Reviews for The Shadow of his Heart

BY : Catspeaker


  • From ConanEdogawa on January 15, 2022

    How's old is Lana & her boyfriend I'm hoping he really loves her 



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  • From ConanEdogawa on December 29, 2021

    I'm praying that Lynn gets her period since only Lucy should h e Lincoln's baby and he better make it up to Lucy for cheating 



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  • From ConanEdogawa on December 05, 2021

    I'm not sure if Lucy would be okay with this I wonder if we will find out 



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  • From ConanEdogawa on November 22, 2021

    I really hope they will end up being together and have kids 



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  • From ConanEdogawa on October 30, 2021

    This talk can't be good 



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  • From ConanEdogawa on September 24, 2021

    I pray that nothing bad happens 



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  • From ConanEdogawa on September 03, 2021

    I really hope Lincoln ends up with Lucy and they start a family together 



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  • From ConanEdogawa on August 18, 2021

    I was hoping Lucy and Lincoln would get it on but sadly that part was skipped and Lincoln you better not cheat on Lucy again 



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  • From ConanEdogawa on August 04, 2021

    It's great Lynn didn't find out about Lincoln & Lucy

    Its great they were able to talk about what happened now Lincoln needs to make it up to Lucy



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  • From ConanEdogawa on July 05, 2021

    Lincoln better hope Lucy will forgive him for what he did with Lynn. I think Lucy knows what they did together.



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  • From tenebris423 on June 24, 2021

    I just want to start out by saying of love this story so far. I really like the attention to detail, the great character and world building and the realistic interactions between characters. You have clearly put a lot of time and effort into the story and it shows.

    That being said I would kinda like to throw my two cents in on the last chapter.

    This is just my opinion and many may disagree with me but I feel like that last chapter is a little unbelievable. It feels forced, as if the characters were acting contrary to how you had written them up to that point.

    For instance, you spent a lot of time building around the devotion lincoln has toward lucy to the point when he ignored lucy's nudes to talk to ronnie ann and she ignored him for a day. The guilt an shame he felt about it brought him to a sobbing mess. That paired with how even before they were a couple he always put lucy first among his other sisters.

    I feel like him sleepying with lynn is just really unbelievable and uncharacteristic.

    I mean the whole story started by lincoln walking in on his crappy ex cheating on him and it emotionally destroying him. After everything lucy did to help build him back up after that and how close and reliant they became to each other. It just feels inconceivable that he would just turn around an put her through the same pain.

    Not to mention lynn just coming home made lucy very insecure to the point she felt like her presence alone was enough to steal lincoln away. Then all it took for lincoln to cheat on her was lynn to rub her ass on him literally justifying all her insecurities.

    To me it feels like lincoln was not the same character in this chapter. Either way this cahpter made me lose a lot of respect for lincoln.

    This is just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.

    I still want to thank your for the amazing story I cant wait to see where you take it from here.

     



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  • From Pixel-King on June 21, 2021

    Chapter 18 Review

    No author's note, things are serious this time, lol.

    I was worried about who Lincoln would cheat with and here they didn't even make it out of the bed yet!

    Damn, Lucy should have texted Lincoln to have fun with Lynn and that she knows how important their bond is. Throw in a deeper meaning "I Love You" and take control! But she is obviously feeling like she is betraying everyone, and she still doesn't see her manipulation of Lincoln as a betrayal. Lincoln might not either, but I'm sure Lynn will be pissed.

    Thinking about the pacing and story direction, I will say that up until the culmination of Lucy's plan at the convention felt like one story, and now we are in the sequel (or overtime). I'm glad you brought in other characters early so the world building and thread weaving felt less out of nowhere.

    Jeeze, everone in this family has super obessive tendencies, though it is interesting to have Lynn be so deep in her Lincoln obsession! Brother complex for sure. (Reminds me of a fic where the parents admit they are siblings and that obviously incestuous feelings run in the family.)

    I was concerned about how Lincoln could cheat on the loving, devoted goth girl, and yet here we are with a well written descent, started with some classic Loud Family sleep-molestation. I almost half expected him to mistakenly call her Lucy in his partially-aware state and out himself.

    Reading the chapters after the convention where quickies and such were just alluded to or glossed over made me forget how descriptive you were with the first time between Lucy and Lincoln. That was absolutely lovely. And here the level of detail and language used in this romantic interlude were top notch. Very scintillating and hot to read. Even the kissing was smoldering. Plus the spanking . . . Goddamn!

    Looks like Lincoln finally got Lynn to submit and fully conquered her after all. It was animalistic and needy, but I liked the emotions and passion you conveyed too. (Hand-holding? You degenerate!)

    Can't help worrying about her not being on the pill. You had Lucy say all the girls were put on it early, but maybe Lynn stopped after gym bro? No reason to take it if she doesn't plan to be amorous, aside from other effects it might provide for periods I guess. (Also, I'm glad your framed this with some context back to that horrible first experience that both scared and scarred her.)

    Blame the sleepies or the reconnecting, but Lincoln definitely consented to the act and willfully cheated. Lynn may be disgusted in the morning, but I wonder if he'll even consider how much of a betrayal this is to Lucy, or if her prior machinations will have him considering the sisterly love permissible. Sometimes your sisters just need a good, hot dicking.

    Lynn's guilt complex has been well written, but the first chapters with her didn't really have much hint of it I think. I'm very curious if she'll wake up and flip out, or if another sibling will find them in their compromising position and have her playing defense.

    I could see a sequel where her athletic career is ruined by a pregnancy, which would likewise devastate the family. But hey, competitive Lynn would be the first to give Lori a niece or nephew!

    Again, nice descriptions of brown eyes and freckled cheeks, even if I got ahead of myself and couldn't tell which set Lincoln was gazing at some times. ;)

    I'm excited for the future chapters, and to give the side story a read. I wanted to do so before this chapter so I wouldn't have the future looming, but this story is compelling and I couldn't withstand the lure to read on plot-wise. I read this before finally passing out last night (at like 7am, oops), so that Halloween fluff story will be a nice palette cleanser now.

    It will stink having to wait a week and a half, but I'll do so with bated breath!

    Pixel-King



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  • From Pixel-King on June 21, 2021

    Chapter 17 Review

    Ha, another author's note that feels totally in-line with my last review thoughts.

    You go girl! You make the best damned Lucycoln ever! It's like the story My Angel, My Demon by Trillhouse but with consequences after the happily ever after. Don't stop now!

    Thinking about the sisters, Lucy is my number 1, then Leni. Lucy is delicate and dark, and Leni is just so sweet and innocent and ya' gotta love blondes. (It was a treat to have a blonde Lucy for so long here.) I like Lola but she can definitely be too manipulative, and Lynn annoys me, but I begrudgingly like her. Lily is a personal favorite, since she is a blank slate where fans have characterized her in fun ways, but sadly Lisa and Luna are forgettable mostly. Lana is good in a twin pairing naturally, but is fun as an uber tomboy too. Lori has an extra taboo due to being the oldest who should definitely know better plus she is with Bobby, and then Luan has Bennie, but she'd probably be fun if you appreciate the dumb jokes and the fact she'd definitely squirt you if you tried to smell her flower. Get it? (Or she'll kill you with a baseball bat . . .)

    So, overall, definitely glad to see a Lucycoln fic get so much effort! I almost wish it had been just five happy chapters, but this is definitely becoming more memorable by being so long! If ultimately gut-wrenching.

    Keep the detail coming! I love detailed fics. I once read a Harry Potter story that had 100+ chapters and barely got anywhere, but the world building was enthralling (Partially Kissed Hero by Perfect Lionheart). Your pace and level of detail are just right. Heck I'll beta if you want! (I am noticing a few spelling or word choice errors, but this is truly well written, I mostly want the early access, lol).

    With all the moments between Lynn Jr. and Lincoln I can't help thinking Lucy inadvertently fully corrupted him and now the sister taboo is dead, or maybe she just let that cat out of the bag.

    Your descriptions of body types, little quirks and small details are very enjoyable. I also like the focus on the girls' eyes. I am now remembering how poignant your descriptions of Lucy's eyes especially have been, and the way she used them to ensorcell Lincoln. Very romantic and sensuous.

    I need to reread this whole story again, it has been a few weeks.

    Big Tiddy Goth Girl and Tomgirl Supremacy. Hard call! I like how you point out that all of Lincoln's sisters traits shaped his desires, and unfortunately had the side-effect of giving him a servile, guilt-ridden personality. I liked the whole guilt and abandonment aspect with ignoring Lynn and the overall distant relationships you've described. Very good detail on them each individually, plus I enjoyed the look into Lynn's sensitive side - and her gross-out side.

    It is interesting how the sisters all know what Lucy is doing, if only in broad strokes. Lincoln was always a pushover for his sisters, but now, after all the emotional manipulation and grooming basically, Lincoln is codependent to Lucy it seems. But that familial bond is latching onto Lynn too.

    So far we have seen definite emotional cheating with Ronnie Anne, and now the whole not-texting-Lucy-while-with-Lynn issue (does he pork Lynn?). Not good so far, he is definitely slipping and I'm even more convinced he will cheat (independent of the spoiler I saw). I feel bad for Lucy, even if she is a little monster.

    Nice Dad moment with Lynn Sr. very well written (will they fuck too? JK). I wonder if beer will be the source of and solution to all the problems next chapter? Eiher way, there will be a lot of family disappointment when it all comes out. Are we gonna get a sequel timeskip after the shit hits the fan?

    I've never considered the room setup before Lily was born, but by all accounts it makes sense that Lincoln and Lynn Jr. were roomies the longest, maybe even longer than any other siblings (save the twins) depending on how the bunking order shifted over time. So it makes sense he would be closest to Lynn, which is why I begrudgingly like the pairing.

    I enjoyed how you addressed the topics of abandonment and which sister is most important. Lucy's point of view for so much of the story made it easy to empathize with her, even if it was easy to see she was being manipulative. So getting other perspectives is nice. I hope you keep world-building and adding details. The One-Eyed Jack and Diamond Jack bit was super cool.

    You are using tropes well, but I also want to see what unique things you devise for the sisters. It is a tad naive to think they all have the same interests as they did during the cartoon series, so it is a fun thought-experiment to devise where they end-up in life as passions, and lovers, come and go. Putting Lincoln in various relationships after Ronnie Anne was a nice breath of fresh air in the genre, and served the plot setup well. Melanie was a bitch, but a neccessary bitch.

    I really loved how this chapter closed. A sweet sibling moment tainted by what we the audience know about what they both know.

    Pixel-King

    (I'm taking longer writing than I did reading, yeesh, it's now 6am on a Monday. This is why I don't usually write reviews, they turn into gushing lectures.)

    ((If the next chapter jumps to Thanksgiving I think I'll know who gets boinked in the taco, but if we go to Canada I have a different sporty suspicion. However, now you have me rooting for Lynn a little, so maybe less of a horrible slip-up? Yeah . . . it's still gonna be bad. Why must you torment our poor little tortured-soul goth so much?))



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  • From Pixel-King on June 21, 2021

    Ugh, I accidentally read a review when I checked if mine had posted. Lincoln cheated. I knew (suspected) that he would, but I don't know with who yet. I'm sick over it! Have to read it all and catch up now.

    For all my talk of harems and the tone of most of the fandom (like the wonderfully wrong idea that Rita "trained" Lincoln to handle a house full of women), since so far this is a monogomous, if full of different partners at different times, story, seeing that he cheated hurt my soul, and I'm dreading the specifics of it all.

    I just started chapter 16, and it is funny to see that Leni wanted to share. Definitely the trope for her. But it is also nice to have more details on the pact.

    Oof, the betrayal of trust angle and issues with Lynn's mental state. She swings from excited to hating herself, and the story of her gym-bro lover was sad to have in more detail. Also interesting to see your references to the sisters' size differences. I forget Lucy is the tallest and maybe the most buxom?

    Speaking of, in my last review I had forgotten about Lucy's penchant for perverse sex acts and the intimate details you'd provided, plus all the nasty "little sister" talk. I need to reread that convention chapter. Moar please!

    Your line about Lynn in a dog collar . . . oh my. Sounds almost like a Shadman comic. Maybe Lucy can convince her that Lincoln-loving is a team sport? Lincoln is already considering it since Lucy planted the seeds by spilling the beans. And now Lucy has some seeds of doubt about what she's done planted in her. Besides all of Lincoln's seed that is. Hey-o!

    Oh God, Sam too? I can see where you are leading that conversation. Goodness knows there are stories about how Linc is the only boy Luna would ever screw. With Sam's cajoling. Just who does he bump uglies with? Or perhaps whose doesn't he?

    You worry about the story dragging, but I really like the nice, cute sister vignettes. It makes the story feel more fleshed out and real, and doesn't detract at all. But seriously, you just had to make Luan do the "I incest" joke, eh? I feel like all fandom writers reduce the characters to their stereotypical archetypes, but to be fair, with a cast this big and a lot of the tropes so set in stone, it would be weird not to. When in Alabama, right? Roll-tide!

    I also appreciate the Maggie les-be-friends fanservice. Maybe that deserves a stand-alone side-story?

    I'll agree that Lola is dangerous. And darn it I got the twins names swapped in my last review. Lana has been a bit of a non-entity, Lola is the manipulator. Oh well. She probably would blackmail the others. And I still think if Lily found out she'd be game to share with Leni.

    It is amusing to see your author's note and how much aligned with my own ideas. Sequel, eh? Despite coming to this fandom late you've embraced the best tropes and still found a way to make it fresh. Even the Bobby and Casagrande details have all been great. Keep making it your own to suit the story you want to tell!

    Just remembered your Helga Shortman cameo. God I loved that! Unibrow! That really cinched my love for your story and you as a writer. It fit the plot so well, even if it did make Ronnie Anne seem like the obvious victor in all this. Thanksgiving is looking dangerous.

    I'm excited to see you pursue more nitty-gritty details and the consequences of this story's events. Trillhouse and DoctorYnot have some great long-form, depressing stories, and I could tell from the first chapter this would be in that class. (You posting ten chapters at once helped prove it!)

    I saw a pic of Leni or proto-Leni on R34 years ago, back when there were so few it wasn't even that lewd (probably gone now since the art that IS lewd has proliferated and their rule exemption isn't needed), and as a longztime lover of Loud House smut, I am so thrilled with this story so far!

    On to 17 and heartbreak!



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  • From Pixel-King on June 21, 2021

    Dear Catspeaker,

    I started this when you first posted on this site, and have been meaning to leave a review but kept forgetting (and I'm tired of typing on my phone for reviews since I'm somewhat verbose). I wish I'd reviewed sooner, but I'm glad this is getting more now!

    I really appreciate the work you've put into this. There are few spelling errors, and it is clear you are doing a good amount of review, or you have a great beta-reader. The quality of writing and the level of descriptions you employ are very detailed and help paint the imagery of your story in my mind. I'm strange in that I have a good ability to imagine and recall details, but I often just get lost in the words on the page and take them at face-value, so your writing style really helps me visualize what is happening.

    I want to write my review based only on where I read when I first devoured the story, which was just shy of chapter 12 or 13 I think. I saw this get posted, and put off reading it after seeing how well written the first few paragraphs were, and I think you already had two or more chapters added by the time I sat down and binged it in one sitting, One posted right as I got to the end of the updates even! Now I'm several behind, but I didn't want to keep reading till I reviewed.

    I really like how you have shown realistic relationships between the siblings, and how you've adapted some fanon while also doing some of your own things. The world feels real and full, not just paired down to the inside of the Loud house itself. I can imagine each location where the sisters have spread out and are living their lives, and it is a nice bit of worldbuilding work. I especially like the details you've added for the pop culture and media that Lincoln and Clyde are obsessed with, and half the fun of reading has been thinking through the references to see the real-world corollaries. It is clever and fun, and feels organic and not contrived like such references often get. I really loved the whole convention setting and descriptions. I also really loved the camp-out and harvest festival / ceremony you wrote up, and the clever way you integrated Lucy changing her hair color. I also like that you kept it blonde for a while, and used that for the cosplay too. Her going back to black almost feels like the end of the fantasy in fact. Intentional maybe?

    I must admit some of the slow trickle of details for why Ronnie Ann wasn't in the picture felt a bit too melodramatic and "mystery box" style, but I really like the way you integrated Lincoln's lack of confidence and anxiety into the story, and how that framed his relationship with Melanie for the first few chapters. I enjoyed her comeuppance and the way you sort of poked fun at (or mocked, if we aren't being generous) the SJW angle she was clearly using to justify her crappy behavior and selfishness. The reveals of her various infidelities were good too, and helped make her even more vile, which almost justifies Lucy's actions. Lincoln refusing to be in a polyamorous relationship was a good line, especially in light of the typical harem fics the AFF fans put him in!

    I like that the story has kept to the main players, including Lily, who you've made absolutely adorable, and how you've realistically segmented out the other characters. Getting those little update sections from other settings and in other character's voices has been a nice and not too frequent touch. I think I hadn't read any chapters with Lynn Jr. when I first binged, and I liked the subtle hints you had dropped about her and Leni having the unhealthy attraction that Lucy is clearly indulging. Up until Lucy spilled the beans that is, lol.

    I'm kind of disappointed you joked about Ronnie Anne being the hero in some people's eyes, but that is a part of the story you have handled well. She seems like the endgame, even if we Lucy fans don't want it. Getting more details on that whole breakup debacle, even if they trickled for the parts that felt needlessly mysterious, has been interesting. As has the Lynn chapter (which felt abrupt since you did a bit of time jumping on the next chapter, to before Lynn walked in the house, but it worked well). Her backstory and attempts to break her addiction felt compelling, even if I don't love her as a pairing usually. Though she does make sense as a partner and I liked your characterization of her giving in now that fate (or Lana at least) has intervened.

    I really look forward to Leni, Lynn, Lucy, and Lily (maybe) all fighting over Lincoln, and I'm scared to see the aftermath, and how Ronnie Ann plays into it all. I like the friend dynamic you have between her and Lincoln, and same for the Clyde relationship. I appreciate how well you write the interpersonal, mundane level interactions. I also like how you've written Haiku and Clyde's relationship, and her friendship with Lucy for that matter.

    Which brings me to Lucy. I love her characterization and the way you had Haiku as her confidant and partner in crime. It was fun to read all the manipulations she has put into place, and her legitimately loving, if improper, obsession with Lincoln. The way you wrote it all up to the first fight after Ronnie Anne called was great, and I really felt she was doing what was best until it all came crashing down (the panic attack was a great prelude for that). I really like how you stayed with Lucy as the narrative point of view for most of it, to really trick the audience into sympathizing with her and her plotting. Obviously she may be the villain for some, but as a Lucycoln story it has been nice. I really enjoy the emotional aspect you've given attention to, instead of just being a one-note fluffy piece of smut. But her deviousness is slowly showing through, and it is scary. In hindsight it feels predatory and opportunistic.

    And that is where this story stops being fun and starts being fascinating. I saw you posted a side story, and I'm excited for that too. But most incest stories have the fatal flaw that it is all fun and games until reality sets in. Up to the end of the convention it was easy to see this as a big secret scheme, with a nice, smutty payoff, but the panic attack, and then the work of everyone around them to get Lincoln moving on for real or back with Ronnie Ann started to sink in. Sure Lincoln feels committed now, but that first fight, especially how real it felt that time flies when you reconnect with an old friend, really drove home how tenuous the relationship is, and how doomed it probably is too. It also made me mad at him for being so thoughtless, even if it felt realistic (I often neglect things when I get into a good conversation . . . or start writing a long review, lol).

    I love these kind of long form, slow-seduction type stories with other pairings like Ben and Gwen, Dipper and Mabel, and various other Brother and Sister pairs, but so few end happily if they try to be real, or end well before any real-life conflict or issues could and would probably arise. (I've seen a few Pinecest stories where they are a couple in their 30's and it is bittersweet, but most others show the fallout when their parents find out). So I'm cautiously eager to see where things go. Lucy is too dark and enamored to share Lincoln I think, and as I said, I'm a few chapters behind now, but I don't anticipate any GeorgeGlass, AberrantScript, or Flagg1991 style orgies anytime soon. I mean, we can hope, but realistically I think there will be a lot of broken hearts and Lincoln might try to off himself before this is through. Lucy too I bet. Make it a real Romeo and Juliet affair!

    I think you've painted this as a fun romp with a dark undertone that turns very serious and messy, and if I had stopped at the convention it would have been a nice, waffy story with some satisfying revenge on the Melanie skank. However, seeing you are still going, now I'm buckling in for the ride and am curious where things will fall.I also know the balance between porn without plot and realistic, slow-burn love stories is hard to strike, but you have done great here. I really felt like the love scenes were earned, and you wrote them very well, with lots of thought and passion, even if not the most descriptive language or sticky details. I would love a bit more smut, since you've gotten me invested in the characters, but paradoxically when I feel so heavily invested in the characters and their emotions it almost feels intrusive or inappropriate to see them in the romantic, sexual moments. Like I know them so well I feel like I'm seeing something somehow too private. Weird latent issue on my part I'm sure, but I really do feel like you've evolved the characters into your own, unique take on them, and that is a very laudable accomplishment.

    I hope to review again after I catch up, and want to read your Rule 63 universe story (Why can't it be like this forever?) too, which I've poked at a bit, but may hold off until it is finished. I'd love some more smutty oneshots from you too if you ever feel inspired! I'm kinda hoping for this story that if everything gets revealed Lily will demand her fair share of Linky too, lol. We Loud House fans are greedy.

    But in all seriousness, you're definitely a strong author who has quickly become a favorite of mine.

    Keep up the good writing! I'm excited to see this to the end, and your impressive pace has me hopeful this story will have a proper ending. (Maybe an epilogue too!)

    Sincerely,

    Pixel-King



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