fat face. Make me lose my ass! Joo will still love me if I lose my ass though, ¿sí?"

"’Ey! Don't call me fat!" Cartman seethed, feeling sharp stabbing jolts go up his arm and settle in the regions of his brain that register disgust and violation as Kyle kissed Hennifer back.

The fact that Kyle was freaking Cartman out so badly was enough to fuel him on. That fatass always got him, he always did everything to torture the Jew.

"C'mon... You know you want to go down, Jennifer," Kyle whispered, sliding his hand up to cup her ‘chin’ and drag her downwards... under the sheets, and up against a rather limp (though somewhat hard from just waking up) hunk of flesh. "Oh Jennifer, don't make me wait."

Cartman was going to die. Kyle would have to acid-wash his brain to forget this memory, but it would be totally hilarious for a while.

The situation went a whole ‘nother level of worse for Cartman when Kyle started pushing his hand downwards. "No. NO! Kahl, stop this or I fucking swear...! God, not again, you bitch!"

"Oh sheet! Kyle, joo are hung like torro! This will not all fit in my mouth! Fat boy, joo suck too! I take his balls!" Under the covers Hennifer closed her big painted lips around Kyle's testicle, sucking at it like she had Kyle's tongue when they’d been kissing.

"God. God, please. I swear I will never sneak into Kahl's room and give him HIV or put lice in his hat or pee in his hair when he's asleep ever again if you get this crazy bitch off my hand!" Cartman was near the point of tears, gagging as he felt his hand wrap around Kyle's nut. "GOD! No, I'm not sucking him! Holy shit!"

"God Cartman... you're such... hnn... a sick fucking bastard... But if this doesn't snap you out of it, then you really are mentally ill,” Kyle muttered as that hand went to work.

Cartman was about to have a full-on panic attack and die right there in Kyle's bed, but his hand popped out from beneath the covers and laughed, smacking her lips.

"I kid! Joo make me throw up tacos, I see you sucking my Kyle, chullo! All for me!" Hennifer descended again, the circle of Cartman's hand swallowing the circumcised head of Kyle's cock like a pro.

“Shut up, hand,” Kyle hissed out. “I don't like when bitches talk while sucking me."

The Jew snickered to himself, knowing he'd never had a girl suck him before. But whatever. Kyle stared up at Cartman, who... was somehow fucking adorable in his pajamas, despite his fat hips and whatnot. Truly, the tub of lard had grown into his weight... somewhat... and that second attempt at fat camp had helped tremendously. Cartman had his hips and that stupid, vicious, murderous personality.

“Dude. Cartman. If you want to fuck me, just do it already. I don't care, man. You're not my first,” Kyle said softly, keeping quiet because Ike was asleep down the hall. Kyle was babysitting that weekend while his parents went away on a vacation to Aspen. But... Ike was old enough to know better than to walk in at any time if the door was shut.

And Kyle was dead serious, pulsing and hard in that hand.

"I swear to god, Kahl. I. Am. Not. Doing. This. Ohhhh, fuck, make it stop!" Cartman's pitch rose to a soft wail, as he felt his hand stretch to accommodate Kyle's girth.

The stretch registered and startled him mid-wail, staring gap-mouthed at Kyle as his eyes widened. "...No fucking way. No fucking way you're that--" Cartman stopped himself before he could accidentally give the Jew a roundabout compliment, but his hand was making the most obscene choking sounds, and it was worse that he could feel everything Hennifer was doing and touching.

He didn't want to look. He would have gouged out his eyes right there if there was a hard, pointy object in reach, but the only hard (not really pointy) object was already wrapped within his hand.

Cartman had to look.

"Holy fucking..." Cartman had thrown back the covers and whimpered at the sight of Hennifer trying to devour Kyle as if the Jew were the World's Biggest Burrito. And from the angle he was looking at, it really did look like he was giving his arch nemesis a fucking hand job - if one ignored the wig and lipstick and marker-drawn eyes.

Cartman gave a low, shuddering groan, shifting to try to hide the boner he'd suddenly popped, tenting out his teddy-bear patterned pjs.

"Kahl..."

"Oye Kyle!"

Cartman and Hennifer groaned simultaneously, and Cartman couldn't even find his voice to refuse. His hand squeezing and milking Kyle like a pregnant cow, Cartman leaned forward and caught the Jew's mouth in an awkward, stumbling kiss, his mind already trying desperately to filter through with comebacks and thoughts of revenge if Kyle suddenly shoved away from him and declared it all a huge, horrible joke. Except he couldn't think past how fucking good Kyle's warm, slightly chapped lips felt against his own. Oh god, he was tainted.

“Yeah... It's big,” Kyle murmured, grinning as the blankets were thrown back and he was exposed. At the age of seventeen, he had about seven and a half inches going for him, and he was still growing a tiny bit. The redhead blushed a bit, however, at the groan that Cartman gave, already forgetting about that goddamn hand - other than the fact that it was jerking him off lewdly. He shuddered. Shit.

Their lips were bumping against each other clumsily, brushing slowly as Kyle tried to gain some form of control. He shuddered and slid tongue out slowly, tracing Cartman's lips. Kyle was a hidden whore. He'd fucked Stan; Kenny used him sometimes when he couldn't get a bitch to screw... He'd even caught Tweek in the back room of the coffee house once before. He shuddered and moved one hand into surprisingly soft hair, grasping. He knew... that he'd go to Hell for this. Cartman was twisted, he'd probably horde Kyle away and torture him.

Kyle chuckled however, all of a sudden.

“Dude... get in my bed a-and fuck me... You're probably a virgin,” Kyle said teasingly, knowing this was so wrong. Wrong wrong wrong!

"I am in your fucking bed, dumbass," Cartman moaned, his own version of pillow talk or a bedroom voice. His right hand released his other wrist from where he'd been trying to strangle Hennifer, which of course wouldn't work seeing as how the bitch didn't need to breathe.

Oddly enough, he realized he hadn't heard her thick Mexican accent in a while, and looked down when he broke the kiss for a second to catch his wind. "Oh fuck..." His hand was still moving, jerking and stroking Kyle in familiar motions that he realized he liked to use on himself when he was alone, fantasizing about Justin Timber-- er, Jessica Alba -- and Hennifer was just gone.

The wig had fallen off sometime and the lipstick lips had been smudged away from the first taco-flavored kiss and hand job, and even the eyes were washed off by the accumulation of precome and palm sweat.

Hennifer had gone, leaving Cartman alone and vulnerable and in control of his own hand.
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