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Reviews for Everything Has A Price

By : DarthiaRevan
  • From TheDaiLi on January 17, 2009
    Alright, you asked for commentary, so I'll give it.

    Two main things are wrong with this fic. Chief of which is that you talking is taking up a good QUARTER of it.

    Nobody is clicking that link to listen to you, the author, with all your problems and real-life drama. They are clicking on the link to read your story. So next time, keep such things to a minimum; ideally at the end of the story.

    The second thing is the story's length. Currently, this reads more like a snippet than a story; I've seen throw-away forum posts that have more body in them than this narrative, it is too short to sustain any kind of feeling. I'm not saying you should make them overly long, but...try harder.

    As for the actual manner of your writing, I'd prefer to wait until I've seen more of it before commenting. And I trust there WILL be more, if you feel like making an effort to improve your craft.

    Sorry to sound so harsh, but I'm nothing if not honest. And its not like you're a hopeless case, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered replying.
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  • From AloofandAndrogynous on January 13, 2009
    This is gorgeous work, and I love it.
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