Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Body Heat

By : SaraJaye
  • From uniformbeautiful on August 03, 2014
    Loved it! Very cute.
    Report Review

  • From whoop200 on August 26, 2009
    I liked it. Seriously, now it needs a sequel. Like one where Aang and Katara are older and not so inexperienced ;)
    Report Review

  • From SaraJaye on July 05, 2009
    "I get hard" was...yeah, I definitely could've worded it better, like "I feel stiff" or something. As for the POV switching, I wanted to get into Katara's head too, and wasn't sure how to convey her feelings without excessive dialogue. (I'm a big proponent of show don't tell)

    It's weird, innocent young teenage exploration is one of my biggest kinks, but it's surprisingly hard to write. There's the knowledge factor-having them know nothing feels creepy unless they grew up in a repressed enviornment, but knowing too much kinda ruins the effect. And the overall tone is a concern because one walks a fine line between "they're teenagers figuring themselves out" and creepy underage shennanigans.

    Thanks for the review and the crit, though. :) I'm tempted to rewrite or revise this using your advice, actually...
    Report Review

  • From WotanAnubis on July 04, 2009
    I'm not really an Aang/Katara fan, but this was still a pretty nice little fic, if a bit on the short side.

    Still, I got two minor... observations.

    First, the POV switches. This may not actually be a problem, but this fic does switch from Aang's POV to Katara's, then back to Aang's, then disappears entirely. This makes the sex scene seem rather objectively described, while the whole attraction of the huddling together underneath a blanket scenario is the sense of intimacy and proximity. And that sense is lost if described by an outsider. If that makes sense.

    Personally, I would have stuck with Aang. Stroking a guy is probably easier to figure out for newcomers than stimulating a girl and it would've been fun having him awkwardly trying to figure out what to. I mean, obviously, he's doing something right and he's probably pretty much in the right place what with Katara guiding him down there and all, but should he just keep rubbing down there or is there more he could be doing? After all, girls get sort of... you know... penetrated, so should he try doing that with his fingers? How many holes are there down there anyway and how would he know if he got the right one? And what is this little bump anyway? And so on and so forth. If nothing else, it would really emphasise that, yep, these two are pretty inexperienced, just awkwardly and spontaneously fooling around and it might have increased the intimacy or the feel-good mood of the scene. If that's what you were going for anyway.

    Moving on...

    "Katara...lately, every time I look at you I get hard."

    I have trouble accepting this line. I mean, yeah, I know, this porn, but still... Would Aang really be this candid about his boy bits? Wouldn't he pause or stammer or stall a bit or maybe get a little distracted trying to find a good way to put this or throw in a euphemism or something?

    Mind you, the fact that I picked up on this particular line as being suspiciously close to being pretty OOC just means that I thought all the other lines were pretty much IC, so there is that.

    So yeah.

    Anyway.

    Nice little fic.
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!