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Reviews for Team ZERO Rewrite

By : CaradocKaine
  • From Mr_Luizilla on October 13, 2015
    That was really good. Loved the scene with Velvet and Coco, and I can't wait to see what happens to Ruby and the gang. Keep up the great work!
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  • From ANON - Matthew Drolet on October 12, 2015
    If you are waiting for a clever title for chapter 6 to release a new chapter, by now you have my email... I could offer some suggestions
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  • From Ryvius on September 30, 2015
    Ha ha, I was actually wondering if something like that was going to happen to Blake after the way the last chapter ended.

    Love the start with Velvet and Coco. That was hot. Large collection of sex toys? Intriguing...

    Laughed at the tumbleweed salesman bit.

    Liked the bit with Yang threatening Zero over hurting Ruby. Seems very in-character, could very much see that happening in the show if Ruby ever actually got a love interest. Also like Yang's conflicting feelings of protective big sister vs obvious attraction to Zero and the idea of her sister and him getting together getting her hot.

    Keep up the good work!
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  • From Ryvius on September 26, 2015
    I like the rewrite, the additions of extra story and details(particularly the prologue showing the fate of the other members of Team Zero), the new OC's, the new version of the threesome between Zero, Coco and Velvet (love the addition of the alpha mark on the girls, BTW), etc.

    Really looking forward to seeing which girl will be added to Zero's pack next (I'm personally hoping for Ruby).

    Keep up the good work!
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  • From ANON - Matthew Drolet on September 25, 2015
    Glad your re-write came out with more back story for team zinc, it did the story justice to explain the origin of Zero's suffering... I'm excited for future chapters
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  • From ANON - Matthew Drolet on September 19, 2015
    Pornography aside, great character development, looking forward for new chapters in the future
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  • From Ryvius on September 16, 2015
    Personally, I'm okay with whatever you do with Jaune & Ren. Gender bending the two to include in the harem could be fun, but if you want to just let the two kind of just be in the background except for fight scenes or comedy scenes, that would be fine as well. As long as there's no character bashing, I'm fine with whatever.

    Thanks for the advice on Semblance's, it actually gave me some ideas. I'm working on a Huntsman OC named Raiden (him and his teammates have a theme of being named after gods/deities related to weather or storms, along with the color rule of course) whose Semblance is generating lighting/electricity, so now I'm thinking about how to shape a personality around that.

    I do like how Zero's outfit, armor, and weapons are belongings of his former teammates/mates. Nice touch there.

    Keep up the good work!
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  • From Ryvius on September 14, 2015
    Wasn't expecting Coco and Velvet to be Zero's remaining two mates. Also wasn't expecting them to be in the first featured sex scene in the story. Both were pleasant surprises.

    The sex scene was fine, if a little short/rushed. I liked the way Velvet was submissive as a beta, and how you got down Coco's confidence and flirting.

    Very interesting idea for a Semblance, I must say. Seems like a high risk ability, but it certainly could be a trump card in the right circumstances. I'm trying to brainstorm ideas for Semblance's for RWBY OC's of my own, and I've found it frustratingly difficult.

    Keep up the good work!
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  • From Ryvius on September 13, 2015
    Another good chapter!

    Really like the scene between Zero and Ruby in the workshop. Love the way Zero's wolf pheromones are affecting poor Ruby. The innocent little Rose has no idea whats happening to her. Their talk about their weapons was fairly interesting as well. You also got down the way Ruby tends to talk really fast as well (I'm really big on character details like that, so I always appreciate it when writers get them right)

    His encounter with Blake was also pretty interesting as was the explanation over the whole alpha/beta/omega thing. I guess Velvet would be a beta fauns.

    Keep up the good work!
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  • From Ryvius on September 12, 2015
    Nice start. I'm definitely interested to see where it goes.

    Like Zero so far. He has an interesting appearance/description and I like his armaments (particularly his prosthetic arm). I did feel that the esckrima sticks were a bit much, since now he has like 3 or 4 different weapons with different functions and/or forms, but I'm interested to see what importance they carry for him. I would like to see if he has any weaknesses or areas to improve in to balance things out.

    I also like the way his wolf nature influences him, such as thinking of his team/girls as his 'pack', and such.

    For Team Names, off the top of my head I could suggest RIZE, MAZE, and HAZE. Do you need suggestions for the other members names as well?

    Looking forward to more.
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