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Reviews for Mothers knows best!

By : Kothoga
  • From ANON - Nightmare2046 on November 30, 2006
    I now feel that I've just about evething out there.It was a good story a liile weird but good.Later
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  • From ANON - Anon on September 04, 2006
    fuckingA give another chapter, have shego in it, have a kim and ron take to live with there mom's

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  • From ANON - Cold-Chaos on September 03, 2006
    This is pretty sick. Having a sexual experiance with one's own child is just way beyond Wrong. I mean Ron and his Mom...love child?! It's one thing with Kim and Ron having a kid at six-teen or something but not with your own mother! I know this is just a story but if everyone starts to write about incest you mite as well write about horror sex were the characters kill there lovers and rape the dead carcass!!! Shit, thats not something people would enjoy. The point is there are some moral bounderys that should not be crost! thanks for hearing me out.
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  • From ANON - Jawelik on September 02, 2006
    I try and make a point to review every story I read, including those I don't particularly like. Though I don't necessarily HATE your story, I didn't find it all that enjoyable either. (sorry) I'm hoping a little bit of constructive criticism will be welcomed.

    I'll start off with the one good thing you do. Your stories are all properly spaced and paragraphed. I can't stand to read stories that have two different people talking in the same paragraph, or even worse, when the whole story is just one big one. You do well in this respect. Good job.

    Now on to a few cons. Your grammar is terrible. Is English your first language? Because if it isn't, I guess I can forgive the bad grammar. Do you proof read your stories, and run them through a spell checker? A good general rule is to proof read more than once, and maybe find a BETA reader. I volunteer if you need one, I'm always willing to help out a fellow author.

    Another con, one that I'll admit is easy to do, is describing too much. You need to remember that your readers aren't idiots, they can figure some stuff out for themselves. For example, if you have only Ron and Kim in a scene, you don't have to write 'said Kim' and 'said Ron' every time they say something. i.e.

    "I wan't you so bad Ron," said Kim.

    You really don't need the 'said Kim' there because its only Kim and Ron in the scene, and who else would say that? Ron wouldn't, that just leaves Kim. Like I said, readers: not morons. Or at the start of your Mind Rape story, you go into such vivid detail of how thier brains switched. So not necessary, leave something to the imagination. Not only because a lot of people have already seen the episode, but we really don't NEED to know the exact movements Kim and Ron made before getting knocked into the brain switcher. Basically saying that Drakken had a brain switcher, they got caught in it and wound up in each others body is generally all we need to know.

    And one more thing. You use the same phrases over and over again, and the same desciptive words. You might want to try mixing it up a bit, maybe whip out the ol' thesaurus.

    Okay I think I'm coming close to some kinda record length review here. I hope you don't find this annoying, but simply see it for what it is. Just someone hoping to help a fellow author improve, and maybe write more readable and enjoyable work. Be sure to drop me an email if you read this, maybe we can discuss this some more.

    -Jawelik
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  • From ANON - bloodrain01 on September 02, 2006
    what about the other girl and whats going to happed to bonnie when she find out about the baby
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