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August 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That was so cool, i always knew Ron was a secret stud. I hope you write some more chapters 5 STARS.
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July 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
very good
more
more!!!
more
more!!!
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July 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
The grammar in some places needs to be reworked, but I see nothing wrong with spelling or punctuation.
Ex: A thong is a singular noun, so it would not be a "pair", it would be " and a lacy thong".
When Kim is Leslie, you do not need to keep referring to her as Leslie. Just call her Kim and the reader(s) will not get confused.
Over all I like the plot. Keep up the good work and I hope I didn't offend you with my suggestions.
Ex: A thong is a singular noun, so it would not be a "pair", it would be " and a lacy thong".
When Kim is Leslie, you do not need to keep referring to her as Leslie. Just call her Kim and the reader(s) will not get confused.
Over all I like the plot. Keep up the good work and I hope I didn't offend you with my suggestions.
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July 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That was quite good actually, but I think you need to do a little more spell checking and grammar corrections, and perhaps work on your story pacing.