Reviews for Game On

BY : DebbieCync


  • From LotusFury on February 23, 2021

    Excited to see where this goes



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  • From Shadowstriker1278 on February 22, 2021

    Wonder who will be next for Lincoln to advance with? Also is it just his sisters and posdible mother or are the other females from the series added as well? Keep up the good work. 



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  • From Loki_Black on February 20, 2021

    I like



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  • From DoctorYnot on February 19, 2021

    This is a review that I've been owing you since Grow, Adapt, Overcome and April Fooled. Love your stories, man.

     

    You truly have a wonderful feel for these characters. Some of these interactions have been sublime; brilliantly funny, incredibly cute, and perfectly capturing their personalities and spirits. They put an enormous smile on my face and it's something I really took special note of because of just how good they were. The Leni scene, for instance, where she innocently asks Lincoln to help her come up with a plot to steal his place in line. Argh, I could feel my teeth aching from the adorable sweetness! Every single bit of it was great. It started so naturally, I thought it was a really terrific one-off gag, but then I was so impressed with how you managed to use it and keep it going while never letting it become obnoxious or wearing out its welcome, it was just a wonderful little moment of brother-to-sister interaction where everyone felt brilliantly like themselves. Funny, cute, perfectly in character...I just loved it.

     

    The fact that Lincoln helped her even after she explained her plot ot him, Leni's perfect innocence, the whole chagrined attitude he had about it on his end and how Leni keeps using the 'doesn't Lincoln look handsome this morning' line on the others and their response in how they just go with it because of their own reasons, and simply the way the blonde ultimately succeeded! Just delicious, such a great sequence and so well put together. They really feel like a family and that whole section where they're all in line together was just an absolute joy to read. Very, very cleverly constructed scene that hits so well. My compliments on it especially.

     

    Anyway, pretty intriguing premise with a bit of mystery to it and a really natural, interesting hook to keep us in the world. As I've come to expect, your writing is quite good and so is your sense for these characters, which I always say is the key to great fanfiction: to get the cast to really feel like themselves, even in unusual situations you wouldn't necessarily see in the show. I feel like this achieves that and captures that wonderful Loud House feeling thanks to the great writing and the mood you set with the character interactions and the way you describe the world, which really excites me.

     

    As for any criticism I might have, I admit I do think it's a little weird that Lincoln just goes with it when he discovers the status screen, but maybe that'll be touched on again later and there'll be some explanation, seeing as you lampshaded it at the end of the chapter. Apart from that, I'd rethink certain words and language they use while speaking sometimes to make their voices sound closer to that of the show. Almost all of the time it's dead on, but every once in a while there's a little quirk of language or phrasing that I don't think sounds as natural coming out of a character's mouth as the rest of their dialogue, which is usually spot on. For instance,

     

    [“We can be done in under ten minutes rather than waiting half an hour for the bathroom to open up.”]

     

    I really think Lynn would use the term 'instead' than 'rather' since rather is a little more formal and Lynn is more casual. Or, here:

     

    [“And I said that aloud,” Lincoln said embarrassed,]

     

    I think he'd go with 'And I said that out loud', right? Aloud sounds a little more buttoned-up, it's more of the kind of word Lisa would use in this situation, I think. Anyway, it's a very small quibble I'm well aware, but the rest of your stuff is so seamless and bang-on that the little things like this jump out at me since the rest of it tends to be impeccable. For me, and I don't know if this is unwarranted advice but what the heck, we're both writers here: a trick I personally like to use is whenever I write a character's dialogue, I try to hear the actual voice actress in my head saying the line like if it was an episode. If it sounds natural I go with it and if it doesn't I try to look at it to see what's causing the problem. It really works wonderfully for me, hopefully the technique is of some use to you if you decide to use it!

     

    Lastly, if I'm honest I would have perhaps liked a larger response from Lynn when Lincoln accidentally mentions how how hot she thinks he is, and maybe a small double take when Luan gives him that smack on the lips. I think that's going to be an important component to the fic, to keep things measured out so you have a starting point that feels right and tight to the show, to maintain that slow sort of pacing and the heat and the lust and the desire on the part of the reader has time to build up, so when something finally happens, it's cathartic for not just the characters but the reader, too. That's the kind of thing that makes a story hit harder in my opinion, for the reader and characters to share those sorts of emotions, it naturally makes you become more immersed, and I figure you probably feel the same way with your ample experience in fics. I really do get a sense that this story has legs and the bones, narratively speaking, to go on for a while, and that being the case, I believe keeping the pacing deliberate is the best thing you can do to get everything you can out of the premise.

     

    In my mind a lot of the fun of incest comes from those kinds of interactions and that gradual burn, that build up from siblings into something more. Just slow it down a little, generally speaking, is my suggestion. In my opinion you shouldn't have them be too casual about nudity or romance between each other yet until things develop more (unless perhaps that's a plot point, the system loosening their inhibitions? Although even then, I'd suggest to start slow from the departure point we're at in the show so people can get more naturally immersed and build it from there) and let us see how the relationship develops. That's a big part of the innate fun, like I said; I'd like to see the reactions and how the whole thing builds, I truly believe that'll make it more satisfying when they eventually do shack up! Ultimately though, it's just my opinion, though hopefully you see where I'm coming from here.

     

    Apart from those small criticisms and suggestions though, it's wonderful, and I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. It was a real delight to discover this fic. It's immersive, it's funny, it's sweet, it's cute...What more can anyone ask for in a story? You did such a great job imbuing it with that wonderful Loud House feel, and I that's why I think I'm so jacked in. Thanks for sharing it with us all, can't wait for more!



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  • From pippychick on February 16, 2021

    Please correct your disclaimer.

    Your disclaimer doesn't have one of the two parts we need to see. It must say that no money/profit is made. Saying that it’s just for fun or just for entertainment purposes is not enough.

    What happens if the disclaimer isn't fixed? We allow seven (7) days for the story to be corrected. After that, we hide it, and it will stay hidden until it's corrected or until it's been thirty (30) days since we hid it.  At that point, we do delete the story. If we do hide your story, you can always access it through your Control Panel in your archive profile even while it's hidden. If we do hide your story, and you've fixed it, you can contact the ToS team with the name of your story, your username and the fandom where the story is located to have your story made visible again. You can contact us by email at TOS_team@adult-fanfiction.org. Just one thing: Re-uploads of hidden stories are deleted immediately with no additional warning given.

    Here's a link to the Terms of Service:

    http://www.adult-fanfiction.org/tos.php</p>

    This link is to the FAQ about disclaimers, with some examples:

    http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=3560

    We also suggest taking a few minutes to read the Content Guidelines:

    http://www.adult-fanfiction.org/guidelines.php

    You can remove this review once your disclaimer is corrected.

    Thank you,

    Pippychick, AFF Archive Moderator



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  • From Emeraldflare on February 14, 2021

    Love it so far looking forward to more as well as more grow adapt overcome



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  • From VaultHunter18 on February 13, 2021

    Awesome! A nice start fom one of my favorite writers, so any powers/special abilities? 

    I cant wait for Lincoln"s harem members (Carol, Becky, Lynn, Sam, Luna, Luan) as the first ladies?

    Im looking forward to this and want to say Thank you and please keep up the great work.



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  • From Aegis999 on February 09, 2021

    Really hoping there is a secret milf route with Rita, Agnes or Maria.

    Interesting work hoping to see more in the future



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  • From Saint_Wanker_Kris on February 09, 2021

    Thank you for the update, I love the premise and I'm honestly curious to know what and how you would develope it. 

    Though, I'm afraid that, like the rest of your stories, this one will get interesting... and then you'll end up tossing it up aside... because few... REALLY few of your stories end up completed, if at all. 

    Still, let's see how far you're willing to go into this rabbit hole. 

    And seriously, despite the tune of the review, I'm happy that you're back.



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