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Reviews for A Family Affair

By : belgarion15
  • From IncrediboyMeatShake on March 21, 2005
    Nice storyline going on, but having quotations(Like where a character's speaking?) starting a new paragraph would help. It would also help to be a bit more descriptive and almost always put who's saying what after the quote.

    Also, don't mean to pry, but.. Jack-Jack's a boy^^;
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 06, 2005
    Detailed but still thrilling... just the mix I like. I don't know something bad about your writing style in the moment. You're showing Bobs confusion very well, but I think there could be a little more guilt when he's looking at Helen. Perhaps Bob could remember Violets childhood and wonder when the girl began to see him as a man, not just as a father.

    Why are so few reviews here? A well written story like this one should have more!
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  • From englishwitch2003 on December 19, 2004
    Not bad for a first time. A little long, missing a couple of minor detailes in places, you could cut a little of the story and not have a problem, but all you need is pratice. You have great potential.
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  • From ANON - ??? on December 16, 2004
    Pretty good but it was rated r and although it was long about 75% of it was little details you could probobly of halved the story without missing anything.
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