what the hell happened to the story?

And soon Kim will have "her needs" taken care of by the other 3 women while ron watches entusiastically.........

That was a great story, my favorite part was Ron foursome with him and his three girls, alot of guys wish they could do that.

Well I think you're doing great and Kim helping around the village could help get her figure back.

This chapter was not a bad transition and setup chapter. It does give some foreshadowing as to how you might be looking to end the story.

I am looking forward to seeing how you decide to finish this story. Especially when you left Ron as an unfaithful and untrustworthy asshat who has no willpower nor idea what love really means. I still cannot believe he would so blithely break rules he had just setup less than an hour before because some girl he has spent maybe 23 days with (one week plus eight weekends) looks at him with "love in her eyes". 

Yeah, scum bag that should really put her right up their with your best friend of sixteen years. 

Anyways, looking forward to the conclusion. Good luck. 

I think you're doing great.

Good side story.

And Kim, for pretty much the first time this story,  finally exhibits a truly loving characteristic. She finally places the feelings and well being of Ron, someone she professes to love, above her own desires.

Ron on the other hand pretty much cements his status as complete and utter asshole. He further demonstrates that he has zero clue what love, loyalty, or trustworthiness mean.

Seriously, who in the hell would tosses aside 14 years of friendship and two of a romantic relationship for some girl(s) that he knows almost nothing about and has only known maybe 14 days? An utter asshole, that's who. 

Also, who in the hell abandons not only the person that they profess to love but their best friend during what is sure to be the most difficult time in their life. Those aren't the actions of a friend and they sure as hell aren't the actions of someone who loves you.

You did a good job with Kim in this chapter, but I don't recognize anything of Ron's character in these last two chapters.

I guess we will see how it ends next chapter. 

I think you're doing great, maybe Ron's new girls once they learned what happened they could feel pity (I know I do) for Kim and a want to help her like Ron does so they let her join the harem so Kim doesn't have to leave Ron. If the friend you mentioned in the last chapter is in the real world or some other fanfiction site then hope whoever it is gives you a really good idea for the next chapter.

She was right about Kim and Ron not tellin each other what they did with the other people they have sex, so to me it seems that's the first rule that they both unknowingly break at the same time and soon the rest of the rules too because it seems to me that the rules was nothing more then a way for both Kim and Ron's way of saying they're breaking up with each other and the sex they just had with each other was the last they'll ever have together and the last time they'll ever see each other, hope the author idea of ending this story is happier then the one I see happening based on chapter 16

Let me expand on my last review.

This chapter was devastating to the story.

As a reader I only come back to a story if I care about the characters in it.

This story started off destroying Kim's character. It turned her into an immoral, cheating slut. Okay, fine, I am still interested because Ron is at least still a decent character. So, I care about Ron and because of that I still care about Kim and what she does.

In other words, is this going to be a Kim falls from grace story and the real meat of the story then becomes how Ron copes with losing the love of his life. Or is this a redemption story and we get to see how he helps Kim struggle back from the brink?

All of these though depend upon me caring about them because at least one of them is still a sympathetic character. In your story through the actions that you have repeatedly had Kim choose that character was Ron.

This chapter just utterly destroyed that sympathy. I no longer have any compassion or sympathy for Ron, and thus by extension I really don't care anymore what happens to Kim. 

Since I no longer give a crap if the lying, cheating, totally untrustworthy ass Ron Stoppable lives or dies, I also no longer care what happens to Kim. She had already fallen from grace, and in the intervening chapters you have written nothing that makes me any more sympathetic to her character. She hasn't struggled and suffered to redeem herself only to have those struggles prove moot because Ron proved unworthy of her struggles.

This chapter just simply made this a story with two non sympathetic characters which at this point I honestly hope get a case of incurable syphillis and have their brains eaten up as they slowly go crazy and eventually die. Or go the route LunaSilver had been promoting and have Kim become a mindless slut. I am having a hard time finding the energy to care.

And just to be clear that is the last thing an author wants, the reader not caring.

I really have no idea what your goal for this story was, but it has reached the point that you might want to take a step back and consider some major rewrites. 

Also, there are zero time clues in this. I have no idea where it is supposed to fall in the story. 

I honestly don't know what to think of this chapter. One thing is certain Kim and Ron are done. There is zero realistic chance for their relationship to survive.

To be honest, at this point they are both disgusting human beings, who I hope end up miserable and alone. Neither one knows the first thing about love.

This is exactly why society scorns these types of relationships.

Also, unless you are a complete idiot and tie something around the neck common sense will allow you to learn about bondage safely.

As for not wanting me to beta. No big deal. 

Well this chapter just took a dramatic turn towards the exciting.

So a bunch of unfaithful assholes end up being unfaithful to Kim. There is a shocker. I love it. 

Then there is Kim's illness. So is it an STD? Did they drug her so they can gangrape her? Is she about to find out that no birth control is 100% effective?

As for being cruel, that is an author's job. To give life to these wonderful characters. To give them hopes and dreams. Then to crush them and torture them for reader's entertainment. 

Concerning your writing ability. Don't worry about it. You are focused on improving and not too proud to take criticism and adjust. You will be an excellent author if you keep it up. I am enjoying your story. 

Will there be a public gang bang event at the shack where anyone anywhere in the world (including villians) with a TV or computer can see a naked disguised Kim live on TV telling everyone that she's gonna get gang banged by so many manly men with there body splitting dick (only guys including Ron participate in banging Kim if you want him in the chapter) even after Kim finds out about what the guys did she didn't care and still wants to be gang banged so Kim could think to herself or say outloud that Raul's right Kim is a whore that can't get enough of being gang banged by them or any group of so many manly men and there big body splitting dicks that can make her face turn into one that shows she's been fucked silly (eye's rolled up mouth open tongue out) just by being penetrated and or even before the guys cover Kim's body inside and out with cum but that doesn't stop the guys from keep on using her and there's nothing Kim can do about it which she loves the most because the gang bang paradise she's always wanted is where she is now and on the plus side she really enjoys it because everyone in the world can see she's happy and that no one knows that the Kim Possible is the one being gang banged on TV.

Take out what's to much and/or doesn't go with what you have planned for the story but I do hope that you enjoyed the idea

Wonder if Ron ever had the three girls lined up next to each on all fours so can get a good view of there asses while he fucks the girl in the middle with his dick as Ron fingers the other two girls on either side of the girl in the middle.