First of all, congrats on being the first to post a The Loud House story to AFF!
The premise of this story is a good one: Living in a house with ten siblings requires having rather low standards of modesty. And it was fun to see some Loud lesbian lovin'. :)
My main issue with the story was the spelling errors, which are of the kind that spell check can't catch: “where” for “were,” “month” for “mouth,” “organism” for ”orgasm,” etc. One thing I've found helpful is having a text-to-speech phone app (I use Voice Aloud Reader, which is free) read your text to you, because some mistakes are easier to hear than to see.
I liked that you made Luan (along with Lori) the center of the action. A some of the other Loud girls would be easier to eroticize than the family’s resident comedian, so it was a bold choice--and the right one, IMO.