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Reviews for DiseaseBy : AxViciousxSmile |
- From Orsinox on February 27, 2010
A good start to be certain! However, there is room for improvement.
Firstly, putting dialogue from two characters in the same paragraph makes it kind of hard to tell who's talking. Gotta give 'em a little space, holmes. ;)
Secondly, I think you would do well to add a little more detail. Not to the characters, but to the world around them. In my personal experience, a detailed setting and background can make the characters even more lifelike, you know?
Other than that, I think you're doing well! You have a good grasp of Finn and Stork's personalities, and I'm looking forward to watching the story develop. Keep writing, buddy!
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