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Reviews for Slow Heat

By : Spleef

From ANON - clue21 on July 24, 2008
any smut?
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From ANON - Sarai on July 21, 2008
I read up to chapter 13 and stopped. The beginning of the story was promising and I could not wait to read deeper into the story to see how the plot unfolds. I hate to say it, but I was disappointed. It got really repetitive, literally at some points. You'd use the exact same metaphors in some parts of the story, and even though they were creative their effectiveness wore out after seeing it so many times.

Besides the over using of the same metaphors, you would constantly repeat the characters state of mind, using the exact same words over and over. It was like watching a children's show that had to keep emphasizing the same point to make sure the child comprehended everything, and I'm sure we've all watched an episode of Dora the Explorer and know how annoying it was to hear the same thing being said three times before moving on.

As far as the characters go, you did an excellent job portraying Toph. With her you hit the nail on the head. Same with Aang. While he was very playful and optimistic in the first two books, in book three he showed a more serious side which you incorporated well into the story. You didn't over-do it, and you still kept his overall personality the way it is on the show. Sokka was nowhere near his character. Where was the sarcasm and pessimism? Where were the terrible jokes at? Where was his planning and semi-leadership of keeping everyone on schedule? It just wasn't him. Zuko was in character for the most part but everything with him was, once again, repetitive. He was TOO angsty and to be honest, he seemed nothing more that a hormone driven, moody teenager rather than a bannished prince who has REAL problems to worry about. And, I personally, feel you over did it with him constantly referring to Katarra as a "water peasant". It was an unnecessary insult after the first few times it was used. My BIGGEST dislike was Katarra. To be short and simple, she was a bitch. In the series, her attitude towards Zuko was understandable being that he actually DID betray them and all. But in your story, he didn't, and he explained the situation, multiple times at that, yet she still remained overly hostile towards him. Katarra is usually the one for reasoning and logic, not letting her emotions get in the way of the mission. She was angry for no reason and the constant animosity between her and Zuko got really old, really fast.

And since we're talking about the Zutarra relationship....where the hell was it? At first, I was happy that you were moving everything at a steady pace and didn't jump right into a love affair with the two, but as I kept reading and reading and reading, nothing was happening. There was no evolution of the characters at all. They kept doing the same thing and it grew tiring. Even when they did make progress and have positive interaction with each other, a few paragraphs later, it was as if nothing happened. And not with just Zuko and Katarra, with Toph and Zuko too. They bonded, went out for the night in the city (which was very nice, great detail!) yet they still acted like they were no more than simple associates.

I will continue to read and finish your story to see what happenes and in no way do I mean to be offensive, but I feel that constructive criticism is needed. You're great with adjectives and describing things, you have and excellent vocabulary and use appropriate words for certain situations. You did a very good job of making your own plot collaborate with that of the series and its easy to keep up with. You are a good writer, and there were minimal punctuation and grammatical errors. The main thing I would tell you to focus on is not dragging things out so long and, if you're going to emphasize the same point more than once, try to do it in a way that makes it not so repetitive.

Sorry for the super long review, and once again, I hope you're not offended in any way.
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From ANON - Sarai on July 21, 2008
I read up to chapter 13 and stopped. The beginning of the story was promising and I could not wait to read deeper into the story to see how the plot unfolds. I hate to say it, but I was disappointed. It got really repetitive, literally at some points. You'd use the exact same metaphors in some parts of the story, and even though they were creative their effectiveness wore out after seeing it so many times.

Besides the over using of the same metaphors, you would constantly repeat the characters state of mind, using the exact same words over and over. It was like watching a children's show that had to keep emphasizing the same point to make sure the child comprehended everything, and I'm sure we've all watched an episode of Dora the Explorer and know how annoying it was to hear the same thing being said three times before moving on.

As far as the characters go, you did an excellent job portraying Toph. With her you hit the nail on the head. Same with Aang. While he was very playful and optimistic in the first two books, in book three he showed a more serious side which you incorporated well into the story. You didn't over-do it, and you still kept his overall personality the way it is on the show. Sokka was nowhere near his character. Where was the sarcasm and pessimism? Where were the terrible jokes at? Where was his planning and semi-leadership of keeping everyone on schedule? It just wasn't him. Zuko was in character for the most part but everything with him was, once again, repetitive. He was TOO angsty and to be honest, he seemed nothing more that a hormone driven, moody teenager rather than a bannished prince who has REAL problems to worry about. And, I personally, feel you over did it with him constantly referring to Katarra as a "water peasant". It was an unnecessary insult after the first few times it was used. My BIGGEST dislike was Katarra. To be short and simple, she was a bitch. In the series, her attitude towards Zuko was understandable being that he actually DID betray them and all. But in your story, he didn't, and he explained the situation, multiple times at that, yet she still remained overly hostile towards him. Katarra is usually the one for reasoning and logic, not letting her emotions get in the way of the mission. She was angry for no reason and the constant animosity between her and Zuko got really old, really fast.

And since we're talking about the Zutarra relationship....where the hell was it? At first, I was happy that you were moving everything at a steady pace and didn't jump right into a love affair with the two, but as I kept reading and reading and reading, nothing was happening. There was no evolution of the characters at all. They kept doing the same thing and it grew tiring. Even when they did make progress and have positive interaction with each other, a few paragraphs later, it was as if nothing happened. And not with just Zuko and Katarra, with Toph and Zuko too. They bonded, went out for the night in the city (which was very nice, great detail!) yet they still acted like they were no more than simple associates.

I will continue to read and finish your story to see what happenes and in no way do I mean to be offensive, but I feel that constructive criticism is needed. You're great with adjectives and describing things, you have and excellent vocabulary and use appropriate words for certain situations. You did a very good job of making your own plot collaborate with that of the series and its easy to keep up with. You are a good writer, and there were minimal punctuation and grammatical errors. The main thing I would tell you to focus on is not dragging things out so long and, if you're going to emphasize the same point more than once, try to do it in a way that makes it not so repetitive.

Sorry for the super long review, and once again, I hope you're not offended in any way.
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From ANON - rachel on July 20, 2008
Well Avatar just ended tonight (sad) and I decided to try out some fanfics. I came across your's first and read it through to the end. I look foward to your next update. Thanks...
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From ANON - Joshua on July 19, 2008
Very good. ONe of the best zutaras yet. I love your stories and i hope you update soon. Very good. Please keep it up!!!
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From ANON - rachel on July 19, 2008
This is one of my favorite stories.
Glad you chose to have Katara be cold to Zuko because then Zuko can prove himself to her. I don't know how he will. But great story, can't wait to see what happens next
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From Lunar84 on July 11, 2008
Amazing as usual. Beautifully written. I would expect nothing less.

Too bad Katara is going to be a dumbass now.
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From ANON - Kayla on July 11, 2008
Aw poor Zuko
just when everything was going well for him
I love your story
Can't wait till the next chapter!

Kayla
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From ANON - Cody on July 10, 2008
that was amazing!!!! wow
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From ANON - Broken Avenger21 on July 10, 2008
Very good. I can't wait for the next chapter!!~!
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From ANON - Anon on July 09, 2008
wow. katara!?! are you insane. giving up hot sex!?!
can't wait to see what happens next

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From stealthfic on July 09, 2008
OMG!!!!! This is sooooooooo effing HAWT!!!! More Please! Youre the best!
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From Adridere on July 08, 2008
I have been reading your stories in this site. I have to be honest and tell you that even though I like your writing and yes, the sex, for a while now it has been bothering me that more often than not Katara seems to be this crying doormat at the mercy of a very troubled Zuko. From the sheer point of view of character development, I like this story more than any other I have read of yours, by far. You managed to make him understandable, human and fallible while keeping in perspective at all times that he is also basically a good person. Here, she finally keeps her pluck and her spirit throughout the story, being endearingly annoying, like in the show. I like how comfortable you are writing sex scenes, and this one is really good. It is passionate but believable. To the point that the doubts and the tenderness seem to flow naturally. But please don't drag the story too much with her internal doubts. They have been through a lot already. Both deserve some solace and more good sex and, after all, that is also what we the fans like. Some lovely smex, warm happy endings and good distraction from the drudgery of day to day life. Update soon!

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From CoffeeGyrl on July 08, 2008
Happy, happy, joy, joy, happy, happy, joy, joy. (insert Rin and Stimpy happy dance)

This was worth the wait damn that left me a-tremble, ok things I loved.

This line was freaking awesome I ached to share it with her, show her what kind of effect she had on me.
I like the teenaged way he was tring to get her attention.
Love that this time she's bitting him and marking him up.
That he would apoligies for insulting her in the middle was sweet and tender.
Rutting is a great word, fantastic vocab.
'You could be everything' just killed me, gawds that was amazing.

And the ending nooooo! Ok I love this so freaking much big hugs and high fives all around, this was awe inspiring.
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From ANON - Anon. on July 08, 2008
Excellent! I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
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