Reviews for Twist My Arm

BY : GeorgeGlass

  • From DoctorYnot on October 23, 2020

    As expected, the second half of the story is just as wonderful as the first. I hope you don't mind, I'll be going chapter by chapter here.


    chap four


    Lori's so deliciously terrible. Being flippant and entitled even when demanding a favor from him. That 'you can be kind of thick' thing. You want to both slap her and kiss her, that maddening blonde minx! Regardless, I'm sure I've mentioned it before but I love the music and rhythm your prose has. I'm not sure if I can explain it properly. It just has a certain humor and joy to it without it being constant wacka wacka stuff...Perhaps the correct word would be whimsy? I just mean it captures a lot of the sunniness from the show. It's pleasurable to read. Quite enjoy it.


    I did finish the story before I started writing the review for this chapter, so I'm not sure it's proper for me to analyze Lori's behavior here knowing what we find out in the future, I suspect it affects my interpretation of things, but all I can say is her dismissiveness and role as an unstoppable, actuating force for these events is portrayed really well. You really get the sense Lincoln doesn't have much of a choice, which shouldn't be the case because the premise is so wild you would rationally imagine he could just run to his mom, but somehow you make it feel so inescapable that that really just doesn't occur to the reader. You get completely swept up in Lori's pace, just like Lincoln. Great job.


    Adore the passion from both of them as the whole thing begins to unfold, the increasing need and yearning as their youthful desires are allowed to be unleashed.


    That inner city schools crack was good, heh.


    I really liked that 'God, she was smart' line! It was a great, elegant way to depict a sudden burst of affection and enamorment(?) on his part brought on by the sizzling heat of the moment. I actually was really impressed by the simple humanity/veracity of that and how seamlessly it transmits Lincoln's inner feelings at that moment to the reader without having to be explicit and specific about it. It's one of those things that's subtle but clear and trusts the reader's intelligence to discern more from it than just what is directly stated. Like I said, it's elegant. You can really feel him falling in love and I think it's amazing to read.


    The ocean waves thing is a very lovely visual for their lovemaking. Beautiful, actually.


    God, I could hear the 'oh BABE' in my head so crystal clear. You really know how to set these characters up. I bet that is EXACTLY what Lori/Bobby sex would sound like. I love it.


    Ronnie Anne's smooth, young hips bucking energetically against Lincoln's...Mmm. She's not even my favorite girl on the show but man that is such a hot mental image. That skater girl with her tight, fit body. And having Lori and Bobby be fucking just nearby really adds a layer of debauchery to it that's incredibly captivating. The whole situation is just so, so dirty and sexy, while at the same time being kind of believable that events have really led to this, which is an incredible achievement on the face of the story's at first glance wild premise. It just comes down to how well you understand these characters and how you use that understanding of their psyche to orchestrate things to unfold this way without anything seeming contrived or OOC. That's the secret for fanfiction to feel good, if you can keep everybody in character while this kind of stuff happens, if you can use those characters to justify the situation they're in, you have a hit. That's what you managed here. And using that as a tool, having Lincoln be motivated by Lori's orgasm and want Ronnie Anne to make the same sounds, is an excellent, excellent touch, it shows how his resistance has been lowered, how his resistance to what's going on has been worn away over the course of the nights until he's just as into this as Lori is. Wonderful. I only wish they weren't wearing condoms, condoms are the devil!


    Gosh, I just love the passion of this whole sex scene! It honestly feels so damn good! I only wish it was longer but maybe the pace is part of what's making it work so well, I don't know. All I can say is that I'm really digging it.


    Lovely little way to end the chapter. A little giggle after all that great smut. I perhaps would have included Lori looking a little exhausted when she looks back at him, maybe her bangs being pasted to her forehead by sweat, but apart from that it was perfect.


    Chap 5


    Awww, these kids are so cute together! I'm so glad you took the time to make sure there was a moment in the story where Lincoln and RA could really just get a breath and take stock of their feelings. That's an important element to a good smutfic, at least in my opinion, and I think it's time really well spent. Watching them be honest with each other, unhurried by any outside factors, and just allowed to really bask in the happiness and the romance, cuddle and discuss things, after all the chapters where they were hurried along by Lori and their circumstances is so satisfying. Like I said, I'm really glad, it for sure elevates the entire narrative.


    I admit, I would have have Ronnie Anne said it makes me feel pretty rather than attractive, because attractive as a word feels a bit more devoid of feeling, whereas pretty expresses Ronnie Anne's hidden girlishness. That's just my opinion, though. It's cute that Ronnie Anne felt insecure, deep down. She pretends to be a tough girl but you can tell she has that core of sentimentality where she wants to be seen as the cute girl she pretends so hard she's not. As a small note, at this exchange:


    [“Really? You don’t think my teeth are weird?”


    “Weird? You’re talking to an eleven-year-old with white hair.”


    “I always figured it was from stress because you have such a big family. Plus, you’re kind of high strung. That’s why I was so surprised when you decided to make a move and kiss me that first night at the drive-in.”]


    Just picking nits here, but I might have included a physical reaction from Lincoln in that second line, a chuckle perhaps. Since it's three pieces of dialogue back and forth with no mention of their bodies or expressions it can kind of make them seem a little, well, disembodied, and a small detail like that would have helped to ground it and remind us of the scene and setting. Again though, just my opinion, and it's obviously only a small issue.


    Loved their little exchange where they come clean with each other. I would have slowed it down just a tad so we could have enjoyed it more, maybe included a small little cliffhanger, ... , something like that to give us the opportunity to dread Ronnie Anne's reaction to the news, wonder how she's going to take it, before RA just sighs and reveals she might have guessed, and then maybe another line after she takes his hand and says 'Yeah.' where we have a little time to decompress, maybe something that mentions that they spent the next few minutes cuddling, something like that. I could just be overthinking it though.


    RA's great. That sneaky little devil. It's about time Lori got her just desserts, the story would have felt incomplete without the tables getting turned on the blonde after the way she's been carrying on these last four chapters like she's the queen of the world. An intelligent inclusion, it really balances out the narrative and makes things feel much more complete and full circle, which is quite satisfying. Plus, it lets us get some nice characterization from Ronnie Anne. Again, it comes down to balance, the latina's been so reactive throughout the story that this ploy really reminds us who she is and what she's about. Cute little wild child. Gosh, I'd forgotten how much I liked her but this story really reminded me. In a lot of fics Ronnie Anne is pretty passive, like in the first half of this one it's usually about how she reacts to Lincoln and the sisters rather than acts, and calling back to the show and giving her her own little motivation and decision power here was a lovely little choice that makes things feel even better.


    God, Lori is hilarious! I love that little act she puts on, where she acts like Lincoln should explain for HIS benefit rather than hers! There are these amazing moments in some fanfics where you get a deeper look at Lori than just her being the bossy grown up one, where the facade drops and you see she's just as much of a kid as the rest of her siblings, and it's always so excellent, especially when it's as natural as it was here. I love that, I can just imagine her puffing herself up and trying to disguise her unease, crossing her legs in feigned composure, as Lincoln has to explain it to her while she frets inside that her dorky little brother knows more about this topic than she does and is being so mature about it while she's freaking out. Aaargh, her being flustered for a change is just the best! So satisfying with how everything else has been going so far! I really have to reiterate that it was honestly a genius touch to do this for the ending.


    Boo-Boo Butt cracked me up. Wonderful, wonderful way to display how frazzled she is.


    That window line thing is something that would have never ocurred to me. Ronnie Anne IS smart, damn...


    Would have said Lincoln was only barely distracted by this exchange rather than barely distracted by this dialogue, since dialogue sounds like you're describing a story. Regardless, that was such an amusing glance at how all of it is going for Lori and Bobby. Made me smile big time. You've got a real gift for sexy, non-intrusive comedy. I've always thought comedy and sex just don't mix, that they're competing reactions in the brain and you can't add to one without reducing from the other, and I guess I still believe that, but this quick little snippet was really good, mostly because the story genuinely demanded some kind of payback for Lori and you presented it in a stylish way.


    Love to see Lincoln getting swept up into the moment that he's so into it he actually LIKES hearing Lori and Bobby. Very lewd, but after five chapters it's an earned reaction, and those are the best kind.


    Apart from being delightfully amusing, I'm actually surprised. I don't even like anal sex but this chapter really did it for me. Something about the way you describe Ronnie Anne's ass, the wordchoice and, I guess, knowing when to insert it in specifically really excites me. Taut, tight, little...It's quite right, accurate, vivid, it's the perfect word choice. Really evokes Ronnie Anne's firm, toned skater's posterior to me and the thought of Lincoln with his hands around it and fucking this cute little tomboy hard really, really turns me on. I liked it even more than the last chapter which, again, should not be the case since anal sex really does nothing for me but I really think it's the way you put it all together and the scene you painted. Could really imagine the heat from their bodies fogging up the windows and RA's tight little body squirming around Lincoln's cock while she gives those low, sultry moans in that voice of hers, before finally losing her characteristic cool completely and screaming out her climax. Very nice.


    Wow, I really wasn't expecting that last little apology from Lori. Tremendous way to humanize her and give the character a bit more soul beyond just the wackiness. 'Pushed you into doing things you weren't ready for' is a really soulful way to put everything that's happened, it's frank and honest about things without being obscene and that's what post-nut scene called for. I like Lori's sense of entitlement to her little brother's sexuality, but I like her being a good big sister in the end even more. It's the heart that really makes a story special, in my opinion, and this one was well served by that final bit of sentimentality to close out the last chapter.


    Dang, I started writing this review before you really got deep into her rationale! I like that even more! The characterization of Lori as just this diehard romantic is absolutely dead on, the implied idea she wouldn't feel the need to explain herself because she's so used to being in charge of Lincoln. I really like that! It's cute that she was looking out for him in her own perfect, unilateral Lori way! Cute, cute, cute! I love that pushy blonde lunatic!


    Nice little denuoument in the last chapter. Now that it's over, what can I say...? I really enjoyed the moments I got to spend with this story and its characters. It was a wonderful little romp through a very fun scenario, the comedy was on point without being cloying, the entire cast felt extremely true to who they're canonically portrayed to be, and, above all, it was so, so sexy. Who can ask for anything more? It might not have been some 100k word epic, and I admit, I do wish we would have gotten a little more time with it, but ultimately I think that's just because I loved it so much I wanted to inhabit the world as long as I could. Overall I think the pace it had was steady throughout, it didn't feel like you were in a rush, more like this was just the story you really wanted to tell, and I think you managed to extract a really complete, satisfying narrative out of the premise.


    Again, I can't help but compliment you on how beautifully you capture the humor and zest of the show. I think that's one of the things that make your Loud House fanworks some of the most enjoyable around, just how authentic everything feels tonally. I think at the end of the day Twist My Arm is a classic, perhaps your best Loud House fic yet, and I'm so grateful you took the time to write it and share it with us. I've still got a couple of GeorgeGlass pieces on the backburner waiting for me to read, and after finishing this one, I can't tell you how excited I am to finally get to them. Amazing work George, and thanks again!

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  • From Fairy-Slayer on June 22, 2020

    Chapter 5+ 

    Heh, that was a mean trick to play on Lori – but oh-so deserved, regardless of her deeper reasons. I agree that Ronnie Anne is quite the evil genius, and Lincoln did an excellent job with his end of the ruse. The descriptions of Lori's trepidation and distraction were nearly as good at the kids' hardcore final drive-in. (I guess the Friday sessions made up the "drive-in" count to match the number of movies. ;) ) 

    Still, it's sweet that he and Lori cleared the air after seeing them off despite having been a pain in the ass. (It sounded like she managed to get through it okay though.) Lincoln & Ronnie Anne's live chat had a nice vibe to it, and you made it clear that they were going to "finish" that conversation very nicely.

    Thanks for another fun & sexy little tale. Good to know that you've got more LH stuff on your list.

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  • From VaultHunter18 on May 19, 2020

    first off great story, always loved your Loud House stories, and second I don't think that this is the stories' end and i'm looking forward to the next chapter. keep up the good work

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  • From Fairy-Slayer on May 16, 2020


    First off, the chapter titles add a nice extra to all the fun.

    Good of Lincoln to be ready for Lori's weekly harassment, yet fun how it's still so difficult for him until Ronnie Anne stepped up to alleviate his fears. It was definitely better that he didn't have to initiate his first time gripped with fear – so much better to be gripped by Ronnie Anne's exploring hand. It was also interesting that Lori hadn't gone all the way with Bobby yet, or that she told Lincoln, unless she was fibbing. I still think there's an ulterior motive in there somewhere. :)

    I think you were right to end with Lori's smug smile instead of too many details about cleaning up and what they did with the condoms. (I'm sure the mostly empty popcorn boxes and hotdog wrappers at the drive-in are full of them every week.) Now I just feel bad for Lincoln because he's finally "tasted life" but that treat will be going back to the city soon. Even though Lori will be feeling some of the same, she owes him at least some sympathy for raking his young hormones & emotions over the coals. (Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into it.)

    Whatever is to come (and hopefully come some more) I'm sure it'll be fun. Thanks again.

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  • From Fairy-Slayer on April 11, 2020

    (Chapter 3)

    There's an overall cuteness to the fact that Lincoln is enjoying being pushed into getting down 'n dirty with Ronnie Anne yet is thinking more about pleasing her than actually getting off himself. (Not that it won't make great fap material for him, I'm sure.) To me it seems that he's not being careful only to avoid getting pounded (the wrong kind, that is.) Unfortunately that also hints that he doesn't feel the full emotional connection yet (as in he likes her but doesn't really like like her thing), which is pretty in-character still. Good thing he's a people-pleaser at heart, for better or for worse.

    Lori's pre-game planning was a nice change of pace too, and Lincoln's in-the-moment fearful images were a nice way to subvert her usual behavior and give him a good sales pitch to keep him in the game. Then her more-final statement made it seem like a great sales pitch.

    I love that Ronnie Anne took some initiative this time, whether it was sensing his goal or – better yet – her own lustful desires boiling up. I'm surprised he got so far into it, literally, but his balance of coming up with strategies and his own horniness seems to have done a great job.

    …but not as good as Ronnie Anne's brother. (Wait, that sounds wrong!) Adding a nice spice of challenge to the tale, which I'm tempted to somehow something fusion cooking metaphor… ;) It kicks the story into a new level instead of just getting to the next base.

    The problem with time flying when they're just starting to have fun also seems like something to be dealt with, though perhaps Lori is also mulling that one over. (Too bad the drive in doesn't play longer movies.) Still, I have no doubt that he'll make grand efforts towards his new challenge…and probably screw it up somehow along the way. No matter what comes next, I am sure it will continue to be both great fun and deliciously sexy. Thanks.

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  • From RandomReviewer on April 10, 2020

    Lol I can't wait to see how frenzied Lori gets for the finale.

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  • From ConanEdogawa on April 09, 2020

    I'm betting Lori will tell Lincoln that he needs to get Ronnie Anne pregnant so Bobby will get Lori pregnant

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  • From Fairy-Slayer on March 19, 2020

    (Chapter 2 – Beware Spoilers!)

    Everything is progressing nicely, though I'm starting to think that someone has ulterior motives – not that anyone has to for this to be so fun and sexy, but over-thinking stuff is kind-of my thing. ;)

    I like that Lincoln realized Clyde would be less than useless in his predicament, plus he'd probably create more complications beyond Lori & Bobby. Even better was when Lincoln was getting cringey when Lori kept saying "boobs," though I laughed even harder when he got more scared that Lori might demonstrate for him than of what Ronnie Anne may do. (Then again, when they got back to Vanzilla then she'd already be satisfied and Ronnie Anne would just think Lincoln was terrified by the movie.) Of course, after they did the first double-date there's really no reason that the kids have to come on every single one, but what fun would that be?

    Great action though, especially as his self-doubt heightened Ronnie Anne's passion and neediness for him. Also, good thing he didn't have salt stuck to his fingers tonight or the poor girl wood be very sore. (Or course if he only had butter on his then he may have had the chance to lick it off, since that's only polite.) Nice that Lincoln the explorer made it to the mountaintops on his first try, and the mountain range loved the way he handled the little rocks at the top. Let's hope Lori didn't notice and find herself impressed by what a quick learner he was: she would probably ask Lincoln to demonstrate for Bobby (or worse, on Bobby). At that point Lincoln would just quickly end it all by getting under Ronnie Anne's top again and… “Oh, Ronnie Anne…” Lincoln breathed. "I've never been so happy that Lori forced me to do something."

    Noticing Royal Woods' penchant for fusion cuisine was fun too, which should make for more interesting combinations as time goes one. (But nothing with parsley in it, right? ;) ) Little pokes at that kind of thing adds to the world's flavor. Thanks for another great installment of Lincoln being forced into manhood by his sister… uhm, or something like that.

    P.S. Kudos to DoctorYnot's keen observations. However now I'm starting to think that my writing is like knowing how to drive okay despite never having learned the rules of the road properly. (Over-used ref. omitted. ;) )

    P.P.S. I wonder if Lori's real endgame could be related to a certain comic:

    P.P.P.S. Never stop saying boobs!

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  • From RandomReviewer on March 17, 2020

    God damn it- I have to follow up one of DocYNot's reviews? That's like trying to follow Elvis! Ok well, chapter two was like, good and stuff. Like, I'm looking forward to chapter three alot. There, I tried -_-

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  • From DoctorYnot on March 17, 2020

    This is a really fun story concept launched with a great first chapter! This time, I'll be writing down my thoughts on the fic as I read it, so it's kind of in chronological order to what you wrote. I hope you can forgive the messy format of the review, but apart from being easier to get a handle on my thoughts this way, I think it provides a commentary that is keyed into specific scenes and expounds on tangible aspects of a fic instead of being a more broad overview of the whole chapter taken together. I think this style can be useful to a writer in its own way, you know? Like I said, I can only hope you don't mind too much! Here we go.


    I have to mention that, as always, you have a masterful touch at making your fics feel just like the show; what's always been present in your work but that I noticed first this time is how it comes down to even how you capture the rhythm of the way particular characters speak. It seems like a small thing but your grasp of the Louds' personalities combined with the terrific timing you have in knowing when to, for instance, italicize just the right word to emphasize something they happen to feel right then really makes your dialogue so distinct and brings the characters' speech to life so vividly; Lola complaining about having to see Lincoln in his undies (like she doesn't love it, hah!) read so crisp and perfect I could hear it in my head.


    Another thing I definitely have to compliment you on is the humor as well. So much feels like something that could have come right out of an episode, like Leni getting up from her own bed when Lori orders her noisy siblings out of her room. That's classic Leni. I'm generally not too big a fan of comedy in erotic fics since I've always felt that amusement and arousal are two opposed mental states, and you can't feed one without diminishing the other. Of course, the laughter here is brief and punchy enough instead of dwelling on it too long that it doesn't become cloying or distracting, and it's placed appropriately before and after the sexy stuff instead of in the middle of it. But apart from all that, I've realized that, beyond just being funny, the way you build your fics serves another purpose as well. With the comedy being so right and the feel of the setting so damn familiar, I've noticed that it makes the reader, subconsciously, believe the world you're portraying is the world of the Loud House he knows and loves, so when the cast starts deviating from the show's characterization just enough to start, let's say...kissing their've already created enough immersion that the reader can accept it and not be jolted or have his suspension of disbelief broken. It definitely takes a deft hand and a hell of a creative mind to engineer a tale this way, but you hit the right notes every single time. That consistent standard of excellence has always amazed me. I consider immersion, which necessarily springs from good characterization, to be the most important thing in fanfiction. After all, the characters still feeling like themselves but flung into new situations we haven't seen on the show is the biggest part of the charm of fanfiction, isn't it? Anyway, I know how hard it is, so your easy grace in that department is something I find tremendously impressive. But, ahem, I've really digressed here. Let me get back to talking about THIS story.


    >“Besides, that girl’s had a thing for you since day one. You don’t shove a sloppy joe down a guy’s pants because you like him as a friend.”

    Heh, such a cute line.

    >“Even if that’s true, since then we’ve really been more like-”

    I'll be frank, I think maybe a stutter would have been appropriate here at that 'even'. Lincoln and Ronnie Anne always get real flustered when people accuse them of being boyfriend and girlfriend, probably because they know it's true, and Lincoln's the nervous type to begin with (no doubt from those ten wild sisters of his keeping him on edge all his life.) I hope you'll pardon me bringing up something so subjective. Ordinarily this wouldn't be a comment I'd make since it's not a real flaw and more of my own personal feelings about a line, but since I'm doing a bit of a deep dive anyway, I figured I might as well mention it.

    Honestly, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne's relationship is so incredibly cute! The hand-holding! Love how Ronnie Anne is baffled at Lincoln suddenly being so forward but just happily goes with it. Not boyfriend and girlfriend my foot.

    Whew! Lori really went from 0 to 60! I think the manic edge she has is really truthful to the character and I can definitely dig it, but I have to admit that I would have liked a slower bit of build up for it, like a scene where Lincoln notices out of the corner of his eye how Lori is trying to escalate her displays of affection and Bobby is hesitating and begging off, and the frustrated glint in her eyes and change in bodylanguage as she becomes more miffed. On the other hand, that could have detracted from the cute, sweet scene of Lincoln and Ronnie holding hands...Hmm. It's not easy, I suppose. That said, she did make me laugh. 'You are TOTALLY comfortable with it!' Lori's pretty cute herself, if crazy. She's always been one of my favorite characters and you do a great job with her, just like you do with the others. I think it's an important aspect of her that she's insecure deep down under her tough girl/valley girl act from not really becoming attractive until late into her teens, the awkward puberty she had and all, and when her mania comes out it seems obvious to me it's from that, and also being the oldest and having to be almost like another mom to a lot of her younger siblings. She's always had a lot on her plate. It's really easy for me to forgive her bossy, unreasonable spells from that and just enjoy it for how adorable she is.

    Big laugh at 'That's a risk I'm willing to take.' Wonderful line, delivered with great timing. God, she's such a bitch. I love her though, plus it always makes me smile to see a cute, giving kid like Lincoln get put through the wringer by his forceful, hormonal sisters. You know what I mean. 'Making decisions according to which girl I'm more scared of' is another great line; what a perfect summation of the cute white-haired boy's life! Well if he doesn't like it then he shouldn't be so adorable!

    Another thing I enjoyed was how I found myself getting drawn into the setting by all the little things about it, particularly the silly 'gourmet' popcorn. I have no idea if that's an actual thing or not but it had the sting of truth for me, there's so many food truck-style places trying to fancy up simple food that doesn't need it; I myself have had 'gourmet french fries' where it's just french fries with parmesan and truffle oil on top of it and this reminded me of that, so it pulled me into the world just that little bit more. I know it's a really small thing, but the devil is in the details, isn't it? It's lots of small things like that that, taken together, end up elevating a fic. Anyway, I appreciated it the veracity of the whole environment. Definitely helps the mood.

    Quite enjoyed the feeling of doom and desperation as the popcorn levels keep getting lower, the thing about how each one disappearing brought him closer to the fateful moment was a good flourish for that. Lincoln's so adorable. I did feel it could have been longer though, like that Willy Wonka line: "The tension is unbearable. I hope it lasts."

    Heh, 'her options for striking him.' A good example of the way the boy's calculating mind works, it's already racing to manage this situation and protect himself as best he can.

    The inner monologue he has as RA jumps him is lovely. Feels super true to the character and who Lincoln is: self-conciousness, disbelief, apprehension, joy...Great scene. Very vivid.

    It's a bummer that Lincoln is so busy, that cuts down on the interactions he could have with RA and shortens the fic, but at the same time I see the narrative necessity in keeping Lincoln and Ronnie Anne apart so that they can't ever discuss what their actual relationship is and thus maintain that great feeling of a panicky, flustered Lincoln getting pushed far past where he's comfortable by his bossy older sister, with no idea how his 'friend who is a girl' wink wink is going to respond to these advances which she has no idea are being coerced (which could lead to an equally entertaining outcome if she ever discovers it as the tale unfolds) which you have managed so far. I understand that's the heart of the story and the engine that's creating a lot of the amusement and fun. I guess it's just my own greed, I can't help but want to read more and more Loud House stuff from you, I just love every second I get to inhabit in the worlds you create. Feels like a vacation of the mind and the soul to get to visit your version Royal Woods and hang out with your vision of the Loud family. I adore these characters, and you have such an amazing understanding of them and so much skill behind your pen a lot of time it feels like an actual sexy episode that just didn't get to air. I can't think of much higher praise than that when, as an erotic writer, you have to go so far out of the realm of what the show usually handles. It's a testament to your ability.


    What a great stinger to end things on! I'm seriously looking forward to the next update. This story has a terrific opening, is underpinned by a very fun idea, features a cast which feels true to who they are and a world that feels authentic to the show...Twist My Arm is a fic firing on all its cylinders with an author at the top of his game.


    However, while I did enjoy my time with this fic a lot, there is one thing that does trouble me a bit about it. I couldn't help but also wish you'd slow it down sometimes, too. The narrative, I mean. The pace. Just a bit. It just feels so brisk right now, sometimes I feel like I don't get to enjoy the situations you've created as much as I could since the plot advances so steadily. But I think the idea seed you have is really strong, and it has enough bones that you can ease the pace on certain scenes and really let the characters feel their feelings: the hesitation before Lincoln acts, the joy when Ronnie Anne reciproctates, maybe even some more Lori and Bobby reacting to what's going on behind them or Lincoln's pondering of these events at home...I think we'd all enjoy that stuff. Plus, to me, believably creating a scenario and mood where Lincoln has to get romantic with Ronnie Anne or face being clobbered by his sister is 'the hard part' of writing this, and actually executing the situation once you've arranged so it can happen the fun part. I feel like, in maintaining the pace you are, you're not having as much fun as you could have from all the hard work building things up in the first place. Maybe it's just my own misunderstanding of things, but that's what I think at least.


    That's really the only thing that bugged me. Apart from that, I think this is a terrific opening chapter which left me super eager for more. Honestly, it's such a delight to get to read your fics again. I didn't have the facility to do it for a while and getting to now is a true joy. They're still the same beautiful sojourns into the Loud world I remembered them to be, and I can't tell you how grateful I am I get to enjoy them. I'm not sure I've mentioned it before, but it's the way I felt then and what I feel even more now: when you see the name GeorgeGlass next to a story, you can always be assured what you get is going to be great. Thank you so much for sharing your tales with us, Mr. Glass. I can only hope there'll still be many more to come.

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  • From ConanEdogawa on March 17, 2020

    Now Lori needs to tell Lincoln to get to third base

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  • From RandomReviewer on March 12, 2020

    *cue the Scott Bakula "Oh boy!" XD

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  • From Fairy-Slayer on March 11, 2020

    (Chapter 1)

    Beware Spoilers OF DOOM!

    A very nice start and great set-up for some Loud fun. It doesn't surprise me that Lori would be willing to use Lincoln (and Ronnie Anne) to get what she wants out of Bobby. Nice to see Lincoln being brave with the girl who won't hesitate to deck him – and would have good reason – which makes me think that Lori's threats aren't what truly convinced him to play along.

    Of course he could have just told Ronnie Anne about Lori's plan in advance to they could fake it or go watch the movie from elsewhere, but I have a feeling that doing so could have actually ended very badly for him. (Heh, still could in a few ways.)

    Even though Ronnie Anne is very receptive so far, I'm sure Lincoln's next achievement will require more skill and delicacy if he's going to… 😎 pull it off. Thanks for the great start.

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  • From ConanEdogawa on March 11, 2020

    I love how this would happen in the show keep it up I can't wait for the 2nd chapter

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