Crack Ships Fleet: Greg and Pearl

BY : HannibalPorter213
Category: +S through Z > Steven Universe
Dragon prints: 736
Disclaimer: I do not own Steven Universe or any associated characters or properties. I do not make any money from this story and no negotiable goods have been exchanged.

Author's Note 1 (the fun part): This is being separated from the main story because it works as a one-shot. If you need the prologue, please check out "Ladies of Steven's Universe (Redux)".

Author’s Note 2 (the warning): In this story, we reference as fact some theories that *were* speculation when I started, and *are* canon to the series, now. We also reference wild guesses as though they’re fact. This is why I am presently warning for spoilers about story twists, fan-theories about both gem-human reproduction, and possible methods for curing corrupted gems.

 

After her argument with Steven, Pearl ran right to Greg's van. She started pounding on the door, crying, until the man himself walked up beside her.

 

"That old van isn't gonna do much to help wash away those tears." Greg offered, munching on some fries from the Fryman stand a few blocks away.

 

"What would you suggest? Steven is dating some girl of loose morals, and it feels like--"

 

"Sadie?" Greg asked, sounding incredulous.

 

Pearl narrowed her eyes. "How could you possibly have guessed that? You're not even that smart!" She barked.

 

Greg held up his phone and pressed a button that played the voicemail back for the both of them. Out came Steven’s voice, "Dad. Just lost my virginity to a sturdy blond girl. P.S. It was Sadie."

 

"Your son tells you about his sex life?" Pearl asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

"We're a very close family. You know that." Greg switched over to some soda.

 

"It's just... I hear about how he's with her, and it makes my gut wrench. Like being impaled on a crystalline spire." She elaborated.

 

"Just like when you saw me with Rose?" Greg asked. "And tried to break us up?"

 

"I haven't tried to do that to Steven and Sadie..." Pearl thought aloud.

 

"No, but you were going to, unless someone reminded you that it didn't work last time." Greg told her.

 

Pearl wiped away a few embarrassed tears from her eyes. "What am I supposed to do instead? It feels like I'm losing Rose all over again." She sniffled a little before looking at Greg. “It feels like I’m trapped in an endless cycle of losing her.”

 

"Do you want to know a secret?" Greg teased Pearl verbally, pulling up a couple of plastic chairs.

 

"You masturbate to the thought of me in the shower?" Pearl joked, expecting a disgusted look from Greg. Instead, she saw a guilty smirk. "Ugh. That is just vile!"

 

"Yeah, it is. But that's not a secret. I'm a creepy guy that lives in his van. Of course, I'm going to do that." Greg laughed. "You want another guess at it?"

 

"When you're thinking about me, I'm making out with your late wife?" Pearl asked, clearly taunting him, trying to bait him into a physical confrontation and hoping that the combat might calm her down.

 

"Ding, ding! Give that Pearl a prize!" Greg yelled, offering some fries.

 

"No thank you. I don't... eat." She declined. "Why do you sound so happy about it?"

 

"Because, and here's the really important part. Our collective ex, Rose Quartz, was a massive bitch!" Greg started laughing again.

 

"You'd better be intoxicated. She wasn't a bitch, she was... assertive, and strong-minded, and driven." Pearl tried.

 

"You think that because you're her Pearl. She was also obnoxious, and insensitive, and very blunt." Greg reminded her, sitting down in one of those chairs. His clear observations had really taken the wind out of her sails.

 

"Was I wrong for being mad at Steven?" Pearl asked, sitting down next to him. "Is that just who she... he... is?"

 

"A little. Steven's got one thing that Rose didn't." Greg trailed off a little, looking up at the stars.

 

"What's that?" Pearl asked.

 

"A sense of commitment." Greg frowned.

 

"Rose was dedicated. To plenty." Pearl argued, half hearted. She stood up from her chair, and walked around, behind Greg. "She was committed to the defense of this planet, the liberation of your species, healing every sick or injured gem, and giving lost creatures a home." Pearl knelt down a little, draping her arms over Greg, hugging him from behind as he sat there. "It was just us that she decided to leave behind..." and Greg felt her baby blue tears trickling down his neck, onto his shoulder. "Greg?" She asked, "Is it us? Is there just something wrong with us?" He lips quivered as she begged an answer.

 

"Oh, yeah. There's a lot wrong with us." Greg answered. "You're too boring. Since you're too perfect, she’d already learned everything interesting about you thousands of years ago. I'm not stable enough. I'm not even going to be alive through another century."

 

"Wait... did you just call me perfect?" Pearl asked, the tears disappearing into sparkles, replaced by her blushing blue cheeks.

 

"Well, you are." Greg admitted. "But it's not like a perfect gem like you would lower herself to a poorly groomed jerk like me."

 

"It was good enough for Rose..." Pearl smiled at him. "Maybe I'd try it, if you'd shave?" She suggested.

 

"Shave? You do realize, humans use special gels and creams and extra-sharp knives for that, right?" Greg asked nervously.

 

"Hold still." Pearl ordered, eyes like cold rolled steel, and a lucid scimitar materialized in her hand.

 

"Please don't kill me!" Greg managed to yell, eyes clamped shut, before opening his eyes to see the pile of what his beard had once been, now on the concrete. Bringing his hand up to his face, the skin was completely smooth. "How did you do that?"

 

"Well, I figured, I'll just start slashing Greg's face and hope I hit hair..." Pearl stopped when she realized how far over his head the joke was going. "Greg, gems like me are living hard-light projections. The sword is just for show. I burned the hair off just below the root. Like laser hair removal."

 

"I understand thinking of me like Rose. We're both big, brash, and honest. But you remember I'm not her, right?" Greg asked.

 

"I'm having trouble with Steven not being her. But I think I've worked out who you are." Pearl assured him. It took a while longer, but she removed the hair from the rest of him.

 

When she was about to get rid of the mane that came down from the sides of his bald head, he looked at her, grabbing her hand to stop it. "I kind of like the hair there."

 

"It reminds me of when we were fighting over Rose." Pearl argued.

 

"That's why I like it. You showed me what Rose could do, and what she could be. That did more to push us together than any song, or performance, or--" Greg was cut off when Pearl pressed her lips to his, standing on her ballerina tiptoes to do so.

 

Pearl wrapped her arms as best she could, without trying to shape-shift, around Greg. "The hair was one thing, but what are these little red bumps?" Pearl reached up and poked one of the clearly irritated areas on his neck.

 

"Probably acne, blisters, or ingrown hairs from when I had a lot of extra hair ten minutes ago." Greg explained.

 

"Alright. Greg, I want to give this relationship a test run. I figure, if Steven can do it, so can I!" Pearl proclaimed. She did a pirouette, and all of her clothing vanished, leaving only her blonde hair, beige flesh, and cerulean nipples and pussy. "Behold, your bounty!"

 

Pearl was a little let down. Greg passed out when she finished that sentence. When he awakened, she was still naked, as was he, with the light of her gem acting as a reading light for the book she thumbed through. "You read erotica about chromatic space women conquering the Earth?" Pearl demanded, holding up 'Women of Xandor, Vol. 3'

 

"What can I say?" Greg shrugged at her. "I have a type."

 

A knock came, and Greg now realized that he was in his van. Always eager to greet a customer, he ran to the van's door, and swung it open. "Well, that's a 'very good morning' isn't it?" Taunted the curly haired blond girl that stared up at Greg, a man who only now realized that he was not only naked, but also experiencing quite a case of morning erection. He retreated as far back as he could, trying to find clothes.

 

"Hello, Mr. Universe. It's just Sadie. You don't seem like the ashamed type." Sadie commented.

 

"He's not." Pearl explained. "He thinks it's offensive just because he can't control a little testosterone."

 

"Where are all my clothes?" Greg looked ready to cry. If nothing else, the morning erection had vanished in favor of pure panic.

 

"They were all dirty or falling apart. I put them in storage while you were asleep." Pearl cupped the sides of Greg's face. "Besides, there's no more war to fight, no more raising Steven. I'm a gem who needs something to do. Until further notice, you're my new project." Pearl kissed him on the forehead, and an outfit just like his old one appeared... but baby blue.

 

"Project?" Greg asked.

 

"Absolutely!" Pearl proclaimed. "I turned Connie into a formidable soldier with little stickers. I can hardly fathom what we'll accomplish with my very essence as your reward." Pearl kissed him again, this time on the mouth, just for a second, before turning to look at Sadie. "Hello, Sadie. Steven tells me you and he have an active sex life in both my living room and kitchen."

 

"You don't use the kitchen." Sadie argued, raising an eyebrow.

 

"I clean the kitchen." Pearl tried, arms crossed in front of her bare chest.

 

"No, you don't. Steven and I clean the kitchen. Mostly Steven, because he knows I don't want to clean a kitchen when I get home from work." Sadie scolded. "Are you just trying to get a moral high ground so I won't mention that you boned Greg in his van?"

 

"We haven't boned yet." Greg explained, hugging his knees.

 

"And yet you've already convinced him to move in with you and wear a wardrobe you've picked out? Wow." Sadie raised an eyebrow at Pearl. “Wha-psh!” Sadie mimed a whip with one hand.

 

"I only came over here in the first place because Steven was being rude." Pearl argued. "Everything else was an accident!"

 

"You accidentally stripped and shaved Greg, seduced him, and dragged him into his van?" Sadie pushed verbally.

 

"I don't have a leg to stand on, do I?" Pearl asked, looking at the van's roof.

 

"Not a one, stumpy!" Sadie smiled, turning her back. "I won't tell Steven about the details, but he should at least know you're getting along."

 

Sadie pocketed her hands and walked along the beach. The war with the Diamonds may have been over, but Pearl insisted on maintaining discipline, and the others enjoyed the exercise. This led to Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst sparring on the beach, even without Pearl there to criticize and press them to try harder. Peridot would join in, too, if she wasn’t busy travelling cross-country and giving speeches about how the gem-built structures worked.

 

Steven was huge, but he moved like lightning, and would strike with the mass of a falling comet. Sadie came walking up to the three with a box of donuts. She opened it up near Amethyst, who proceeded to eat all twelve donuts… and the pink cardboard box that had once held those sweet sugary pastries. Steven landed, crashing into the sand right next to both of the girls. “Amethyst, you know I love you, but you’ve got to start chewing your food. You can’t just gulp it all down.”

 

On the road that was paved onto the plateau of Beach City, several meters above the sandy beach where the group was training, they all saw Greg running past, and Pearl following shortly after. “Come on, Mr. Universe! You can move faster than that!” Pearl yelled, then she leaned against the railing that stood between the boardwalk and the stairway down to the beach. “Hey, everyone! Guess what I’m doing!”

 

“Torturing Greg with rigorous exercise?” Amethyst asked, yelling back.

 

“Getting revenge on me through my Dad?” Steven added, also yelling.

 

“Of course not. Greg and I are getting along swimmingly!” Pearl yelled further.

 

Greg ran back toward where Pearl was leaning. “Then what’s with all the yelling?” He asked.

 

Pearl visibly pondered for a moment. “Hike down the stairs. I’ll meet you at the bottom.” Pearl ordered. As he traipsed down those cement stairs, everyone else was now able to see the outfit that Greg was wearing. “Do you like it? I thought it would be nice if Greg and I could wear matching outfits. And of course, we got rid of those old stained affairs he was wearing.” She turned to face the crowd now, “So, Steven, how do you feel about me and your father?” Pearl taunted, her teeth rising into a malevolent grin as she touched her fingertip to Steven’s chin.

 

Steven gently nudged Pearl aside and walked over to Greg. “It’s about time you tried a skinny girl!”

 

Greg blushed and shrugged at the encouragement. “Technically, she’s ‘trying’ me.” He corrected, and Steven looked up, then jumped. When he was just a dot in the sky, Greg looked at the other gems. “Why did he do that?”

 

“I’m not sure.” Pearl thought aloud.

 

“I can’t answer that without hurting your feelings, so I’m going to let Amethyst blurt it out.” Garnet explained politely, followed abruptly by--

 

“He’s laughing at you from the stratosphere!” Amethyst yelled.

 

Sadie stepped in between Greg and Amethyst before anything escalated. “He’s not laughing at either of you. He’s laughing at the irony.”

 

“What irony?” Pearl asked.

 

“You always need a project, or a mission. Now Rose is gone, Steven’s grown up, and you’ve moved on to Greg.” Steven explained, landing on a tiptoe behind both Greg and Pearl, and placing a hand on each of their shoulders.

 

They, of course, immediately spun around to face the titanic person who had just touched them. Greg spoke up first. “Okay, Steven. You know I love you, but you’ve gotta warn me if you’re going to land that close. Say something when you’re still, maybe, twenty feet up.”

 

“Sure thing, dad.” Steven agreed, and Pearl snuck her way around behind Steven.

 

“So, um… Steven…” Pearl tapped his sides a few times. “Can you do me a favor?”

 

“The fact that you’re so nervous is making me extra-nervous.” Steven cautioned.

 

“I need you to spit on Greg.” Pearl blurted out; getting immediately embarrassed by the way she’d said it, and the looks she was getting from everyone. “It’s not like I need to see it happen. That would be disgusting. But he won’t shave his head smooth, so I’d really like to see it in its full glory again.”

 

When Steven saw the look of confusion and horror on his father’s face, he thought up a compromise. “You do it.” He ordered.

 

“Wait—how?” Pearl demanded, looking even more confused, though Greg’s face showed some relief.

 

“I know that this is your idea. And if dad doesn’t want to do it, he can stop you long enough for the magical saliva to dry on your fingers and become normal spit.” Steven bargained, “Sounds fair, right?”

 

“Dude, you are so disgusting.” Amethyst pointed out the madness of all of this, immediately undercutting herself with the sentence, “I’ll see you in your bed! Bring Sadie!” Before scampering off.

 

“I…” Pearl tried to reach forward, but reflexively recoiled at the thought of all that fluid on her fingers. “I can’t do it. It’s so unsanitary.”

 

“I can do it.” Greg suggested. “Little help, son?”

 

“Here I was, messing with Pearl, and you had to go being a good boyfriend…” Steven teased. He stuck out his tongue, and Greg poked that tongue with two fingers and pressed them to his scalp.

 

“Did it work?” Greg asked, a little impatient.

 

“Probably.” Garnet commented, pulling Sadie along towards the temple.

 

Just as they were a few steps away, the top of Greg’s head burst forth with more luscious locks than even in his glory days as a rock star. A full head of brownish-black hair, trailing down into the mane that he’d kept all his life.

 

“Definitely. It definitely worked. Have fun you two.” Steven remarked, leaping off toward the temple, easily clearing ten feet on each jump.

 

 “He jumps like Super Mario.” Greg commented.

 

“What’s a ‘Super Mario’?” Pearl asked, unable to pay any real attention as she’d been deeply entranced by not only the visual majesty of Greg’s new hair, but also the tactile sensation of running her near-iridescent fingers through these gorgeous, unspoiled locks.

 

“In the world of video games, I still have much to teach you.” Greg put his hand on Pearl’s shoulder “Where were we jogging, again?”

 

“The pharmacy, the grocery store, and probably a place where they sell bedding.” Pearl insisted.

 

“The nearest department store that sells home furnishings like that is in the mall. Forty miles away.” Greg reminded her.

 

“Of course. I remember that you need food. That’s why we’re going to the grocery store. I figure it should take you a few days, but at least we’ll be able to get a real bed.” Pearl reasoned.

 

“Okay, ignoring the weight of a bed, that’s going to easily be a whole week of walking through the wilderness.” Greg added.

 

“It’s a small sacrifice to get you in shape!” Pearl proclaimed, her eyes shimmering with a wicked determination.

 

The whole week seemed to blur together, as most strict regimens and routines tend to do, though many of the issues that Greg had been chalking up to age were apparently not so. He was getting back the muscle definition from around a decade ago, and it was working even faster than when he was young and had those youthful genetics to fall back on.

 

He did have a little scare when he woke up to the sight of Pearl, straddling him, and rubbing his face in her hands while he slept.

 

“Pearl, what are you doing?” He asked her, grabbing one of her wrists to hold her at bay.

 

“I figure, since defloration is usually vital to human relationships, we should get a head start on making you as perfect as possible.” Pearl explained, earning a look of confusion. “I’ve been rubbing benzoyl peroxide on you.”

 

“Defloration?” Greg asked. “That seems a little too metaphorical for an analytical lady like you.” He thought aloud.

 

“I don’t like the real words. I couldn’t even say them to teach Steven about sex. Apparently, he learned that all from somewhere else.” Pearl frowned.

 

“You don’t need to be afraid of those words. Words can’t really hurt you. Neither can I, unless you get the wild idea to manufacture a uterus to house a fetal human being in your innards through the gestation period despite never having endured menarche.” Greg strung those words together so coherently and expertly, it actually made Pearl dash into the bushes to vomit. He could actually see the rainbow spray down from her mouth and the droplets of liquid chromatic light hung on the leaves of those bushes.

“Engaging in emetophilia? You don’t seem the type.” Greg smiled until Pearl came back with a scowl. She knew that he was implying a vomit fetish, and that alone made her nearly retch a second time.

 

“Were you the one who taught him all of that?” Pearl demanded, wiping the glowing ethereal vomit made from cerulean light away from her lips. Then she gathered herself again, “You don’t seem the type.”

 

Greg let out a chuckle. “It’s the one class I could ace in school.” He softened a little, and asked, “How much more preening and preparation do you need to do? Before I’m perfect enough, I mean.”

 

“You’re fine right now. But I won’t do it in your van. That’s where I can still remember seeing the rocking from you and Rose fornicating in there.” Pearl explained.

 

“We never had sex in my van. There wasn’t enough room.” Greg corrected. “That rocking was from listening to records and playing air guitar. We always had sex in Rose’s room in the temple.”

 

“Eww...” Pearl shuddered. “I still meditate in that room. Or I did.”

 

“What about your room. Steven said it’s nice and organized.” Greg suggested. “And I never even dated Rose in there, let alone had an intimate moment.”

 

“I did. Rose and I were grinding in there like rabbits on…” She stopped for a moment. “I’m not sure what you put rabbits on to make them breed faster.”

 

“Life?” Greg suggested, and they both had a laugh at it. “Why don’t we turn around here and just ship the stuff we need to my place?”

 

“Because we need to keep training. You’re not a gem. We need to maintain this regimen if you want to maintain those abs.” Pearl instructed.

 

“Wait, abs? I have abs!?” Greg demanded, looking down at what he definitely remembered being a beer belly. It hadn’t gotten smaller, and he was sure that Pearl had made some kind of mistake; or could even have been mocking him. Then she pressed her hand against that belly, and he realized how much firmer it had become. “It’s not a six-pack.” He managed to blurt, then Pearl wrapped herself around him.

 

“Nope. You’re a big one. You’re big, and blunt, and charismatic.” Pearl kissed Greg on the cheek. “Clearly, I have a type.” She kept laying there, staring at him with her big blue eyes, hugging him until he drifted off to sleep, and still unmoved when he woke up again.

 

“Ah!” Greg stifled his scream this time, “Okay, hugging me when I sleep is good. It’s better than grooming me in my sleep, but you need to close your eyes. Waking up to the still-open eyes is a bit of a mind-trip.”

 

“I thought you liked my eyes.” Pearl pouted.

 

“I can get used to it. I could also get used to grooming in my sleep, but we need to talk this stuff over before it happens, not when it’s been happening for days and I just failed to notice.” Greg agreed.

 

“What are you suggesting?” Pearl demanded.

 

“I don’t know, a calendar, a checklist, a schedule?” Greg rattled off, getting up from the ground where they’d been laying.

 

“This is a great one-week anniversary!” Pearl declared, leaping to her feet, and not a trace of irony in her voice. “The chance to use calendars, lists, and schedules for the next stage in my favorite project!” She hugged him tight again before leading him by the hand back toward Greg’s Car Wash.

 

When the pair arrived back home, they found the rest of their family standing with a police officer. Steven was actually crying, leaving the officer herself dumbfounded, since everybody else seemed fine, and Steven had become as big as Rose. “Sir, if you could give us a better description, it would really help us to find your father.”

 

“Listen, Steven’s not going to be much help until the crying stops.” Sadie insisted, nudging Steven toward Garnet, who he proceeded to cry on. “There should be two. A tan or burned white middle-aged male, that’s Steven’s father, Greg Universe, with long brown hair down to his waist. There should also be a very thin, very pale woman. Her name is pearl, and she’s easily identified by a white pearl in her forehead—"

 

“Body modification? Is she an illegal immigrant?”

 

“She’s an alien. From space.” Sadie answered, pointing at the sky. “We get them a lot in Beach City.”

 

The officer looked around at Amethyst, Garnet, and Steven. Then she leaned in close to Sadie. “Are you the only human in this group?”

 

“Steven is half-human. But he was born here.” Sadie explained reflexively. The questions were a routine to which all of the humans in Beach City had grown accustomed. “I don’t think there was malicious intent, but something tends to be wrong when—never mind.”

 

“What’s with the Policewoman? Did someone break into the car wash?” Pearl asked, approaching the group none-the-wiser.
 

Steven seemed to snap immediately from sorrow into anger. “Where have you and dad been for the past two weeks!?” He demanded.

 

“We were…” Greg gasped a little as he ran up. “Buying a bed.”

 

“Where is it?” Amethyst asked. “Steven’s been worried sick for days. Don’t tell us you forgot the bed. That sounds like something I would do.”

 

“We decided to have it delivered. We also need to get a new building to live in. Maybe a house, or a loft.” Pearl’s eyes were twinkling with the possibilities for planning and pre-planning and contingency planning.

 

“Officer, thank you for your time. We are dropping the missing person case.” Steven rubbed his temples. “Okay. I get that you guys don’t actually use cell phones that often, but if you want to head off without them, you need to tell us where you’re going.” He was sternly addressing both his father and Pearl, and they really looked like scolded youngsters.

 

“Sorry, Steven…” Greg sighed, then asked, “Wait, where did we leave them?”

 

“They were in Greg’s storage unit. It was easy to find them once the neighbors to the storage place started complaining about opera music at all hours of the night.” Garnet smirked, clearly referencing the dozens of scheduling alarms that Pearl had set, and the fact that she only liked one of the ringtones that came with the phone. “By the way, here are your phones.” Garnet handed them each back. “They were labeled ‘C’ for ‘cell phone’. It said so on the shelf.”

 

“I must have just forgotten to not-sort the phones.” Pearl admitted, looking like a schoolchild being sent to the principal’s office.

 

“Well, on a happier note, congratulations!” Steven announced, dabbing away the last of the tears, and hugging Pearl so tight that her limbs actually twisted into a bit of a mess.

 

“For what?”

 

“Moving in with a human.” Steven explained. Adding on the finishing verbal jab. “Welcome to the club.”

 

When he set her down again, the Officer looked legitimately concerned. “Miss,” she asked, “Are you alright? That looked like it hurt.”

 

“I’m fine. It was just one bear hug.”

 

“He does this often?” The officer asked, confused.

 

“Since he was five or so.” Pearl gazed off at the ocean, “Human children really remind us how time flies, don’t they? Your species has such a short life cycle.”

 

“Right. Aliens. I’m leaving. Call me if any humans disappear. Again. You were right about filing the report for the human, but we don’t track down aliens.” The officer announced, storming off. The last thing everyone heard was something about how this still wasn’t as bad as the idiot who’d cemented his head into a microwave.

 

It took that long for Pearl to start processing. “I’m… moving in… with a human.” She said aloud, her eyes going a little vacant. “I’m moving in… with Greg.” She turned to face her current lover, this man who embraced her compulsion to scheduling and her need to over-plan. She couldn’t deny actually loving a lot of things about him, but she still couldn’t keep the words from slipping out. “I can’t end up like Rose…” she exhaled those words, and with them all the air in her lungs.

 

While everyone else was left in shock as Pearl stood there, paralyzed in fear and embarrassment, Greg stepped forward and wrapped his hand around her hand. “I don’t think we need to worry about that. Rose needed to do a lot of extra work to get her body ready for a baby. Even then, she had to maintain the form for almost a year before Steven was born. I don’t think we’re going to have the same problem.” Greg assured her. He pulled her head closer, leaning in so that his forehead, covered in an admittedly impressive set of relatively new bangs, pressed against the Pearl on her forehead.

 

It was almost exactly a month later, when they had just gotten their house built next to the car wash. They didn’t do it all on their own, so much as Greg ordered a house to be delivered from the neighborhood where he grew up. During the intervening weeks, they’d been sleeping in Steven’s spot in the center of the temple, which Steven mostly viewed as a chance to spend time with a lot of his friends, but that’s another story.

 

Right now, the most important thing was four words from Peridot, “You have a parasite.” She said, having taken to wearing a white coat and her old set of impact goggles. It looked ridiculous, but it made her happy. The only two that would say anything were Greg and Steven, and they just said she looked ‘adorable’, “I’ve seen corrupt gems do this before.” She said dryly. “Humans have sonic devices to see through semisolid matter. Go to a doctor and ask for an ultrasound. Then we’ll know what the little corruption looks like.”

 

“Can’t I just let someone stab me? Then my body will poof away, and I can regenerate without it.” Pearl asked, trying to press optimism though her frightened expression.

 

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t recommend it. In some cases, the parasites can hide inside still-pure gems.” Peridot explained.

 

“What happens then?” Pearl demanded.

 

“If poofing the gem to get rid of it wouldn’t work, we usually had to shatter the gem.” Peridot told her. “To keep both the gem and the corrupt parasite trapped inside.” She tried to turn her statement around as soon as she saw the look of horror on Pearl’s face. “But I’m sure it’s just a little energy leech. We probably won’t even need to poof you. We just need to open up a part of you with something sharp and take it out. You know, like human surgery.”

 

Pearl went to Priyanka Maheswaran for information on those sonic devices and was met with a more permissive attitude than she was expecting. Priyanka was the mother to Steven’s friend, Connie, and they met during a rather confusing dinner. “Pearl, I’m always happy to help someone without insurance try to stay healthy. Here we are.” Doctor Maheswaran opened up what was clearly marked as a utility closet, but inside it was furnished with everything from a typical doctor’s office, though with a lot less space.

 

“So, Peridot thinks I have a parasite. She said you have a sonic device you can use…” Pearl led verbally.

 

“Of course. Ultrasound is right here. Any alien secrets I should know about, or do we need to wait until I recoil in horror for the real reason you’re here?” Priyanka taunted, taking out the device and its accompanying gel.

 

“I’m not hiding anything. Why else would I be here?” Pearl asked. “Of course, my body is a hard-light construct, so don’t expect any organs. I tried to keep things simple with just the lungs and voice box for breathing. I had to do a bit of an overhaul recently, though…”

 

“Overhaul? Last time we spoke, you said you hadn’t had to update your body’s internal functions for thousands of years. Why the big change?” Priyanka inquired, helping Pearl to lie down on the table.

 

“Well, I’ve been dating Greg. Initially, I thought that only humans indulged in the kinds of physical rhythmic exchanges that we’ve been performing, but I started looking up how humans express those feelings. The things I saw ranged from beautiful to vomit-inducing.” Pearl seemed to be in a daydream haze when she looked up, and Doctor Maheswaran looked down and asked her a very delicate question.

 

“So, you changed your whole body for a man? You seem like a stronger woman than that.” She prodded, her eyes narrowing as she struggled to work out the exact image of what she saw.

 

“Actually…” Pearl trailed off a little while Priyanka looked at more of her organs, and lack thereof.

 

She thought back to those first few exchanges. While the kisses early on had been chaste and momentary, when she tried to open-mouth kiss Greg for the first time, he said her mouth was dry.

 

In the efforts to make the kissing better, Pearl arranged a whole digestive tract inside herself. Starting at her mouth, and working downward, until she reached the second hurdle. It wasn’t nearly as complicated as the ones inside the humans, but Pearl was proud enough that she had managed to make it both self-lubricating and self-cleaning. Everything she ate landed in a spherical mini-dimension that automatically sorted everything.

 

The second time that she kissed Greg with open mouth, she dipped him like she always saw in those romance movies, and their tongues started sliding against one another, setting off tingling across every surface of her body.

 

“…And that’s why I needed the top half of the digestive tract.”  Pearl seemed to stop daydreaming by then, and Priyanka turned the screen toward her.

 

“Pearl, did you make that?” Priyanka demanded, very sternly, tapping the center of the ultrasound screen. There was a little oval shape along with all of the static and the strange tube and perfect circle at the center of that line that was clearly Pearl’s esophagus and sorting-stomach.

 

“No. I didn’t put that there. How would that get there?” she asked in rapid succession, pressure mounting on Pearl’s nerves over what Peridot said, and even if Peridot was completely wrong, what had happened to Rose just two short decades ago. Pearl started clutching her head and biting her lip. If she could bleed, she probably would have been biting hard enough to draw blood, but she was definitely chewing away small segments of her mouth.

 

“Don’t get the wrong idea from this, Pearl. I’m ordering you as a doctor, please take off your pants.” Priyanka ordered, pointing at the athletic leggings that Pearl had started wearing. Since Greg liked buying her things, she decided to return that kindness by wearing the things he liked seeing her in. Pearl pushed the waistband down past her thighs, and Priyanka stopped her right there. “You added a vagina?”

 

“Yeah. They were all over the research I was doing. More importantly, it was the first thing Greg really asked for.” Pearl explained, pressing her slender thighs together to cover up the perfectly smooth alabaster lips. “I’m the one who was pushing things to be more physical, but he insisted on oral sex first.”

 

“Of course, he wanted a blowjob.” Priyanka assumed.

 

“No he didn’t,” Pearl looked confused at her. “I tried to offer, but he insisted on being able to, how did he put it…”

 

Back then Greg had insisted, holding Pearls soft, elegant hands as the pair knelt together on their bed, which at that point was still Steven’s nest in the temple, “I don’t want to do anything to your mouth but kiss it, Pearl. I want to worship every part of your body.”

 

And Pearl squeezed her elegant hands around his meaty palms, “I know you do, sweetie, but there’s no reason why I can’t do all of that stuff for you, is there?”

 

Greg was clearly cowed by that question, “Because you’re better than me.” He said, and it came out like a whimper.

 

Pearl pulled him in. “I think Amethyst sent me a disgusting video with a compromise solution we can use.”

 

Greg was immediately confused, “Why would you do it if it’s so disgusting?”

 

“Because,” Pearl smiled big at him, “It looked and sounded disgusting when those other people were doing it, but with you, everything feels beautiful.” Pearl pushed Greg playfully, and he landed on his back. As he was falling, their collective clothes disappeared in a blink. Pearl did her best to position herself, squatting with her thighs apart over Greg’s face, looking as she did over the healthier human specimen she was training. “Now give me a minute…” she begged, pouting and frowning as she clenched a bunch of new pieces into existence.

 

From beneath her stunning form, Greg could see clearly everything that was being changed. Those rail-thin thighs started thickening, giving some roundness to her backside, though there were still no orifices as of yet.

 

When the deepest part at the vee of Pearl’s legs started swelling on two sides, creating lips that pressed together, twitching as they did. Greg tilted his head forward and dug his tongue deep inside that waiting new opening, a whole new temple of Pearl’s beauty, and immediately had to pause. “Pearl, is there a tongue in there?”

 

“Two. Well, four. Human women have a mouth on the outside down there, and a second one inside. And every mouth has tongues--” Pearl tried explaining.

 

“They’re not mouths! They don’t have teeth, and they shouldn’t have tongues!” Greg yelled upwards. He wasn’t so much yelling out of anger, more because Pearls thighs around his ears were making it hard to hear himself.

 

Pearl may have been proud and arrogant, but she wasn’t beyond a few concessions. “Are you really worried about the tongues that much, Greg? Even if they are spares?”

 

Greg’s answer was never actually out loud. Pearl felt him shrug, and then start obediently licking. She slipped her brand new lower-tongues against his own, pressing her pussy hard into his face. Greg’s voraciousness would have been admirable, but his standing erection clearly showed his enjoyment.

 

Pearl saw the tiny dribble of liquid that was leaking out from the very tip of Greg’s penis. She leaned forward, first for a closer look, but she couldn’t help the new smell of his skin. Not like before, when he was unbathed or when they were at the gym. This was something newer and sweeter, begging for her to reach out with her actual tongue.

 

Licking the tip to get an idea of the taste, she reveled in the tiny actions she was making that got larger reactions from her lover’s mouth. A few little licks and kisses meant deep moans into her nether-regions, grinding his face in. Rubbing her cheek along the shaft of his cock meant that Greg would slow down and start licking the lips of her pussy. She could hardly think of what actually taking his cock inside of her mouth would do.

 

“… So, then, we got a little carried away. He had me so exhausted and ravaged that I thought my body was going to poof into thin air, but it never did. Then I got impaled during a fight, and that took a while to heal, but I never poofed.” Pearl explained.

 

“I don’t think I’m familiar with ‘poof’ the way you’re using it.” Priyanka frowned. “But I get the idea. You had vaginal sex, now there’s something taking up residence in the area you created. You’re pregnant.”

 

“No, I’m not. I can’t be pregnant.” Pearl blinked a few times.

 

“Well, right now, it’s just a little ball, and it seems to be growing faster than a human pregnancy, but you have something living inside you. If you want to keep it, I can do the necessary obstetric work. If you want to terminate, well… I don’t know how to do that. Considering that it’s a gem-human hybrid, I don’t think anyone on Earth knows how to do that.”

 

Pearl walked out of the hospital looking somber, and feeling depressed. Around four hours later, she walked to the temple, and was greeted by all six of Garnet, Amethyst, Peridot, Greg, Connie, and Steven. “I’m not really in the mood for a party, everyone.”

 

“This is no party! I recruited Connie to carve that parasite out of you! Once it’s out, you’ll feel great!” Peridot screeched, her ecstatic proclamations sounding like rage to anyone who didn’t know her.

 

“It’s not a gem parasite. I’m pregnant.” Pearl announced, eyes full of tears. “I’m going to have to give up my existence if I want to follow through with it. Or we need to think of a way to get rid of it, and since my body doesn’t react at all to human chemicals and normal levels of damage, we may need to get creative.”

 

Connie was first to try being helpful, “There’s a Planned Parenthood down the street, about a block away from the Big Doughnut. That’s probably the best choice, considering your options are abortion or death…”

 

“I went there, already. That’s how I found out that the chemical options don’t work. We need an expert.”  Pearl explained, sitting down on the couch. It was actually kind of strange to see Pearl slumping into a seat, since she usually tried to be so pro-active.

 

“I’m an expert! I can grow gems on nearly any planet, in any environment!” Peridot yelled, waving her arms frantically.

 

“That’s fine, but it’s not what we need to help Pearl.” Garnet stated. “We need someone who ruthlessly and emotionlessly eliminates gems; and has the technical acumen to build a device for that express purpose.”

 

“Jasper.” Steven announced. It was less of a suggestion, more of a proclamation of their last resort. “I’ll go get her out of the bubble room.”

 

“She’s corrupted. Even if she wasn’t corrupted, she’d be dangerous and crazy.” Amethyst reminded everyone. She was the voice of reason, and the role didn’t suit her.

 

“Step one: cure corruption. Step two: cure crazy. Step three: Jasper saves Pearl.” Steven smiled as he disappeared behind the temple’s dimensional door.

 

[Depending on length, we’ll be returning with either a new chapter or a new Story, with a new crack-ship. Either way, Jasper will be a major player as a supporting or main character.]



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