Marlene Gets The Gollywobbles: The Fic

BY : pronker
Category: +M through R > Penguins of Madagascar
Dragon prints: 415
Disclaimer: I make no profit from this fanfiction set in Dreamworks' Penguins of Madagascar franchise, using its characters and settings. I do not own the franchise.

Title: Marlene Gets The Gollywobbles: The Fic

Author: pronker

Era:  Sometime during the show.

Summary: Marlene isn't sure she wants to date outside her species, so she asks for help making up her mind.

A/N:  Inspired by reading questionable fics and fantastic meta about said fics, plus my cartoon "Marlene Gets The Gollywobbles" on deviantArt, same username.


Phil signed furiously what he was reading on the monitor, Mason interpreted, and Marlene committed the survey to memory.  When Skipper asked the Big Question next Saturday morning as she was certain he would, she'd be ready with multiple-choice questions of her own.

I.  A survey for dating outside my species, otter edition, female, Skipper-centric.  Short form.

 A.  Legal Complications

  1.  Does dating you start us on the marriage track or anything permanent, which I may or may not be ready to think about?

  2.  Will your enemies take revenge on me?  Old girlfriends, frenemies, Black Ops snipers with red laser beam gunsights?

  3.   Will you jump to conclusions about this one date to project that we may wish to live together?  Describe our joined living space.  Commit to whether or not your team lives with us.

  4.   Are you into rituals before dating me, like candy or flowers or demanding that we exchange pebbles?

  5.  Does dating you mean that I can never date anyone else, ever, on this plane of existence or the next?

 B.  Mental Complications

  1.  Because you are bird and I am mammal, will dating you start a weird, invasive mental link whether I want it or not?  Ask Kowalski if you don't know, because of his whole penguin/dolphin hookup with Doris.

  2.  Does your secret shadowy organization oversee or approve or something?  Will they spy on whatever we choose to do as consenting adults?  Will there be dvds or thumb drives made?  Will they go public?  Do I get a copy?

  3.  Do you date me all the time or is there some bird special cycle and then afterwards you expect me to hang out with myself until the next episode, waiting on your la dee dah mood whilst twiddling my, er, digits?

C.  Physical Complications

  1.  Do you like me to dress up on dates for you, no forget that because neither of us wears clothes except when things get really strange.

  2.  Because I am a teensy, eeensy barely noticeable bit taller than you, might you become, um, insecure and unable to appreciate my charms properly?  Will you want me to jump through proverbial hoops to bring our date to a satisfactory climax for us both?

  3.  Will this involve playacting wearing neoprene yellow wetsuits and mirrored sunglasses? 

  4.  Are you allergic to fur that you know of?

  5.  If not, are you allergic to my fur in particular?  I do not shave anything for anyone, no matter what.

  6.  Will dating you exhaust me or require more than usual stamina?  Do I need to hydrate beforehand?  Will you provide Gatorade and sugar cookies if I need them?

D.  Extra Special Super Dee Duper Questions With Consequences

  1.  Are you, more or less, around the edges, give or take an inch, shaped like a mammal, you know what I mean?  You don't?  Well, never mind then.

  2.  What do we do when you are moulting?

  3.  What do we do when I am shedding?

  4.  What do we do when I am out of commission for a few days now and then, don't make me spell out the reason.

  5.  Draw a picture of us on the perfect dream date.  In color would be nice!  Stick figures acceptable.

II.  There is no II.  Mason says Phil signs that a survey like this requires a II to "look professional."


The End.



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