Satina Changes Lucia's Mind (About Dave)

BY : xandermartin98
Category: -Misc Cartoons > Het - Male/Female
Dragon prints: 234
Disclaimer: I do not own Satina Wants A Glass Of Water or any of its characters. I am not making any money by writing and posting this fanfic.

SATINA CHANGES LUCIA’S MIND

by XanderMartin98 

One remarkably fateful afternoon in North American Hell, Satina (the now-teenaged-and-human-sized princess of NA Hell) was becoming increasingly fed up with Lucia’s (her fully grown and extremely-intimidatingly giantess-sized mother’s / the NA Hell queen’s) supremely stubborn refusal to acknowledge Dave’s (Lucia’s human ex-husband’s / Satina’s human father’s) existence and therefore had officially decided to finally confront Lucia once for all.

“Oh, boy...I sure do hope that this at least works out better than my LAST attempt to have a proper Dave-related conversation with Lucia...” Satina increasingly-nervously thought to herself as she slowly and very-awkwardly (but still completely-nakedly and very-adorably) tip-toed her way through Lucia’s rocky, boiling-hot, lava-pool-boasting and blackened-dead-tree-decorated throne room and therefore toward Lucia herself while said majestically throne-seated and incredibly larger-than-her demon queen rather-arrogantly crossed her arms beneath her breasts and increasingly-impatiently (and, of course, also-nakedly) glared straight down at her with visibly tired eyes, firmly crossed and delightfully masculine-yet-smooth-looking bare legs, cartoonishly large hips, tantalizingly enormous breasts, dainty yet powerful wings, an impossibly perfect hourglass figure, and even a downright-mouth-wateringly soft, fleshy, birth-giving and massive-

“Sweetness, I’ll have you know that my eyes are up HERE.” Lucia pointed at her ever-so-slightly bloodshot eyes with her index fingers and ever-so-sternly reminded the swirly-eyed and lecherously drooling Satina, causing said daughter of hers to violently shake her head back into focus in response.

“Umm...MOM? I know that I am basically only sixteen right now and therefore technically have no right to ask you about something so embarrassingly private, but...well, um, uh, you see, the thing is, what I’m trying to ask you about is-” Satina crossed her arms behind her back, looked straight up at Lucia and increasingly-nervously began asking her...until Lucia thankfully (not to mention eye-rollingly) cut her off, at least.

“Oh, for CRYING out loud; as long as it isn’t something related to you wanting to have sex with me, just freaking SPIT IT OUT already!” Lucia exasperatedly threw her arms out beside herself and extremely-aggravatedly yelled at Satina, causing said daughter of hers to somewhat-frightenedly (but also somewhat-annoyedly) thrust her own arms (and palms) out in front of herself and also-very-exasperatedly say/groan “OKAY, jeez” in response.

“Alright, look; I just wanna know why you and Dave are so COMPLETELY unable to get back together with each other. Seriously, what in the actual Hell is going on between you and him? Why do you seem to hate him SO freaking much, to the point where you almost literally look sick to your stomach whenever and wherever he even dares to come NEAR you?” Satina surprisingly-bravely crossed her arms beneath her OWN (adorable little) breasts and began increasingly-frustratedly asking Lucia, who appeared to rather-clearly be significantly more interested in checking her fingers for hang-claws than she was in actually listening to what Satina was saying as said daughter of hers (angrily and rebelliously) spoke.

“God damn it, Satina...seriously, how many freaking times am I going to have to explain this to you?!” Lucia forcefully face-palmed herself with her right hand and ever-so-disappointedly sighed, then suddenly threw her arms out beside herself yet again and began indignantly yelling about how much she (indeed) absolutely hated Dave.

“It’s NOT freaking rocket science, okay? Dave is an utterly pathetic sissy who has absolutely NO freaking respect for how downright-excruciatingly annoying and generally exhausting my ‘sending people to Hell’ job CLEARLY is, almost makes me look GOOD at raising you, and lives in one of THE most downright-revoltingly squalid jokes of an apartment building that I’ve EVER freaking seen just because he’s too god-damned lazy to even bother to...oh, I don’t know...MOVE OUT of said apartment building and get himself a job that ISN’T arguably even WORSE than mine! HE! FREAKING! STINKS! ENOUGH SAID!” Lucia incredibly-furiously ranted at Satina, accidentally spitting all over said demon girl’s face in the process.

“Jeez...SAY it; don’t freaking SPRAY it…” Satina very-annoyedly and somewhat-disgustedly groaned as she rather-sassily placed her hands onto her hips and increasingly-angrily continued glaring straight up at Lucia, somewhat-intimidatedly struggling to figure out what to say to her next as she did so.

“ANYWAY, Dave luckily has a day off from his current job today, so why don’t you try shrinking and teleporting yourself over to his apartment using your magical demon powers and then having a nice little ‘dining table discussion’ with him about the clearly numerous things that you and him VERY-clearly need to do a SIGNIFICANTLY better ‘job’ of doing for each other? Such as protecting each other and taking care of ME, for instance?” Satina annoyedly-but-politely asked Lucia, who rather-predictably rolled her eyes yet again and clearly-angrily blew smoke out of her nostrils in response.

“Okay, look; as much as I admittedly DO greatly appreciate your rather understandable concern for the well-being of me and my ex-husband, I can FAR-too-easily name AT LEAST three extremely MAJOR problems with this idea of yours! First of all, I clearly still have my OWN freaking work to do, and said work happens to be about PUNISHING humans, NOT protecting them; second of all, your current age is EASILY an old-enough one for a girl who is as politically-AND-literally powerful as you are to be able to take care of herself WITHOUT having to rely on her ‘Mommy’ and ‘Daddy’, for CHRIST’S sake...oh, and THIRD of all, last but not least, I sincerely doubt that Dave’s brain is powerful enough to even be able to COMPREHEND how much of a condescending asshole he is!” Lucia threw her arms out beside herself yet AGAIN and furiously ranted at Satina.

“Hmm...I sure do wonder whether or not Mommy’s brain is powerful enough to be able to do such a thing…” Satina intently stared at Lucia’s forehead and rather-mischievously thought to herself while said Hell queen was busy yelling at her.

“Oh, and by the way, why in the Hell are you currently staring at me in SUCH an unsettling way?” Lucia crossed her arms beneath her breasts yet again and increasingly-irritatedly snarled at Satina.

“Oh, no reason! I’m just really happy to SEE you, that’s all!” Satina crossed her arms behind her back and nervously-chucklingly replied, rapidly looking back and forth around herself as she did so; needless to say, she had just given herself quite an eyeful of “Mommy’s” rather-surprisingly human-looking brain and ear canals using her X-Ray vision and was already formulating an utterly diabolical (not to mention downright-immensely predictable) “new” plan to infiltrate said brain through one of said ear canals (and then downright-horrifyingly-quickly gain absolutely complete control over Lucia’s downright-mesmerizingly gorgeous body from there) as said Hell queen spoke.

“Well, anyway, if you’re somehow STILL freaking wondering whether or not I’m planning to eventually accept your request for me to get back together with Dave, then please take note of the fact that my answer to said question is and always will be NO.” Lucia remarkably-sternly explained to Satina, causing said Hell princess to suddenly turn her eyes into “puppy dog” ones in response.

“Aw, come on; PLEASE?” Satina got down onto her knees and downright-pitifully begged, slavishly kissing Lucia’s hooves and staring straight up at her with extremely-intensely crocodile-tear-filled eyes as she did so.

“NO.” Lucia exasperatedly sighed and then also-exasperatedly replied.

“Pwetty-witty PWEEEASE?” Satina used her now-fully-developed wings to fly straight up to Lucia’s right ear (which was every bit as long and pointy as the horns atop said Hell queen’s head, just like Lucia’s left ear) and then ever-so-obnoxiously-childishly whined directly into said ear’s auditory opening, causing said Hell queen to quite-nearly jump out of her seat (from how much her own daughter had just startled her) in response.

“God damn it; I freaking said NO! What part of NO do you not UNDERSTAND, woman?!” Lucia extremely-irritatedly shooed Satina away from her right ear with her right hand and increasingly-frustratedly yelled at her, causing quite a bit of steam to shoot out of said Hell queen’s ears and inadvertently remind Satina about the fact that “Mommy” actually DID, luckily enough, have ear canals in the process.

“FINE, then; BE that way!” Satina incredibly-sassily placed her hands onto her hips and rather-remarkably-rebelliously sneered at Lucia, instantaneously shrinking herself to a basically microscopic size using her OWN magical demon powers and then immediately (not to mention rather-impressively-sneakily) flying straight into said Hell queen’s right ear once she (Satina) had finally finished uttering said downright-astonishingly bitchy remark.

“HUH? Where in the Hell did she GO? Satina, you’d better not be where I THINK you are; do you freaking HEAR me?” Lucia quite-rapidly (not to mention extremely-nervously) looked back and forth around herself and loudly gasped in surprise before then very-indicatively scratching her right ear with her right index finger and increasingly-angrily warning Satina as said daughter of hers quietly-but-very-rapidly (not to mention VERY-nakedly-and-sexily) tip-toed her way through her right ear canal.

“Wow...this is so gross but also SO freaking cool…Lucia’s going to flip out SO hilariously much when I tell her that I actually AM, in fact, inside her body right now...dear God, I literally can’t freaking WAIT to hear her reaction to said news…” Satina increasingly-excitedly thought to herself as she carefully (yet nakedly and therefore bare-footedly) made her way past numerous thoroughly melted ear wax puddles and glowingly hot ear hairs within Lucia’s deliciously warm-and-tender-looking right ear canal while said Hell queen was busy ever-so-grumpily lecturing her and causing said ear hairs to rather-amusingly wiggle in the process.

“Satina, just in case you somehow didn’t understand what I meant when I asked you whether or not you freaking HEARD me, allow me to ask you again: you’re not inside one of my freaking EARS right now, are you?” Lucia exasperatedly face-palmed herself with her left hand and then increasingly-worriedly asked Satina as said daughter of hers reached her right eardrum FAR too quickly for comfort.

“Oh, you’d better freaking BELIEVE that I am, Mommy! Where do you most-definitely NOT want me to HEAD next from HEAR, pardon my asking? Into your downright-obnoxiously stubborn little BRAIN, perhaps?” Satina rather-uncomfortably-playfully teased Lucia by speaking directly into her extremely sensitive right eardrum, causing said Hell queen to suddenly become utterly paralyzed with fear and shrink her pupils (eye dots) to a quite-nearly microscopic size in response.

“Satina, I FREAKING SWEAR TO GOD; if you don’t get out of my right ear canal RIGHT FREAKING NOW, I’m going to tilt the right side of my head directly toward the floor of this throne room of mine and then start pounding and shaking the LEFT side of my head with my hands until you immensely-ignominiously FALL out of said ear of mine like the utterly pathetic little INSECT that you quite-frankly are right now! Again, DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?! YOU ARE GOING TO BE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR ENTIRE GOD-DAMNED LIFE, YOU LITTLE SHIT! In fact, you’ll be DAMNED lucky if I don’t freaking STEP on you, you little BITCH!” Lucia surprisingly-quickly sprung straight up onto her feet and increasingly-lividly began ranting at Satina, then suddenly completely lost her composure altogether and began downright-maniacally screaming at said daughter of hers while remarkably-tightly clutching her poor, aching head with both of her hands.

“My, my, MY; I really AM getting under your skin in more than one way, aren’t I? However, have you, by any chance, forgotten about my ability to TELEPORT?” Satina incredibly-mockingly asked and reminded Lucia as she rather-impressively-smugly leaned against said Hell queen’s right eardrum with her right arm (seductively crossing her legs as she did so, no less) and briefly checked her left hand for hang-claws while increasingly-maliciously grinning from ear to ear as she did so.

“Um...n-n-NO?!” Lucia ironically-helplessly stammered, audibly trembling and intensely wobbling her knees as she did so; due to being as downright-horrifyingly deep within said Hell queen’s head as she clearly already was, Satina was able to quite-literally feel how downright-mortifyingly scared the so-called “toughest woman in the underworld” now was as said woman spoke (needless to say, Satina had quite-literally NEVER been happier to have the sadism fetish that she had allegedly inherited from Lucia when said woman and Dave had given birth to her).

“Well then, listen up, you incredibly giant BITCH: if you do ANYTHING that even LOOKS like an attempt to shake me out of this lovely, LOVELY little ear of yours, I’M going to teleport myself STRAIGHT into the adorably squishy and fragile little thing that you call your brain and THEN start causing absolutely UNTOLD damage to said brain of yours until you’re nothing but a pathetic steamed vegetable. With that being said, are you ready to freaking COOPERATE with me yet, Mommy?” Satina increasingly-hatefully explained to Lucia, then incredibly-seethingly (not to mention rather-disturbingly-excited-lookingly) asked her.

“Um...y-y-y-YES?!?” Lucia EXTREMELY-terrifiedly continued stammering, becoming even more completely unable to move in the process as Satina suddenly gathered a positively gigantic amount of her body heat into her hands before then using the glowingly super-heated and lethally sharp-clawed tips of her (red) right hand’s fingers to immediately begin carving/melting a nice big Satina-sized hole through Lucia’s right eardrum just for the downright-disgustingly extreme sexual pleasure that hearing/feeling said mother of hers squirming in agony (not to mention absolute terror) FAR-too-clearly gave her.

“Okay, then...now that I’VE finally finished explaining THAT to you, I think it’s about time for YOU to finally admit to how much you secretly still love Dave, before I make you SQUEAL like the fucking man-hating PIG that you supposedly are!” Satina increasingly-snidely explained to Lucia, who was already increasingly-desperately struggling to not scream and cry like a pitiful little baby from the sheer amount of absolutely unbearable pain that she was experiencing as said Hell princess began drawing a nice big circle right through said Hell queen’s right eardrum using her aforementioned super-heated finger claws.

“N-N-N-NEVER! I’LL NEVER ADMIT TO SUCH A THING! NOT EVEN IF/WHEN THE FATE OF OUR ENTIRE WORLD ENDS UP DEPENDING ON IT!” Lucia weepingly wailed in quite-frankly unspeakable agony as Satina shockingly-mercilessly began counting down from 10 to 0 in response.

“10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1…” Satina increasingly-ominously teased Lucia as the huge and remarkably bloody circle that she was downright-shockingly-insensitively cutting/burning through said Hell queen’s right eardrum horrifyingly-rapidly became closer and closer to becoming complete...until finally, surely enough, the entire part of said eardrum that said circle had been (rather-impressively-neatly) drawn around fell right off of said eardrum, giving Satina a delightfully large, round and germ-inviting hole to walk straight into her mother’s middle/inner right ear through (and, of course, causing Lucia to hopelessly scream and cry like a little girl for what seemed to be the first time in quite literal YEARS).

“Go ahead; RIP AND TEAR MY FREAKING BRAIN APART FROM THE INSIDE, why don’t you?! You’re STILL not going to get me to change my mind about Dave by doing so, just for the record!” Lucia indignantly sobbed and yelled as Satina instantaneously teleported herself straight past said Hell queen’s inner ear and directly into her royal brain chamber...or, in more scientific terms, the brain-housing center of her cranium!

“WOW...let me tell you, I’m already getting INCREDIBLY aroused just from LOOKING at how deliciously soft and spongy this precious little BRAIN of yours is! It sure would be QUITE a shame if something BAD happened to such an utterly beautiful little thing, now WOULDN’T it?” Satina telepathically teased Lucia using her OWN precious little brain as she gleefully flew around the inside of said Hell queen’s aforementioned “royal brain chamber” while ever-so-adorably-duly noting how ironically under-sized (roughly 20% smaller than what was considered a normal brain size for someone as large as Lucia, although it was still quite-frankly big enough to look like a building to Satina) the brain within said "chamber" had become due to how utterly mind-numbing said Hell queen’s job very-truly was (as well as the fact that quite a few very literal and VERY active “brain storm” and “depression rain” clouds were floating directly above said brain) in the process.

“Satina, for God’s sake, PLEASE leave my poor little brain alone...please, I’m BEGGING you…I really don’t wanna die…you...you DO still love me, right?” Lucia adorably-helplessly begged Satina using her OWN mind as she downright-pitifully rocked back and forth on the floor of her throne room in an upright fetal position while incredibly-childishly sucking on her right thumb with her mouth and also incredibly-tightly holding her legs in place with her left arm.

“Oh, of COURSE I do...especially when considering how much SLEEP you appear to clearly be losing just to make sure that nothing bad ever happens to ME, you silly GOOSE! Tee hee hee hee hee!” Satina increasingly-playfully mocked Lucia with her mind as she speedily flew over to said Hell queen’s eye sockets and saw just how frightfully dry-looking and bloodshot said Hell queen’s eyeballs actually were, just BARELY resisting a quite-frankly maddening urge to play with the optic nerve wires that were connected to said eyeballs (and, of course, also connected to Lucia’s brain) as she did so.

“But alas, despite how downright-annoyingly vigilant you’ve been lately, I seem to have somehow managed to sneak my way in here from RIGHT under your nose! How amusingly ironic and humiliatingly pathetic, no?” Satina extremely-arrogantly continued teasing Lucia with her mind as she flew straight down to the rather-oddly cute little holes at the ends of said Hell queen’s nostrils and saw how much (presumably) crying-induced mucus was in said nostrils.

“I wanna DIE…” Lucia increasingly-hopelessly groaned out loud as Satina far-too-excitedly teleported herself straight into said Hell queen’s delectably soft, tender, wrinkly, fleshy and spongy (and, of course, rather-amusingly hollow) brain, of which the interior was rather-predictably a giant control room that had been thoroughly decorated with (an incredibly fascinating network of) neuron wires and also was home to a quite-impressively large and powerful super-computer that appeared (and, of course, happened) to serve as the main data processor and (more importantly) the main “controller” of Lucia’s body.

“WOW; the inside of your brain is so freaking COOL, Mommy!” Satina ever-so-merrily continued teasing Lucia with her mind as she bare-footedly and generally-nakedly walked straight through said Hell queen’s temporal and frontal lobes (in that order, of course) and then immediately took her (inexplicably existent brain tissue sculpture of a) seat right in front of “Mommy’s” Central Nervous Super-Computer while Lucia rather-understandably became utterly paralyzed with fear yet again in response.

“Now, assuming that you don’t MIND me asking you this, can you please give me your brain’s user name and password?” Satina surprisingly-politely (but still extremely-smugly) asked Lucia with her mind as she turned the main screen of Lucia’s Central Nervous Super-Computer on and was immediately greeted by said computer’s downright-hilariously-ironically rainbow-and-candy-decorated “log in” screen as a result.

“NEVER!” Lucia sprung straight back up onto her feet and very-indignantly snarled.

“Not even if I leave visibly bleeding wounds all over the inner surface of your brain with my bare claws?” Satina cloyingly-cute-soundingly teased Lucia with her mind as she still-computer-chair-seatedly used her toe claws to leave not two but FOUR frightfully large cuts in the floor of said Hell queen’s frontal lobe.

“(crosses her eyes in hilariously mismatched directions while sticking her tongue out like an idiot) No, of COURSE not! WHAT KIND OF FREAKING IDIOT DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I AM?!” Lucia maniacally laughed out loud as Satina briefly flew over into said Hell queen’s occipital lobe in order to make not four but EIGHT frightfully large cuts in the back-most portion of said lobe’s inner wall using her finger claws.

“Enough OF one to seriously prefer the idea of me viciously tearing your brain’s already-seemingly-non-existent anti-intruder security system apart and therefore making said brain even MORE extremely susceptible to viral infections and fraudulent log-ins over the idea of you simply telling me what said brain’s log-in codes are, I presume?” Satina rather-impressively-slyly asked Lucia with her mind as she suddenly flew straight up into said Hell queen’s parietal and (upper) frontal lobes and then magically summoned a thickly rubber-handled, horrifyingly sharp and incredibly large pair of scissors into her hands, intently noting the rather-shockingly large number of explicitly SECURITY-labeled neuron wires that “Mommy’s” increasingly intruder-noticing brain contained as she did so.

“Well, as long as it doesn’t IMMEDIATELY kill me, I suppose…” Lucia shrugged her shoulders and depressedly sighed as Satina snipped basically all of the neuron wires that powered her (Lucia’s) brain’s security system in half using said scissors while increasingly-sadistically grinning from ear to ear in the process.

“Ahh...JUST in time to disable what I’m guessing was going to be your brain’s ‘INTRUDER ALERT’ alarm and your behavioral control computer’s anti-virus firewalls...would you perhaps tell me what said computer’s log-in codes are if I took a nice, big and juicy bite out of your cerebellum, Mommy?” Satina ever-so-teasingly asked Lucia with her mind as she suddenly teleported herself straight back out of Lucia’s brain and then immediately flew straight over to the rather-oddly-delightfully big and juicy balance-and-coordination-regulating sponge that appeared to be very-directly connected to the back of said Hell queen’s brain stem (in layman’s terms, “Mommy’s” aforementioned cerebellum) while intensely-arousedly and quite-literally-droolingly licking her lips in the process.

“UGH...no...just PLEASE try to NOT make said bite an EXTREMELY big one, PLEASE…” Lucia disgustedly and somewhat-green-facedly sighed out loud before then immediately getting down onto her knees, placing her hands together in an extremely ironic “prayer to God” position, and downright-desperately begging Satina with her mind while said Hell princess rather-fittingly-devilishly smirked and cackled as if she was literally about to take over the entire world in response. 

“Oh, I DEFINITELY won’t, I PROMISE!” Satina extremely-sarcastic-soundingly “promised” Lucia with her mind as she QUITE-suddenly opened her razor-sharp-toothed mouth absurdly wide in a rather-blatantly Pac-Man-resembling fashion before then using said mouth to take a QUITE large bite out of said Hell queen’s cerebellum and then very-bloodily chew and swallow the resulting rather-gorily dislodged brain tissue chunk from said bite.

“MMM...your cerebellum tastes like CHICKEN, Mommy!” Satina gently rubbed her belly with her right hand, licked a rather copious amount of brain blood off of her lips, and ever-so-merrily informed Lucia with her mind while said Hell queen very-dizzily stumbled back and forth, very-tightly covered her mouth with her right hand and VERY-nauseatedly retched in response.

“I really am TERRIBLY sorry to have to (nearly falls over) tell you this, ‘SWEETIE’ (nearly falls over yet again), but you are absolutely NEVER (clumsily collapses back onto her throne so that she can continue sitting on it) going to get me to give you access to my behavioral control center! Not even if you threaten to freaking SAW MY BRAIN STEM IN HALF!” Lucia rather-understandably-infuriatedly yelled at Satina, causing her brain to suddenly become quite-literally steaming-hot (and also causing the veins in her head to pulsate remarkably more visibly and loudly than they normally did while her aforementioned and extremely literal “brain storm” also-rather-notably intensified) as a result.

“REALLY? Well, then...would you perhaps be willing to change your mind about that if I threatened to, say, incinerate your ENTIRE brain with my fire breath until it becomes nothing more than a miserable little pile of ashes?” Satina flew straight down onto the quite-rapidly pulsating floor of Lucia’s head (landing right next to her brain stem in the process, of course) and extremely-sadistically asked said Hell queen with her mind before then proceeding to make a remarkably loud and realistic-sounding “breathing in” noise with said mind. Needless to say, said death threat utterly terrified “Mommy” so much that it actually DID, in fact, cause her to FINALLY change her mind for what quite-frankly seemed to be one of THE first times in quite literal YEARS. 

“OKAY, okay; Jesus CHRIST! You can have my freaking brain’s log-in codes! Its user name is QueenBitch666, and its password is (deliberately yells out the capital letters of her brain’s log-in password considerably more loudly than the lower-case ones) Y6n9HSzQ! Just PLEASE don’t freaking kill me, PLEE-HEE-HEE-HEEASE!” Lucia extremely-tightly and downright-traumatized-lookingly clutched her head with both of her hands and began downright-hilariously-desperately begging Satina with her mind while said daughter of hers immediately teleported herself straight back into her brain and then also-immediately began entering said codes onto its Central Nervous Super-Computer’s log-in screen using said computer’s keyboard in response.

“Go ahead and CALL for help, you freaking POSER! See how much ACTUAL help you end up getting as a result! I DARE you! I DOUBLE-dare you, human fucker!” Satina downright-shockingly-hatefully sneered at Lucia with her mind while said mother of hers, in a positively manic fit of absolute panic, immediately (not to mention hilariously-awkwardly) sprinted/stumbled her way over to the nearest wall-mounted Hell Phone and then downright-cartoonishly-frantically began dialing Dave’s phone number using said phone’s keypad; meanwhile, Satina was already alarmingly-rapidly clicking her way into the poor, POOR creature’s memory banks for some good old-fashioned memory-deleting.

“Come on, come on, come on, come on, come ON…” Lucia tightly closed her eyes and repeatedly begged Dave as she increasingly-fearfully waited for said utterly pathetic joke of a man to FINALLY answer her call; meanwhile, remarkably deep inside said Hell queen’s brain, Satina was already extremely-eagerly readying herself to simultaneously delete every single one of “Mommy’s” memories of what Satina had just done to her as “Mommy” spoke.

“Um, HELLO; this is the General Accounting IT Department...er, I mean, your dearly beloved ex-husband, also known as Dave! How ARE things, sweetie?” Dave extremely-awkwardly asked Lucia using his cell phone as he ever-so-lazily laid atop his sweaty old bed (in his incredibly filthy and dilapidated apartment, of course) and did quite-literally nothing.

“Hello, Dave…” Lucia exasperatedly groaned while Satina ever-so-ecstatically grinned from ear to ear and downright-unbearably-excitedly began whispering “WAIT FOR IT...WAIT FOR IT...WAIT FOR IT…WAIT FOR IT...WAIT FOR IT...” to herself.

“Anyway, I’ve got, uhh, KIND OF a really embarrassing problem that I THINK I might need you to help me fix…” Lucia increasingly-nervously began explaining to Dave, still clearly not wanting to admit to how downright-embarrassingly-immensely her own daughter had just outsmarted her as she spoke (just for the record: Satina, due to her mind-reading ability, had already known Lucia’s BrainTernet log-in codes before her incredibly excessive cerebral torture of said mother of hers had even began; man, TALK about torturing someone for literally no actual reason other than pure sadism, am I right?).

“Let me guess; you really are just absolutely DYING to see me again, aren’t you, darling? If so, then I’ll have you know that I’m just absolutely DYING to see you TOO, sweetums!” Dave rather-embarrassingly-mushily teased Lucia through his cell phone while said ex-wife of his rather-relatably rolled her eyes and very-exasperatedly groaned “oh, Jesus Christ” in response.

“Shut up...SHUT UP! Look, I’ve got some genuinely-EXTREMELY disturbing shit going on in my brain right now, and if there’s ANYONE in the human world that knows me well enough to actually NOT hesitate to help me take care of said shit, or at least help me find someone else who CAN take care of it, it’s definitely you...oh, and don’t even get me freaking STARTED on how much the mere idea of Satina attempting to perform brain surgery on ANYONE, let alone ME, scares the living DAYLIGHTS out of me (shudders intensely)…” Lucia rather-amusingly-angrily yelled at Dave, then began increasingly-worriedly explaining to him while clearly-extremely-nervously looking back and forth around herself and increasingly-intensely trembling with rather-ironically daughter-induced fear.

“Oh, RIGHT, Satina; speaking of her, where in the Hell has she BEEN lately, pardon my asking? To be honest, I kind of miss her ALREADY!” Dave rather-annoyingly-merrily asked Lucia while Satina immediately (not to mention simultaneously) deleted every single one of said Hell queen’s thoroughly highlighted “Satina invading her brain” memories from her memory banks using the Delete key on her Central Nervous Super-Computer’s keyboard, unfortunately(?) causing Lucia to instantaneously and rather-remarkably-completely forget about the fact that her “precious” little daughter had ever even thought about infiltrating her poor, POOR little brain in the first place (over the course of the past WEEK of her life, at least) in the process.

“OH, uhh...well...she’s, umm...I’m guessing that she’s, like, hanging out with her also-teenaged friends or something? Ehh...as long as she isn’t just using said friends as an excuse to get herself obnoxiously high on drugs and/or act like a total Neo-Nazi, I suppose that I’m not TOO worried about the potential consequences of allowing her to hang out with them…” Lucia shrugged her shoulders and listlessly sighed while Satina immensely-relievedly whispered “PHEW” to herself and wiped a rather-surprisingly large amount of nervousness-induced sweat off of her forehead with her left hand in response.

“Umm...okay, then…so, uhh...what exactly IS going on in your brain right now, pardon my asking?” Dave somewhat-worriedly asked Lucia, sincerely hoping that said Hell queen’s brain hadn’t been invaded by some kind of parasite or virus and/or developed some kind of horrifically extreme mental illness as he did so while Satina surprisingly-deviously rubbed the palms of her hands together like a dirty little fly and remarkably-maliciously cackled “they have absolutely NO idea” to herself in response.

“Oh, not really much, to be honest…” Lucia suddenly-very-boredly sighed while Satina also-suddenly found the Happiness/Sadness Adjuster in said Hell queen’s Control Panel and immediately thought “OOH, I sure do wonder what THIS version of a normal computer’s volume slider does” to herself in response.

“I’ve mostly just been REALLY busy worrying about Satina’s well-being and LOVING YOU SO MUCH THAT I CAN BARELY EVEN FREAKING BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! Sweet JESUS, you’re so freaking adorable!” Lucia somewhat-worriedly continued explaining to Dave...then suddenly turned her normally-almost-completely-perpetual frown COMPLETELY upside-down and began over-joyedly squealing with delight as Satina used her Central Nervous Super-Computer’s Happiness/Sadness Adjuster to make her instantaneously go from being edgy and depressed all the time to being downright-disturbingly sugary-sweet and cuddly all the time.

“WOW, uhh...o-kay, then...would you like to go on a DATE with me, by any chance? I’ve got a day OFF today, my precious little Lucy-Poo!” Dave rather-obnoxiously-condescendingly asked Lucia in only THE most downright-sickeningly cutesy way that he was capable of while Satina immediately clicked her way into the “Manual Body Control” program in said Hell queen’s Control Panel and then also-immediately selected said program’s “Total Control” option, causing the incredibly large glove box of “Mommy’s” CNSC to suddenly open itself and (therefore) reveal the rather-distinctly top-of-Satina’s-head-shaped and rather-garishly-LED-light-covered “mind control” helmet that had been hiding within it.

“YOU BET, my irresistibly cuddly little cupcake! Just be patient while I get myself ready, o-KAY?” Lucia VERY-freakishly-happily informed Dave while Satina rather-worriedly whispered “here goes nothing” to herself before then immediately plopping her new “mind control” helmet right onto her head and therefore gaining complete control over both her mother’s mind AND her mother’s body!

“Oh, of COURSE I will, my precious little angel-shaped sugar cookie!” Dave quite-literally-vomit-inducingly-cornily told Lucia in one of the world’s most utterly annoying sing-song voices while Lucia (who was now quite-literally Satina with the body OF Lucia) surprisingly-playfully giggled “TEE HEE HEE” in response before then rather-abruptly hanging up on him due to rather-hypocritically not wanting to listen to his stupid mushy nonsense anymore. 

“Fucking crazy bitch…” Dave extremely-exhaustedly and somewhat-hatefully muttered to himself as he surprisingly-gently placed his cell phone back onto his bedside tabletop and then ever-so-lazily shambled his way over into his apartment’s bathroom for yet another one of his daily(?) showers.

MEANWHILE, IN LUCIA’S BEDROOM…

“Alright, now let’s see here...what is THE most utterly embarrassing thing that I could POSSIBLY make Lucia, I mean myself, wear?” Lucia out-loudly wondered to herself as she briefly searched around in her clothing closet in order to hopefully find said thing...which, surely enough, turned out to be an extremely-bright-pink “anime cat girl” costume that her normal self had (presumably) rather-clearly made a point to NEVER wear, talk about, or even THINK about again.

“Ahh...PURR-fect!” Lucia extremely-merrily (not to mention rather-childishly) giggled as she magically increased said costume’s size until it was finally big enough to perfectly fit her adult self (rather than, you know, her “high school” self), then incredibly-shamelessly slipped it on so that she could incredibly-childishly admire how ironically cute it looked on her.

“Oh, sweet HEAVENS, Dave is going to love this not-actually-new outfit of mine so much! I literally can’t freaking WAIT to show it to him!” Lucia giddily danced around in circles and ecstatically giggled/squealed with delight as she shrunk herself to a normal human size (causing Satina to shrink with her, of course) and then immediately teleported herself straight into Dave’s (Ratteshite Suites) apartment from there; needless to say, Dave ended up becoming every bit as confused by the actual sight of Lucia’s new outfit as you probably are just from imagining her wearing it.

ONE RATHER-ANNOYINGLY LONG-FEELING SERIES OF MINUTES LATER, AFTER DAVE HAD FINALLY FINISHED HIS SHOWER-TAKING (AND HIS TOOTH-BRUSHING, AND HIS SHIT-TAKING, AND HIS PUBIC HAIR SHAVING, AND HIS NOSE HAIR PLUCKING)...

“Um...h-hello, Lucia! W-Where did you g-g-g-get that, uhh, t-t-totally-not-embarrass-s-sing outfit of y-y-yours, p-p-p-pardon my ask-k-king?” Dave very-worriedly-and-blushingly greeted and asked Lucia as he FINALLY stepped back out of his bathroom and then also-finally re-dressed himself into his favorite “suit, tie and jeans” outfit, taking note of the immensely girly-looking costume that Lucia was seductively(?) laying atop his bed like a quite literal kitten while wearing as he did so. 

“From my CLOTHING CLOSET, you silly GOOSE! Isn’t it just absolutely ADORABLE?” Lucia over-joyedly giggled and squealed as she suddenly sprung right back up (or, to be more accurate, down) onto her feet and completely-shamelessly showed off her new “cat girl” costume to Dave (her ears now looked like cat ears, her tail now had an incredibly fluffy and cat-head-shaped pom-pom on its normally sharp and evil-looking tip, she was now wearing an extremely pink and girly dress that rather-worryingly showed off her utterly delicious-looking breasts nearly as much as her “normal” complete lack OF clothing did, and she was even wearing gloves and shoes that made her hands and feet look like an exceptionally fluffy cat’s paws).

“Uhh...y-yeah, s-s-sure (cough, cough)...any-w-way, w-what exactly do you want to d-do with me today, not c-c-counting sexual inter-c-course?” Dave rapidly drummed his hands together, also-rapidly looked back and forth around himself, and extremely-nervously (not to mention sweatingly) asked Lucia while said Hell queen absent-mindedly blinked in a remarkably odd-looking fashion.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, sweetie-pie; we’ll make it up as we go!” Lucia excitedly threw her arms out beside herself and FAR-too-merrily re-assured Dave. “But first, let me give you a nice big HUG, sweetie!” Lucia joyfully laughed as she shockingly-lovingly wrapped her arms around Dave and hugged him so downright-absurdly-tightly that the sheer force of said hug quite-nearly crushed his poor little rib cage into pieces.

“YEAH, I’M...SURE...WE WILL…” Dave weakly and chokingly stammered as Lucia gave him a quite-literally blazing-hot kiss on his right (face) cheek before then proceeding to FINALLY loosen her grip on him and set him back down onto the floor of his apartment.

MEANWHILE, IN NORTH AMERICAN HELL…

“MAN...why in the ACTUAL Hell do I, of all people, have to serve as a temporary replacement for Lucia while she takes a day off just to hang out with her incredibly stupid boyfriend? This freaking SUCKS!” Satan crossed his arms over his chest and indignantly whined as he begrudgingly sat atop what was supposed to be Lucia’s throne and did what was CLEARLY supposed to be HER agonizingly monotonous job of “be approached by spirits of the damned, send said spirits to the dreaded ‘eternal punishment’ pits of Hell, rinse and repeat”...needless to say, literally no one else was able to blame Lucia for wanting (and quite frankly needing) to take a break from said utterly insanity-inducing torment, and since she was a queen of Hell rather than simply being a standard working/middle-class citizen of Hell, no one was able to penalize her for taking said break either.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, AT DAVE’S FAVORITE LOCAL PARK…

“So, uhh...WHY exactly do you suddenly love me even more than you used to, Lucia? WHAT exactly has been going on in that pretty little head of yours lately, pardon my asking?” Dave rather-curiously asked Lucia as the two of them lovingly sat together on a park bench (that was surrounded by intensely green grass, beautifully healthy-looking trees, merrily chirping birds and mockingly laughing fellow park visitors) and ate ice cream cones together (one for each of them, obviously).

“Oh, you know...I just finally started to realize how much I’ve been neglecting you lately and therefore quite-frankly began to feel extremely bad for you because of said negligence...so I decided to show you how much I actually DO still love you after all!” Lucia rather-surprisingly-heartwarmingly explained to Dave, intensely-happily licking up her ice cream and wiggling her cute little feet up and down in a rather-notably Satina-esque fashion as she did so.

“REALLY? Gosh, that’s so AMAZING! I’m so PROUD of having an ex-wife like you!” Dave VERY-relievedly laughed, holding his ice cream cone with his right hand and lovingly patting Lucia on the back with his left hand as he did so...unfortunately, however, said action was immediately followed by Lucia biting her ice cream rather-unusually hard with her fangs and therefore causing the coldness of said ice cream to travel straight through the roots of said teeth and into her brain!

“BRAIN! FREEZE!” Lucia downright-humiliatingly shrieked like an absolute maniac as (after rather-weirdly-non-reluctantly passing her ice cream cone over to Dave) she suddenly leapt out of her seat and then immediately began frantically running around in circles (not to mention her anime “cat girl” costume) while very-excessively-tightly clutching her head with both of her hands and repeatedly screaming “MOMMY, IT HURTS” at the top of her rather-impressively powerful lungs in the process; needless to say, the fellow park visitors surrounding Dave and Lucia immediately began rolling on the ground in downright-unbearable fits of laughter in response.

“UGH...the THINGS I do for love…” Dave dejectedly groaned, reluctantly taking a much less forceful bite of his own out of Lucia’s ice cream and then increasingly-humiliatedly finishing his own ice cream as he did so.

A FEW MORE MINUTES LATER, AT ONE OF DAVE’S LOCAL THRIFT STORES…

“WOW...LOOK at all of the absolutely WONDERFUL clothes that are being sold here! Aren’t they just utterly BEAUTIFUL?” the still-cat-suited Lucia VERY-over-excitedly danced around on her fluffy little tippy toes and ludicrously-fascinatedly squealed in amazement as she saw all of the normally-rather-depressingly dusty and average-looking old clothes that the rusty old clothing racks at the heavily dilapidated thrift store that she and Dave were now in were decorated with; needless to say, many of her fellow customers gave both her and Dave astonishingly weird looks in response.

“Yeah...look at how AMAZINGLY freaking beautiful they are, why don’t you…” Dave exasperatedly rolled his eyes and very-sarcastically groaned as he rather-boredly grabbed a (somewhat) shiny new “suit, tie and jeans” outfit that looked exactly the same as (and also quite-frankly wasn’t even really in that much better of condition than) his old one off of said clothing rack, then grabbed an actually normal white dress off of said racks (in hopes of getting Lucia to change her OWN outfit into said dress, of course).

“OOH, yes; this has ALWAYS been my absolute favorite part about shopping for new clothes with you!” Lucia extremely-excited-lookingly giggled with joy as she and Dave made their way over to the store’s unisex changing room so that they would be able to try their new outfits on before purchasing said outfits.

“Why? Because you get to use your X-Ray vision to see me both naked AND in my underwear, you freaking horny little devil?” Dave adorably-teasingly asked Lucia as the two of them dutifully readied themselves to enter their far-too-clearly-self-chosen clothing-changing closets (which, predictably enough, were quite-literally RIGHT next to each other) and then immediately begin their outfit-changing procedures.

“Um...n-NO, of c-COURSE not! TEE HEE HEE HEE!” Lucia downright-sickeningly-adorably covered her mouth with her left front paw, I mean hand, and intensely-blushingly giggled as she and Dave locked the doors of their changing closets and then eagerly began changing their outfits into their new ones (which was a procedure that rather-clearly took a LOT longer for Lucia than it did for Dave, mostly because she actually WAS, in fact, using said procedure’s resulting opportunity to droolingly-and-lip-lickingly spy on Dave using her X-Ray vision; by the way, try not to think too hard about the fact that she was actually being quite-literally controlled by their DAUGHTER as she did this), rather-predictably causing Lucia to look deliciously sexy (as always) and causing Dave to look painfully boring (also as always). Needless to say, Lucia and Dave were both extremely aware of how their new outfits made them look as they stood in front of their changing closets’ mirrors and looked at themselves; Lucia rather-disturbingly placed her hands onto her downright-tantalizingly thick and juicy hips (while crossing her quite-literally red-hot legs, no less) and wolf-whistled at herself, while Dave rather-depressedly and hunch-backedly (not to mention relatably) shrugged his shoulders and groaned at himself.

“Jeez, Lucia; if you want to see me naked so badly, then why don’t you just SAY so?” Dave ever-so-obnoxiously-smugly teased Lucia as the two of them ever-so-dutifully changed their outfits back into their regular ones before then finally tossing their new ones back into their shopping cart and then rather-hastily pushing said cart to the front of the store (well, technically, Dave was the “cart pusher” between the two of them despite Lucia actually being considerably stronger than him to say the least, but you get the idea).

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: this is one of my absolute favorite stores in the whole wide WORLD!” Lucia jumped for joy and incredibly-happily sang (despite the fact that said store had remarkably-heavily damaged walls, a more-than-slightly hole-riddled ceiling and a remarkably filthy floor, combined with several rather moldy-looking air vents, many considerably mediocre deals on its largely crappy-looking and sloppily placed items, and an absolutely disgusting set of bathrooms) as she and Dave finally approached one of the store’s cash registers so that Dave could purchase their new clothes, with Dave rather-ironically being the MORE tired-looking one of the two (between himself and Lucia, of course) as they did so.

“I know that you’re just saying that because you want me to feel better about having to shop here, but thanks.” Dave somewhat-reluctantly complimented Lucia as he also-somewhat-reluctantly used his credit card to pay for his and Lucia’s new clothing items before then carrying their respective plastic bags over to his car and increasingly-irritatedly loading them into said car’s back seat(s).

“Alright, so here’s the thing, Lucia; I’ve been wanting to dance with you for QUITE some time, so assuming that doing so doesn’t literally freaking KILL you or make you SICK or whatever, can you PLEASE, for the love of GOD, just freaking CHANGE your outfit into something that ISN’T the absolutely FUCKING ridiculous costume that you’re wearing right now? PLEASE?!” Dave suddenly grabbed Lucia by the shoulders and increasingly-desperately begged her, shaking her forcefully enough to actually make her dizzy in the process as the two of them finally re-took their seats (the front passenger seat for Lucia; the driver seat for Dave) in Dave’s car.

“NYAH...PURR-sonally, I vastly pre-FUR the outfit that I’m wearing right NEOW!” Lucia obnoxiously-flamboyantly swung her cat-gloved hands straight down as if they were actual cat paws and downright-excruciatingly-unfunnily teased Dave, who rather-understandably face-palmed himself using both of his hands and then increasingly-hopelessly and buried-facedly whispered “oh, dear God, PLEASE help me” to himself in response while Lucia continued merrily bouncing in her seat like...well, a little kid (or a teenager that still acted like a little kid, to be more precise). 

A FEW MORE MINUTES LATER, AT DAVE’S FAVORITE LOCAL DANCE HALL…

“I’m...I’m being awfully NICE today...NICE to the utterly vapid...little BRAT that my ex-wife is now acting like…’CAT-ERING’ to every single one of her downright fucking STUPID desires…” Dave rather-ironically-regretfully thought to himself as he and Lucia passionately held each other’s hands and danced together while their fellow dancers followed suit...well, you know, except for the fact that Dave actually HAD, in fact, changed his outfit into a proper “dancing” one (even though said “dancing” outfit DID, in fact, look quite-literally exactly the same as the outfit that he had previously been wearing), while Lucia was STILL wearing her utterly ridiculous anime “cat girl” costume and making absolutely-sickeningly cutesy kitten noises and cat puns (in freaking PUBLIC, no less).

“My MIND...it’s just so fucking FILTHY...THE FILTH JUST WON’T FUCKING COME OUT OF IT, NO MATTER HOW FUCKING DESPERATELY I TRY TO MAKE IT COME OUT!” Dave incredibly-horrifiedly-and-self-loathingly thought to himself, increasingly-desperately struggling to not think too hard about the fact that his main sex partner actually WAS a quite LITERAL demon from Hell as the background music that he and said demon were dancing to suddenly became “McLarty Party People” from the Super Meat Boy soundtrack for literally no apparent reason other than “because it needed to fit what Lucia was wearing more thoroughly”.

“Father...what a fucking JOKE...father...father of WHO? HER utterly obnoxious little Hell-spawn of a daughter…HOW Satina loves me... ” Dave begrudgingly thought to himself as he very-confusedly stared into the incredibly-obliviously singing, dancing and meowing Lucia’s eyes, becoming rather “creeped out” (to say the LEAST) by how much said downright-freakishly innocent-looking eyes were quite-frankly beginning to remind him of Satina’s as he did so; needless to say, Dave VERY sincerely hoped that whatever actually was going on inside Lucia’s head was NOT, in fact, what he was quite-clearly beginning to increasingly-strongly suspect that it was.

“And to think that this all happened because I’m a freaking sex-crazed maniac who just CAN’T...ever...be QUENCHED...my...my FANTASIES can’t ever be quenched, CAN they? ‘You fucking idiot’ is exactly what I think to myself almost every night as I hopelessly cry myself to sleep…” Dave increasingly-suicidally thought to himself as he and Lucia began publicly tongue-kissing each other while many of their fellow dancers rather-embarrassingly-arousedly wolf-whistled at the two of them in response.

“When will I learn...when will I learn that my actions have consequences?” Dave exhaustedly thought to himself as several tears of sadness beautifully leaked from his eyes while several tears of joy also-beautifully leaked from Lucia’s eyes, causing their fellow dancers to almost-unanimously go “AWW” in response.

A FEW MORE MINUTES LATER, AT DAVE’S FAVORITE LOCAL “BURGER PRINCE” RESTAURANT…

“So, how did I do in that dancing competition, huh? Was I as downright-irresistibly juicy and delicious as this bacon CHEESEBURGER, by any chance?” Lucia (who, thankfully enough, had FINALLY changed her outfit into the new “white dress” one that Dave had bought her at the thrift store) adorably-curiously asked Dave as the two of them ravenously devoured their so-called “fancy” dinner together while their fellow customers gave the two of them numerous predictably weird looks in response (mostly due to Lucia being a demon, but also partially due to how disgustingly-sloppily she and Dave were eating their food).

“Well, I mean, you certainly did LOOK gorgeous, and in an ACTUAL dancing competition, we probably would have won...however, that freaking ‘cat girl’ costume of yours SERIOUSLY needs to be incinerated as soon as possible...oh, and believe me, I replaced your soda with water for a VERY good reason.” Dave regretfully and rather-disappointedly explained to Lucia as the two of them both took positively gigantic and downright-obnoxiously loud sips from their thankfully-only-medium-sized drink cups using the drinking straws that they had inserted into the lids of said cups, causing several of their fellow customers to increasingly-angrily scowl at them in response.

“Aww, no fair!” Lucia incredibly-childishly and crocodile-teary-eyedly whined as she and Dave finally finished scarfing and slurping their meals and drinks down (burping and farting rather-loudly as they did so, of course) before then immediately and totally-innocently-whistlingly disposing of their remaining trash (including their aforementioned drink cups) and then also-immediately leaving the restaurant in which they had consumed said meals and drinks through the exact same door through which they had entered it, causing many of their fellow customers (not to mention Dave and Lucia themselves) to loudly sigh with relief as they did so.

LATER THAT NIGHT, IN LUCIA’S BEDROOM (IN HELL), AFTER LUCIA HAD MAGICALLY ENLARGED HERSELF BACK TO HER NORMAL SIZE (CAUSING SATINA TO GROW WITH HER, OF COURSE) AND ALSO EQUALLY-MAGICALLY ENLARGED DAVE TO SAID SIZE…

“For God’s sake, PLEASE tell me, Lucia; WHY did you seem to utterly despise me SO freaking much during the...ahem…’emo’ phase that you also seem to have gone through between your previous ‘loving me more intensely than you’ve ever loved practically anyone else in the whole wide world’ phase and this one? Seriously, WHAT in the Hell was your freaking problem?” Dave increasingly-worriedly-and-frustratedly asked Lucia as the two of them almost-nakedly laid together on said Hell queen’s rather-surprisingly soft and (relatively) normal-looking queen-sized bed (Dave was still wearing his polka-dotted boxer shorts due to Lucia’s “size alteration” ability also affecting his clothing, while Lucia was wearing a jet-black bikini from her dresser) and somewhat-regretfully thought about how utterly crazy their lives had become ever since Satina’s birth.

“I mean, honestly; does this REALLY look like the type of room that should belong to someone who is as much of a COMPLETELY freaking relentless Negative Nancy as you’ve presumably-falsely led me to believe that you are?” Dave chucklingly asked Lucia as he rather-intensely-amusedly looked around said Hell queen’s generally surprisingly-close-to-normal-looking (except for the fact that its walls, floor and ceiling were all made of what appeared to be rather-unrealistically durable and smooth volcanic rock) bedroom, noting how downright-incredibly girly nearly everything in said bedroom (except for her quite literal lava lamp) actually was.

“Well, no, I suppose…” Lucia somewhat-embarrassedly laughed as she also looked around her bedroom while extremely-quickly deciding that Dave was indeed right about said room in the process; the walls and ceiling of said room were an incredibly bright pink color and also were covered with numerous pure-white “Valentine heart” symbols, her ceiling fan looked considerably more like a ceiling flower, her dresser had several quite-frankly adorable stuffed animals sitting atop it, her alarm clock was a cuckoo clock of which the bird was a bright-yellow baby chick, the flat-screen television in front of her bed had been very-specifically designed to look like a giant rectangular SpongeBob, and even her clothing closet was home to some of THE most brightly and diversely colored clothes that Dave had EVER seen, just to name a FEW examples of how downright-incredibly girly and cutesy Lucia’s bedroom actually was. Hell, even SATINA had a considerably manlier bedroom when compared to the one that Lucia had.

“Lucia, you’re...you’re not hiding something from me, are you?” Dave ever-so-gently hugged Lucia and ever-so-teasingly asked her, surprisingly-mischievously grinning from ear to ear as he did so; needless to say, however, Lucia was NOT very amused by said question (or, at least, Satina definitely wasn’t).

“HEY! How DARE you imply that you somehow think that Mommy is, I mean I am, a lesbian? Watch what you’re freaking saying, ya JERK!” Lucia forcefully shoved Dave off of herself and angrily (not to mention rather-blatantly-hypocritically) scolded him, despite the fact that him calling her a “drag queen” definitely would have been FAR more insulting to say the least.

“Note to self: Lucia’s behavior is becoming increasingly fishy and Satina-like, as if it hadn’t already been fishy and Satina-like enough during the previous things that she and I did with each other today.” Dave increasingly-nervously thought to himself as Lucia continued ranting at him.

“ANYWAY, just for the record, the REAL question about why I broke up with you isn’t what’s wrong with ME; rather, it’s what’s wrong with YOU! More specifically, why do you have to CONSTANTLY mock me for being in a relationship with you? WHY do you have to treat Satina in such an immensely neglectful manner? Why...WHY do you have to have such a downright-pathetically boring and low-wage job despite the fact that, if I’m not mistaken, there are clearly SO many other jobs that are both VASTLY better-paying and also-VASTLY more enjoyable available for you? WHY IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU SUCH AN ANNOYING, WORTHLESS PEST, DAVE?!” Lucia increasingly-frustratedly explained to Dave, concluding said explanation by quite-clearly-maniacally screaming at him at the top of her ever-loving lungs while also grabbing him by the shoulders and downright-wildly shaking him until he was every bit as dizzy as he had previously made her.

“Well, despite my laziness, I actually DO genuinely care quite a lot about both you and Satina, and I also very-genuinely love both you and her as well...but ultimately, the truth about me really does seem to be pretty-much-exactly what you just said that it is...I’m just an annoying and worthless PEST...no, I’m not just an annoying and worthless pest...I’m also a total fucking PIG…” Dave (after Lucia finally let go of him) weepingly and very-regretfully sobbed while Lucia highly-disappointedly crossed her arms beneath her breasts and exasperatedly sighed in response.

“Dave, for the love of God, freaking COME ON; stop wallowing in your own god-damned self-pity and do something actually PRODUCTIVE for a change! Again, get a better freaking job! Treat Satina as if she is your actual daughter and not just one of your freaking pets! Literally ANYTHING that won’t get you freaking arrested and/or killed is at least better than nothing! For crying out loud, Dave, JUST DO IT! Don’t let your dreams remain fictional!” Lucia grabbed Dave by the shoulders yet again and began surprisingly-powerfully motivating him, causing him to optimistically(?) smile in response. “Come on, man; you clearly KNOW that we’ve all been through these types of struggles before, and that they generally are problems that we can very-easily find ways to deal with, as long as we just BELIEVE in ourselves and RESPECT oursel-”

“WASN’T THAT RIGHT, LUCIA?! IF I’M A FUCKING MISOGYNISTIC PIG, YOU CAN SAY SO!” Dave COMPLETELY-maniacally laughed with delight, stripping himself completely naked (in other words, removing his boxer shorts and then carelessly throwing them onto the floor of Lucia’s bedroom) in the process as he then proceeded to savagely pounce onto Lucia and immediately begin violently forcing her to take her OWN clothes off.

“TAKE YOUR GOD-DAMNED CLOTHES OFF RIGHT NOW, YOU FUCKING HATEFUL BITCH!” Dave furiously and downright-abusively screamed at Lucia as he pinned her down face-up atop her bed and then began repeatedly punching her right across the face with both of his fists while she obediently (yet very excitedly) removed her OWN clothing (in other words, her bikini) and then also-carelessly tossed IT onto the floor of her bedroom in response.

“OHHH...HARDER, DADDY!” Lucia extremely-arousedly moaned as Dave immediately began relentlessly thrusting his scrumptiously beefy and increasingly erect schlong directly into her delectably moist and tender va-jay-jay as if the fate of the entire universe quite-literally depended on whether or not he actually WAS, in fact, enough of a Chad to actually be able to do so AGAIN without even using any sort of anti-impregnation protection in the process.

“DADDY?!” Dave suddenly stopped thrusting his penis into Lucia’s vagina and very-loudly screamed in utter-disbelief-induced shock as said Hell queen lovingly caressed his body with her slender yet incredibly powerful arms and gently-yet-passionately rubbed his face against her soft, squishy breasts, erotically licking him just to make his also-completely-naked body tell him “yes” even MORE loudly as she did so.

“Oh, lighten up, you silly GOOSE; that’s just perfectly normal domination/submission lingo!” Lucia ever-so-playfully teased Dave as said blindingly white male human then proceeded to incredibly-tightly wrap his arms around said Hell queen’s utterly gorgeous body and then extremely-eagerly continue penetrating the baby factory between her legs with his sperm hose (not to mention an almost-unimaginably massive amount of force) until finally...finally...FINALLY…

“OHHHHHH...SWEET HEAVENS, THAT FELT SO FUCKING GOOD!” Dave orgasmically moaned as his penis intensely-throbbingly shot out what must have felt like easily at least half of an entire cup of sperm into Lucia’s ever-so-delightfully warm and fleshy vagina, causing the two of them to both (simultaneously) pass out from how incredibly forcefully he had just fucked her.

“I agree SO much…OOOOOOH…” Satina lovingly moaned, tightly clutching her OWN vagina in a thankfully failed attempt to prevent any more of her pussy juice from leaking out of it as she FINALLY removed the helmet with which she had been controlling Lucia, leaving said Hell queen still blissfully unaware of Satina’s presence within her mouth-wateringly gorgeous brain as she did so.

“Man, THIS sure is going to be a story for the ages, let me tell you…” Satina exhaustedly whispered to herself as she FINALLY teleported herself back out of Lucia’s head and into Dave’s apartment, also-finally enlarging herself back to her normal size as she did so; needless to say, she pretty-much-immediately collapsed onto Dave’s bed and fell asleep once she had reached said apartment. 

THE NEXT AFTERNOON, AT DAVE’S FAVORITE LOCAL PARK, ON THE EXACT SAME BENCH ON WHICH LUCIA HAD RECENTLY GOTTEN A BRAIN FREEZE FROM EATING ICE CREAM…

“AND that’s how I made Lucia agree to allow you to impregnate her yet AGAIN! Isn’t that AMAZING?” Satina finally finished explaining to Dave as the two of them sat on their favorite bench together and attracted all sorts of incredibly weird looks from their fellow park visitors yet again.

“...” Dave shrank his pupils to a nearly microscopic size and speechlessly (not to mention nauseatedly) froze in his seat, naturally being too downright-indescribably shocked by what Satina had just told him to even be able to MOVE, let alone speak.

“Oh, come on; aren’t you PROUD of me?” Satina threw her arms out beside herself and indignantly whined, utilizing her infamous “puppy dog eyes” trick yet again as she did so...but clearly to no avail.

“Please excuse me for a second...there’s something that I REALLY need to do right about now…” Dave green-facedly and extremely-awkwardly explained to Satina before then VERY-tightly covering his mouth with both of his hands and immediately (not to mention EXTREMELY-frantically) running straight over to the nearest bush for a good old “expulsion through the mouth” of his stomach’s contents (in layman’s terms, a good old losing of his lunch).

“Man, ain’t I a STINKER?” Satina shrugged her shoulders and nervously-chucklingly asked her show’s viewers as the screen on which said show was being displayed FINALLY faded to black.

THAT’S ALL, FOLKS! 

 

 



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