That was quite the update.

Let me just say, I’d have been humbled to have made any beneficially constructive influence over your work, but to warrant a shout out? I’m honored. I dearly hope that you saw my original reviews as positive and helpful in your aspiration to steadily improve as a writer and post quality work. However, I had no intention of ever making you second guess yourself, and for that I apologize. Also, in retrospect, my eager predictions were rather unnecessary and quite rude— though I see them as simple gestures of veneration. Perhaps they were fair examples of the point I’d originally made, but it’s unfair to even possibly limit your creative decisions, and for that I’m sorry as well. It’s difficult to live up to pre-set expectations, and I want to assure you, all I or anyone else here expected of you was your best, and dude you delivered.

Ch5 is simply wonderful. Your decision to focus on two sisters did add some new flair, without detracting from the tone or from Lincoln’s suffering. If anything, it added to it. It was poignant that both of them revealed that their long lasted love for him only after seeing him under Lori. Decisions fittingly in line with the rest of the story, obviously. I also enjoyed the amount of exposure the currently, indirectly involved family members received. It adds just enough to the ambiance. That said, my mind always sways back to Lori, and her decisions and actions. They rightfully seem the focal points of each occurrence, and whether or not she knows of each thing that happens, she seemingly loves it all. The imagery of Lincoln’s likeness to being her pet was what first stood out to me.

Anyway, very nice Chapter. 

Wow. That was a roller coaster of emotion. Another great chapter, if not the best so far.

It got DARK, fits well into the theme and subject matter, you characterize each of the kids so well I can't help but hope for things to turn out well for them, and when it all went wrong it hit me right in the gut. The expanded exploration of the previous sisters and how they are dealing with regret and their own coping mechanisms was my favorite part, that and when Lincoln talked with his dad really got me. Both of the parent’s worries and fears for their kids was masterfully executed.

Thanks for keeping with this story, I was really excited when I saw there was a new chapter. Life can blindside you, and taking the time to get it just right is worth it.

Thanks for the shout out as well :) if you liked the comic I can maybe do a second instillation, I couldn’t help but try to do an illustration of one of the scenes in this too. I’ll put it up if it turns out.

I literally couldn't stop reading this newest chapter. I just love this beautifully broken art that you have put so much emotion into. Thank you

Wow talk about a shot in the dark! I was so excited for the update I kept reading it even though reading my phone screen at night felt like it was burning out my eyeballs. Looks like Lincoln is getting it from all directions, how much more can this kid possibly take?? Also don't think I didn't notice how the protagonist of Rita's book is a white-haired man; maybe Lincoln was right to recoil from her touch o_O

Okay, is every single one of Lincoln's sisters a complete moron or a complete asshole? This shit is starting to get WAY too contrived and unpleasent. Are you also gonna have Lola, Lana and Lisa, and maybe even Rita join in as well or are any of them gonna be actually smart and stop what has been going on?

Seriously, have you never heard of Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy or Eight Deadly Words? Why should I give a shit about anything in this story if everyone is complete stupid, an asshole, or just keep suffering and suffering with no sign of the suffering stopping it? Are you a Straw Nihilist by any chance?

I really hope this story ends with the sisters being found out, being punished and Lincoln getting the help he needs, because if it doesn't, this whole fic will feel like a complete waste of time.

Kill them. Kill every single one of them. They don't deserve to live.

I’d like to add something very quickly. Apparently one can’t revise nor edit their own reviews, so I have to do this follow up instead. Nonetheless, I slept on it a couple hours and came to think that you are in fact taking the story in a different direction. It’d be too easy just to have Lynn be the next to step in line and rape Lincoln. You’ve given the hints., they’re all there. Lisa and Lucy are both already on alert, and the most recent “event” with Lincoln in his room will only increase their suspicions. Not to mention Lincoln’s own mental “breaking point” which he finally, apparently reached. I can’t believe I didn’t mention Lincoln snapping in my original comment. Im very curious how you’re going to write that. There are so many possibilities for it. My guess is, you’re going to go down a storyline that involves all of the above, Lisa/Lucy getting involved, Lynn (trying?) to rape Lincoln, and Lincoln’s break, and have them commingle. 

Like I said, this story is fantastic. I’m extremely happy to get to read and enjoy it.

Okay, so I’d first like to say I’m typically just a reader/reviewer on Fanfiction.net of Loud House stories, and this is the first story I’ve read on this website. I like this story so much, I decided to make an account just to review it up to this point.

I’ve always been very interested in psychology. Your descriptions, the raw emotion you pull out of the crevices of even the most normal scenes of this story are ridiculously realistic. Not that I’ve endured this hardship, but I’ve read on psychology enough to know you do extremely well with writing torment. One much more knowledgeable than me could peel layers of information out of this story, and write an essay on it. I wish I could.

I feel for Lincoln in this story, like I rarely feel for anyone. His Christ like selflessness is written near perfection. It’s always been such an interesting idea to give a child in a story. The sisters on the other hand, are written as characteristically tormented as they should be. Their motives, reactions, and proceedings are all great. I feel for them, except Lori, nearly as much as I feel for Lincoln. Leni is too innocent, and doesn’t understand. Luna is too insecure, and realistically turned to the bottle, while Luan is going mad from the gravity of the situation. Lori is seemingly just self centered and cynical. She disgusts me.

I have to say, I’m incredibly curious how this will pan out. You’ve done a tremendous job with this so far, but I can’t help but feel this story can easily become repetitive. If the story continues on it’s current route, and extends to Lynn, then maybe even the younger sisters, or even switches to Lincoln having his own way with the younger sisters, I think the story has high chance of folding in upon itself. I’d take it a different direction, and spice things up in an unexpected way. That’s obviously your choice, however. Just my two cents.

Lisa could come into play, or even Lucy. I’d be shocked if Lisa doesn’t figure it out soon (hell, she could know already), and I’d be equally as shocked if Lucy doesn’t try to figure it out for herself, soon. This could get very interesting, but it’d have to be handled carefully. Writing for a mind as smart as Lisa’s is tough and intimidating, but seeing what you’ve done so far, I trust you. 

I really am very excited to see where this goes. I wish I could write more, about this now. I’ll give a follow up review after it’s end. Until then, have fun with this dude. Keep doing your thing.

Wow. This was an intensely erotic but disturbingly realistic portrayal of sibling molestation. I could feel the grim despair of Lincoln and his sick revulsion as his horrible, selfish sisters used his prepubescent body as their play thing.

Hot.

I really like this. A guilty pleasure, yet strangely as heart warming as it is tragicly devistating. Great work.

I made a comic page of my favorite part of chapter three. Please keep writing. :)

https://www.hentai-foundry.com/pictures/user/MedullaMind/519729/Loud-with-Chu

i came for the expected "oooh yeaaah", but i stayed for the headshaking ".....damn" 10/10.

I've just finished reading chapters 3 and 4 (SPOILERS for which appear below), and I continue to be absorbed by this disturbing story that, despite seeming implausible on its face, continues to be believable because of the psychological depths you give it. It appears that the desire to molest Lincoln is endemic among the Loud girls. (Perhaps this is unsurprising, given that they were born to two people who had enough sex to produce eleven children.) That said, it's interesting to see that the girls deal with that desire differently. Lori embraces it, Leni follows it but is too naive to see the the wrongness of it, Luna suffers with the guilt, and Luan finds a moral out by treating it as a joke;

Some other comments:

--At the beginning of chapter 4, when Lincoln's mother asks him if he's all right and he shakes his head, I was wondering whether you actually meant that he nodded his head, or whether his head shake was a subconscious way of saying no even when he was verbally saying yes.

--I loved the line “She was apologizing for what she had to do to make the lie true in her heart.”

--A few times, you wrote "breath" when you meant "breathe."

--The symbolism of Lincoln being unable to clean the mess off of Bun-Bun is powerful. It's as though Lincoln's childhood has been permanently sullied -- maybe even ended, because of his loss of innocence.

--I also wonder whether Lincoln's destruction of all his possessions doesn't also have some symbolic meaning. Smashing everything he owns seems like he's destroying his identity, like he's reacting to the loss of his childhood by destroying his childish things

--I liked Luann's desperate use of jokes to drown out the sound of Lincoln smashing things in his room upstairs. I've occasionally wondered whether Luann's nonstop use of humor isn't a desperate attempt to deal with some unpleasant truth in canon that we, the audience, don't yet know about. The showrunners have delved into a couple of heavy-ish topics so far this season -- Bobby and Ronnie Anne moving away, and Luna having a crush on a girl, so it's not outside the realm of possibility that there's some angst beneath Luan's constant joking.

--I didn't really buy the father's reaction to Lincoln's destruction of everything in his room. Lynn Sr doesn't strike me as the kind of parent who defaults to anger when he discovers something seriously awry with one of his kids. And he certainly doesn't seem like the type to strike Lincoln in anger, as he was about to do before Luan interrupted him.

--A question comes to mind: Where is Clyde in all this? If anyone outside the Loud House is likely to notice that Lincoln has not been himself lately, it would surely be Lincoln's sensitive best friend, who has read every pamphlet in his therapist's office. If Clyde noticed something wrong with Lincoln and couldn't get the reason out of Lincoln himself, surely he would tell his dads, or Dr. Lopez.

--I'm quite sure this is not going to stop with Luan. And I can only imagine how rough Lynn is going to be with her little brother.

In any case, keep up the good work.

[SPOILERS below]
 
When I saw this story in the Loud House section here on AFF, my first thought was, “Forty-one reviews? Could this story really be that​ good?”
 
Well, having read the first two chapters, I must say that so far, it IS that good. What’s most impressive is the way you portray Lincoln's complex emotional response to what is happening to him: not merely as a binary split between love and hate, or arousal and disgust, but everything that someone being molested by an older sibling might feel, all at once. It's disturbing, of course, but that's chiefly because it seems so real. I find myself genuinely concerned about what will happen to Lincoln (despite being turned on by what his sisters are doing to him). And all of this works because you use language effectively.

If I have any criticism at all -- and it should tell you something that the only one I have is related to something as minor as format -- it's that you don't need the "greater than" symbol at the start of each paragraph. It makes it look like the text was pasted from an old email.
 
But back to substance. A few chapter-specific comments:
-Chapter 1: I'm often not convinced by fanfics in which some canonically benign character turns out to have a secret sinister side. But in Lori's case, I'm kind of buying it. On the show, we've seen many examples of her capacity for rage and the extent to which the other Loud children are intimidated by her. (And for good reason: Even Lynn, master of the Camel Clutch and the Stealth Ninja Kick, couldn't stop Lori from beating her painfully with a loaf of bread, as Lynn relates in “Cheater by the Dozen.”)
-Chapter 2: Leni's​ awareness of and reaction to Lincoln's recent emotional distance is heartbreaking. (All the more so because Leni isn't necessarily the Loud we would expect to notice a change in Lincoln's behavior.) And then there is the double knife-twist of learning that mixed in with Leni’s sweetness and compassion are the same monstrous impulses that Lori has.

I'm looking forward to reading more.

Made an extra account just for telling you to continue. Pls More! Moarr!