These "secret psychopath" stories live or die by the author's choice of main character, because it absolutely has to be someone who readers will believe might be capable of such behavior. And among all the members of the Loud family, you could not have made a better choice than Luan. Up until the very recent “Head Poet's Anxiety” episode (which postdates this story), we viewers were not given any concrete reason to believe that Luan has a conscience. Most of the time, she is the only one who laughs at her jokes, which suggests that she doesn't really care about making other people laugh. And every year on April Fool's Day, she goes full-on supervillain. So it would not surprise me at all if she turned out to be capable of doing the things you described in this story.

I like how she gradually escalates from devious acts of social sabotage (like the wand-and-plunger plot) to openly throwing down the gauntlet by seducing Bobby -- the most hurtful thing she could possibly do to Lori short of maiming her. I also like that Luan proves capable of sabotaging herself when she forces herself on Lincoln, showing that her ability to act strategically is sometimes impaired by the sick desires that drive her. 

The one thing that puzzled me is why Lori doesn't immediately tell their parents when she finds out what Luan did to Lincoln. Why does she say “I'm telling Mom and Dad... eventually”? Luan is a clear and present danger to Lincoln, and I don't know why Lori wouldn't want to do something about it ASAP.

I should also note that the diary format was a good choice for this story. Not only does it work well as a mechanism for showing us what goes on inside Luan's head, but it's also another sign of Luan's capacity for self-sabotage. As you point out, it's not that wise for her to be writing her thoughts down in a book that anyone could find and read. But in this case, too, Luan's emotional needs and wants overwhelm her reason. Which explains why she's willing to blow up her life at the end of the story just to hurt Lori.

Thanks for an engaging read.

Dude, why'd you delete your new story!? I hadn't had a chance to read it yet!

This shit is pretty goddamned crazy, man. I have a whole lot of thoughts on and I'm only halfway through chapter 3 as I write this. Where do I even begin?

I mean firstly, my compliments on your writing style. First person past tense, the format you've chosen, is so immensely difficult. It's the style I most admire but it's practically impossible to do well, I have so much respect for you for how elegantly you've managed to aquit yourself here. I find it personally impossible to maintain surprise throughout a story in first person but you manage to make the whole thing look effortless,  you've got serious grace. But really that's very superficial stuff for me to dwell on with a story like this. The central thing here is what a lunatic Luan is and on that aspect you really knocked it out of the park. She's SO crazy and in such a believable way, I mean the way her mind works, that it's kind making me leery of you, the writer. I mean if I can say that without causing any offense.

The way I see it, with the random acts of casual cruelty...It's a tightrope, because she's obviously meant to be a monster, but you also got to offer enough of her relatability or humanity or struggle, whatever you want to call it, to the reader that he can still at least vaguely sympathize instead of just reading and hoping for her comeuppance. I feel like every time I'm about to dismiss Luan out of hand for good, you offer me just a burst of something, lust, or implied personal misery, something, that draws my mind back. It's dark and hot and weird and grim. Very American Psycho. I personally prefer more lewd in my stories and maybe a little bit less darkness than this, but you've got a Hell of a tale here so far, that's undeniable. Had a good laugh with the Chaplin/Hitler thing, but especially the stuff she does with Luna's pillow or Leni's hairbrush, Hell, it really keeps my mind alive. The way she does it, mostly casual and a little bit of spite. It's a Hell of a thing.

Now if I can presume to offer a little bit of advice, with stuff like references, the clown car thing, the 'instant her heart breaks' thing, I'd be careful with those. I feel like you've got a really strong story here and a pretty believable world, and you work hard at creating an atmosphere. To me, references like that just get readers thinking about The Simpsons. It breaks the spell you're weaving with the narrative, you know? In any case, that's just the way I feel about it. I could be wrong.

And now that I've finished with the story, I'm not quite sure what to think. It was written well from beginning to end, but I can't help but feel like there wasn't enough...I'm not quite sure. I feel like what happened to Lincoln was kind of undersold, like Lori and the rest were surprisingly calm about things. I mean to me, personally, I think Lori would be more freaked out about what she read about with Lincoln than what happened in the finale with Bobby. But I see this story's got a sequel, and you can bet that's right where I'm heading after this one. However that one shakes out, my compliments on what you've got here. I also have to ask: it feels like all these stories sprung out fully formed, all chapters created on the same day. Do you finish them before you post them? I can't really believe you could write all of this out in a day.

Luan would be proud. If she appreciates a some little more dark humor.

But really, that was a HELL of a story.

Got it?