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Reviews for The Enchantress

By : NymphadoraTonks
  • From Kasaira on July 24, 2007
    This is a total Mary Sue fanfiction.

    Haven't you noticed that the Avaverse is Asian influenced? Stephanie is not a name to be used for a character in Avatar. All of her physical traits are very unrealistic for the Avaverse. Violet colored eyes? Blonde hair? Wow. Just wow. First of all, violet eyes are very rare in real life and not even possible in the Avaverse. Blonde hair isn't even a physical trait in Avatar. All of the hair colors in Avatar are dark.

    Having a beautiful voice and having Prince Zuko think she is incredibly beautiful is just overdone and completely out of character for him. He would never think that just from first glance. She has no flaws, give her some. Everyone has flaws and no one is perfect. I'm guessing she might be a self insert in this story and is just all about her. Are you even mature enough to make a decent character for Avatar? Guess not.

    Either do this character all over again or get rid of her completely. Case closed.

    ~Kasaira
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  • From Elita on January 22, 2007
    I'm sorry but this is a mary sue story.

    Have you noticed the names in the avatar world? A name like Stephanie would just be awkward.
    This is smelling suspiciously like a self insert story.

    Now there's nothing wrong with that provided you can make it work by keeping characters in character and not forcing yours down their throats and making them like it.
    Zuko is very OOC.

    You need to work on this before it gets worse.
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  • From ANON - Ari on January 25, 2006
    So far I really like it. I'm eager to see where you go with this. A few pointers though (since you requested them, if the reader saw fit)- You need to pay attention to word usage. Pale is not the same as pail, finally is not finely, waste is not waist. Your spelling is great, your punctuation is great, I would just suggest going back to use the correct words. In future chapters I would beware the following. OOC: Out of Character (especially with Zuko), and the dreaded "Mary Sue". Many wonderful original and canon characters have fallen victim to these writing disasters. If you would like a beta-reader, let me know. I am available. ^_^
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  • From ANON - Insert Here on December 29, 2005
    I actually liked it a lot. ^^
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  • From ANON - some shmuck on November 24, 2005
    I believe you should google the term 'Mary Sue'. Just sayin.
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  • From ANON - btrfli on August 12, 2005
    I sort of liked it, so please continue. I want to know the rest of the story! (And no, i'm not saying that just to cheer you up. i truly like this story)
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  • From RedScythe2003 on June 08, 2005
    I liked it rather well. For an opening chapter I thought it was rather well thought out, thought I'll admit, I did get caugth by a few of the typos (they kind of pull me out of the story...) I sort of enjoyed the way because it is a Zuko based fic, he was the only one who got developed, but I suppose some people prefer otherwise.

    You definitely have to post more because I want to know why she has a normal name now! (Silly authors putting teasers at the end... Hehe)
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  • From ANON - Anon on May 21, 2005
    not only are you a harry potter fan but you write good fics...LOL what more can a reader ask for?
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  • From ANON - ~GF~ on May 17, 2005
    I think you may want some constructive critisism...a little bit of help is in order. First off, you really need to edit this, I've found more than sevral typos that were simply careless errors. Second off, you really need to make more of an effort to keep everyone in character. I seriously do not think that Zuko would find some girl that he randomly finds in the woods a goddess. Do you even have any sort of ideas on her past at all? Any thoughts about a plot? Or did you just type this because you were bored? You may want to plan a little more. Over all, it is a mildly tolerable fiction, but I think it needs more work.
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  • From ANON - Ghost Of My Dream on May 16, 2005
    WOW, I like it a lot >> please update soon... I want to know what happends XD
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  • From ANON - Apocalypse on May 16, 2005
    This story is AWESOME. It's descriptive (which is more than we can say for some stories, right?), and the OOC-ness is appropriate. There are, however, some mispellings. One of the most notable is 'Uncle Iron'. It's not 'Iron', it's 'Iroh'. Sorry if I seem harsh, I just wanted to be benificial to your writing! Keep working, you're great.

    ~~Apocalypse
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  • From ANON - Franky on May 15, 2005
    Oh it was very nice, a few spelling mistakes (well, missing letters in short words really, nothing too big), but it was easy to follow and I like it so far at least. Please continue to write, I'd like to see where this story goes.
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