The Fairly Dead | By : Jayrich Category: +1 through F > Fairly OddParents Views: 12636 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: My name ain't Butch Hartman and I don't own The Fairly Oddparents, nor it's characters, nor do I make money off of this. If I did, the stupid damn dog wouldn't exist. |
The Fairly Dead
It started low to the ground, resting on a pile of leaves in the darkness of the woods. But then it slowly rose up, and began to move forward. In the dead of the night it slinked low to the ground, slithering like a snake as it passed tree after tree; ignoring the slumbering wildlife around it...until it reached on figure. A lone man in the dark that it immediately recognized, and charged towards. Without warning or time to react, it attacked--!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!”
The scream came from Timmy Turner, who was just rattled out of his nightmare. It also was loud enough to grab the attention of everyone on his bus, including his teacher Mr. Crocker at the front of it.
“Well, despite Turner’s outrage on the subject, Alaska did become the 49th state in 1959.” Crocker responded. “And for that little difference of opinion...F!!!”
Timmy’s impromptu grade came along with a stiff punch in his shoulder, courtesy of Francis. “THAT’S for not recognizing Eskimos as Americans!”
The buck-toothed teen rubbed his arm to relax the pain away, as his two fairies appeared as hands on his watch. “You OK, sport?” Wanda asked. “Bad dream?”
“Yeah. A crazy one, too.” Timmy answered. “I dreamt I was in Hawaii, fighting Foop over some mysterious stupid magic weapon…and then I fell into the Volcano.”
Both Cosmo and Wanda gasped as their godchild continued. “That’s not all, I then re-emerged from the Volcano as a Fairy, and then I was assigned some two annoying kids who were being bullied by Vicky or something.”
There was silence between the three as the two fairies took a moment to absorb what Timmy told them; and it was promptly followed by hysterical laughter. “Oh man!” Cosmo chuckled. “You? A Fairy!?”
“I know, right?” Timmy agreed. “Like Jorgen would ever give me that power!”
“And fighting with Foop, on a Volcano?” Wanda added, bursting into more laughter.
The three continued their chuckle-fest for several moments before calming down and catching their breaths. “That reminds me, where is Poof anyway?”
“We sent him Trick-or-Treating with Mama Cosma.” Wanda said. “Cosmo wouldn’t let him go with Big Daddy again.”
“I still don’t know how Poof came how with ownership to a snack-cake company.” Cosmo added.
“Besides, we thought it best to stay with you this Halloween.” Wanda continued. “Since Crocker’s sent the whole class on this random Field Trip.”
Timmy scoffed at Wanda’s wariness of his teacher. “Yeah, like Crocker could even come up with something confident outside of a Butterfly net launcher.”
As those words left his lips though, Timmy was greeted with the sight of his destination as the bus slowed to a halt; a mysterious Cabin located deep in the Dimmsdale Forest. It was accompanied by a flash of lightning, a roar of thunder, the howl of a werewolf, the groan of the undead and strangely the tune of Pop Goes the Weasel.
“On the other hand, he might’ve stepped up his game.” Timmy noted.
“Alright students, single file off the bus!” Crocker ordered. The present student body obeyed as they disembarked. Timmy found himself next to his friends AJ & Chester as the three examined the cabin in front of him.
“Looks awfully dilapidated.” AJ surmised. “When’s the last time it’s even been worked on.”
“Are you kidding?” Chester chimed in. “This house looks great. If it’s got working toilets, it would be a mansion!”
The three of them broke away from the rest of the students and approached the Cabin. Reaching the front door, Timmy grabbed the doorknob to open up their lodgings. But as he pulled back, he discovered the door didn’t come with the doorknob as it broke completely off. Before they could deduce another way to enter the Cabin, Francis took matters into his own hands.
“Outta my way, losers.” He said smugly as he kicked down the door and marched in, followed by Trixie and Veronica. The former had her focus on the newest Dimmadome Tablet that hit the market as she plopped herself down on a dusty couch in the middle of the room, kicking up said dust with her impact. Her friend mimicked her actions a moment later, sitting down right beside her.
“This is such a waste of my time.” Trixie scoffed. “I could be home right now, being reminded how pretty I am on social media!”
“Like, yeah! This is such a waste of our time!” Veronica agreed, before noticing her BFF’s search on her tablet. “Like, are you looking for Maho Mushi episodes?”
A shocked expression jumps on Trixie’s face as she cradled her tablet close to her bosom, hiding its screen from view. “No! Of course not! You need to get your eyes checked! People without 20/20 vision aren’t cool, y’know.”
Just then, the popular girl noticed that her statement was within the earshot of both Sanjay and Elmer. But in typical fashion she simply rolled her eyes and went back to her tablet, with Veronica doing the same. Both Sanjay and Elmer hung their heads as Timmy and his two friends entered the Cabin.
“Well…” Timmy began. “…this seems very…”
“Rustic?” Wanda said.
“Vintage?” Cosmo inquired.
“Is Deathtrap-ish a word?” Timmy finished.
“Pipe down, Turner!” Crocker told him as he stood in the doorway. “I won’t have you bad mouth my Uncle Albert’s Log Cabin! Why, this Cabin has been passed down in the Crocker family for generations! And with my Uncle Albert’s technology in the basement, I now have the perfect trap to reveal Timmy’s…FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!”
Deviously unaware of his spasm, the maniacal instructor sped off from the doorway as Timmy rolled his eyes over the display. “Yep, another Crock-Pot Caper. Cosmo? Wanda?”
As their godson wished, so did Cosmo & Wanda obeyed. But as they lifted their wands, they heard a familiar & embarrassing sound before they fell limp in their grip. “Something’s blocking our Magic.”
“Oh great, what is this, the 82nd time?” Timmy lamented.
“Actually, it feels different.” Wanda elaborated. “It’s not completely magical…it’s almost like—!”
“IT’S HER!!!”
Chester’s exclamation interrupted Wanda as all eyes turned towards the Cabin entrance, where Missy stood. “It’s such a wonderful night for a field trip into the dark, spooky wood with the only parental supervision coming from a magic crazed teacher.” Audible groans came from both Trixie and Veronica as they rolled their eyes.
“Hey Timmy,” AJ said, turning to his friend, “Didn’t you used to have a crush on her?”
“Yeah, during that whole Emo phase you went through?” Chester added.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Timmy calmly said as he turned away from his friends. Cosmo took it upon himself to give further reminder, though.
“Yeah, you remember Timmy. Your hair was black, you laid down all the time, and the only way you snapped out of it is when you kissed—!”
“ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP!!!”
Timmy’s demand caught the attention of everyone in the room, as they turned to him. “Look, since Crocker’s outside having another spasm fit, someone needs to take charge of the situation. I nominate me.”
“Why?” AJ asked. “You’re not the smartest…”
“Or the strongest…” Francis added.
“Or the prettiest…” Trixie chimed in.
“Yeah, well I got something that trumps all three of those things…” Timmy countered, before remembering that revealing his fairy godparents means losing them forever. “…and that…is the everlasting support of my closest friends?”
“Move out my way, squirt.” Francis demanded as he shoved Timmy aside. “Besides, I found something cool.”
He held up what looked to be an ancient book, tattered and covered with dust. As Timmy picked himself up off the floor, he was able to make out the text on the front, which read ‘Nymphonomicon: The Book of Lust.’
“What the…Nymphonomicon?” Timmy repeated.
Almost instantly, Wanda’s eyes widened in horror. “Timmy, that’s it! That’s what’s blocking our magic! You can’t allow Francis to read from that book. Who knows the magical catastrophe he could conjure up with it!?”
Upon Wanda’s plea, Timmy went to stop his school bully from read anything from the book, but stopped himself when he saw that the overgrown brute was struggling to even pronounce the first word. “T…t…t-he…”
Seeing that sight was enough to bring a grin to Timmy’s face as he folded his arms. “Well, that was easier than I thought.”
The pale bully wasn’t about to give up though, as he grabbed Elmer by his boil and pulled him close. “Hey nerd, read this page for us.”
“Yes, YES!!!” The boil sinisterly cheered. “Read the page!”
“Uh, Elmer, not a good idea!” Timmy chimed in.
Trixie scoffed. “Of course YOU wouldn’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Yeah, of course YOU wouldn’t!” Veronica repeated.
“Dude, there is literally nothing to do here!” Chester added. “No beer, no tunes, at least with this we can learn some dirty secrets about Crocker which we can use to blackmail him when we’re in college.”
“Hey, no one loves blackmailing Crocker more than me.” Timmy debated. “It’s just that there’s something…eerie about that book. Like, otherworldly or something.”
That comment brought out a few laughs from the rest of the students. “Timmy, even with your low GPA I’d expect you to know that the supernatural is simply fiction.” AJ told him. “I mean, next thing you know you’ll be saying Fairies exist.”
That comment didn’t escape Cosmo & Wanda’s ears, as they growled in disapproval. Timmy took that moment to hide his watch, and them, in his pocket and he walked over to Elmer, putting his hand over the page to stop him from reading.
“Come on Elmer, do this for me and you’ll move up to top tier friendship.” Timmy offered. “I’ll even bump Chester down so you can have his spot.”
“Really!?” Elmer responded, eyes glowing
“HEY!!!” Chester disputed.
“I’ve had enough of you, rabbit tooth.” Francis said, shoving Timmy across the room and back on the floor before turning to Elmer. “And you, start reading or I’ll rip that boil off.”
“This is the best day of my life!” Elmer declared after hearing that threat.
“You’re doing it wrong…” Trixie reminded him.
“Oh, right.” Francis remember. “Read the book, or I’ll give you another boil.”
“No, not that!” Elmer begged. “I’ll read!”
Timmy picked himself off the floor and rushed towards them. “Elmer, NO!!!”
Unfortunately his efforts came too late, as he heard the words on the page leave Elmer’s lips. As he spoke, the cabin slowly began to tremble; and with each sentence Elmer completed the trembles became more violet, to the point where it felt like they were in an earthquake. And just as suddenly as it began, it ended as Elmer read the final word on the page.
“Whoa…freaky.” Chester said, breaking the silence.
Timmy took this moment to turn to his brainiacs friend. ”Well, I guess there was nothing supernatural about THAT, huh!?”
“Of course not.” AJ refuted. “Dimmsdale is notorious for having numerous fault lines and unstable tectonic plates. It’s perfectly understandable for earthquakes to occur—!”
KRAAASSSSSHHHHHHH!!!
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!”
The entire group let out a startled scream as the top of a tree crashed through the roof of the cabin. They remained quiet and examined the scene, wondering if the earthquake was the cause of the sudden crash. But they quickly got their answer once Mr. Crocker popped his head in.
“Ahh, there’s nothing like chopping down trees in the middle of the night during an earthquake.” He declared. “It really soothes the soul. STUDENTS! Why are you lollygagging around here? This is a Field Trip!”
“We do not know exactly what we are to do on this Field Trip.” Sanjay replied.
Crocker sneered. “Why there’s plenty to do out here in the wilderness! Stop & smell the roses, enjoy the starry sky, watch a gigantic tree pick you up and walk away…”
Before his students could question the final part of his statement, they were dumbfounded as they saw a walking tree approach the hole in the cabin, reach in and grab Crocker. “You murdered my brother, now you shall pay for your crimes.”
The enormous tree then turned and walked back into the darkness of the forest, with Crocker in tow. The ensnared teacher faded into the darkness as he desperately talked into his cell phone. “MOTHER! Call my lawyer, the forest is suing me again!”
“Wow, that was rude.” Cosmo noted. “That tree could’ve at least given his name.”
At that moment, Timmy turned back to AJ. “Can science explain THAT!?”
And in a rare moment, AJ was at a loss for words. “Uh…evil malfunctioning tree robot?”
“Calm down, people.” Missy said, stepping forth into the middle of the room. “This is no time to turn against each other. We all have to work together. Something strange is going on here, and we just lost our teacher to the Woodland Court system. But I think we all can—!”
Suddenly, a pillar of light engulfed the polite young woman, levitating her off the ground for a few moments, before disappearing just as quickly as it appeared.
“…Get naked, grab the crazy glue and make a Human Centipede!” She finished, her voice drastically deeper than before.
Needless to say, it was a comment that more than raised a few eyebrows. “OK, I was with her until that crazy glue part.” Chester commented.
Before anyone else could comment, Missy violently leapt at Chester, pinning him to the ground. The crazed look in her eyes and the drool coming from her mouth were more than enough to send the young McBadbat into a panicked frenzy.
“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! GET HER OFF ME!!!” He pleaded. “I’M BREAKING OUT IN HIVES!!!”
Acting fast, Timmy, AJ, Sanjay & Elmer all grabbed hold of the formerly nicest girl in Dimmsdale and wrestled her to the ground. As Chester scrambled over to a corner of the Cabin, Missy began to break free of her holdings. “She’s…too strong.” Sanjay declared.
“We could really use some rope right now.” AJ added.
“Yeah, I WISH we had some!” Timmy announced.
Taking the hint, Wanda waved her wand and almost instantly Missy found herself restrained tightly by pink rope. “Hey, how’d the rope get on her so fast.”
Timmy was able to come up with an excuse for that question quickly. “Eh, I’ve been taking rope=tying lessons. Won a couple of medals, too.”
“Where were you able to take rope-tying lessons?” AJ inquired.
That was a question Timmy wasn’t ready for, as he fell back onto his usual excuse. “Uh, Internet?”
“Ooh! Do you go to the same site that I do?” Sanjay asked.
“Uh guys? Can we focus on that crazy girl WHO JUST ATTACKED ME!?!?” Chester interrupted.
Timmy glanced down at his watch to see his fairy godparents sharing the same look of concern that adorned his face at the moment. “Chester’s right.” Timmy said. “Something freaky is going on here…and I don’t think this is the end of it.”
The pink-hatted teen’s words had more validity to them than he could ever know, for at that moment he and his classmates were being watched with cameras inside of a wall-mounted moose head. The feed was transmitted down below; below the wooden floor, the dirt and the gravel of the earth, down into a secret facility located a mile beneath the very cabin Timmy and his friends inhabited. But what would jar Timmy down to his bones would be the viewers of his current plight. For there in the main room, watching on a gigantic flat screen was Dark Laser…and Remy Buxaplenty…and Anti-Cosmo…and the Head Pixie with his assistant Sanderson…and Gary…and Vicky. A virtual who’s who of Timmy’s enemies.
“You have no idea, Turner…” Dark Laser said. “…you have no idea.”
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