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Reviews for Three's a Crowd

By : Christopher
  • From Shaellin on May 15, 2007
    I hate to leave a negative review but it's difficult for me to read all the way through a story where the characterization is so bad and the plot is so obviously forced. Unlike some people I don't read adult fanfiction just for the sex scenes. I prefer a believable story which also happens to feature sex or at least insinuations of sexual attraction. The way you brought Princess Eclair into the story was a bit contrived. Nobody is going to just walk into a random bedroom in a random dorm like that. There should have been some reason for her to be there. The way Bloom and Flora just up and decided to have sex in front of her was also pretty random and unrealistic. People generally don't do stuff like that unless the situation really feels right. Plus, it goes against the established character traits of both girls to do something like that. Try working more on establishing the characters' motivations next time. It really helps sell the story.

    On the plus side, I gotta say you do write a hot sex scene. I've always thought Flora and Bloom should be more than just roomies. ;) Threesomes are good too and this was a good one, but it went by much too quick. Remember, girls have a lot more erogenous zones than just lips, tits and twats. Try drawing things out and turning up the heat by having your characters kiss, lick, nuzzle, caress and otherwise stimulate the various attractive curves of each others' bodies. Earlobes, neck, shoulders, cleavage, waist, hips, ass, thighs, even feet are all good places for characters to turn each other on. If you really want to get creative there are even more places to turn a girl on. Just remember, your readers want a good show! ^_^
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