What a great story, Lucy being the narrator of this wonderfully interesting sex filled story was quite the good decision on your part

Finally got around to reading this one, and I'm glad I did...it was *so* much fun! Lucy was the perfect pick as our Narrator/Hostess for this smorgasbord of delightful incestuous perversion. 

Lana & Lola on Luan was my favorite...I liked how Luan kept putting herself in that position without admitting she really wanted, and the twins' rather extreme enthusiasm. (Their choices of position made sense for them too!) And I really enjoyed their (completely believable) childlike selfishness finally driving the unsated Luan to snap and take what she needed! 

Luna and Leni's sweet and romantic encounter was especially good as well...the tone you set with the narration and the description of Leni's dance and their naked bodies really pulled me in. And Lori's little roleplay with Lily was just too deliciously perverse to resist! 

Your descriptions, both of the characters and the action, were vivid, and everyone was nicely in character. (I will never, ever grow weary of Luna's rock puns!)  The fact that you managed to fit in so much, with so many characters, into such a relatively short story is quite impressive in and of itself. Thank you!

Jumped around a bit much, but damn did I love what you wrote!

Holy Hell!

Ths was a ride from the first line, a tour of the Loud House After Dark, hosted by Lucy Loud...when I read the "Tell me your secret.: line, I could almost hear her whispering it in my ear! Dude, this was SCARY good. Keep 'em comin!

Good stuff.

Hey man, I finally got a chance to sit down and read this story. First of all, I just wanted to thank you for that amazing series of reviews you gave me on Wit Chu. They were super gratifying to get and see all the thought you'd given the story; I still occasionally go back and read them once in a while. It goes without saying that I'm a big fan of yours as well and I have been since even before you wrote Loud House stories. On that note I really should go back and give Whoops a more detailed review, I really enjoyed that one. But that's enough stuff unrelated to the present topic, let's move on to The Loud House After Dark.
First things first, I thought the presentation on this one was really interesting.  It read like the script for a play and in my mind that's sort of how I visualized it. You did a great job of making it claustrophobic and sultry, there wasn't a moment in the story where I visualized anything as well-lit, so you were able to maintain the atmosphere throughout. I was right there in the vents with Lucy the entire way through. That said I still prefer the more traditional approach you used in Whoops, but this was pretty high concept and you stuck to the approach with total discipline which I found impressive. I feel it would have worked better if it was just Lucy observing, but Lucy leading an unnamed observer through the night put up one more degree of separation that I felt made it a little bit more unwieldy and a little bit more impersonal. You bypassed this most of the time by having Lucy speculate on characters' motivations and desires though.
The opening ballet was something I really enjoyed, probably the most elegant part of the story. By that I mean the paragraphs where the sisters emerge from their rooms and criss-cross around to their destinations, each one having its own little character plothook that leads the reader by the nose before distracting him with some new detail from some new sister. Like I said, it was elegant. I'm betting this was the most fun bit to write. The whole story sort of operates around this sort of mechanic, keeping the reader engaged and alert by throwing him from one scene to the next before he's got a chance to really settle in or get bored of anything, but in this part it was at its tightest, without much room for you as the writer to meander, very little 'allowance' I guess you'd say. It was well done.
At this point I'd like to discuss the individual scenarios for each of the girls. My favorite was definitely Luan's. First of all, you're a pun powerhouse. Every one of Luan's lines made me smile. She is so hard to write dialogue for without it seeming hacky or half-assed, like you just pulled jokes off the internet or something. Probably the most challenging sister I'd say or at least up there, and you really worked in with her. Funny but not just puns for the sake of puns, they were appropriate to the situation, they reflected her mood. That was elite. I also really liked how you played with Lola and Lana as two halves of the same whole while still having plenty of personality for each (Lola being dignified and dabbing her chin after giving Luan head while Lana just goes to town). But like I said, for the lines she got, Luan was on point for me. Best in story for sure. Very good scene.
I'd say my next favorite was the Leni and Luna segment. That was an interesting motivation to dredge up for Leni and it dovetailed nicely with Luna's canonical bisexual tendencies. It was very sexy. I'm not much for yuri but you painted quite a scene with the disco flashlight at midnight and the two young, attractive women just coiling together like that, one for want of attention, the other for want of a girlfriend. But it didn't have a feel like Luna was some kind of user. They were both getting something out of it and she was appreciative and not selfish.
After that it's probably Lynn and Lincoln. This was interesting because with these two I felt you were considerably more detached than with the rest of the characters. With the others you were pretty good about explicitly outlining their motivations or desires, but with this one you left a lot up to innuendo. The closest you come to implying anything outright is when you mention they're teenagers and it doesn't matter to their bodies whether they're brother and sister, but there still might have been a little meat left on the bone there. I'd say this one was the closest to 'Lucy watching it happen from above, no special insights available' in feel. It seems to be mostly the little goth's guesses, which is interesting but not as fun to me as a look into the minds of a brother and sister coupling.
Lori and Lily was a hell of a thing. I was wondering how you were going to work Lily into the deal without it getting into something that disturbed people. You didn't wuss out though, you embraced the creepiness of it without getting so far into it that it overpowered the rest of the story. It wa sjust right. I love dirty talk but it's not something I'm especially good at and I feel it was done nicely here. That said I felt Lori might have benefitted from coming off as a liiiiittle bit crazier or more unhinged, but Hell, you know me. Some parts of this section and the Leni section for that matter even reached the level of what I'd call touching, so good on you for that.
I feel the section I least liked was Lisa's. Don't get me wrong, it was well-written and her motivations rang true, but I think the interdimensional monster was just a bit too far. You'd done a good job of painting a scene of a sort of hidden domestic life, filled with all the characters having believable desires and perversions and tresspasses. It really did have a good feel of what the Loud House could be after dark. I'd even go as far as to say it was actually pretty realistic, or had that feel. I think I could have accepted a crude robot or elaborate sybian without it breaking suspension of disbelief, but the monster was just too far for a story with such an intimate, whisper-quiet sort of domestic voyeurism.
Lucy serves as a strong narrator throughout. She's got a good poetry and playful ominousness to her without ever coming on too strong. Her voyeur streak also feels right, but then the Loud House has a whole lot of that going around in canon as well (Lisa's toilet cameras and Luan creeping on Lincoln 24/7 with her comedy fort knox.) She was a good choice, maybe the only real choice for the role you picked for her. She was an enjoyable presence to have overseeing the scenes.
Random note:
'The witching hour but central time' thing made me laugh. Small injections of that sort of characteristic show cuteness I think can REALLY goose up a story and make it better. You used this pretty effectively in Whoops also.
To sum up, I liked the story if that wasn't obvious already. You went for it and included all eleven siblings in a single chapter story that was fairly down to earth and sexy. Ambitious as Hell and only something a writer with a lot of confidence would attempt, believing he was capable of keeping everything and everyone flowing smoothly. You achieved that and my hat is off to you. I have to admit I didn't enjoy it quite as much as Whoops, but then I am a HUGE sucker for that little cutie pie Lincoln getting raped by his adoring sisters. Or any cute girl for that matter (but especially his sisters, obviously: incest is the best!). Again, you know me. That's all besides the point though. Great work, man.

As a sidenote from me personally, I know I take a long time between updates and I do apologize for that. I've been tinkering with a one shot Loud House story for you guys to have something while I grapple with Wit Chu 5. It's not quite up to my standards yet but it will be soon and while not as heavy as Wit Chu I think it'll be a worthy, sexy one-off for you fellows to enjoy in the meantime. A B+ rating kind of a deal. If you ever want to talk, send me a message on HentaiFoundry or maybe we can do some kind of deal with Discord! Either way, good luck out there bro. Hoping you make more LH stuff and looking forward to anything else you might make too. Have a great day!

This was wonderfully sexy, and I thoroughly enjoyed this tale, and on a few levels:

First, the narrative style was a pleasure, just imagining Lucy Loud quietly showing us around the hidden places where we could see all of the hidden secrets. You used her voice very well, and it worked well against the rest of the narration, which was a comfortable tone for action and "camera movement." It was like a sexy Twilight Zone thing going on, plus one or two cute little quirks.

Those brief openers were pretty much all we needed to get fully up to speed on each rendezvous as they began and slowly unfolded. Each segment was a good dose of story on its own yet still helped build up to the final climax of each tryst. Plus they were all sweet to downright cute (especially Lynn's bad acting, the conscientious tentacle monster, the Luanisms, and the twins being different by minutes and different by inches). Even better, it was in-character the whole way. It didn't feel like we were getting pulled away every time it started to get good – we got to savor every tasty bite from the smorgasbord of underage incestuous lust.

(Come to think of it, that would be the best Old Country Buffet EVER!)

The "happiest moments" were all terrifically satisfying, especially with an extra boost from Lucy's breathy whispers to go along with each. Yet even after all the sexy action and learning each character's secret (even about how it's basically in their genes), having Lucy make sure we see the pure love and affection they share was the icing on the cake.

The only other thing I'll throw out there is that Lisa seemed to have a second secret, though perhaps it really just ties into that one best overall secret. Maybe that's foreshadowing… or maybe I'm just reading way too much into it ;) (I'll hold back on saying what it is to see if it's really just me, but I will say that I absolutely loved every second of it.)

Anyway, thanks for another fantastic and wonderfully erotic tale.

Well done.

great story