Firstly let me say that I really enjoyed this story! I loved how it developed the whole way through!
That being I am not the type to blow smoke up anyone's behind. So prepare yourself for my next paragraph!
Your writing is atrocious! Your grammar is some of the worst I have ever seen! No joke!
You have a good mind for writing all your need is the education to go along with it and you could become a great writer. Please seek out that education and become the phenomenal writer I you can be!
Sabbs
a good story, very good.
And, the sequel, could you finnish it please?