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Drunken Chan, Ladies Man	By : Jayrich Category: +G through L > Jackie Chan's Adventures Views: 5356 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Jackie Chan s Adventures, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Drunken Chan, Ladies Man
- 1
Drunken Chan, Ladies Man

It’s 4pm West Coast Time, and inside the Terminal of San Fran Airport, dozens wait for the passengers of a recently landed plane to board off. Most of them are family & friends, waiting to see their loved ones again, back from their journey. As the passengers pile into the Terminal, one of them stands out. A teenage girl, about 15 years old, wearing an orange hooded jacket, blue Capri pants and a pair of sneakers. She looks around the Terminal, until she spots two lone figures standing off in the distance, one of them holding up a sign that reads: JADE! Immediately she runs over and hugs the one holding the sign.

“JACKIE!!!”

For a second, he loses his balance. But Jackie Chan holds on and hugs her back. “Yes, I have missed you too, Jade.” He says. “So, how was your Martial Arts Training with Uncle’s cousin?”

“HORRIBLE!!!” She answers back immediately. “All he made me do was chores! I had to carry jugs, break walnuts with my bare hands, lug water from place to place; I didn’t once get a chance to open up a can of Butt Whoop. I…” She stops in the middle of her rant when she notices who’s joined Jackie…Viper. The one-time Super Thief, now Ex-Super Thief, smiles down at Jade, who in turn looks at Jackie with a smug grin.

“OHHHHHHHHHH! I get it.” Jade says. “It’s about time you two got together. You make an cute couple.”

“What? NO!” Jackie tells her, quickly disputing the idea. “Viper just came along because she wanted to see you. That is all, nothing more.”

“Yeah, Jade.” Viper agrees. “Me & Jackie aren’t in a relationship. He does have a cute butt, thought.” She playfully slaps him on his rear, startling him almost loud enough for the whole Airport to draw attention. Jackie blushes as he waves it off, and continues on his way, followed by Jade & Viper.

“Jade, you should be honored have received your training.” Jackie tells her. “It is the same regimen I had to go through.”

“PFFFT! All I know is Paco doesn’t have to go through that torture when he trains with El Toro.” Jade answers.

“Trust me, Jade.” Jackie says. “You will quickly see why he has trained you in that matter. As they say, ‘There is a method to the madness’.”

“JACKIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!”

THAP! Jackie is popped on his forehead by two fingers, both of them belonging to his Uncle, who is joined by the massive former thug of Valmont, Tohru.
“TOHRU!!!” Jade runs over and hugs her dear friend tightly.

“I have missed you also, Jade.” He tells her.

“Jackie, you take too long for simple task of picking up niece.” Uncle tells him. “One more thing, you leave Uncle & Tohru at Airport Bar with lousy drink menu. One more thing, they have awful Karaoke selection!”

“Heh, I even missed the one more things.” Jade says, rushing over from Tohru to hug Uncle. As the family reunites, Jackie notices someone approaching them. Turning around and ready to attack, he finds out it’s not an enemy, but a good friend.

“Captain Black!” Jackie says, shaking his hand. “But…but I thought you were made Director of Section 6 in Washington.”

“I was.” Black tells him. “But since the president’s in town, I thought I’d catch up with some old friends. So, I hear Jade just got back from her training overseas. How’d it go?

“HORRIBLE!!!” Jade answers, before Jackie can. She proceeds in telling Captain Black all about the ordeal as everyone heads toward the exit. Along the way, Jackie is almost knocked to the ground by a large man in a black trench coat & a hat. The man lets out a low growl as he continues on.

“Oh, pardon me.” Jackie says. “I didn’t see…” Once he looks up at the man walking off, he develops a Déjà vu feeling. As if he has seen him before, many times. But Jackie just shakes it off and joins the rest of his friends & family.

Later That Night…

After a day of reminiscing, Jackie Chan & his friends find themselves at best Chinese Restaurant in San Francisco. They’ve just finished their meals and are now reliving old times, old adventures. Captain Black is in the middle of a story about the J-Team against Valmont & his minions.

“…And then, Valmont got pantsed by Paco & Jade, in front of the entire police squadron.”

Everyone shares a hearty laugh at the story, remembering it fondly. Jackie then rises up from the table and excuses himself before heading off to the bar. A moment later, Viper gets up from the table and goes to join him.

“Getting yourself a drink?” She asks.

“Wha? No! No, no.” He quickly denies. “I do not drink. It is bad for you and makes you do bad things.”

“You know, come to think of it, you’ve never done anything risky, Boy Scout.” She tells him. “You’ve probably never even jaywalked in this town. That’s what I call a boring life.”

“Hey, what you call boring is what I call safe.” Jackie tells her.

“I’m not telling you not to be safe.” Viper says. “I’m just saying ‘live life’. Come on, have a drink, go dancing…” She’s interrupted as a man flies past her and crashes through a table, hitting the ground hard. “…Although, don’t over do it like him.”

They both turn towards the entrance, as does everyone else, to see the same man who bumped into Jackie earlier at the Airport. He’s holding up the Maitre’D to the restaurant by his neck, ready to toss him just like the last man. But he drops him once he notices Jackie over by the bar.

“Chan!”

“Wait…” Jackie says. “…I know that voice.”

The man flips off his trench coat and tosses his hat aside to confirm Jackie’s suspicions. It’s Hak Foo, and he doesn’t look like he’s here for a friendly visit. “I was hoping to see you, Chan.” He says. “It saves me the trouble of hunting you down.”

“I don’t want any trouble.” Jackie says, not wanting a brawl to break out within the restaurant.

Hak Foo just grins sinisterly and cracks his knuckles. “Too bad.” At that moment, almost a dozen thugs storm into the restaurant behind him. This causes everyone inside to scramble for the nearest exit, away from them. Within seconds, the whole place is clear, except for Jackie’s friends & family, and Hak Foo’s gang. “Since Valmont has taken a leave of absence, I’ve decided this City needs a new leader. A fearless & powerful leader.”

“Hey, haven’t you ever heard of Ballots & Elections?” Jade yells at him, before being restrained by Tohru & Captain Black.

“She’s right, you know.” Jackie adds. “I heard the primaries are coming up this November. Try signing up for that.”

Hak Foo just laughs off Jackie’s comment. “How about you try signing something…like your DEATH WISH! KING LION POUNCES!!!” Hak Foo charges Jackie, followed by his thugs. But before he can attack, he receives a flying plate shattered against his head. He stops and turns in the direction of the plate, only to see that Jade is the one that threw it. “So…the mouse wants to play, too. Boys, go arrange a play date.”

The Thugs turn their attention to Jade & the rest of the gang, and storm towards their table. Jade doesn’t back down though, in fact she jumps onto the table & into her fighting stance. “Alright. Time to see if all that training paid off. HYAAAAAAAA!!!!!!” She leaps forward and surprisingly, hits two thugs with a Flying Kick, taking them out the fight. She lands and looks at the KO’ed goons lying on the ground.

“Whoa…YEAH! GO JADE! GO JADE! GO…” The celebration stops when she realizes that several more are still standing, and have her surrounded. But the thugs discover a surprise of their own, as a large shadow is instantly cast over them. It belongs to Tohru, and he’s not happy about what they have planned for her.

“Oooh, you’re gonna get it.” Jade says, grinning widely. The Thugs decide to rush him all at once, which is a bad decision. Tohru takes one of the thugs, and starts beating the others away with him, using the thug as a weapon. Meanwhile, Jackie and Hak Foo engage in battle themselves. They parry & counter each other’s blows for several seconds before Jackie lands a clean double-fist shot that stuns Hak Foo. He follows up with a jumping thrust kick that sends him reeling. But as he goes for the finish, Hak Foo mounts a counterattack.

“FLAMINGO STRUTS!!!” He yells, nailing Jackie with a big left leg Spin Kick that sends him stumbling back. He recovers quickly though, and goes back into the fray. After trading more punches, Hak Foo ducks a Haymaker from Jackie & counters. “KANGAROO SWINGS TAIL!!!” He nails Jackie with a right leg Roundhouse to the face, and it floors him. Jackie quickly jumps back to his feet, but as he checks his face, he finds out that his nose is bleeding. Hak Foo grins evilly at his handy work.

“I have spent the years studying all of your styles, Chan.” He tells him. “I now know everything that you can throw at me, and I can counter it just as easily. Plus, I have the decided advantage.” From his pocket he pulls out a Magical Talisman, the Ox. It leaves Jackie to wonder no longer why Hak Foo’s blows are far more damaging than before.

“Bad Day!!” Jackie says, knowing the fights no longer in his favor. But he doesn’t back down, and instead he & Hak Foo charge each other, leaping into the air. They both hit each other with a Flying Jump Kick that sends them to the ground. They reach their feet at the same time, but Jackie uses his speed to deliver a right kick to his face, knocking him back. As Hak Foo recovers, Jackie takes off his sweater and slams it on the ground in frustration. Hak Foo stands back up, and the two face off once more. Jackie initiates the attack with a back left elbow, but Hak Foo is able to block it…and counters.

“ELEPHANT SWINGS TRUNK!!!” He gives Jackie a left-right combo that sends him reeling back to the bar. He then lets loose a flurry of punches, all of which Jackie can barely block & deflect. But eventually, Hak Foo breaks Jackie’s defense.

“RHINO GORES STUPID TOURIST!!!” He connects with a brutal straight right punch to Jackie’s chest. The impact is enough to break ribs, and Jackie stumbles back, holding his chest in pain. Jade sees this and goes to help her Uncle.

“JACKIE! I’M COMING!!!” She leaps from table to table, rushing to help her Uncle as Hak Foo prepares his finishing blow.

“OWL SNUFFS OUT LIGHT!!!”

“HIIIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!”

Jade gets there in time, nailing Hak Foo with a Drop Kick and breaking up his attack. Hak Foo is knocked back into the bar, but quickly recovers, as does Jade. “So the little Chan wishes to share the fate of her elder.” Hak Foo says, grinning evilly. “So be it. OWL SNUFFS OUT LIGHT!!!”

“JADE!!! NO!!!”

Jackie throws his body in front of Jade and takes the brunt of the attack. It knocks him all the way across the restaurant, and through a wall into the back room area.

“JACKIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!” Jade yells, worried about her Uncle. She rushes over to the crash site, as Hak Foo stands proud over what he’s accomplished.

“And Chan goes down.” He says, before turning his attention to Jade. “Now for the little one…” But before he can take one step, Viper & Tohru appear in front of him, ready to defend Jade.

“Not gonna happen, gruesome.” Viper says coldly, all business. Meanwhile, Uncle & Jade run over to the hole in the wall. As the dust clears more, they see that Jackie was knocked back into the Wine Room, and a barrel of wine has cracked open, and is now pouring down his mouth. Jackie unconsciously takes several gulps before he comes to. He stands up and holds his ribs, but is still ready to fight.

“This isn’t over, Hak Foo.” He says, getting his attention. “You…You…You look very beautiful today.” The Wine has taken affect. Jackie’s speech starts to become slurred, and his legs are now like Spaghetti. He staggers forward like an old drunkard, and jumps into his fighting stance…or something that looks like a fighting stance.

“This is the Mighty Jackie Chan?” Hak Foo begins to laugh loudly at Jackie, then leans in close to him. “He is nothing but a pathetic drunk now.”

“Gotcha nose.” Jackie responds, pinching Hak Foo’s nose with two fingers. Hak Foo becomes angry and swings at him, but Jackie avoids the attack and counters with a big Haymaker that sends him reeling backwards. Jade is in shock.

“OK, why is Jackie whooping on Hak Foo while he’s smashed?” She asks, confused.

“It is an ancient style which Jackie hoped he would never have to use.” Uncle says. “It is known as Zui Quan. The Art of the Drunken Fighter.”

Jade looks at her uncle in disbelief. “OK, are you pulling my leg?”

“Uncle does not pull legs!” Uncle says. “The Drunken Fighter Style allows you to bend & flow like wind & water. You will be able to roll off attacks. Your pain threshold will be lowered and your strength, much higher.”

“OK! I wanna learn Drunken Style!” Jade says, turning towards the Wine Room. But she’s stopped as Viper grabs her by the collar.

“Whoa, Jade.” She says. “You’re about 6 years off before you’re allowed to master that style.”

“Aw.” Jade responds.

Back at the fight, Hak Foo is fuming & ready to rip Jackie Chan apart. “MONGOOSE BITES SNAKE!!!” But the Mongoose misses, as Jackie spins around his attack. He then jumps on Hak Foo’s back and puts one finger into his mouth. He takes it out, and promptly sticks it in Hak Foo’s ear.

“Wet Willie!” Jackie jumps off of Hak Foo, leaving him stunned & disoriented. Before he can recover, Jackie continues with a hard elbow to the gut. While Hak Foo is doubled over, Jackie pulls down his pants, revealing his pink boxers, then kicks him in the rear, sending him stumbling to the door.

“CHAN! THIS IS NOT OVER!!!” He yells, retreating out of the restaurant with his pants around his ankles. His thug troops follow after him, as the gang celebrates a victory…even though the restaurant is damaged. They quickly run over to Jackie, checking to see if he’s OK.

“That was so COOL, Uncle Jackie!” Jade tells him.

“He-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-y.” Jackie says, in a slurred speech. “Anyone…tell Lou…Lou look like…a lung…Lucy Liu?” With that, he collapses onto a nearby table, looking passed out. Viper immediately helps him up and puts his arm around her to hold him up.

“OK, looks like Mr. Chan has had one too many.” She says. “I’ll take him back to my place so he can sleep it off.”

“Good. I’ll round up some agents and scour the town for Hak Foo & his boys.” Captain Black says. “He might try to regroup and take over another part.” As they start to disband, Jade walks over to Viper & checks on Jackie.

“Uh, is he gonna be OK?” She asks.

“Nothing a good nights sleep won’t—HEY!!!” She’s interrupted when she feels one of her breasts behind squeezed & fondled by Jackie.

“Squishy, squishy.” He says, wearing a goofy grin. Viper just blushes and turns towards the exit, as Jade cocks an eyebrow upwards.

“Whoa. They don’t care if they’re in public, do they?”

Later…

Viper has taken Jackie to her Hotel Room. He’s now lying down in her bed, as she gets changed in the bathroom. She’s now wearing an old Kung-Fu Movie T-Shirt, socks and her panties. She finishes up brushing her teeth, and spits into the sink, before looking up in the mirror.

“Those moves Jackie did…I thought they were only in movies.” She says to herself. “He is like a Dynamo. Even drunk, he could take down a whole gang by himself. I’d love to see what his skill level is between the sheets.” She wipes her mouth and walks out of the bathroom, turning off the light behind her. As she looks down on her bed, she can see that Jackie is dead drunk & asleep. “But of course, the Boy Scout doesn’t want to play that game.” She climbs into bed next to him, and gets under the sheets. Turning away from him, she closes her eyes and tries to get some sleep.

“Face it, girl.” She tells herself. “The day you get laid is the day—HUH???” She’s startled again when she feels Jackie squeezing her breasts.

“Squishy, squishy.” He says, half-sleep.

“I appreciate the effort, Jackie.” She tells him. “But if this isn’t gonna lead to anything, let’s cut out the foreplay.” She’s about to take his hand off of her when she feels something rub against her butt cheeks. Something potentially long & hard. “Whoa. Feels like Jackie’s packing a lethal weapon down there.” She thinks to herself. “I gotta see it for myself.”

She rolls over and faces Jackie, who gives her a drunken grin. “Hi pretty Snake Lady.” He says.

“Hi, Jackie.” She replies. “You know, since you wanna play the ‘Grab the Body Part’ game, I think it’s only fair I join in.” She ventures her hand downward and into Jackie’s boxers. “Squishy, squish…whoa!” She’s in disbelief of what she’s holding. Jackie’s Cock is larger than she anticipated. It almost takes two hands to get a full grip on this.

“That’s what Jackie’s packing?” She thinks to herself. “How is he even able to do all of those moves with this monster?” As she continues to hold onto it, she can feel herself getting wet. Thoughts of it filling her mouth up and her snatch begin to run rampant through her mind, and it leads to a sinister, yet seductive grin on her face.

“Hey Jackie, how about we play another game.” She says. “It’s called 69.” Using her gymnastic background, she spins into a handstand, then comes down on top of Jackie, with her wet pussy practically on top of him. Pulling his Rod out into the open, she goes to work on licking the shaft, before engulfing it into her mouth. She can feel the throbbing of it as she wraps her lips around it, and it only arouses her more.

“Oh, it’s been so long.” She thinks. “Being a thief for so long, I haven’t had the time for this. This is what I’ve been missing.”

Jackie, in the meantime, is about to jump into the action. But when he takes a lick of her love lips, he grows a disgusted look on his face. “Ugh! Bland!” He says, before looking over to his left. He spots a bottle of Wine that he snuck up with him, and grabs it. He then pours it all over Viper’s ass, much to her shock as she pulls his Cock out of his mouth.

“Uh, Jackie?” She says. “Just what the hell are you doing back there?” He doesn’t answer; instead he pours the entire bottle out onto her. Once empty, he buries his face between her legs, letting his tongue run wild. Viper lets out a loud moan of pleasure, mixed with shock. “OH! For…forget the question. Just keep it up, Chan Man.”

She focuses her attention back on his manhood, stuffing it into her mouth and working it around. She plays with his balls as her tongue wraps around the head of his Cock. Her lips tighten on the shaft, and she bobs her head up & down, trying to stay focused. But Jackie’s tongue is almost driving her crazy. It’s buried deep inside and is exploring all that it can. Jackie then takes his tongue out and starts to lick & suck on her clit, while also slipping his fingers into her snatch and working up a rhythm. The sensation is too much for her, as she lets out a muffled moan. She takes his Cock out again, and starts to clench the bed sheets tightly.

“Oh DAMN, Jackie!” She says. “That’s the Spot! That’s it…I’m gonna…” He body quivers for a moment as she tenses up and hits her Orgasm. She squirts her love juice in Jackie’s face, who’s’ too drunk to even care.

“Oh God, that was so good.” She says, before realizing Jackie hasn’t had his orgasm…yet. “But you know, you shouldn’t feel left out, Jackie.”

Putting her agile skills to work again, she spins into a handstand, then comes down back on top of Jackie, legs straddle around him with his manhood resting between her lovely cheeks. Raising herself up, she uses her fingers to spread herself open and takes in all of ‘little Jackie’. Taking it all in, she comes to a rest on top of him, then begins to slowly rock her hips. She puts her hands on his chest, and encourages him to cum.

“Come on, Jackie. You can cum. Cum for your Snake Lady.” She says. Jackie slowly gets into the moment, grabbing hold of her hips and thrusting into her in rhythm with her bounces. They become so much in rhythm that the bed begins to squeak & bounce in unison. Viper lifts up her shirt, exposing her breasts as the jiggle & bounce like water balloons. The sight is enough to put Jackie over the top. He starts to contort his face, looking like he’s having a seizure as he hits his climax. A moment later, he shoots his load deep inside of her, making her come in the process. She lets out a weak moan and grins, before falling onto him in exhaustion.

“Oh god that was good.” She says, feeling a sort of vindication. “Now, doesn’t it feel good to do something naughty for once?” She doesn’t get an answer. Instead, she hears Jackie’s loud snoring, indicating that he’s fallen into a dead sleep. “Hmmph, I just had to get you drunk to do it.” She decides to get some rest herself, and turns off a nearby lamp, before falling asleep on top of Jackie.

The Next Morning…

As the room slowly begins to illuminate from the sun shining into it, Jackie lies asleep in bed, under the covers. The light hits his eyes, and begins to awaken him. As he sits up, he rubs his eyes so that they can adjust to the light. Last night is a blur to him, and as his eyes do adjust, he finds that he’s not in his bed, nor is he even in his apartment.

“Huh? What the…?” He gets the feeling that something of his is missing. And when he looks under the covers, he discovers what it is…his boxers. “AAAAHHHHH! I’M NAKED!!!”

“Morning, Lover.” Viper says, coming out of her bathroom wearing nothing but slippers & a plush robe. At that moment, Jackie instantly puts 2 & 2 together. Or, at least he thinks he does.

“YOU RAPED ME!!!” He screams, which causes Viper to almost stumble & fall from the shock.

“Boy, Alcohol is really not your friend, is it?” She says, as she sits down on the bed beside him. “You don’t remember anything that happened last night?”

Jackie rubs his head, still feeling the hangover. “No. All I remember was a fight with Hak Foo. Then, something about Owls…and then, kicked through a wall…and that’s it.”

“Well, that wall you were kicked through goes to the Wine Room.” Viper tells him. “While you were out, a half of barrel of wine poured down your throat. Needless to say that you were more than a little tipsy.”

Jackie nods his head in agreement. He has a bad taste in his mouth, and the room looks like it’s on a Merry-Go-Round. He’s definitely hung over. “But that doesn’t explains why I’m here…without my Boxers!”

“Well, after you put a Drunken beatdown on Hak Foo & his boys, I decided to take you here to my place, which is closer.” She tells him, before developing a seductive grin. “And since you were in an amorous mood…”

“WE DID IT?” Jackie blurts out. “But, but…but, you’re a Super Thief!”

“EX Super Thief.” Viper counters.

“And…and we’re not married! We haven’t even dated!” He continues, before calming down a little. “Ok…ok, at least did I use a condom?” He looks over at Viper, who turns her head away from him. It’s all the answer he needs. “AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I’m going to be a Dad! I haven’t even taken lessons for it!”

“Jackie! Jackie!” She says, turning back to him. “Let’s stop the panic fest! Yes, we did have sex without a condom. Yes, I might get pregnant. But…now’s as good time as any to get that relationship thing going.” They look into each other’s eyes, and slowly, Jackie begins to calm down. As he stares at Viper, the idea of being with her doesn’t sound bad at all. He begins to forget about her being an Ex-Super Thief, and just thinks of her as his girlfriend…and maybe something more. They move closer to each other and begin to kiss. It’s something they’ve both wanted to do for a long time, and they finally have the chance. But it’s short lived, as someone barges in and ruins the moment.

“HEY, JACKIE! HEY, VIPER! I…” Jade stands there in the doorway, in shock of what she’s looking at. The two quickly break the kiss and look at Jade, as her shock slowly turns into a smirk on her face. “Heh, looks like the action just came to an end.”

“WHA? NO! NO ACTION!!!” Jackie disputes. “And…no more HBO for you, Young Lady!”

“Eh, Showtime shows better stuff anyway.” She says, walking into the room. “Jackie, you were incredible last night. I mean you were like ‘HIYA!’ and ‘WOWUHAAA!!!’”

“Yes. It’s something I wished that I had forgotten.” Jackie says, finding his boxers on the nightstand. He grabs them and puts them on under the sheets with Jade turned away.

“What was that style again?” Jade asks.

“It’s called the ‘Drunken Fist’.” Jackie tells her. “You can only achieve it if you are inebriated to a certain point.”

“Meaning you gotta be drunk off your rocker.” Jade says.

“Yes. But it’s not a good style.” Jackie tells her. “You lose your awareness and only act on instinct. It deadens the pain you’re able to feel, but brings it back once you’re sober and…OOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!” Jackie begins to feel the pain in his wrists & arms. As he rubs them, his Cell Phone begins to ring. He reaches for his pants, takes it out of his pocket & answers it.

“Hello?”

“Jackie, I hope you’re sober cause we’re gonna need your backup!”

It’s Captain Black on the other line. “Captain Black? What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Hak Foo attacked your Uncle’s Antique Shop looking for you!” He answers. “Came with a legion of thugs! Me & Tohru tried to hold him off, but your Uncle…”

CLICK! The phone goes dead, and all that Jackie hears is silence. “Captain Black? Captain Black!” He climbs out of bed and grabs his pants, wearing a determined look on his face.

“Jackie? What happened to Captain Black?” Jade asks.

“I don’t know.” Jackie answers. “But I will find out.”

30 Minutes Later…

A blue car turns onto the street that Uncle’s Antique shop is on; only the street is completely totaled. The car comes to a stop as the front doors open. Jackie steps out of the passenger side and Viper climbs out the Driver’s side, both look at the damage that lies before them. Several buildings have crumbled and been reduced to rocks & rubble, most noticeably Uncle’s Shop. A chill goes down Jackie’s spine, as he fears the worse.

“Stay in the car.” He says, referring to Jade, who’s in the backseat. “I don’t want you to HUH?” He notices that his niece is no longer in the car with him, but at his side.

“Uncle Jackie, if it didn’t work the last 5 years, it won’t work now.” She tells him. Jackie tries to counter, but knows that she’s right.

“Just stay behind me.” He says, as the three proceed towards the wreckage that was Uncle’s Shop. As they get closer, they notice a wounded figure struggling to get to its feet. Upon closer inspection they see that it’s Captain Black, and rush over to help him out.

“Captain Black!” Viper says, as she & Jackie help him up. “What happened here?”

“Hak Foo…came with a Thug Army…” Black says weakly. “Did it at dawn…we barely held them back…but Hak Foo…your uncle…”

“What about Uncle?” Jackie asks. “What happened too…” He doesn’t finish his question, nor does he need to. Out of the corner of his eye Jackie spots his Uncle, beaten badly and held up by Hak Foo’s right hand clenched tightly around his neck. Below them lies Tohru, almost in a pool of his own blood.

“What good is your magic now, feeble old man?” Hak Foo asks, as his right hand tightens and he strangles uncle. It’s a shocking sight for the three, especially Jade. Feelings of anger & rage begin to fill up within her, but they pale in comparison to Jackie. The usually quiet & peaceful fighter is now clenching his fists, blinding rage taking over within him. He knows that now there is now peaceful way to resolve this, and, even without the use of a Talisman, his Yang side takes over.

“PUT HIM DOWN!!!!”

Hak Foo turns his head to see it was Jackie who yelled at him. Smirking, he releases his hold, letting Uncle drop almost lifelessly onto the rubble. “Ah, Chan. So good you could join me.”

“Jade, I think you should get to a safe distance.” Viper suggests.

“I think you’re right.” Jade agrees. This is the first time in her young life she’s seen her Uncle Jackie this enraged…and it almost scares her.

“I hope you don’t mind the redecoration.” Hak Foo continues.

“How…how could you do all of this??” Jackie demands.

“Your Uncle’s shop and his magic were the only things standing in the way of me conquering this City!” He answers. “Without them, no man alive can stop my reign. I will rule this town, and then this state! AND THEN I WILL RULE—.”

“SHUT UP!!!” Jackie interrupts Hak Foo as he starts taking off his sweater, revealing a white tank top underneath. He tosses it to the side and stretches into a fighting stance. “I’ve heard enough! You’ve crossed the line!”

“And just what are you gonna do about it, Chan?” Hak Foo asks.

“Beat you into the GROUND!!!” With those last words, Jackie charges forward towards Hak Foo, who’s more than ready.

“RAM CHARGES MOUNTAIN CLIMBER!!!” He lets out a straight left hand punch with Jackie easily avoids, and counters with a left hand shot to the gut. Before Hak Foo can even double over in pain, Jackie follows up with a stiff right-handed uppercut, sending Hak Foo stumbling back in pain. He stays on his feet though, and instead of showing anger over the attack, he actually smiles.

“Enjoy that last attack, Cha—WHUP!!”

He’s interrupted when he barely blocks a right Haymaker from Jackie, who then follows up with a left-right-left combination that is parried. Before he can mount a counterattack though, Jackie lands a front kick to his gut. He follows up with a side kick, which is halted when Hak Foo grabs his leg. He twists it and spins Jackie to the ground.

“EAGLE SWOOPS DOWN ON PREY!!!” He yells, jumping into the air. He comes down with an Eagle Strike, one that Jackie’s barely able to avoid as he rolls out of the way. Getting to his feet, Jackie lunges forward and attacks with a dropkick that sends Hak Foo stumbling back. He gets up and keeps on the offensive, delivering a right backhand fist that’s blocked, then another backhand that’s dodged. The last attack leaves Jackie open, and Hak Foo makes him pay.

“BEAR SWIPES AT FISH!!!

He lands a right-handed open palm strike that hits Jackie cleanly, sending him stumbling back and holding his ribs, as the injury is re-aggravated. The power of the Ox Talisman is in full effect. Jackie holds his chest & winces, then clenches his fist and grits his teeth in anger. He notices Viper running in for backup, and calls her off.

“NO!” Jackie says, not wanting the help. “He’s MINE!!!”

Viper stops in her tracks. Never in the time she’s known him has she heard or seen Jackie so determined, so intent on resolving this fight himself. Jackie charges forward again, attempting and missing a right haymaker. He comes back with a right backhand strike that’s blocked, then another that’s dodged, but Jackie keeps on the attack. Hak Foo quickly deflects a right-left combo, but Jackie switches up and lands a right rising knee that staggers Hak Foo. He goes for another knee, but it’s blocked and countered into a Headbutt by Hak Foo, who then follows up with a signature move.

“RATTLESNAKE STRIKES RABBIT!!!”

A hard, spinning right kick lands in Jackie’s chest, nearly knocking the wind out of him. He falls to one knee, but quickly rises up, not nearly done with this fight. Jade wears a look of worry & fear as she watches on.

“Come on, Jackie.” She says to herself. “You can do it.”

Hak Foo slowly approaches the wounded Chan, wearing a smug look and brimming with confidence. “This is where it ends, Chan.”

Jackie waits until Hak Foo is within his grasp, then strikes. “This is where YOU End!”

Hak Foo deflects another right-left combo from Chan yet again, but this time Jackie follows up with an uppercut that stuns him. Jackie then shows his acrobatic skills by flipping on & rolling off of Hak Foo’s back. He lands on the other side and delivers a front kick…but it’s caught. Hak Foo grins, anticipating the move, then counters with a devastating elbow to Jackie’s gut that almost takes the legs out from under him. Seeing Jackie doubled over in pain, Hak Foo decides to finish it.

“OWL SNUFFS OUT LIGHT!!!”

Hak Foo charges forward and attacks, but Jackie manages to avoid the deadly maneuver, though not completely. Hak Foo scratches Jackie’s arm, bad enough that blood is drawn, and Jackie tumbles away from him, before coming to a stop.

“AAAGGHHH!!!”

He screams out in pain, unable to hold back the agony from the aftereffect of that move. But surprisingly, he still tries to rise to his feet. It’s this scene that gets to Viper as she looks on. The thought of Jackie taking any more damage is more than she could bear, but he told her that it was his fight. Regardless, her feelings for him win out, and she decides to act.

“There has to be someone that can help Jackie!” She thinks, frantically scanning the rubble for anything useful. She finds it when she lays her eyes on a bottle within the rubble. Running over to it, she grabs the neck and pulls it out of the rubble, before tossing it to Jackie. “JACKIE! HERE!!!”

Getting to his feet, Jackie looks up and catches the bottle. “Huh? What? NO! NO WAY!!!”

“DRINK IT! IT’S THE ONLY WAY!!!” She yells at him.

“Huh? The bottle! Not again!” Hak Foo says, not wanting Drunken Jackie to make another appearance. He goes to kick the bottle out of Jackie’s hand, but misses. A left-right-left combination doesn’t do it either as Jackie avoids all of his blows, but just barely. Hak Foo becomes frustrated, and attacks with a double-fist strike. Jackie blocks it and is sent skidding backwards, stopping a fair distance away from his foe.

“YA GOTTA DRINK IT, JACKIE!!!” Jade yells to him.

Jackie looks down at the bottle and feels the blinding pain coursing through his body…and goes for it. “I am going to regret this.” He says, popping the top off of the bottle before guzzling it down. Hak Foo lunges forward with a jump kick to stop him, but it’s easily avoided. Jackie finishes the bottle, and forcefully throws it to the ground, shattering it. Away from the fight, Jade finds another bottle, and decides Jackie might need a little more help.

“One bottle’s not gonna do it. JACKIE!!!!” She tosses the bottle to him and he catches it. Ducking a right leg roundhouse kick from Hak Foo, he pops the top and guzzles this bottle down more sloppily, letting just as much spill all over him as it goes into him. Hak Foo attempts another roundhouse that Jackie rolls under, just as he finishes the bottle. The effects are starting to kick in now, but Jade doesn’t see it, and she tosses another bottle to him.

“Wait, Jade!” Viper says, but it’s too late. Jackie catches it, pops the top and downs his third bottle, all while avoiding another Hak Foo attack. He empties the bottle into his mouth (and on his clothes) and tosses it aside. Stumbling & struggling to stay upright, he looks over at Hak Foo, who’s standing in amazement over how much he’s drunk. And then, a grin slowly develops on his face. It’s a grin that shows hints of drunkenness…and confidence.

“Just PERFECT!” Jackie says, moving into a stiff fighting stance as Jade & Viper watch from the sidelines. While he still wobbles slightly, his upper body is as still as a statue, and his focus lies completely with his opponent.

“Uh, Jade?” Viper asks. “Just how much did you give Jackie?”

“Don’t worry, its just wine.” Jade answers, picking up a bottle that she didn’t throw to Jackie. It’s then that she reads the label…Hard Liquor, 100 Proof.”

“Uh-oh.” She says, before smiling nervously at Viper. “Uh…go Jackie?”

Meanwhile, Hak Foo growls in disapproval of Jackie’s boast. “Your drunkenness means nothing, Chan!” He charges forward at amazing speed and lands a right leg side kick to Jackie’s head. Amazingly, Jackie shrugs off the attack and counters with a blindingly fast 5-punch combo to Hak Foo’s chest, sending him sliding back and holding his chest in pain.

Embarrassed that he was counted so easily, Hak Foo charges forward again. “ELEPHANT TRAMPLES FORWARD!!!”

“TINY MOUSE SCARES ELEPHANT!!!” Jackie yells back, which causes Hak Foo to stop in confusion, and become an open target for a devastating left leg roundhouse that sends him off his feet. Jackie stays on top of him, leaping at him with an elbow drop that just barely misses as Hak Foo rolls out of the way. The two stand back up and Jackie keeps on the offensive. Left, right, left right, all four blows parried by Hak Foo, before he answers with a Headbutt to Jackie’s chest. This only serves to enrage Chan though, as he lunges forward, grabs Hak Foo’s head and returns the Headbutt not once, not twice, but three times. Hak Foo stumbles back, blood trickling from his forehead down the middle of his face.

“GRRRRAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! CHAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!”

He storms forward and goes for a right haymaker that’s easily avoided by Jackie, who moves behind him and jumps on his back. Sticking his finger in his mouth, he then pulls it out and gives Hak Foo an unpleasant attack.

“CHAN GIVES WET WILLIE!!!”

Hak Foo is grossed-out & embarrassed by the experience, which takes his mind away from Jackie’s next move. Putting his knees on Hak Foo’s back, Jackie pulls himself down to the ground, taking Hak Foo with him and driving his knees into his back.

“AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!”

The amount of pain given to Hak Foo in this short of time is overwhelming. He struggles to get to his feet as Chan walks quickly over to him. Hak Foo feigns an attack, but Jackie isn’t fooled, and he connects with a right-left combination. Now it’s Jackie who’s faking attacks, baiting Hak Foo to cover up one part of his body, leaving the other prone for Jackie’s attacks. Jackie fakes a right knee, gets Hak Foo to cover his gut, and unleashes a flurry of elbows to his head at close range. He ends it with a spinning left backhand that sends Hak Foo to his knees, but Jackie isn’t even close to being done. He unleashes dozens of hook shots aimed at his head. Hak Foo tries to deflect them, but it only makes the attacks come fiercer & faster.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”

Left-right-left-right-left-right-left-right-left-right-left-right! Within moments Hak Foo’s face is puffed up more than a hot air balloon, and he’s ready to submit. But Jackie’s still not done. The drunkenness has nearly completely burned out of him, replaced by rage over what Hak Foo has done. He grabs Hak Foo by the neck and cocks back his right fist, ready to deliver what could be the deathblow. And that’s when the words are uttered.

“Mercy.”

It’s a word Jackie thought he would never hear from Hak Foo, and it makes him pause his actions. “Mercy.” He begs again, unable to take any more brutal punishment.

“Mercy?” Jackie says. “MERCY???” At that moment, Jackie looks around to see the damage caused by Hak Foo. Uncle’s shop destroyed, Uncle barely conscious, Tohru & Captain Black badly injured. A lot of options go through Jackie’s mind right then & there. Mercy…is not one of them.

“Sorry, FRESH OUT!!!” He responds, bringing his fist back for the finishing blow. But he finds himself unable to deliver it when a pair of arms wrap around his. Jackie looks back to see his niece Jade, staring at him with worry & concern.

“Jackie…he’s had enough.” She says, not wanting him to cross that line. And it’s then when it hits him that in a fit of blinding rage, he was willingly about to cross that line. Releasing Hak Foo, Jackie turns and walks away, in pure shock over what he was about to do.

Hak Foo, still on his knees, develops a small grin through the blood & bruises that adorn his face. “Heh…weakling.”

“HYAH!!!”

Jade silences him with a high kick, knocking him out. She then runs over to Jackie, who falls to his knees in front of Viper. Both Viper & Jade hug him, as Jackie begins to break down.

“I…I lost control.” He says, eyes welling up. “My emotions…I could not control them.”

“No one’s blaming you, Jackie.” Viper tells him. “Hak Foo deserved it.” There’s a moment of silence as they just sit there, grateful that this ordeal is over. It lasts only a moment though, as Jackie is reminded of the others.

“Tohru? Uncle? Are they OK?” He asks.

“OF COURSE UNCLE IS OK!!!”

Jackie looks up to see dozens of Section 6 & 13 agents swarming the area. Several of them have Uncle on a stretcher, wheeling him towards an ambulance so he can get medical treatment. “Takes more than a few slaps to keep Uncle down!” He continues. “ONE MORE THING! WHO IS GONNA PAY FOR UNCLE’S SHOP????”

That very sight brings a smile to Jackie’s face, as Viper helps him to his feet. A moment later, Captain Black & Tohru join them. “Don’t worry, Jackie.” Black says. “Section 6 will pay for all damages and rebuild the shop.”

“I am just glad that this horrible day is over.” Jackie responds, as he feels something placed in his hands. Looking down, he sees it’s Jade handing him the Horse Talisman. Almost instantaneously, Jackie feels his injuries healing, and he feels good as new.

“Well, I wouldn’t say the entire day was horrible.” Viper counters, as she looks into Jackie’s eyes. He looks into her, and slowly, the two lean in to kiss each other when…

“That reminds me, when’s the wedding gonna be?”

The two turn to Jade in shock. “W-Wedding? There is no wedding!” Jackie says. “And no more Reality Shows for you, young lady!”

“Well…no wedding yet anyway.” Viper says under her breath, as the three start walking away from the scene, with Jade singing Jackie’s praises yet again.

“You were AWESOME, Jackie!” She says. “You were all like, “HYAAAH & HOOWAAAHHHHH!!! I gotta learn some of those drunken moves!”

“No Jade.” Jackie tells her.

“Aw, come on! They let kids my age drink in France.”
- 1
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Drunken Chan, Ladies Man