schedule
June 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OK so, I liked your attempt (I was actually thinking of doing a Windsor/Adam), but just some things to be aware of:
*Space out your conversations.
Instead of:
"Hey Jake," said Windsor. "Oh hey Windsor. What's up?"
Try this:
"Hey Jake," said Windsor.
"Oh hey Windsor!" said Jake, turning around to face his friend.
*Be careful of your grammar. I think I remember seeing in one of your stories that English isn't your first language, and I can appreciate that; just try and be more "clean cut" next chapter/story.
*Try not to rush the sex scene. A sloppy sex scene ruins the story's mood and makes the reader not want to read anymore.
Again, I hope you don't think I'm trying to make you feel bad; just giving you some pointers to help you. Thanks for mentioning
me in the story summary as well!
*Space out your conversations.
Instead of:
"Hey Jake," said Windsor. "Oh hey Windsor. What's up?"
Try this:
"Hey Jake," said Windsor.
"Oh hey Windsor!" said Jake, turning around to face his friend.
*Be careful of your grammar. I think I remember seeing in one of your stories that English isn't your first language, and I can appreciate that; just try and be more "clean cut" next chapter/story.
*Try not to rush the sex scene. A sloppy sex scene ruins the story's mood and makes the reader not want to read anymore.
Again, I hope you don't think I'm trying to make you feel bad; just giving you some pointers to help you. Thanks for mentioning
me in the story summary as well!