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Reviews for Nature in the Stars

By : Christopher
  • From Shaellin on December 14, 2006
    I'm not too clear on where Lime ends and Lemon begins, but still this is a nice little PWP. There are a few minor problems with the story I'd like to point out though.

    During the sex scene you have Stella and Flora suddenly in new positions without warning and it's a little distracting. The reader has to stop and figure out how you've got them aligned now so that the story makes sense again. You might want to actually write in changes in position so that it doesn't take the reader off guard and throw off the flow of the story.

    You also overuse the words "tanned friend" a bit. Try changing things up a bit rather than reusing the same phrase over and over again. Describe Flora's hair or eyes or her love of plants and flowers rather than always concentrating on her skin.

    I personally prefer a bit stronger characterization in stories about well-established characters. The characterization was a little weak in this story, but for such a brief PWP I guess that's okay.

    Despite all the things I see wrong with this story though, I rather enjoyed it. A beautiful love scene between two lovely girls becoming more than just good friends. ^_^ You have a nice style of writing that will only get better with time. I hope we'll see many more stories from you in the future! =)
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