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Reviews for Pink Wee Beasty (Juniper Lee)

By : aesren
  • From ANON - Christopher on September 16, 2005
    I have no idea what show this fanfic is for, but I'll give you points for a creative rape story.
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  • From ShadrachVS on September 12, 2005
    Ok first off, Never expected this series to end up being written about, but it id.
    Please take these comments constructively, they are not meant to bash you about your writing; merely to point out problems and offer suggestions for improvement...
    1. Elaboration, the story starts off with very little detail describing the surroundings, why June is there, what exactly the little monster is... as the action progresses there is no in depth description, everything is described in its most basic style. Simple writing like this is good for say, stage directions in a play (because the actors need it simple, and they will end up describing the action through emulation to the audience), but when dealing with an audience who reads something, you need to describe things to the point that a person could paint a picture of it without much guesswork.
    2. Plot, oh wait this is intended to be a plotless endeavor... ignore this one then.
    3. Flow/Speed, Yeah it all happens so fast, by the time you start to get into the story, its over... extremely bad for most people... I am not saying write a full fledged novel for it (though that would get you a cult like following on here if done well), I am just saying use the hints in #1 to draw out the actions so that we (audience) feels like there is a logical and believable progression of action. As the story stands, its not so much describing a series of actions, as it is beating them across... Now with speed, comes Flow... Flow is harder to describe... Ok look back at all of my comment so far... Notice my abuse of elipses (...) and other punctuation to essentially give you an idea how I am speaking/thinking this out? This is BAD flow for a story, Your story flows like a flash flood... it's all at once, again this is a bad thing. You need to even the flow out, sure parts of the story can gush out like a geysur, but many parts of it are better when they trickle out at an easy pace.
    4. Grammar/Punctuation, get a beta if you do not have one, I do not remember any specific errors, but hey my grammar sucks; so I always tag an authors story I review reminding them of the glory of a good beta reader. Get someone who am good at that there English speaking and writin... grab them and get them to first proof read your story for spelling/grammar errors, then to read it for content; a Beta reader can be the difference between a 2 star story, and a 4 star story... Trust me.
    5. Keep up the writing, and don't be afraid to improve your writing!

    Personal note; Why Tentacles??? I have seen, well most of it, Legend of the Overfiend and well Tentacles.... *shudder*
    -Shadrach
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  • From ANON - Psycho the Weasel on September 11, 2005
    He-he-heee-he-he-he. Congratulatioooons, He-hee. You just wrote the first Juniper Lee Fanfiction for AdultFanFiction.net. He-he-hee, and a fine one it is . I look forward to reading one with Ophelia. He-he-hee-hee-he, hee-hee, he-he-he-heee, ah-hee, he.Well Written, Detailed, and originaaaaal. hee-hee. KEEP ON WRITIIIIIIING

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