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Love is Strong	By : harry102 Category: +M through R > New Adventures of Jonny Quest, The Views: 8124 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Jonny Quest, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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‘God, why didn't I just give it to her before she left?' That’s the question running through eighteen-year-old Jonny Quest's head. It’s 11:30 on a cold Saturday evening in early December, and he’s now spending it alone just lying on his bed staring at the contents of a soft velvet box cupped protectively in the palm of his hand. A cheesy late-night movie is playing on the muted television at the foot of his bed, and the flickering blue glow coming from the screen is the only light in the room. Lying in the quiet, Jonny is finding himself to be unusually tired for this time of night. Under normal circumstances, he never goes to bed before midnight during the week, and rarely hits the pillow before two or three a.m. on weekends.

Tonight is different, however. He’s definitely very tired tonight, and it’s more than just physical exhaustion. He’s tired of having meaningless conversations, and of feeling all jumbled up inside. He’s just tired of everything. He came up to his room about an hour ago thinking that a good night of sleep might make him feel better, but deep down he knows that sleep isn’t going to help all. Hell, it hasn't helped for the last four months. No matter, he can’t scrounge up the tiniest bit of desire to move from his current position, and he can’t derail his current train of thought either, although his desire to do just that is immeasurable.

So he just stays there and stares at the beautiful sterling silver heart-shaped locket in the box. Without even thinking, he opens the locket up for about the thousandth time and looks at the picture inside. It’s of his mother and father on their one-year anniversary of dating. At least that's what the letter had said. His mom is only eighteen in this picture. He thinks it’s kinda weird to see her at the same age he’s at now. His father, eleven years her senior, is almost thirty in the picture and already an accomplished and world-renown scientist. His mother, he knew, would soon follow in his father's footsteps. Together, they would establish Quest Enterprises and accomplish so much more in their short time as husband and wife.

Over the past five months Jonny has spent hours staring at this picture trying to recreate moments from his parents' past in his head, such as how his father proposed or how his mother told his father she was pregnant with him. His mother died before she could tell Jonny any of these stories, and his father and he had never discussed his mother, not once. Sure his father had held him as he threw screaming tantrums for his mother to come back after she had been killed. His father was, for the most part, there in every way a father should be for his son. However, neither of them could ever brooch the subject of his mother.

The pain is still too near and too raw even thirteen years later. Jonny can see that it sometimes still hurts his father to look at him, even though he tries so hard to hide it. Jonny knows that he looks a lot like his mother, and apparently he acts like her too. At least his father made a comment once to make him believe so. It was four years ago on the anniversary of her death when it happened. Jonny had spent that day like he always had, and so did his father. Jonny spent the entire day pretending like it was any other day, and Race, Hadji, and Jessie would pretend like it was any other day too. When Jonny was younger, all three of them had tried to get him to talk about his mother's death on at least one occasion, and Jessie more than once. However, he couldn't bring himself to talk about it with any of them, and, since he couldn't talk about it with his father either, he would basically become really angry or really withdrawn at the mention of his mom for the first couple of years after her death.

After that, he never really had to worry about it because the topic of his mother just became taboo, which is really sad, but probably for the best. Jonny still can’t stand to think about the day, and the way, that his mother died, or how he had just stood there and watched it all happen. He still has sweat-drenching, wake-up-in-the-middle- of-the-night-with-a-start, mind-numbingly realistic nightmares about that day. He's sure that if he tries to talk about it he’ll suffer a total mental break down. So he always spends the anniversary of her death doing anything and everything, from laser tag to marathon Questworld sessions, to keep from having a significant amount of time to think about her. He's always been so grateful that Race and his friends have helped him to do this. It hurts too much to do anything else. Especially, since he lost her again in his mind and heart when he was only fourteen. None of his family knows about that though.

Jonny’s father always spends the entire anniversary of his mother’s death working in the lab. At least Jonny assumes that he’s working. He doesn’t know for sure because he never disturbs his father on that day, no one does. His dad wakes up before dawn and goes to bed well after midnight every year on that day. In fact, Jonny can't remember every even seeing a glimpse of his father on the anniversary of her death. Part of him hates his father for this, the other part understands completely and is even a little bit grateful. Jonny suspects that if he were ever to meet his father's eyes on that day he wouldn't be able to control his emotions. He suspects that his father feels the same way. Losing control of his emotions and getting upset in front of others is something that Jonny just doesn't do. He's not sure if he’s inherited this trait from his father or learned it from Race, but it's something he adopted a long time ago. No one has ever seen him cry since the day his mother died, no one. The only person that has even seen him truly upset about something in the past thirteen years is Jessie. He can’t help but want to open up to her. She puts him at ease in a way that nobody else can. She makes everything easier for him even when she's making things harder on him, if that makes any sense at all. But still, he's never been able to open up to her about his mother, even though he's wanted to at times.

Jonny and his father spent the ninth anniversary of his mother's death the same way they had spent every other, except for one major difference. At around two in the morning on that day, Jonny was laying wide awake in his bed when he heard his door open and then close. He quickly closed his eyes and began to control his breathing, like Hadji had taught him, so it appeared as if he was asleep. He assumed that it was Race coming to check on him, which he'd do every now and then, but especially on this day. Jonny felt the covers being pulled up to under his chin, and then heard what sounded like his visitor sitting down on the chair beside his bed instead of leaving the room like Jonny had expected.

After a few minutes, Jonny heard soft crying. It was at this point that he realized it was his father, and not Race, sitting beside him. Jonny couldn't bear to let his father know that he was awake, so he just laid there motionless and listening. After about what he thinks was an hour, Jonny heard his father get to his feet and approach his bed once more. He felt his father wipe the hair off his forehead, and then heard him whisper in a choked voice, "God, you are so much like your mother." Another minute went by before he heard his door close. He remembers opening his eyes and being stunned for a few moments, and then he remembers crying harder and longer then he ever had before. Strangely enough, it comforts him to know that he’s like his mother. He just wishes that he knew why his father thought so. He wishes he knew more about his parents' lives overall.

He knows all the basic facts of course. His parents were married shortly after the picture in the locket was taken, he assumes to the great displeasure of his Grandpa Doug because, for as long as Jonny can remember, his father and grandfather have always hated each other. He's never been sure, however, if that hate was always present, or if it had developed as a result of his mother's untimely death. He knows that he was born about a year later, when his mother was only nineteen. Jonny has tried to image himself as a father in a year's time, but can't. He suspects, however, that his mother was probably wise beyond her years. He can't remember ever feeling unloved around her. In fact, he remembers quite the opposite. His mother was his best friend. His mother was fun. She sang to him, read to him, and made him feel like her special little man. He doesn't have any whole memories of her, only little flashes in his mind like snapshots. He can still see her face perfectly in his mind, but every time he lets that happen he feels his heart fill up with love before painfully breaking with the knowledge that he'll never see her again.

He’ll never have the opportunity to truly know his mother. Jonny's thought before that maybe he's lucky in a way. Most kids grow up and become disillusioned with the fact that their parents are only human. He will never suffer through this. To him, his mother will always be this perfect vision of love. Maybe he's lucky. Yeah right. He's never really believed that. It's just an irrational thought that crosses his mind every time he gets all worked up. And that’s definitely what’s happening tonight.

It's not like he feels this way all the time or anything. Naturally, he was extremely upset for a while after she died, and he gets a little depressed on the obvious days like the anniversary of her death, her birthday, and mother's day. For the most part, however, he considers himself a truly happy and lucky person. He's in love with having fun, going on adventures, and living every moment to the fullest. He loves his family, and can't wait to have one of his own someday. He wants to raise his children the way he's been raised, and he wants to spend the rest of his life loving a woman as deeply and as passionately as his father still loves his mother. Hell, he already does. He's just scared to death of telling her. If he's being honest with himself, Jonny knows that she’s the real root of his depressed mood tonight. This mood always starts with her, but God how he loves her anyway.

He loves Jessie Bannon more than anything else in the world. He can't even begin to explain the way that she makes him feel. He only knows that she makes him feel pretty much every emotion there is all at once. He's tried so hard not to love her because Race will probably kill him if he ever finds out, because he doesn't think he could live if he ever had her and then lost he and, most importantly, because she could have any guy she wants. Why in the hell would she ever settle for him? Jonny has had so many fantasies about telling her how he feels, and even more fantasies about showing her how he feels. But when reality comes crashing back, he always sees her laughing at him, or telling him she thinks of him like a brother. If he tells her how he feels and she doesn't feel the same, he'll lose the best friend he's ever had. There have been moments where he's felt like he saw love in her eyes reflecting towards him, and he always lets that hope drive him crazy until coming to the conclusion that he probably just imagined the whole thing.

He misses her so much right now. She left for Boston a little over three months ago to attend Harvard University. He was so proud of her when she got the acceptance letter because he knew it was the beginning of her dreams coming true. This would be a great beginning for her to follow in his father's shoes, but the selfish part of him didn't care about her dreams at all. That part only wanted to keep her close forever. 'At least she's not going across the country,' he remembers thinking as he gave her a congratulatory hug after she ran into his arms clutching that acceptance letter. 'Boston's not so far away, especially when you have your own private jet.' Yet, it hadn't worked out that way at all. Between her busy schedule and his family's missions, he hasn't seen her since that chilly August day when she left to start a new life without him. He hasn't met any of her college friends, or been able to evaluate any of the guys she's been dating. It kills him to think of her with someone else.

Jessie didn't date much in high school. Jonny likes to fantasize it was because she really loved only him, but he knew the truth was more likely that she didn't like bringing anyone home to be grilled by her father. Away at school she doesn't have to worry about his overprotective ways. He talks to her every day of course. Actually, they talk several times a day, on the phone or through e-mail. He still knows what's going on in her life, and she in his. Their just not doing it together anymore and he hates that. He guiltily takes solace when she says that she didn't really have fun on a date, and it puts him on top of the world whenever she tells him that she misses him. Sitting alone in his room tonight, he wants so badly to call her. But it's only midnight, and he knows that she won't be back from her date for at least another hour.

That's more directly what brought on his mood this evening. Jess hadn't even been the one to tell him about the date, which he finds confusing because that has never happened before, at least as far as he knows. He had to hear it from Estella. He thought Jess must be really excited about it if she called to tell her mom, so why hadn’t she told him. It didn't help that his own date hadn't gone so well tonight either. Mary was beautiful, and even interesting, but she wasn't Jess. She was just another girl in a long list of girls he's been dating since Jess left.

Before she left, they spent most weekends together. But now that she's gone, he doesn't want to be sitting home like a loser obsessing over what she's doing. He figures it's better to be obsessing about what she's doing while out with other girls. At least that way no one would know he's a loser, especially Jess. He doesn't want her to think he's sitting home alone when she's out having fun, but he's always careful to never let her think he had a better time on a date then she did. He knows this is childish, but he doesn't know what else to do either. He wants to be available without being too available, just in case he has a chance with her.

Before a couple of months ago, Jonny never understood how cheating boyfriends or people in casual relationships could say that a kissing or having sex was meaningless. How could it not mean anything? He understands perfectly now, however. When he’s with other girls, it does mean nothing to him. A thoughtful glance from Jessie means ten times more to him than an hour-long make-out session in the back of his car with Mary, or Linda, or whoever.

While getting ready earlier tonight for his date with Mary, Jonny had heard the phone ringing. He wishes now that he hadn't answered. When he picked up, he was surprised to hear Estella's voice on the other end of the line. She was calling to talk to his father about funding some archeological dig, but when Jonny informed her that his Dad and Race were in Washington meeting with the President for the next few days she settled on talking with him for a few minutes. He spent the next five minutes answering her standard questions, "How's school?" "What colleges are you applying to?" "Is there anyone special in your life right now?" ect. He answered all of her questions politely, but her final one caught him a little by surprise.

"So how do you think things are going between Jordan and Jessie?" she had asked him. "I know they're going out tonight, but I also know she tells you a hell of a lot more than she tells me, so I was hoping you could give me a clue."

He thinks that he probably went a full minute before telling her that she should really be asking Jessie all this instead of him. Estella said that he was probably right, and then went on to tell him how much she hoped things would work out between Jessie and Jordan.

Apparently Jordan, Jordan Matthews, was extremely everything. Extremely intelligent, extremely good-looking, extremely rich, and extremely interested in the woman Jonny loved. Jordan is the son of Estella's best friend. She said that Jessie and Jordan used to play together when they were little, which made Jonny extremely jealous and nervous. He can’t stop wondering why Jessie has never mentioned him before.

Jordan will be graduating this May, and then starting at Harvard Medical when Jessie will be starting her sophomore year. Estella really hopes that this will give Jordan and Jessie a chance to "get to know each other better," to quote her exact words. She even mentioned that Jordan's mom had invited Jessie and Estella to spend Christmas break on a skiing trip in the Hamptons with the Matthews family. She also said that Jordan had mentioned he'd like Jessie to join him backpacking across Europe this summer. Jonny couldn't even imagine spending Christmas or this summer without Jessie, especially after being separated from her for so long. He couldn't wait to see her again, and up until Estella had mentioned the Hamptons and Europe, Jonny was sure that he would have her back for at least a month once she finished her first semester finals. A few hours ago, he thought he was only going to have to wait two more weeks, and he was determined to tell her how he felt before she left again. Now that Mr. Perfect has entered the picture, however, he’s not so sure anymore.

As their conversation continued Jonny could feel his throat closing up, and he wanted to get off the phone as soon as possible. At the first opportunity he got, Jonny apologized to Estella telling her that he had to go get ready for his date. When Jonny hung up the phone, the last thing he wanted to do tonight was go out with Mary. The first thing he wanted to do was beat the shit out of Jordan Matthews.

He even went so far as to dial the first six digits of Mary's number to cancel their date, but decided that going out would be better than sitting at home going crazing trying to figure out why Jess had never mentioned this guy. 'Was it because she really liked him? Did she not want her father to find out about him and start asking questions? What?' All of these thoughts were giving him a headache, so he decided to go out and have a very distracted time. He couldn't even pretend to care what Mary was saying, so he ended the date early to her dismay. And now he's sitting in his room willing the clock to move faster so he can call Jess, even though he doesn't know what he's going to say to her when he does.

All of this has led him to pull out and open the locket again, which starts him down a train of thought about his mother that never leaves him in the best place. And so he lies on his bed mentally kicking himself yet again for not giving it to Jess before she left. If he had, maybe things would be different right now. Maybe she wouldn't be out with Jordan. Maybe she would be sitting in her dorm room missing him like he was missing her.
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Love is Strong