Interesting protein diet that Lynn has latched onto.  

Thanks for writing and sharing.

Very enticing story

OMG! What is Lincoln complaining about? What boy wouldn't want a sister like that? What is wrong with him? LOL This was a really fun story! Loved it!

Boy if this isn't something that feels like it was made just for me!

Love the little flourishes here and there that do such a great job of getting Lynn's personality in this fic, the feeling of her, across. The descriptions too, 'grinned sharkishly', that is vivid. She's really got an aura to her, and energy and a presence, that's very very rare to see in a female character, even in erotic fanfiction. Sometimes stories you see stories where the girls are ostensibly 'in charge' during an encounter or commanding or whatever, but very rarely does it come across with this kind of verisimilitude. It's so intriguing and incredibly captivating to read. I think a lot of times authors, when they try to do something like this, simply try and write a man and switch their gender, but that's not how it comes across here at all. Lynn is still very much herself, she feels true to who she is in the show and nothing comes off as contrived, she's just...predatory. Deliciously so. I think the trick is how you identify already existing aspects of her personality to highlight and exalt to produce who she is in this fic rather than crafting a new side to her out of whole cloth to justify what she's doing, and I think that in particular goes a long way to create that sense of authenticy to the whole thing. It's difficult to explain. The best I can compare it to is when you have a nightmare, and everything is outwardly correct, but there's just that faint creeping feeling of dread. That is a very, very difficult hole for any author to thread, it takes real grace, but it's bang on here.

Her dialogue, too. It's excellent, does a tremendous job of dictating the pace and the mood whilst always sounding very, very clearly like Lynn's 'voice'. I truly love that.

Back to the details, like I said, it's the little things. Like when she talks directly to his penis instead of bothering to look at his face, that's such a great, dehumanizing touch delivered right as the prose flows along. It's flourishes like that that really spice the story being told and elevate it. The way she taunts him, not exactly malicious, just...Lynn. Trash talk. Her banter, patter, whatever you want to call it; like I said, the essence of her really shines through. Like I said, she's recognizable as herself, and with a premise like this, that makes the whole thing so much more exciting and erotic.

>C’mon, gimme that hot load. You know you need to.

It's such a small detail, but again, that's key. 'Need to' instead of 'want to' here feels like it totally changes the dynamic of the line from something we've heard a million times before, practically boilerplate dirty talk, into something that penetrates way deeper, capturing our attention. And you follow up on it so beautifully with Lincoln's internal monologue/prose afterwards. Just a great one-two, immediately gratifies the expectation the novelness of the line generates.

I do want to say though that while Lynn is the more 'flashy' of the pair, you can't have a cake just made of frosting. In this case, it's Lincoln's anxiety and dread that really provides the true, understated foundation for the whole story. It can be easy to overlook what a great job you did with it because Lynn's stuff is so eye-catching, but Lincoln is really the main vein providing her the stuff she needs to play off of and you did just as good a job with him as you did with his sister, his reactions to her. The nervousness, how he's beaten down but not completely defeated, how he struggles against her in his own way (and that's absolutely key, too). I love how it comes through in the prose, lines like

>There was no right answer to this question, and Lincoln knew Lynn wasn’t really expecting an answer anyway, so he remained silent.

Have a spirit to them that I just find irresistible.

Probably the piece de resistance of the whole fic is when Lincoln starts imagining it's other girls doing this to him as a way to cope. That's the sort of sequence I've seen attempted many times in stories, but rarely or never have I seen it executed this well. Back to that later.

I loved, loved, LOVED when she starts to tease him about being into his sister, that was an electrifying line that brought it all back into focus both for him and the reader just who it is exactly is doing this to him after the earlier Paige fantasy, and the sense of wrongess it evokes is exquisite. His panic when Lynn brings up Lori and Leni too, my goodness, so good. That the prospect isn't glossed over but actually has a physical effect, 'scaring him soft', gives it the appropriate weight and I'm glad you did that. It got the punch it deserved and made the bit more memorable and occupy a bigger space in the reader's mind.

Adored the detail and depth of the blowjob, the repeated cumshots exhausting Lincoln, going from sucking on the head to paying attention to his balls to get more out of him.

One small complaint, which I do feel compelled to mention, is that I can't imagine Lynn calling Lincoln 'Linky'. I really have to imagine it'd be 'Stinkoln'.

>“There we go,” she said, the sound of Lynn’s voice interrupting his fantasy of Ronnie Anne. “Now, let’s get to work.”

Tremendous detail. I like that she gives him no quarter, whether she realizes it or not, and how you make sure to punish Lincoln, never letting him retreat fully into his fantasy, it keeps him present and engaged and it means the emotion you can get out of him is much more intense. I also love how you make sure to include that on some level he does like it, how he does appreciate looking at his sister's boobs, despite his guilt about it, and the whole innocent childishness of how the whole thing is delivered, 'the only girl who'd ever been willing to show Lincoln her boobs', really lays it in harder and adds another wonderful touch of dirty spice and great characterization for Lincoln. Shows a bit of appropriate immaturity for a kid his age in a moment of extreme stress and physical and mental confusion.

The Lucy line about her reflection was a delightful little bit of characterization that serves to cleanse the palette a little even as the rest of it revs us up. Man, the dirty talk and the whole sequence where Lynn is putting ideas into his head and tempting him was really something special. I really, really have to give it up. The way she whispered into his ear and the stuff she said was searing and you really feel immersed and sympathetic to this poor, young, confused, horny boy getting played with by his forceful big sister. Which is, of course, the perfect, classic Loud House smut so many of us adore.

The DiMartino fantasy was a great way to provide a spot in the blowjob to break it up a little and give the reader's mind time to recover (and I must mention, huge respect that you were able to get so damn much eroticism out of a series of blowjobs one after the other from one single character to another single character, that is masterful). Back to what I mentioned earlier, the fact Lynn's constant dirty talk has finally succeeded in breaking Lincoln down mentally and subconsciously corrupting his fantasies is perfection and my absolute favorite bit in the entire story. So, so hot. I love how he keeps trying, jumping from one foot to the next to try and force it, change of venues, but it just keeps happening! It really shows the psychological impact of what his sister has done to him, and that's such a turn-on. The whole transformation in his fantasy from him on top of DiMartino to Lynn on top of him, showing he's not even in charge or on top in his own head, and his desperation as he tries to think of someone, anyone else, while his body drowns in the pleasure his sister forces on him. The guilt, the shame, the self-denial of what he really wants, what he really is. I'm glad you seized on those details, it really spikes the whole narrative so powerfully. The whole sequence leading from this to that final, nonstop cumshot was sublime.

Ultimately, reading this review back before I post, the whole thing is really fawning, but in the end, I truly did love it. The themes you employed in this story were so utterly to my tastes and you did such an incredible job delving into them and drawing out their full charm. Again, it was technically just a series of blowjobs, but you got so much out of it, to the point it felt like a complete sex scene with intercourse, and I really couldn't have enjoyed it more. It's so well put together, narratively speaking, so well composed so that everything hits as hard as it could, the eroticism, the guilt, the callousness and innocence and emotion. I had a HUGE blast reading this fic. I'm keeping my fingers crossed you do another story like this again at some point, not just because they're my favorite but because I think you really grasp the pressure points in this sort of narrative and execute on them fantastically. Could be anything, a stressed out Lori taking her stress out on her little brother, Luna coming back soused from a concert she snuck out to and forcing a round of 'fun' on him because he was cool enough not to rat on her when he caught her sneaking out, or even sweet Leni taking what she wants because she has an itch and brothers are 'supposed' to help their sisters...Hell, as you can see, this whole fic sent my mind going! Regardless, I really loved the time I got with it, and I'm thankful to you for sharing it. Great job, man. I loved this.

This was extremely satisfying, hope it's not a one shot

Nice change of pace to have Lincoln be so submissive. Lynn Jr. is fairly in character.

Not sure what Lynn is getting out of it besides records and asserting dominance. She's clearly aroused at the end. I'd hope she forces Lincoln to muff dive. Or pegs him with a double dildo to eek one more out of her boy slut. Smash that prostate!

The pussy flaunting and incest taunting got me good. Hot damn!

(Unrelated, but I would love to see your take on Ralph and Vanellope.)

Lincoln needs to kick her ass and clame her pussy like a man