One Crazy Spring in Dimmsdale

BY : Tomcat
Category: +1 through F > Fairly OddParents
Dragon prints: 119065
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairly OddParents, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

One Crazy Spring in Dimmsdale
Written by: Sniper Tomcat
Rated: NC-17

Disclaimer: I do not profess, nor do I insinuate, to have created, to own or to have rights to the characters and/or title of the cartoon show,
“The Fairly Oddparents.”

Chapter 1: A Tale of an American Virgin

It’s a beautiful morning here in the quiet suburban sprawl of Dimmsdale, California, and as the sun rises over the shadow of the city’s skyline a distance away, the town’s residents begin to emerge from their homes to embark on their usual early weekday routine of driving to work or hopping a busride to school. Most of them live a very mundane and pointless existence, though; thoroughly content to have their normal cup of coffee and a bland bagel or Danish before going out to take on the world and be utterly crushed by it at the end of the day. However, not all of Dimmsdale’s sons and daughters are living this not-so-ideal circumstance without some magic propelling them to face the many trials and tribulations in their lives. Literally…

Here at the home of the Turner family, a ten-year-old bucktoothed boy named Timmy Turner is preparing to leave for school. Now neatly dressed with his pink hat on his head and a green backpack slung over his shoulder, Timmy looks at the mirror in his room and draws a confident and somewhat self-indulgent smile from his reflection.

“Yup! I’m all set and ready for another day of school.”, chirped Timmy.

“And another chance to win Trixie Tang’s looove!”, he added with some boyish enthusiasm as he points approvingly at his mirror image in the style of Chip Skylark, complete with a whip crack sound. Timmy, then, leaves his room and heads downstairs on his way out.

Passing through the kitchen towards the door, Timmy meets up with his parents who’re sitting at the table and getting themselves ready for their day. Mrs. Turner is calmly enjoying a cup of hot coffee while in her blue business attire and well groomed. In contrast to his wife, however, Mr. Turner is disheveled with five o’clock shadow, hair uncombed, his tie halfway done and shirt unbuttoned that leaves his chest hairs exposed. He’s obviously stressed out with the legal papers he’s frantically looking through and mutters to himself incoherently as he scrawls in his corrections with a pencil.


“Gooood morning!”, Timmy cheerfully says to his parents.

“Good morning, sweetie!”, Timmy’s Mom responds equally with joy. “Ready for another day at school?”

“Sure am, Mom! I’ve got a feeling that today is going to be different at school and when I mean different I mean something good for a change.” Something new is bound to happen today.”

Timmy looks towards his overly anxious father with a mild look of concern and then turns back to his Mom.

“Its crunch time for the ‘Turner pencil pushing genes’ or its goodbye monthly bonus!”, jabbers Timmy’s Dad without noticing his son.

“Mom, what’s up with Dad?”

“Oh nothing.”, Mrs. Turner said with a frown. “He’s just working very hard in supporting our home…at home!” she added.

“Then you could say that Dad’s boning up on his job, huh?” quipped Timmy with a smile.

“It’s not the thing he should be boning right now!”, Mrs. Turner grumbles under her breath with her arms akimbo and a scornful frown directed at her clueless spouse.


“Nothing, dear!” she quickly said with a deceptively cheerful smile directed at Timmy. “Now you better go or you’ll miss the bus.”

Timmy walks to the door confused with his Mom’s earlier statement.

“All right, I’ll see you later, Mom! Later Dad!”, said Timmy as he leaves.

“Bye, Timmy!”, sings Mrs. Turner as she waves at her son.

With Timmy now off to school, Mrs. Turner looks to her husband and watches him narrowly scrutinize his partially crumpled paperwork with disdain.

“If only my genes had spellcheck!”, blathers Timmy’s Dad.

“Can you spell ‘impotent’?”, she said to Mr. Turner with a sneer.

With that, a frustrated Mrs. Turner stands up and walks off in a huff, leaving her husband to his current distraction.

“Okay, honey! I’ll bring the milk home after work!”


Now outside on the sidewalk, Timmy is walking down the street with a confident smile on his face, heading towards the usual spot where the school bus arrives to pick up the kids in his area. At that moment, a pair of squirrels, a pink female and a green male, poof out of thin air and start hopping alongside the boy with loving smiles directed to him.

“Hey, Timmy!”, cries out Cosmo. “Think you’ll get Trixie to notice you today?”

Timmy looks to Cosmo and Wanda with a self-confident expression as they walk together.

“That’s the plan, Cosmo! Today’s the day that Trixie will finally notice me and be mine!”

“Don’t get your hopes up too high, Sport!”, cautions Wanda. “She might show you some interest today, but her track record with you thus far shows that you may want to temper that boyish enthusiasm of yours.

“Yeah! And if Trixie doesn’t see your boyish enthusiasm, you could always go with self pity!”, Cosmo chimes in. “She’ll recognize that for sure!”

Squirrel Wanda frowns annoyingly at her dense husband who’s oblivious to her disapproval.

“Nope!”, Timmy replies. “This time I’m positive Trixie will notice me. I got a feeling that something’s going up today and I mean now!”

Suddenly, a snap is heard followed by a whoosh of air and Timmy’s screams as he’s violently yanked up into the air feet first. As the leaves fall to the ground, Cosmo and Wanda are bemused to see Timmy dangling before them upside-down from a rope that’s tied around his ankle in a noose. He yells in terror while frantically thrashing his arms about as he bobs up and down from the tree branch attached to him from above.

“YAAHHHH! HELP ME!”, hollers Timmy.

“WOW! Timmy’s a psychic!”, said Cosmo as his eyes follows the rhythm of Timmy’s bobbing. “Not only are his hopes up, so is he!”


“Hold on, Sport! I’ll take care of this!”, said a concerned Wanda as she produces her magical fairy wand.

However, as she begins to aid Timmy, a girl’s high pitched voice is heard nearby as well as rapidly incoming footsteps.


Wanda quickly puts away her wand and poofs out of sight along with Cosmo in a pink cloud that says “Ditched”, leaving Timmy hanging above as the trap’s owner arrives to see her catch of the day. Timmy is vexed, but not surprised, to find Tootie standing before him where Wanda and Cosmo were, grinning with a joy that only she could produce. With her schoobooks pressed against her chest and a throng of lovestruck hearts floating about her, Tootie shrieks in delight with seeing her object of affection is now within her captivity.

“Hi, Timmy!”, squeals Tootie as she excitedly hops up and down.

“Hey, Tootie.” Timmy coolly replies with a frown.

“What do you think of my new ‘Timmy Trap’, Timmy? Neat, huh?”, she sweetly asks.

“Marvelous.”, he responds as he crosses his arms. “Vicky taught you to do this just recently?”

“Nooo! It was all my idea! I learned this at survival camp last summer.”

“That’s swell. Now can you get me down from here?!”, Timmy barks angrily at Tootie with his fists thrusting downwards.

“Of course I will.”, Tootie said as she walks closer to an incapacitated Timmy. But when she gets eye-to-eye to him, her grin turns into a seductive one that tells the boy she has other ideas. “But first, lets smooch!”

“What?! WAIT! I…”

Timmy’s protests are quickly stifled when Tootie suddenly grabs his head and pulls him to her puckered lips, kissing him fiercely all over his face and mouth as he helplessly hangs upside down with his arms flailing by his sides. While Tootie thoroughly enjoys displaying her affections to him, Timmy is at the height of his panic with his face contorted into a look of sheer terror.

“NO! Tootie, wait…! Ugh! Just let me get the chance to…! Ack!”

As this happens, the pink and green squirrels poof back into the scene, but are now sitting on the tree branch that’s suspending Timmy in mid-air. They look down to see situation Timmy’s in and start to giggle like little kindergarteners.

“Ack! Hold on a…! Guh! Mpphhh! C’mon, I…! Ugh! At least let me down!”

“As much as I’m enjoying this…”, said Wanda with delight. “…we’d better bring him to his feet before the rushing blood to his head pops his brain!”

“No danger of that for me! I’m brainless!”, Cosmo states with a stupid grin. “Allow me!”, he then adds with his wand raised.

With a tinkling of fairy magic from Cosmo’s wand, a large pair of shears appears next to the taut rope tied to the branch and instantly snips the rope in two. Gravity immediately comes into play and Timmy instantly slips out of Tootie’s grasp, falling onto the sidewalk face first in a loud thud. This shocks Tootie who’s now staring at the boy lying with his mug onto the pavement.

“Gasp! Timmy!”, she cries. “Are you okay?”

“Sno a’hm nut!”, replies Timmy with his nose obviously pressed into his face.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, Timmy! I thought I had tied that hitch real good.”, she passionately exclaims as she tries to help him up.

Tootie helps bring Timmy back on his feet, brushing his body off with a concerned look while he keeps a hand over his smarting nose. After shaking off the wooziness he was experiencing, the boy takes a glance at his palm for any blood and then frowns angrily at Tootie; all the while she’s trying her best to straighten him out.

“I’m really sorry, Timmy!”, Tootie said. She then looks to him with genuine concern. “Are you hurt?”

“No!” he curtly said while rubbing his head. “I’m okay. Luckily my nose broke my fall!”, he pointed out sarcastically.

Her concern instantly turned back to overenthusiastic joy and immediately grabs Timmy in a crushing, yet loving embrace.



Timmy once again goes into panic mode as he withstands Tootie’s affections and tries desperately to find a way out.

“I’m so happy you’re not hurt, Timmy!”, Tootie exclaims while hugging Timmy.

“Ack! It’s okay! I’m fine! Ugh! I just need to breathe here!”, Timmy strained to say.

“(Giggle) I just love seeing you being so modest and gasping for air at the same time! Its soooo cute! (Giggle)” she said while squeezing harder.

“Guh! I wish the school bus was here!”

Upon hearing Timmy’s wish, the pink and green squirrels raise their wands and activate their magic. A bus stop sign appears on the sidewalk in a poof of fairy dust next to the pair and the bus promptly arrives and stops at the curb. Timmy feels relief and smiles when he sees the bus opens its doors for them.

“Hey! Look! The bus!”, Timmy cries out.

“Huh? Here?”, Tootie said, confused to see the yellow vehicle before them. “This is not our regular bus stop.”

Tootie releases Timmy from her grasp and he rushes over to the waiting bus entrance.

“C’mon!” said the boy with a smile as he gets in. “We don’t want to be late for class!”

“Hold on! I want to sit next to you!”

Taking her books in her arms, Tootie scurries after Timmy inside the bus. Once inside, the driver closes the doors and pulls away on its trip to Dimmsdale Elementary. Cosmo and Wanda look to each other and then poofs out of sight in a dust cloud that says “Outta Here.”

Now inside the bus, Timmy walks to the rear with Tootie following closely behind and finds AJ and Chester sitting together near by. They both see their best friend and his overzealous admirer and instantly draw grins on their faces.

“Hey guys! What’s up?”, Timmy said to AJ and Chester with a smile.

“Not much.” Chester replies. “But I see you’re not…alone.”, he added with a playfully lewd glance.

“Yeah! When did you two become such a hot item?”, AJ inquired with a sly grin.

“Huh?”, a confused Timmy grunted with a cocked eyebrow.

“Dude, if you’re gonna get hitched, at least ask us first to help you pick the china!”, quipped Chester with a mocking leer.

Both boys begin to laugh at Timmy, who in a moment of bemusement, turns to find Tootie standing close by and staring directly at him with stars in her eyes.

“Oh, yeah.”, he quietly noted with some annoyance.

Timmy then turns back to his amused friends with an annoyed frown.

“Hardy freakin’ har har har! Very funny, guys!”

“We thought so, but you’ve made it possible.”, said AJ after some chuckling.

“Whatever.”, said Timmy as he rolls his eyes.

“Anyway, we’re getting ready for next week’s big science fair at school, Tim.”, Chester interjected. “First prize is a hundred dollars and two free passes at Wally Weasel’s! My project is gonna win for sure!”, he beamed.

“Hey! Don’t you mean our project!”, AJ said to Chester with a frown.

“Fine! Our project. Happy now?” Chester replied with a frown of his own.

“Indubitably!”, AJ retorted with a proud smirk.

“Well, I hope you don’t burn the auditorium down like the last time.”, Timmy said with irony as he walks over to his seat with Tootie following closely behind. Right away Chester turns on his seat to face Timmy with an annoyed expression.

“It was sabotage, I tell you! Sabotage! The plans were perfect! It’s all a conspiracy made up by “the man” to keep us from free pizza at Wally’s!”, Chester ranted.

Ignoring Chester’s pre-teen conspiracy theories, Timmy walks over to the only seat available for him and Tootie and sighs at the sight of it. He then turns to the star-struck Tootie and as a gentleman would, however reluctant, steps aside to offer her the window side.

“Ugh! Ladies first.”

“Thank you!” she cordially said as she takes her seat.

Timmy, then takes his seat besides Tootie with his backpack in his hands. A quick look inside reveals a pink eraser and a green pencil, both with smiling faces looking up at him. This brings a smile to Timmy’s face before he closes the flap. However, this doesn’t go unnoticed.

“What were you looking at, Timmy?”, asked Tootie, curious at what Timmy was doing.

“Huh?! Oh! Uh…nothing.”, said Timmy, almost caught by surprise. “I’m just…checking up on my school stuff. Yeah! That’s it! Just keeping everything organized for today.”, he embellishes with pride.

“Hee hee hee! I never thought of you as being so neat and responsible.”, beams Tootie. “I just love that in a future husband!”, she titters while snuggling up closer to an uneasy Timmy.

“Oh-kay! Getting waaay ahead of ourselves! That’s always fun.”

“Mmmm-hmmm…!”, Tootie purrs affectionately.

After passing a couple of blocks, the bus reaches to the more affluent part of town and pulls over to the first stop. The doors open and a pair of girls climb aboard; a striking brunette and a pretty blonde. The bus driver becomes thrilled with the brunette’s presence and quickly grabs the vehicle’s intercom mike to announce her presence to the other kids.

“Boys and girls, let’s give a warm welcome to the very lovely and popular, Trixie Tang!”

All the kids instantly focus their attention to the front of the bus and see Trixie standing before them. They all watch as Trixie gracefully swings her raven hair in the air by a turn of her head and with a proud smile on her face, basking in her own glory as she poses and letting her hair fall to its full length. Standing besides her with a grin of her own is her favorite acquaintance and wanna-be, Veronica, watching the whole thing from the side as Trixie takes the stage with her mere presence.

“Good morning, everyone!”, Trixie cheerfully said.

“Good morning, Trixie!”, most everyone replied in kind.

Every pair of eyes watches the most popular girl of Dimmsdale Elementary walk down the aisle towards the back where a reserved seat is waiting for her and her not-so popular associate as a red carpet is rolled all the way before them. All the boys (and quite possibly a few of the girls) want her. Most of the girls want to be her. But whatever the gender, Trixie is now all that matters on their minds.

“Gosh, you’re pretty, Trixie!”, comments an admiring male.

“Thank you, non-popular boy.”, replies Trixie with a self-satisfied look.

“Love what you did with your hair!”, a girl adulates from the other row.

“Thank you, less-than-noticeable girl.”, Trixie casually answers back.

As Trixie nears Timmy’s seat, the now infatuated boy anticipates her arrival to kick off his plan and finally have her notice him. He is completely enthralled by the sight of her with his eyes fixed on her every move and sporting a huge grin on his face. He watches with desire as she struts towards his way, shifting her young hips fro and aft. He could only image how her young, tight bottom would look from a rear view and this notion gives him a real thrill. He then notices Trixie’s chest has started to develop with a pair of small, flawlessly rounded points that protrude from underneath her sweater. They bounce minimally with every step she makes towards him. This enthralls Timmy thoroughly and he quickly becomes aroused with an erection forming very fast in his pants.

As this is happening, Tootie, now feeling despondent from seeing her intended lover’s reaction, watches as he literally floats in midair from the longing and pre-pubescent lust he’s feeling for the more attractive girl.

“Timmy?! Can you hear me, Timmy?”, she asks in vain.

Gaining no reaction from him, Tootie then turns to the approaching Trixie and directs a scornful glare at her.

“Rotten, icky, yucky, no good…”, Tootie jealously grumbles at Trixie.

Trixie is now just about to pass Timmy without as much as a glace towards him. Seeing that this is his chance to initiate some kind of conversation, Timmy gathers back his senses and gets back down on his seat, trying his best to think up something smart, smooth and cool to say to her. With his heart racing, butterflies in his stomach and a raging hard-on of cast iron, Timmy goes ahead and begins to speak.

“Uh. Hi, Trixie!”, Timmy simply said to Trixie.

“Thank you, non-noticeable loser with silly pink hat.”, Trixie coolly responds back without looking at Timmy as she’s passing by.

And with that, Trixie ignores Timmy and Tootie’s deep frown directed at her and walks on to her seat without saying another word. Despite that the smitten bucktoothed boy continues to stare at Trixie with a stupid, lovelorn grin, unfazed by her flat rejection of him.

“Did you see that?”, Timmy said to no one in particular. “She said ‘thank you’ to me!”

“Ahem! Like, that was really pathetic!”

Both Timmy and Tootie were interrupted by their current train of thought and turn to see Veronica frowning at the boy with her hands on her hips.

“Don’t you realize that you’re in way out of her league, kid?”, Veronica derided Timmy with contempt. “You’re not even popular enough to clean her boots!

“Oh, no worries, Veronica.”, said Timmy with a smirk. “I’m not out to take your job away!”, he adds with a mocking grin.

Tootie giggles into her hand as Veronica shoots a dirty look at them both.

“Miss Tang is waiting.”, Timmy reminds Veronica.

Insulted and annoyed, Veronica turns in a huff and sulks off to her seat with her nose to the air. Timmy, then, sits down and smiles, mostly for his yearning for Trixie. But in his thoughts he admits his plan is at a setback. Now he’ll have to try again with a much better approach than his last one.

“Okay! That was stupid! First attempt was a feeble one at best.”, Timmy thinks to himself. “I’ll have to try again later at a better time, without Veronica or those two jerks around to muck it up. Then she’ll be all mine!”

“Timmy! What’s that?!”

Timmy turns to an excited Tootie who’s now pointing towards his lower body.

“Huh?”, he grunts.

“What’s that thing in your pants?!”, Tootie inquires as she points to his crotch.

Timmy looks down to his groin and is horrified to find that he has an obvious major erection, forming an impressive bulge from inside his pants. With a panicked yell, he promptly covers himself with his backpack as his face turns beet red from embarrassment and the pupils in his eyes dart about to see who’s looking at him.

“Ack! Nothing! Nothing at all!”

Tootie right away begins to giggle loudly and looks to the humiliated boy with a child-like joy that’s not as naïve as he would like to think.

“You have a stiffy, Timmy!” giggles Tootie.

“Sigh! Of course I do.”


It is now midday in the early afternoon and over at Dimmsdale Elementary the kids are outside enjoying recess in the school playground. Lots of kids are riding the swing sets, see-saws and merry-go-round while others are playing with a soccer ball in a group or just running around in a game of tag. With a football in his hands, Timmy launches a pass to Chester a few paces away, who then catches it in a leap as AJ stands nearby with his hands behind his back.

“You know you could get in the game too!”, Chester said to AJ before throwing a pass back at Timmy.

“No, thanks!”, answers AJ. “I don’t want to take a chance and hurt myself. You only have one brain, you know!”

“Pfeh! Like I really use it!”

Timmy catches the ball and before he throws it back to Chester, he looks to the side to see Trixie and Veronica at a short distance away talking to some of the few girls popular enough to be in their group. He pauses for a moment to watch Trixie as she socializes with the others and smiles as he begins to think up a plan to break the ice with her.

“There she is!”, Timmy thinks to himself. “Once she’s alone, I’ll make my move. If only Veronica would just stop being her shadow for just five seconds.”

As Timmy stares at his much adored Trixie, Veronica catches sight at him looking in their way and angrily frowns at him. She then sticks her tongue at Timmy as Trixie continues her conversation with the others unaware of what’s going on. Timmy counters with the same gesture and then turns back to Chester who’s waiting for the ball.

“Stupid Veronica!”, Timmy grumbles under his breath as he throws the ball to Chester. “Who does she think she is anyway?”

“Give it up, Timmy!” Chester shouts as he catches the ball. “Unless you can wish it, you’re not getting within ten feet of Trixie Tang!”

“Highly improbable, even with the wishes.”, AJ adds in with a smirk.

“Meh! Tried that idea before and it was a disaster!”, Timmy thought with a scowl. “I’ve got to think up something that doesn’t involve wishes coming back to bite me in the butt. But what…?”

“Hey, Turner!”

Just as Timmy catches Chester’s return pass, he hears a boy call to him who sounds familiar to him. He turns to see Tad and Chad arrogantly smirking at him with a group of popular boys a few feet away. Timmy frowns at them as they wave for him to come over.

“C’mon, Turner! We don’t have all day here!”, Tad calls to Timmy.

Timmy throws the ball to Chester and then walks over to the popular boys, unsure and suspicious of what they want with him.

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“We got a poll going on here and we’d thought we should ask your opinion about it?”, Tad states to Timmy with a smug look.

“Since when you needed my opinion, Tad?”, Timmy asks. “I thought I wasn’t cool enough to have one.”, he sarcastically points out.

“Oh, it sort of does, Turner!”, Chad answers with a malicious chuckle.

The other popular kids begin to quietly laugh along with Tad and Chad, making Timmy highly anxious of what’s coming next.

“You see…”, Tad continues. “...we have this poll and its about the hottest babes in Dimmsdale we’d like to screw and after some popular debate we’ve narrowed it down to two of them.”

“Screw?”, asks a highly confused Timmy. “What the heck do you mean by ‘screw’, Tad?”

“What?”, laughs an amused Tad. “Don’t you know what ‘screw’ means? Man, you’re so lame!”

“Whoa! Looks like what we’ve got here is a bone fide virgin, guys!”, Chad shouts to the others with a laugh

“Virgin? What’s a virgin?”, said Timmy, now even more confused and growing embarrassed.

The popular boys all begin to laugh at Timmy. At this point, Chester and AJ walk in on the conversation, curious as to what’s going on between their friend and the popular boys.

“What’s going on, Timmy?”, AJ asks.

“Guys, do you know what a virgin is?”, Timmy inquires of his friends.

Both AJ and Chester are completely puzzled with the question Timmy had asked, looking at him with blank stares as the popular boys laugh and mock them for their apparent ignorance.

“Virgin?”, asks AJ. “I don’t suppose it’s a scientific term for something, is it?”

“Sounds like a hard rock band to me!”, Chester adds in. “What is it?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll find out!”, said Timmy now growing irritated before turning back to Tad and Chad. “All right! What’s this all really about?”

“Well, like I’ve said before, we’re polling on the hottest grown-up babes in Dimmsdale we’d like to screw and narrowed it down to two!”, Tad said with a smirk. “One’s Trixie’s Mom.”


“And the other is YOUR mom, Turner!”, Chad blurts out.

“WHAT!?”, an indignant Timmy shouts.

“That’s right, Turner”, said Tad with an evil grin. “They both got great bodies and I’d bet they can suck and fuck like a pair of pros.”

“Yeah! Trixie’s Mom has the edge on boobs!”, Chad chimes in with a grin of his own. “She’s got ONE great set of TITS!”, he exclaims as he enthusiastically moves his hands over his chest as if he’s mocking having breasts.

“But my money is on your Mom, Turner!”, laughs Tad. “She really has one sweet piece of ASS!”, he adds with a wolf whistle.

“Hey! Don’t talk about my Mom like that, blondie!”, Timmy growls at Tad while angrily pointing to his face.

“Relax, Turner! I’m just giving your Mom her props!” boasts Tad. “Who wouldn’t love to tap that gorgeous ass of hers, if you know what I mean!”, Tad exclaims as he gyrates his hips in a lewd manner before Timmy. “What do you think, Turner?”

By this time Timmy is fuming mad, trembling with an inner fury that’s evident to everyone including Tad who’s blatantly taunting him.

“Stop talking about my Mom like that or you’ll be sorry!” Timmy warns Tad.

“Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy, Turner!”, Tad said while backing away. “You don’t want to do anything that’ll get you into detention!”

“It’ll be worth it after I “tap” that ass of yours with my FOOT!”, Timmy threatens as he begins to advance on Tad.

At this point, AJ and Chester goes over to Timmy in hopes of calming him down.

“Let it go, Timmy!”, advises AJ. “They aren’t worth getting suspended.”

“Yeah! They’re just looking to rile you up, is all!”, said Chester with his arm around Timmy’s shoulders. “Don’t pay them any mind and let’s go get some pudding, huh?”

Timmy begins to calm down as AJ and Chester try to talk sense to him and stops on his feet. Still angry, Timmy balls up his fists as he glares at his antagonists, but then he unclenches his hands and relaxes, giving his friends some hope of averting a schoolyard incident.

“Yeah, you’re right, you guys!”, sighed Timmy. “Let’s go.”

“Great idea, partner!”, said Chester with a smile. “You won’t regret it.”

Timmy turns around and, along with his friends, begins to walk away. But as he does, Tad gives a knowing grin to Chad and turns back to the trio that are now heading inside the school.

“Hey, virgin boy, be sure to tell your Mom what an awesome ASS she has! Loser!”

Timmy instantly turns around to glower at Tad, now completely enraged with what he has heard, while AJ and Chester are taken aback at the suddenness of his actions. They can only watch as their angry friend takes the offensive.

“Okay! That is IT!”, fumes Timmy.

“No, Timmy! Wait!”, yells Chester.

The boy hastily bolts from his friends’ reach in a cloud of dust and charges towards his obnoxious adversaries. Just as Timmy is within arms’ reach of Tad, the boy with the silly pink hat is stopped cold when he’s grabbed by a freakishly huge hand and lifted off his feet. He struggles unsuccessfully to break free from the hand’s grip before turning to see its Tad’s and Chad’s monstrous bodyguard holding him up and snarling at him. Timmy, then, glares down at the grinning duo as he’s held up against his will.

“Nice try, Turner!”, scoffs Tad. “But as usual, you lose!”

“This isn’t over, jerkwad!”, Timmy shouts. “Not by a long shot!”

“Speaking of which…” Tad muses to himself for a moment when he sees the dumpster near the rear entrance of the school cafeteria and then looks to his hired muscle with a smirk. “See if you can score by tossing him there with the rest of the trash!”, he said as he points to the garbage bin.

As with Tad’s orders, the misanthrope wind up and throws Timmy towards the open dumpster with a grunt like a baseball pitcher. The boy yells his lungs out in terror as he flies through the air and into the reeking container, plowing into the filthy trash inside. In a few seconds Timmy bursts his head out from underneath and begins to spit of globs of spoiled food and refuse from his mouth with much of his body covered in it. At that moment, Cosmo and Wanda poof in by his side and appear in their usual fairy godparent form, looking to their godchild as he wallows in the trash.

“Boy, Timmy! You really are down on the dumps!”, Cosmo blurts out.


Much of the day has now passed and it’s nearing dismissal time for the kids waiting in their homerooms. With his clothes cleaned and freshened up thanks to some much needed fairy magic, Timmy stays seated at his desk with a notebook before him and waits for the bell to ring. He quietly frowns down at his desk as he scribbles stick figures on his notebook, still burned with the earlier incident with Tad and Chad but mostly figuring out the true definition of what a virgin is. As he begins to draw another stick figure, two of the already drawn caricatures come to life as crudely made illustrations of Wanda and Cosmo, peering up at Timmy as he continues to doodle.

“Cheer up, Timmy!”, Wanda implores. “It’s not the end of the world just yet.”

“Yeah! That won’t happen in this episode!”, said Cosmo. “But the day is still young!”, he adds with enthusiasm.

“I know.”, said Timmy. “I’m just wondering what it is that Tad and Chad called me.”

“That you’re a middle-class loser with no fashion sense or a normal set of teeth?”

“No!”, Timmy barks at Cosmo. “I want to know what a virgin is.”, he states with some hope of an answer.

Both Cosmo and Wanda become very uneasy with Timmy’s question, shifting their eyes and looking to each other and to Timmy with anxious glances. They start to stumble with their words as they reluctantly try to explain it to him.

“Well, that’s…! Uh! Not an easy thing to…! Uhh! …explain, Sport!”, stutters Wanda.

“Yeah! Um! You might want to…Eh! …do some research on that one!”, mumbles Cosmo. “You could look it up under olive oil. You know how they always sell that stuff!”, he suggests with a nervous smile.

“Guys!” grumbled Timmy with his suspicion mounting. “You do know what it is, don’t you?”

“Who? Us?”, Cosmo said with a tense laugh as he cowers. “What makes you think we might know? It’s not like we know that many virgins personally, you know?”

Their terse conversation is quickly cut-off when Timmy’s homeroom teacher, Mr. Crocker, walks into the classroom with a stack of test papers all graded in red in his hands and drops them on his desk with a loud thud. The nutty educator then turns to his classroom with a proud, yet disturbing grin.

“Well, class! I have all of your tests graded and it’s, for the most part, what I had expected. For most of you, it’ll be good news...”, Mr. Crocker states with a short pause. “However, as for a few of the ‘academically challenged’ you might want to expect the inevitable and you know who you are!”, he said as he frowns at Timmy before turning back to the class. “Now, as I hand them out to you all, you may ask me any questions you might have. Any questions at all!”

Timmy raises his hand and Mr. Crocker lets out an exasperated sigh when he sees it.

“Yes, Mr. Turner, what is it?”

“Mr. Crocker, do you know what a virgin is?”, Timmy innocently asks.

The other kids begin to snicker and laugh when they heard the question posed to Mr. Crocker, despite the fact that most don’t know themselves. But the teacher becomes quite agitated and shoots a venomous glare at Timmy, who is shocked at his reaction.

“So, you think you’re funny, huh, Turner?!”, grumbled Mr. Crocker. “Pretending to be innocent and asking me if I know what a virgin is? If I know what its like to be a bitter, useless, old geezer who never as gotten as much as to cop a feel at the local bar where ten dollars usually gets you laid or to never have seen any cootch other than from my mother’s pet cat? If I know that fairies aren’t behind it all in denying me all the poon-tang after all these years of hunting them?! HOW DO I KNOW?!

“Uh…?”, mutters a bewildered Timmy.

“Well, Mr. Turner, there IS something I do know. Do you know what it is?”, asks Mr. Crocker with a smile.

“Is it a clear and concise answer that’s suitable for my question?”, Timmy asks with a hopeful grin.

“WRONG!”, Mr. Crocker snaps back as he scribbles on a test paper and hands it to Timmy. “It’s your new grade; MEGA F!”, he hollers while jumping off his feet.

The entire class begins to howl with laughter when they see Timmy get the scholastic smackdown from Mr. Crocker. With a big, red F with three minus signs scrawled on his test paper, Timmy frowns at it as he holds it up in his hand. One corner droops to the side after he lets out a disappointed sigh.


Fifteen minutes later, the dismissal bell has just rung and all the kids in school are now swarming out in the hallways on their way home. It is the usual routine with the students there with a lot of kids hanging out inside and outside the building, talking to friends and planning their fun for later. And just as routine as was said before, most of the kids in the hall stand aside and watch as Timmy sprints from around the corner and dashes down the packed corridor. He nearly collides with an unwary girl and keeps running, looking over his shoulder with a look of fear on his face.

“Gotta keep moving or I’m dead!”, Timmy said in a panic.

Timmy continues to run and as he does a large, dark form immediately appears from the corner he turned and gives chase, barreling through the hall and ramming through any hapless student unfortunate enough not to stay out of the way. Some were forcefully bowled over and thrown in the air as this menacing force comes after Timmy with a vengeance. Timmy sees Francis the school bully closing in on him and with a terrified yell, he works his legs even harder and gains some distance away from his perusing enemy.

“Stay away from me, Francis! I’m not on the schedule today!”

“Come over here and I’ll squeeze you in, virgin boy!”, growls the intimidating gray kid. “I’ve got some extra space to fill in and I want to reacquaint you to my fist!”

“No way, you gray freak!”, Timmy jabs at Francis as he runs away.

As Timmy runs with Francis in hot pursuit, he turns around another corner and sees an open trash container up ahead in a hall that’s empty of children. In desperation he promptly jumps into the large, plastic receptacle and hides. He waits as Francis runs past the vessel Timmy is hiding in and continues on down the hallway. The bucktoothed boy then cautiously raises his head out of the trash can and after seeing the coast is clear, he jumps out and runs in the opposite direction.

“I can’t believe that old trick worked!”, Timmy mused to himself. “Now if I can only get to the doors!”

At that moment, Cosmo and Wanda poof besides Timmy and hover along with him.

“Hey, Timmy! Getting yourself into shape for the Dimmsdale Olympics?”. Cosmo said with a grin.

“No, Cosmo! I’m trying to NOT get beat up by Francis!”, Timmy anxiously said.

“Why don’t you wish yourself out of here, sport?”, Wanda asks.

“Oh yeah!”, the boy mutters. “I wish I’m somewhere safely away from Francis!”, Timmy then said loudly.

“I got this one!”, cries Cosmo as he holds his wand up.

Activating his wand, Cosmo instantly poofs Timmy, Wanda and himself out of the hallway and disappear into thin air. When they reappear, Timmy and his godparents find themselves in the school principal’s office and are shocked to see portly Principal Waxelplax bent over her desk with her massively large breasts completely uncovered and naked from the waist down while Mr. Bickles, the school’s effeminate art teacher, is behind her stuffing his smaller-than-average cock into her fat, wet pussy. Timmy can only watch in horror as his principal moans and squirms in pleasure from her current paramour’s tender loving care with her boobs pouring all over her desk. Nearing an orgasm, Mr. Bickles sports a huge grin while wildly humping her soft, wide ass.


“Finally! My greatest dream is almost coming true!”, cheers Mr. Bickles as he nears orgasm.

Both Cosmo and Wanda right away poof themselves out of the office in fairy dust clouds that said “Bail!” on them and leave Timmy alone in the office with the two carousing adults, who’re enjoying themselves too much to notice. Silently, Timmy backs himself to the door leading out of the office and opens it; all the while watching as Mr. Bickles begins to ram himself hard into Principal Waxelpax’s love tunnel. With the sounds of her ass getting smacked and her cries of passion, Timmy successfully leaves the office undetected and shuts the door closed. He can only now watch the dark silhouettes of the adults inside thrash and buck while they near their finish.

“No amount of shock therapy is ever going to erase this from my memory!”, mutters Timmy.

Timmy then turns and leaves the main administrative office that is now empty of faculty. He steps into the empty hallway and goes off running. As he does this, he draws a smile when spots the main entrance up ahead. Timmy places all of his focus on the two big doors that lead outside and to freedom and begins to pick up the pace of his running.

“There it is! I’m almost there!,” Timmy thinks to himself.

With the doors coming close to him, Timmy begins to feel his anxiety fade and replaced with the feeling of triumph. At last, something has gone right for him during this rotten day. However, Timmy’s celebration is abruptly cut short when he slams against a large, gray figure when it steps in his path and bounces back, falling to the floor on his butt with a thump. Filled with dread, Timmy frowns at a grinning Francis who’s grinding his fist menacingly into his other hand.

“Thought you’d got away with that trash can trick, huh?”, growled Francis.

“It was worth as shot.”, Timmy said sardonically. “I didn’t think you’d have an IQ above a doorknob.”

“Well, you thought wrong, Turner!”, scowled Francis. “Now how should I write you down in my bullying schedule; a standard beating, a quick atomic wedgie or the ever popular locker stuffing?

“You’re not going to do anything.”, said Timmy with a smirk.


“You’re going to let Turner go and leave him all alone.”, Timmy follows with a slight wave of his hand.

“Oh, please!”, grumbled Francis as he grabs Timmy and brings him eye to eye. “Did you think I’m dumb enough to fall for a simple Jedi mind trick?”

“Well…DUH!”, said Timmy with a frown. “You are on the top of Dimmsdale’s ‘Most Dumbest Gray Bullies’!”

“I think I’ll put you in as a beating!”, an annoyed Francis growls to Timmy.


Back over at his home after a very long day at school, Timmy returns in the worse for wear after his run in with Francis with a fresh black eye, his brown hair mussed up and his clothes severely disheveled. An obvious tear on his pink hat completes his victimized look as a weary and beaten Timmy staggers over to the front door with a pair of pink and green humming birds following him.

“Oh, cheer up, Timmy!”, cries Wanda. “Today wasn’t really that bad.”, she adds with a smile.

“Yeah! At least Francis didn’t tear your underwear out when he did that atomic wedgie on you!”, Cosmo said with a grin. “It was nice of him to add that to his schedule.”, he vacuously reasoned.

“Oh, wow! I should be grateful for that!”, Timmy sarcastically said with an annoyed scowl. “Maybe I’ll send Francis a big “thank you” card!”

“Sweet!”, cheers Cosmo. “I’ll break out the glitter and macaroni!”

“Don’t be so bitter, sport!”, Wanda implores Timmy. “In the end, the day will turn out okay. Just you watch!”, she ardently pipes on.

“Why does it always feel like I’m doomed whenever you talk like that?”, Timmy wonders out loud.

Just as Timmy reaches the front door, it swings open and Mr. Turner appears from inside the house with a big smile directed at his downcast son. The fairy hummingbirds instantaneously disappear and leave Timmy behind.

“Hey, short-stuff! How was your day today?”, his Dad asked excitedly.

Timmy simply frowns at his clueless Dad as he stands before him in his condition.

“Never mind! Come on in!”, said Mr. Turner as he grabs his boy by the arm and pulls him inside.

Now inside the house with his Dad, Timmy watches as he begins to speak while his Mom walks in on the conversation with a smile of her own.

“Okay, Timmy! Guess what we’re going to do today?”, gabbers Mr. Turner.

“Um, would that be anything that doesn’t involve me in any way possible?”, Timmy replies with a frown.

“Correct!”, applauds Mr. Turner. “Boy, our son is sharp!”, he then said to his wife.

“I’m so proud!”, Timmy’s Mom gushes with joy.

Timmy’s frown grows deeper as he watches his parents carry on, knowing full well of what’s next.

“We, as in your Mom and me, are going out to dinner tonight and without you!”, Timmy’s Dad blathers on.

“It’s just a little thing your father and I want to do tonight.”, Mrs. Turner said as she comes to his side. “So we can work out our… Um? …’adult’ problems… and try to get things going again. Right, honey?”, she said as she shoots a strong look at Mr. Turner.

“Sure thing, snuggle-butt!”, Mr. Turner replies. “Just what the doctor orders without the Viagra!”

“And let me guess on this…”, Timmy cuts in. “Vicky is going to be babysitting me, tonight, while you two are out having fun without me?

“BINGO!”, his Mom celebrates.

“Wow! You definitely are sharp as a tack, boy! ”, Mr. Turner said with enthusiasm.

“Okay! I saw that coming a mile away,” Timmy grumbles under his breath. “But one thing before you abandon me to my own doom; I’ve gotta ask you something. Something that’s very important to me!”, Timmy continues with a hopeful look.

“Sure, son! Ask me anything.”, said Mr. Turner. “I’m more than happy to answer any question my only son, my flesh and blood, has to ask about this world we live in!”, he continues with a heroic pose.

“What is a virgin?”

Mr. Turner’s proud grin suddenly disappears from his face and an utterly shocked expression takes its place as the sound of a large glass pane shattering is heard in the background. Mrs. Turner is equally startled with Timmy’s question, gasping and cringing back in horror as she looks down to her son with dismay as if he was the Anti-Christ himself. This confuses Timmy greatly and begins to wonder if what he’s asking should be asked at all. In spite of that, Timmy fully expects a truthful answer from his flighty parents and waits for one, staring at them with his arms crossed and a frown.

“What? Was it something I said?”

As the words begin to sink in Timmy’s Dad’s mind, he begins to mutter incoherently as he struggles to find the right thing to say to his son.

“Uh? A virgin, eh? Um! That would be…?”, he said very anxiously.

At this precise moment, the doorbell rings and the Turners promptly turn to the front door with their eyes fixed directly at it.

“Why look! It’s the doorbell! I wonder who could that be?”, Mrs. Turner nervously titters before walking to the front door.

“I’d bet I know.”, Timmy said resentfully with his eyes narrowed at the door.

Mrs. Turner opens the front door and reveals Vicky standing at the doorway outside with a deceptively sweet smile.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Turner!”, Vicky cheerfully greets the Turners with a little wave of her hand. “I’m here to look after your precious little boy!”

“Oh, good! Vicky is here to save us! Uh, I mean, your babysitter’s here, Timmy.”, Mrs. Turner said with a relieved smile.

“VICKY! Am I glad to see you today!”, Mr. Turner cries gratefully to the teenaged redhead.

“Just glad to be here to be of help and get paid well for it too!”, Vicky states with a grin.

Right away Mr. Turner rushes to the door as Mrs. Turner grabs her purse and heads on outside to the car, leaving Timmy unanswered and unsatisfied.

“Hey! Wait a minute! I…”

“We’ll be home at eleven! The number is by the phone! Call us if there is an emergency!”, Mr. Turner said non-stop as he begins to leave.

“Will do, Mr. Turner!”, said Vicky.

“Dad! You haven’t answered my question!”, Timmy cries out.

Mr. Turner stops at the door for a brief moment to look at his son, thinks with a thoughtful look and then smiles.

“Go ask your mother when we get back! Bye!”

And with that he leaves. Timmy walks over to the door and as he and Vicky watch, the Turners jump into their car, peel out of their driveway in reverse and races away with the tires screeching in black smoke. As the black skid marks smolder on the driveway, Vicky quickly shuts the door and turns to Timmy with her demeanor transforming from sweet to mean in an instant all before Timmy’s worried eyes.

“All right, twerp! LISTEN UP!”, yells Vicky. “I’ve got an all important phone call tonight and I don’t want you to around me to SCREW IT UP!”

“Like I really care about your stupid personal life!”, Timmy states. “I’ve got more important things to do.”

“I’m sure you do.”, Vicky said snottily before grabbing the boy by the collar and glaring at him, face to face.

“NOW, GO UPSTAIRS TO DO IT!!!”, she bellows with the house quaking, blowing Timmy’s hair back with the force alone.

“Sure! But I have one question?”, Timmy said with a smirk.

“What is it, twerp?!”, she replies with an evil grin.

“Vicky, what is a virgin?”


Timmy’s innocent question stuns Vicky enough to quell her inner fury and be at a loss for words; a rare feat to pull off in any event when it concerns her. Timmy could only grin as he watches her contemplate the subject matter.

End of Chapter One

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