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Reviews for Stormy Relationship

By : eltf177
  • From tantecarla on July 03, 2007
    As Lunar said before the shifts between first-person and third-person view were quite confusing at first, but otherwise, nice story :)

    A pairing I never had thought of doing (in my eyes Stella and Tecna least likely to get with Stormy) but a fun twist :)

    The ending between them was sweet and of course Musa XD was great at the end...

    'My little innocent witchy now going at sexclubs and all...' *sniffles*

    Oh yeah one more thing, it was great to see Stormy at the main lead of a fanfic... she is so underapreciated, don't ya think?
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  • From Shaellin on July 01, 2007
    OMG that was awesome! As forewarned the characters were a bit OOC, but it totally worked!

    Couple of minor points. You seem to always want to hyphenate words at random places in your story. I'm sure when you are working on them those words fall at the end of the line and wind up getting shifted down to the next line when they overrun the end of the line, but you have to remember that the width of the page is going to vary depending on the resolution of the screen your story is being viewed on which means your hyphenated words will often wind up in the middle of the line somewhere when someone else views it. Most people these days don't bother hyphenating words in any document meant to be viewed online unless that's how the word is actually spelled.

    The other thing I wanted to mention is your shifts between third-person and first-person narration. You suddenly started going first-person about a quarter of the way through the story. It was a bit disorienting and distracting. It would have been fine except you did it without warning. The reader comes into the sentence suddenly seeing someone speaking/thinking in first-person with no clue who it is until at least halfway through the sentence. You need to watch those perspective shifts and give the reader some kind of warning when you're gonna do that so they know what to expect. When you start switching back and forth between two different first-person perspectives in rapid-fire succession it can give the reader mental whiplash.

    Outside of those two minor complaints it was a great story. I especially loved the ending where Musa gets literally floored by seeing Stormy and Tecna together! And that final line was classic! *No more bets EVER!* LMAO! I loved that! XD
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