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The Invader's Cookbook	By : FoxDragonKris Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2788 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Schrödinger’s Sanity

You can also find me at http://kitsune-ryu.deviantart.com/ where some related drabbles are already posted. I will update this as often as possible, but I have a very busy work schedule so I make no promises. Comments are greatly appreciated, constructive criticism is as well. Flames may go here http://kitsune-ryu.deviantart.com/art/A-quick-message-to-all-flamers-47400705 and will be summarily ignored.

This is the first Fanfic that I have ever posted anywhere, so if the format isn't right the first time, please forgive, I don't know any HTML yet XD

Disclaimer: Invader Zim and all related characters belong to Jhonen Vasques, I'm just molesting them to make him sick for a while. All OC's belong to Myself, They are not yours, Do Not Take Them. Please feed the author and artist! We live off your comments and love!

On with the insanity!!!!

Section 1 - The Invader's Cookbook

Chapter 1

The music drifting down the concrete and pipes wasn’t nearly as loud as one might have expected from a huge congratulatory party such as it was, however taking into account that Membrane Labs hosted many such parties and they were mostly attended by the varying scientists that worked at the labs it wasn’t as surprising. What may have been a surprise was that one of the parties 'guests of honor' was not in attendance, or at least he had left attendance.

Annoyed by the crowd and falsely adoring sycophants always pawing for his attention, no doubt hoping to catch his father's eye through him, Dib had left the party early, ducking into a restricted access elevator and keying it down to the high security labs beneath the main building. He had convinced, well, perhaps bribed was a better word, Zim to consult on some blue prints for him.

The alien had been... different over the last few years. After leaving skool for junior high and then finally high skool, he had remained short, unchanged year after year, until the accident. They had been fighting, as they always had been, and the alien had been knocked off the edge of the bank they had been on, tumbling all the way to the bottom... he hadn’t seemed very injured then, but after that... he was different. The most noticeable thing had been his height... he had begun to grow, almost immediately, and was now just a few inches shorter than Dib's own six and half feet. His behavior had also seemed to change overnight; he was... somehow calmer and all the same more dangerous. Dib had blackmailed him into helping on the blueprints mostly as a way of keeping him close, getting a better idea of what he might be plotting, or at least he might be able to figure out why that fall had changed him so much. So far though his plans had been fruitless but it somehow made sense to his drunken mind that tonight would be a good chance to go and push for more answers.

Entering his access code at the door and passing through many other small checkpoints he made his way deep into the secret labs, he could hear music, not just the drifting strains of the classical orchestra playing at the party above but... modern rock music, fast and deep, probably playing on a radio. He grinned, the thought of the Irkin listening to human rock music in a secret underground laboratory was very amusing... or maybe that was just the vodka.

Coming around the corner to the back table where Zim preferred to do his work he stopped for a moment and just stared... The other was leaning foreword over the table he was working on, reaching for something, his close fitting shirt riding up his back and tight leather pants encasing his lower body, so tight they seemed like a dark skin on him. With a grin he stepped forward again, stripping off his jacket and shirt in one pull as he did, blood singing with alcohol induced arousal as he approached the unsuspecting alien from behind.

Zim's fingers had just closed around the pen he needed when strong hands suddenly encircled his waist and he was pulled forcefully back, his rear grinding against something warm and hard. Gasping he straightened, trying to twist away as one of the hand slipped up his chest, holding back against the body behind him.

"What the hell... Dib?!?" he caught a glimpse of the human from the corner of his eyes as he twisted, just as the human swept in to lick at the side of his neck. Gasping again he struggled more, inadvertently grinding himself into other's groin and causing the sharp flares of arousal within him to climb higher. "God... Zim...."

"What?!? What are you doing!" he yelped as the other hand slipped forward from his hip and dipped under the rim of his pants, brushing teasingly close to his own growing organ. The arm around his chest didn’t give any as he struggled so after a few moments he stilled, his racing mind coming to the conclusion that, one way or another, the human had him pinned and hadn’t he secretly fantasized about this very thing?

Groaning he pushed his hips back, grinding himself against the other on purpose now as he leaned back against his chest "HHnnnnn... Dib...."

That needy tone widened Dibs grin and he pulled the other's pants open, pushing them down and quickly doing the same with his own, he hadn’t gotten laid in months and that tight green ass had been teasing him for far to long, it was time to put it in its place. Pushing the other roughly down on the table he pushed himself against that tight opening and forced his way in, alcohol hazed mind completely missing the detail that the alien's hole yielded easily to his intrusion, somehow already wet. All he was aware of was the sudden pleasure at burying himself into that warm haven.

"Hahhh!!!!! Please!!" It wasn’t shameful to beg for really good sex... really... it wasn’t... Zim gave up on justifying his outburst as he stretched out on the cool table, gripping the far end of the wood with his claws, digging in deep for leverage and leaving harsh gouges in the surface as the other thrust into him voraciously.

There were few words that followed the harsh breathing and the steady wet slapping of flesh on flesh masked by the pounding beat of the radio.

Noticing the alien’s hand creeping under the table Dib reached under, following him and found his fingers in contact with smooth hot flesh, swollen from the pleasure. Groaning in the back of his throat he gripped the other's cock, feeling the line of stiff ridges that run the length of the underside curiously. Exploring he found the tip to be pointier than his own, but not harshly so, and strangely there was no scrotum... later, if remembered, if there was a later, he would have to explore that tidbit further, see if that was a normal trait of if Irkins were really that cruel to their own kind.

For now he focused on driving into that warm body, pulling on that hard rigid shaft as he gasped for air. Zim was moaning continuously now, clawing desperately at the table as he was increasingly overwhelmed until the pleasure broke over him and he came, shaft twitching and pulsing as thick pearly blue fluid sprayed against the underside of the table and moments later Dib tightened as well, pumping his own seed into the other as he collapsed against Zim, head resting on the Irkin's pak.

"Ohh... stars...." Zim's body felt like gel... he hadn’t coupled with anything since before his banishment... before the regression punishment... 60 years was FAR too long to be celibate.

Groaning Dib pulled himself off the other, snuggling his pants back up on his hips. "Heh... wow that was... really...” he didn’t know what to say.

Turning to face the other Zim didn’t even bother to fix his pants as he reached around Dib's neck, leaning up against him, basking in the feel of another body against him. "mm... Your place or mine... Dib stink? "

Blinking at the question Dib wasn't sure how to respond at first... Zim was... happy with that? He wasn’t.... mad or... disgusted? Grinning he said "Mine...." And the alien grinned back, already turning to gather up the bits of his human disguise that he had removed while working.

Pulling on his shirt and trench coat, Dib started for the door, turning when he realized that Zim hadn’t followed him yet. The Irkin was still retrieving his wig, brushing the hair in place with his fingers. "Coming Zim?"

Zim grinned wickedly "Actually Dibber, I just did."

"Ha ha... very funny... hey, what did you just call me?

"Dibber" The grin widened "Dib Dibber Dibbis Dibbet Dibby Dibbling... Dibber"

Gritting his teeth a bit he pushed back the annoyance then grinned in challenge "oh yea? Is that so Zimmy?"

Zim's antennae flicked one back one forward.

Dib continued on. "Zimmy, Zimmo, Zimmer, Zimmy-kins... hey... I like that" he grinned "Zimmy-kins..."

Zim glared. "You are NOT calling me.... Zimmy-kins! I am in Irkin invader! Not some lap dog!" He was starting to grin at the banter.

Dib chuckled. "Mmmm well, I invaded you... that’s gotta count for something..."

"Watch yer back human, I'll be waiting for when you least expect it"

Dib just grinned as he reached down, slipping a hand down the swell of the Irkin's rear as he tipped his chin up for a kiss. "Mmmhmm... come on Zimmy-kins.... let’s get going..."

Zim grimaced at the smell of the human's breath as he pulled away, starting for the door. "I don’t know what you got into human, but your mouth stinks!"

"Ahh... that was probably the spiked punch...."

"Ah... of course... spike punch. It sounds delicious" He rolled his eyes, humans were just... strange.

"........................ You don’t even know what that is, do you?"

“And why should I care about some horrid human drink?"

Their banter continued lightly as they passed together through the security checkpoints, heading for the ground level exit, both hoping to not be noticed as they left. Pulling out his cell phone as they exited the building and its thick, signal cutting walls, Dib called for a cab and they started down the impressive steps of the building. They stopped together by the curb, waiting in the chill night air and Zim had just stepped closer to Dib seeking the radiating warmth of his body when the human stiffened, looking over his shoulder. "I'll be right back" he said as he stepped around the Irkin, heading toward a small knot of scientists with a familiar imposing figure in the center.

Zim watched the human approach his... 'father'. They talked for a moment and before they parted the older human embraced his offspring, although to Zim's eye it looked more staged that affectionate, and his antennae twitched under his wig as Dib came walking back, steps slow and head lowered. When he was close enough the Irkin stepped against him once more, feeling a fine tremble in that warm body and he looked up at the other's face, seeing a small drop of liquid fall from the corner of one eye.

Inside he seethed, he had studied humans enough to know that the fluid leaking behavior was a sign of great pain, physical or emotional, and the Dibber was HIS now.. how /dare/ that human cause such harm to his Dibber. Slipping his arms around the other he rested his head on Dib's chest, leaning against him.

When the taxi came they slid into the plush back seat silently. As the car pulled away from the curb Zim glanced up at Dib once more, he was staring quietly at the floor, looking serious and depressed and Zim pulled his chin around with one claw, earning a curious glance from the human. He ignored the glance and tilted his own face up, meeting the other's mouth once more in the human affection gesture. This time he noted that Dib's breath was far less unpleasant and after savoring the kiss he leaned back, eyeing him.

"Is that some human secret technique? Making your breath taste delicious to make your partner more willing?"

Dib found a small smile at the question. "No, it’s called a breath mint." He stuck out his tongue with the mint on it to show the Irkin.

Looking at it curiously Zim grinned and arched up again, licking the mint on Dibs tongue and groaned as the human suddenly plundered his mouth, kissing him deeply and when they parted it was Zim with the mint which he tested uncertainly. The human was making him desire things he should not, first he had broken the regression treatments and now... now this.... It was... shameful but still... exciting...

Still smiling Dib leaned in for another kiss, running his hands down the line of Zim's spine, causing the other to arch and moan against him. The candy passed between their mouths as their tongues battled and the ride to Dib's apartment was over all too soon. After paying the cab driver he ushered the other up to his modest apartment. As soon as the door closed Zim was against him once more, thin green arms wrapping up behind his neck as he pressed their bodies together, he felt like his blood was on fire and he needed more of the lean human, as disgusting as the idea would have seemed to him at any other time.

Pushing the other backwards Dib led them both to the bedroom where they fell to the bed. Pushing himself up over Zim he pulled the shirt off the alien and soon his boots and pants followed and for a moment he just stared, mesmerized by the sight. Zim was quick to get bored with the staring however and sat up, pulling on the human's shirt insistently and Dib obeyed, stripping himself bare once more and pushing Zim back down to the bed.

Starting at Zim's neck he slowly licked and kissed his way down the other’s body until he reached His stiffening manhood took it carefully into his mouth. The taste was... strange. Spicy and foreign, he didn’t know how it compared to any human male but it was certainly far different from human females, and it was quick becoming an addiction. Zim's narrow chest heaved as he was sucked down by that burning hot human mouth, claws digging into the bedding reflexively as Dib swallowed him to the root. All too soon that mouth was lifting off him and his hips were being levered into the air as Dib started to push into him once more.

Wrapping his legs around the human's waist he pulled himself harder onto that heady cock, needing more, now. "Ahnnnnn... Dib...... Harder......" He panted shamelessly, tightening around the human's length.

Falling forward Dib propped himself up on his elbows, leaning in to capture Zim's mouth once more as he continued to thrust into him, sweat soon covering their bodies and the bed groaned in protest of the treatment.

Zim came with a strangled scream, twisting his arms around the other and clawing lightly down his back, careful not to harm the human too much knowing his skin was thinner.

Biting back a strangled yell Dib followed soon after, burying his face against the Irkin’s shoulder as he gasped and panted. Zim slowly stroked his hands along the other's back, enjoying the warmth that shared between then.

Pushing himself up on his elbows again Dib grinned down at Zim, laughing lightly from the exertion and pleasure. "holy... wow... shoulda done this a long time ago... shit..."

Squirming pleasantly Zim shifted, allowing the other to lie on the bed alongside him. "Mmmm it was a good way to end a 50 year dry spell...."

Dib' eyebrow twitched.

"Or was it 60...."

"Just... just how old... are you?"

"Mmmm? Oh.... somewhere about 200 years or so."

His breath hitched a bit. "And just how old is that... in human years?"

A serious look. "Dibber... that is in human years...”

Dib was silent staring at the ceiling for a long time. ".. So just how old do Irkins get?'

Zim rolled over and curled against his chest. "Mmmmm... It depends on the bloodline... But into the thousands isn’t unheard of."

Dib nodded, absorbing the information. "So... when we... when I was a kid, all those crazy schemes you came up with... I... foiled them so easily... that’s 200 years of Irkin learning?"

Zim grimaced. "No... much of my... talent was... lost when I was regressed" He admitted reluctantly.

Dib looked at him. "Regressed?"

A nod. "As punishment .... My growth was regressed... it... forced me shorter... damaged...." he frowned, that was quite the right word. "It... blocked my processes... made... thinking and planning harder... it’s... a very severe punishment...”

He didn’t understand. "Wait... you were taller and they made you grow shorter? And it screwed up your head? What did you do to get a punishment like that and...? why did they even keep you around after something like that?"

As their bodies cooled he was getting chilled so he pulled the sheets up over them. "Yes... it’s not a comfortable process... part of why it’s a punishment. It screws everything up. I... earned through... I committed treason... A decision was made that I would not... obey and... I was punished. But they didn’t get rid of me because... My parent was very important within the empire once... His legend... made many things easier for me, it was enough just to be is child and that alone gave me many opportunities I might not have otherwise had."

Dib nodded, that made a bit more sense... in a strange way. That probably also explained the sudden growth, the fall must have done something to Zim's body, or his pak, that changed the 'regression' treatments. "What decision did you fight? What was so horrible that that happened?"

Zim laid his head on the others arm and decisively shut his eyes. "It's not something I wish to speak of." And he shifted against Dib, settling in to sleep and Dib took the hint, letting the subject drop and reached over to turn of the bedside lamp. Darkness fell over them and soon both slept.
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The Invader's Cookbook