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Reviews for Finding the Good Within

By : Scienceteacher

From gmjvju78 on May 07, 2009
I like the last serval charpters, the change in the relationship looks nature and smooth.I guess maybe it is because finally they resolved their issues in bed ^^, every female has the secret desire of being conquered.
Now there are 5 OCs appear in the story, I think there might be a little difficult to deal with so many new charactors, After all I like the original G1 TFs better, I have no idea how to make all those new OCs fixed in, I missed the old G1 guys.
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From shiojisan on February 23, 2009
Not bad not bad at all even though I'm not a big fan of Mirage I can't help but enjoy reading this story, but I will admit I read it more for the smut than for the characters for this story. Also I do admit it has an interesting plot. And so far this chap has got to be one of my favorites partly because the hunter gets her aft kicked (sorry I'm not a big fan of original characters though :P ) but when I read the part how he just abandon her just like that I couldn't help but laugh. Very interesting now to continue reading
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From Rockinmuffin on November 29, 2008
This story is getting really interesting. xD I kind og like how sneaky and underhanded Mirage has become; and it's cool how you've got Hunter believeing that she's the master of manipulation when she's the one getting played. It seems sort of un-Autobot like to take advantage of a pregnant femme when she's at her weakest but it's believable if you take into account that they've been captured, raped, and used as slaves for who knows how long.

Can't wait to see more.

Also: SQUEEEEE! BABY ROBOTS! xD < 3
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From LightningCross on November 24, 2008
This story has gotten much better than where it was previously heading. Before, it looked like Mirage, Wheeljack and Grapple were going to become whipped bondage slaves to Evil Sue Hunter, with the rest of the story consisting of bondage rapesex between Hunter and her three slaves. Sure, there are people who get off on that kind of thing, but I can assure you that it would've gotten boring and monotonous in a hurry.

Mirage is quite the schemer. I like how you've managed to build up suspense up until this point, what with the three of them conspiring behind Hunter's back. I was half-expecting Hunter to find out at some point and for the story to return to them being whipped bondage slaves, but I'm glad you didn't do that and let them maneuver her into the current position that she's at, helpless and at their mercy for several days. It'll be interesting to see how Hunter's massive ego is crushed when she realizes that they've been working against her all along and there's nothing she can do about it, and how she reacts after that.

The erotic aspect of this story has greatly improved. I wasn't really able to get into the rape, because it felt like all parties involved, including Hunter, didn't really enjoy it and were just going through the motions. The sex scene in Chapter 14 was a real turn-on since all three of them were really enjoying themselves, which was hot. I'm sure that some of your readers are into the rape-sex bondage thing, I'm just not one of them.

Overall, this story's taken a turn for the better. I have no clue what's going to happen next. I look forward to the next chapter.
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From Rockinmuffin on November 14, 2008
...Wow.

I really liked that chapter. A lot. I mean, as fun as it is to see a femme take advantage of a mech when it's usually the other way around, nothing can quite beat the gentleness and passion of consensual sex/nterfacing/whatever. It was hot, well-written, and surprisingly sweet. I really like how the two became more gentle once they were reminded of their children inside of her. They'd make such nice daddies!

...Oh Wheeljack. I always knew he was a perv. Robo-dildos? What's next? Haha!

As a side note, thank you for reviewing my story. Even though I have every intention of continuing it's still nice to be encouraged to do so.
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From Rockinmuffin on November 10, 2008
For the most part, this is a pretty good story. While, admittedly, the background about your OC being a powerful entity, under the orders of Primus himself, from another dimension is very Mary Sue-ish, other aspects of her are rather original; the fact that not too many characters within the story are too fond of her is a nice touch. And it�s nice to see that Mirage, despite his fear, has grown a pair of balls and decided to not take crap from anyone.

While I was wary of this story at first, it�s now starting to grow on me and I�ll be looking forward to future chapters.

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From ToonQueen on November 09, 2008
Awesome story! I love how it went from Master/Slave to some espionage. Your OC femme is very interesting. Poor Wheeljack and Ratchet. ;_; At least they both found someone else.
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From swift on October 26, 2008
very new to this site... so excuse me for the rants following. Since you asked for, I comment... but really speechless... Dunno if you have other comments because I cant see even the date when you posted this, it could be old or new, for me it is brand new and hitting! I'm totally done, I'm a helpless goo right now... How you drew the scenes, how you play with my emotions *shivers* I so wanna go and rescue poor Mirage, handle him as he deserves, ease the pain, give him what he needs, let him be! The poor kid he thinks his fellas won't appreciate him it is totally untrue but he believes it so this is his reality... Hope that cruel lady Hunter will love him truly and be ashamed for what she did to him... Or he escapes and find true love... oww I'm so desperate now. Gotta read the remaining chapters.
Trying to figure out if I have seen you before or just happen to meet ya... maybe you can help me to familiarize with this site too.
Sorry again to bother you just overjoyed by finding your fic.
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From LightningCross on October 21, 2008
Wow, nice rebound. I was afraid that you were writing Hunter to be some kind of invincible puppet-master-like God who could never be defeated by any other mech, turning the slaves into Cleopatra-like male servants/slaves for her planned futuristic mech nation. It's nice to see that she's not completely invulnerable, and that she isn't too good in a stand-up brawl.

Nice characterization of Mirage, too. It's good to see that he's taking some of her lessons to heart, and sticking up for himself a bit. It's good for him to see Mirage getting beaten around some so he doesn't become a cowering slave like he did with his Decepticon masters. Oh, I'm sure you'll have Mirage beat him around some more and have him endure being "shared" with Onslaught from time to time. At least now I'm less concerned about him remaining Mirage's 100% subordinate sextoy and footstool for the rest of the story. Here's to hoping he can eventually get Mirage to see him as an equal.

I'd say that the plot's looking a bit more interesting now than it did before this chapter. My primary concern with the plot was that it was shaping up to be a linear journey from points A-B-C, with Hunter pulling all the strings and getting everything her way in the end. The way you've written her I have a feeling that she'll probably end up achieving her goals, but at least now I'm confident that the road will be a bit more bumpy than it was looking like before.

Looking forward to the next chapter.
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From LightningCross on October 21, 2008
I'll be honest here: this is an alright story. It's not good, but it's not bad either. It's merely alright.

You do a decent job with the grammar and structure, and I can forgive the occasional mistakes you make. The story's primary weakness is in the plot and the central character herself, Hunter. She feels first and foremost like a Mary Sue; a vehicle for you to carry out your fantasies in the Transformers universe. She's too perfect. No, not over-the-top sunshine and kittens perfect, but completely invulnerable. She hangs out with the Decepticons but considers herself above them, has unusual characteristics that distinguish her from the "lesser" Autobots and Decepticons, and has technology that prevents her from being paralleled in any way by the other Transformers from what has been seen so far. I found myself hating her thoroughly by Chapter 9, which you may have intended.

And then there's the rather vague plot, something or another about building some nation of "Perfect" Transformers to act as a buffer against Unicron. It was hard to get interested in it at all, really. I mainly kept reading just to see if Mirage would begin to resist, or that Hunter wasn't really as perfect as she was written, that she had made some kind of miscalculation in her plans that would lead to her getting humbled in some way or another.

And then there's the erotica itself. This may just be me, but it was really hard to get any kind of arousal out of this. All of the interactions are of the master-slave type, leaving them rather passionless. Mirage's sex with Hunter can be said to be the same; even though he gets release from her, you still get the sense that Hunter isn't enjoying it herself, and is just using him for her own ends. I'd like to see some kind of vulnerability in her, a sign that she actually cares for Mirage in some way or another. Otherwise, she just comes off as rather boring, a predictable God-like figure who pulls all the strings and always wins in the end.

In short, Hunter needs some vulnerability, or Mirage needs to grow some balls and buck back against her. I can't see this story getting much better otherwise.
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